I was reading this thing about a girl who had a birthday and her bf of 9 months only gave her a joke card that looked like he already had around, a cheap necklace that broke about an hour later, and he made her pay for her own dinner. And she was sad about how little effort he had put into the whole thing. Keyword: effort.
So the whole thing was flooded with comments about the girl being materialistic and only interested in cash, and justifying the bf as "he's probably just testing you", and "maybe he has money issues", and "she should be grateful she got something at all because my bf didn't get me shit because he didn't even remember." Yikes! The whole thing was pretty awful.
And i was there reading and thinking, NO, NOOOO! That's not how you go about it! We are supposed to lift each other up, we are supposed to have each other's backs! Not lower our own standards because we got prayed upon by some cheap douche-bag that is barely willing to half-ass showing any regard or consideration for us. And because we get barely anything in regards to attention or effort or consideration or kindness or generosity, we expect everyone who gets a dry crumb off the floor to be grateful and shut up about it? NOOOOO!
No.
Do better people. Do better by yourselves and raise your standards. And do better by those around you and help them raise theirs. Don't conform with crumbs and barely-there relationships, and then demand that other's be the same and shut up about it so you feel less bad about how little you are getting. Expecting nothing is not maturity or independence, is fear and it gives others permission to not make the effort. Do learn your value, and recognize the value in others.
It's not about how expensive a gift is or how much someone is willing to spend on you. It's about effort. Someone who cares about you and wants you in their life and wants to be a part of yours will care to show it and will make an effort.
ef·fort /ˈefərt/
noun
a vigorous or determined attempt.
I mean, the guy could have cooked her something, or asked a friend to cook something for them if he is... culinarily challenged. Or he could have brought her flowers, or a single flower. Or make her a handwritten note or card. Fucker's gotta have a piece of paper and a pen somewhere at home! It requires zero cash but it does take some thought. It requires actually wanting to.
What you get, as a gift for a special occasion, or in your everyday life from them should be a vigorous or determined attempt to make you happy, to make you smile, to procure your well-being, to be an improvement in your life, to be available, to make your time together enjoyable, not miserable. They don't have to get it right all the time, but they do have to fucking mean to. But if none of that is there, then it is not worth it and you should let them go. No hard feelings, they are just not for you because they aren't willing or able or both to make the effort. Know your worth, move on.
And when you know your worth you will be able to tell your sisters: nope, not for you, you deserve so much more than being made to feel like you are not at all relevant, not even on your birthday.
Seriously! Lift yourself up. Lift each other up!
