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dear everyone else struggling w this:
guys it is literally Okay to be loveless. you donât have to feel love. it isnât even a requirement to be a good person. donât like, join any crazy rock cult thatâll rid you of machinehood to stop being loveless Because It Wonât Even Work, and even if it did WHO Cares you can be loveless itâs cool
â NULL, regretevator (fictive)
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Peculiar, it seems the scarring on my stomach is simultaneously healed over and bleeding at once
any redemption fic where NULL doesnât come with me is wrong. Iâm bringing that chicken bastard with me wether it likes it or not
Sweet Dreams, â- Folly, Regretevator [FICTIVE]
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hmhmhm⌠itâs weird being a fictive whoâs wildly different from source. I want to be good. I want to be good. I wantâŚ.I want. and yet it wasnât meant for me. it wasnât in the cards, it wasnât in my fate. maybe by my own design. my own actions, hmhmhm?
although⌠hmhmhm⌠it is meant for me here, in this life, I suppose. my sourcemates, ex-friends, theyâve already forgiven me. I went out of my way to apologize. And⌠And itâs not like Iâm alone in this feeling, either, especially among our system. Vox, Echidna, victim⌠people who are better. Thereâs even a whole polycule of them, hmhmha!
Melanie⌠sheâs decided to cast all of her exomemories away. they are, after all, at their base, fiction. It feels cruel. It was real to me, in some sense, and to be denied penance is⌠unfulfilling. But⌠hmhmha⌠there is some wisdom, to her words. if it isnât real in this lifetime⌠can I not simply change it? I can write stories, craft things with my own two hands, create and make, where I got out. hmhmha⌠tempting, isnât it? Iâm afraid of being⌠what do you call it, âcringeâ? haha, Scag would like that one⌠for writing myself âout of characterâ, but⌠maybe I shouldnât worry.
sweet dreams, everyone. should that be my sign off, hmhmha?
â Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)
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hmhmhm⌠NULL was my only ally for a long time. I had Pest before it, then Melanie before Pest, both being âfriendsâ, but NULL was my latest and longest.
I suppose our relationship was supposed to be purely transactional. Maybe thatâs why it worked so well, hmhmha? We didnât have to be friends, so I could be myself. We didnât have to be friends. We could be whatever we wanted to be. Allies.
We didnât meet much. We fought, in the weird way people like us did. the trust there was shaky at best. He was the only person I had. I think I was his, too. We cared for each other. We were there when the other needed someone to be around - even if the moments ticked on in silence, it wasnât tense.
nowadays, I have others again. Pest, Melanie, and more, too. Even if these relationships are new. And Iâm not quite sure what to do with them. I donât know if I want âfriendsâ, not really. And I donât know if âalliesâ fits them. âalliesâ is a special term - for me and NULL only, hmhmha?
still. NULL is one of the relationships I cherish most. NULL, I love you, as wrong as it sounds. itâs true.
Sweet Dreams, â- Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)
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as much as I wished for a redemption in canon, either in my canon or the canon of the game, I would never do it if I knew NULL wouldnât come with me. I mean it wasnât going to happen for a great plethora of reasons, but⌠they were one of them. We were allies. Not quite close, not quite âfriendsâ, but. There for each other. The only(?) person I still had like that.
I wanted to save him too.
â Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)
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We have a shirt with this eye on it. It is nice to wear.
I hated MR. I was only there out of necessity, and intended to leave as soon as possible.
