YES IāD LIKE TO FILE A FORMAL COMPLAINT AGAINST MY FANFICTION TBR LIST.
You know how normal people have like... a couple of books on their nightstand? Maybe a podcast they havenāt caught up on?
Iāve got FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN AO3 BOOKMARKS staring at me like the ghosts of Christmas past.
Every time I open that cursed little site I'm like āoh neat, a 300k enemies-to-lovers slowburn with political intrigue and soulmate tattoos, let me just...ā
Adds to list knowing DAMN WELL I wonāt even glance at it until the year 2072 when civilization has collapsed and Iām reading it by candlelight while foraging for berries. (Not really care about the logistics of how I would have AO3 up into his scenario)
And donāt get me STARTED on the categories. weāve got:
THE ONES IāM āCURRENTLY READINGā (aka abandoned in chapter 12 because another fic seduced me like a raccoon with a shiny object - and yes I do realize Im obsessedwoth raccoons for awhile now, I cant explain, bare with me on this one).
THE FICS I SAVED FOR āWHEN IāM IN THE MOOD TO CRYā (newsflash: when I'm in the mood, I search a new random fic, and my graveyard of bookmarks stays there)
THE 500K WORD EPICS (youāre telling me someone created this whole world and gave me for free? BOOKMARKED!)
AND THE CYCLE OF SHAME⢠- or as I like to call my comfort zone... where I reread the same 20k comfort fic for the 14th time instead of touching anything new.
Despite the chaos?? (Thatās, let's be honest, it's my own fault) I love my authors. like every single one of you out there writing fics: youāre gods. Youāre icons. Youāre feeding us banquets for FREE. You are sprinkling joy into my cursed little brain, and I would let you step on me gently. Yes, even you, who is reading this non-sense rant (š yes, I mean you, the one reading this who also writes fics... you think I donāt know?? Your words ARE INCREDIBLE. You have personally - PROBABLY - ruined me, and I THANK YOU).
Like yāall sit there crafting masterpieces with themes and plot twists and fully fleshed-out character arcs, and Iām over here with my goldfish attention span, whispering āIāll read it laterā like a liar.
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN ME.
Also, shoutout to the authors who write 5k pwp because guess what? Sometimes, I donāt have the stamina for a saga, but I WILL consume your filth in one sitting like a feral goblin and then clap politely afterward.
Youāre doing the lordās work, too.
My tbr list is not a list anymore. Itās a hydra. I read one fic and three more sprouts in its place. I'm not beating it. I'm not even TRYING to beat it. I will die buried under a pile of bookmarked royalty aus and coffee shop fics and honestly?
Thatās how I want to go.
Thank you, authors. Thank you, chaos. Thank you, Ao3. I'll see you all at 3 am, when I ignore my entire list and reread that one enemies-to-lovers fake dating AU for the 7th time.