lovey dovey bs

ask me anything! get as personal or weird as you want

Hi friend! The best advice I can give you is: breathe. If you feel like things are going okay, then they probably are!

Hi friend!

Age differences between couples have become a pretty controversial topic these days, and for good reason. When an older adult dates a very young adult, things get a little dodgy. Ask yourself: is your crush in a position of power over you, like being your TA for a class? Did he ever flirt with you when you were a minor? If you two don’t fit the description of a grooming or abuse situation, I think it’s perfectly okay to pursue a relationship with each other. Four years is really not all that much once you’re in the adult world.

Oh geez Anon, it took me forever to get to this because Tumblr didn’t notify me! I’m sorry!

Hello! Relationships can already be so tough, and adding distance just makes it easier for each partner to avoid confronting issues. Try thinking back to before you moved back to Asia. How did you resolve conflicts then? What makes your relationship different now?

Speaking from experience, the trouble I had in my long-term LDR was that both me and my partner struggled with the same things:

     1. Communicating openly about thoughts, feelings and needs

Communication in an LDR is the most important thing! You have to assume that if you don’t tell your BF something, he doesn’t know it. Neither of you can read minds (I assume!). Think about it like this: if my BF was feeling the way I’m feeling, would i want him to tell me? If you feel hurt by something, you need to speak up immediately so the hurt can’t fester. But speaking up isn’t enough; equally important is:

     2. Assuming kindness

Here’s what I mean. You know in your heart that when you say something to your BF it’s never because you want to attack him, right? Like, say, if you made a comment about his major field of study that hurt his feelings. You weren’t trying to hurt his feelings, right? But it still hurt. We as humans often struggle with remembering that the people around us (& who love us) are generally coming from the same place of kindness we are. When you’re having an argument, consider your motives. Are you feeling unappreciated? Not listened to? Telling your BF how you feel in earnest and encouraging him to do the same should help. Remind each other that it’s not you vs. him, but you and him vs. the problem.

Now, about the love. I’m afraid I can’t get into your head and look around for the answer to that part. Sometimes we become exhausted when a relationship is hard work, and the part of our mind that controls risk/reward begins to wonder if all the pain and frustration is worth it. Think about what made you enjoy the relationship before. Do those things still happen? Can things be changed? You may decide that trying to fix things is too much, and that’s okay! You’re the only one who can decide if you have the energy and the desire to put in the work.

Above all, remember: Be kind!!

Hi friend! Distance is a tough obstacle, but before you can even think about getting into an ldr (if you don’t end up in VA together once you go to law school), you have to have a solid answer on where you two stand. My advice: talk to him! If you’re pretty sure he likes you back, he’s probably also feeling this distance. It’ll be good for both of you to be able to talk to someone else in your situation, and who better?

“I love you but you’re being crazy”

“I love you but I don’t wanna deal with you”

time for “I love you and”

“I love you and I wanna understand where you’re coming from”

“I love you and I think we should take a minute to cool down and come back fresh”