He said, “will you ever be happy?” And instantly I responded, “probably not.” “Grow up,” he replied but I have grown up only to realize that everyone and everything let’s you down. How can I be happy when I literally take no intrest in anything? The only emotions that continue to grow inside me are saddness and anger. All the things that I use to thrive on for my happiness are gone and I don’t have the motivation to reconnect with what I have lost.

All that had to be, is; was.  Nothing more can be done, now; gone. 

Through life there is plenty, through death there is few With life all abundant, death will be there too

How do you go back being depressed? I mean seriously. Happiness is awesome. And all rainbows and shit. But sadness only hurts more when you're happy. When you let all your guards down. And like the Greeks in the Trojan war, pain sneaks in undetected because you're so blind to it. So just like that. Your heart begins to burn like Troy. Change. I detest it. Change sucks. Especially when people change. Can't predict it. Can't cope with it. You'd be walking on a familiar route and then suddenly everything changes, the location, the road, the land marks. And you don't know where you are going anymore. Like being lost in an unfamiliar setting. You might be the bestest friends with someone and then the very next day you become strangers. Without a valid reason. That is what sucks the most. You know when they say. God made a remedy for every suffering. I'm still waiting for a remedy to pain. One that will make it go away forever. Because it comes back. Oh it does. And when it does, God it hurts. Like being hurled by a bull. And the people are watching you die, they are watching you bleed, they are watching your last breaths leave your lips and they enjoy it. They enjoy it when you suffer. Can you think of something more cruel than that? There is always death, just a razor blade away. And lately I've been thinking about it all the time. Suicidal thoughts and suicidal tendencies are like a sweet retreat. I wish I could wish to die.

I'm so frustrated with myself and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I feel so trapped and discontent with all this routine and control. Why can't I just live my life for myself? Why do I have to dictate all my decisions through someone else's direction? I'm going to go crazy, I can't even be myself; all that I am and all that I ever have been has been someone else's choosing. I feel so tired and defeated. There really isn't a battle though, I seem to have lost a long, long time ago. I don't want to do this anymore.

As a cashier seeing mothers tell their bratty kids no to a chocolate bar they're begging for keeps me young