That’s how he started. That’s how he always starts. And he always asks about the same thing. Every time.
So, I pointed out the obvious, “You always ask about that.”
I could tell from his expression that what I said hit a lot harder than I meant for it to, “I know. Does that mean that I’m stuck? That it’s never going to get better?”
I answered, “No. It means that you’re down to the real problem. And it means that you're in good company.”
We talked about St. Paul, about his real problem. The one he tried to pray away. The one that wouldn’t go away. Paul called it his “thorn in the flesh.”
I told him that I’ve been wrestling with my real problem for years. That my confessor gets to hear the same **** thing from me. Every time.
When it doesn’t go away – and eventually, there will be something that doesn’t go away.
When it doesn’t go away – you and I have two choices.
We can let it consume us – either by letting it become our focus (or by ignoring it until it becomes to great to ignore) so that it can pull us away from God.
Or we can follow St. Paul’s example. Using the insight that God gave him into his (and our) human nature,
God said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell in me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9).
That is, get over ourselves and our ideas about how things ought to be. So that we can use what would pull us away from God to call us back to God.
The thing to know is that getting to that place – where we can use what would pull us away from God to call us back to God – is a process.
One that cannot be done without God’s grace. One that’s often the work of years.
Which means there will be a lot of false starts – especially when we try to do it on our own (don’t ask me why I know this).
A lot of time where it feels like nothing is happening. And the need for a lot of do overs. Which can be frustrating if we’re not careful.
Which is why what St. Francis de Sales (today’s saint and someone who wrestled with his real problem for years) tells us about how to do it is absolutely critical,
“Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them—every day begin the task anew. Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.”
