#reddddd

The most furious reds

And blues which know sorrow

Purples where they touch

And yellows where they don’t

And all around me, deep, deep greens

So full, the forest would be jealous

It spills through my veins

Bubbles at my skin

Begs at release which I cannot afford

A wholeness which I cannot display

I live in immaculate color

And I hold it all within me

I paint myself in grayscale for a world which will not love me

So that I may not be seen

Gray

Gray

Gray

I box my words into four walls of gray

I build four limbs of a figure in gray

I say, this is me

Hello, I am gray

I am a safe thing

I am a safe thing, but do not look at me too hard

You will see the red that boils when you take

Words meant for me and use them as your own

Redefine needs that I cannot have

Pieces of my identity, and make them your aesthetic

Your trend

Pale

Barely even gray

You will see the blue when I cannot carry any more of this facade

Of dragging myself to the halfway point, giving ear to the ignorance of my own body

As you shout at me mere steps from where you started

Insist that I must be something else

I may not even touch this color within me

I must become colorless

I cannot

I cannot

I cannot

Even as I hold it in, bury myself beneath so many layers of gray

I am starving

Bursting

I’m so full of red that I fear it’ll pour from my mouth

Break through my fists

Cover everything I touch

And so much blue, I may become the ocean

Vast and dark

That I’ll wash away when no one is looking

I am so very tired of repainting myself

Carefully

For what?

So that I might have the illusion of safety?

Regurgitating color

Swallowing it back from my tongue as my body boils

I am so very tired of gray

I hold color within me

Beautiful, beautiful color

Within a world of gray

Everybody’s got somebody I just wanna be alone Well I don’t need no one Have too much fun Out here on my own