Me and my boyfriend started dating last November, my final year of university, now we are in a long distance relationship because I had to move back to Asia from the UK. I find it difficult at times to fully express myself and often find myself wanting to be isolated. For example: pushing him away when he is only trying to help. Because of constant arguments, I feel like there's only anger residue left, making me feel very unhappy as well. Sometimes I wonder if I love him the same as before...​
Hello! Relationships can already be so tough, and adding distance just makes it easier for each partner to avoid confronting issues. Try thinking back to before you moved back to Asia. How did you resolve conflicts then? What makes your relationship different now?
Speaking from experience, the trouble I had in my long-term LDR was that both me and my partner struggled with the same things:
   1. Communicating openly about thoughts, feelings and needs
Communication in an LDR is the most important thing! You have to assume that if you don’t tell your BF something, he doesn’t know it. Neither of you can read minds (I assume!). Think about it like this: if my BF was feeling the way I’m feeling, would i want him to tell me? If you feel hurt by something, you need to speak up immediately so the hurt can’t fester. But speaking up isn’t enough; equally important is:
   2. Assuming kindness
Here’s what I mean. You know in your heart that when you say something to your BF it’s never because you want to attack him, right? Like, say, if you made a comment about his major field of study that hurt his feelings. You weren’t trying to hurt his feelings, right? But it still hurt. We as humans often struggle with remembering that the people around us (& who love us) are generally coming from the same place of kindness we are. When you’re having an argument, consider your motives. Are you feeling unappreciated? Not listened to? Telling your BF how you feel in earnest and encouraging him to do the same should help. Remind each other that it’s not you vs. him, but you and him vs. the problem.
Now, about the love. I’m afraid I can’t get into your head and look around for the answer to that part. Sometimes we become exhausted when a relationship is hard work, and the part of our mind that controls risk/reward begins to wonder if all the pain and frustration is worth it. Think about what made you enjoy the relationship before. Do those things still happen? Can things be changed? You may decide that trying to fix things is too much, and that’s okay! You’re the only one who can decide if you have the energy and the desire to put in the work.
Above all, remember: Be kind!!
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