#scattered thoughts

A typical breakfast. Typical clothing. Typical day plans. When suddenly, everything goes dark...

You wake up hours later in the home of a stranger, chained to the bars of a large cage in his basement. Only he's not really a stranger. Not quite. You had seen him all over, practically every single day, if you were paying attention, you could catch a glimpse of him just out of sight, staring you dead on. Shortly after your first encounter with him, your things would go missing. Little trinkets here and there, nothing too valuable, but they were disappearing all the time.

He tells you it's because he loves you, but you're trapped, locked away in the dark. You should hate him, you should be disgusted with this man. But as I said... you've known about him for quite some time. And to be perfectly honest... you kind of liked all the attention he was giving you. And if you were being Really honest, if he never spared you a passing glance, you probably would've wound up being the one watching him.

Having you in his home like a little songbird, he looked so proud, so pleased with himself. Really now? He was so happy, and it was all because of you. Sweet. Simple. You. You felt so special, and that's when you made your decision. You loved him. You loved him and that was all there was to it.

He thought he was in control, that he had the woman of his dreams all to himself, but by morning, he came down to check on you and found your cage wide open with nothing but your chain left behind.

He thought you had escaped him, he panicked, bolting up the stairs and heading towards the front door, stopped in his tracks at the sight of you, peacefully standing in his kitchen, cooking breakfast for the two of you.

"Good morning." You cooed. "I made you an extra big portion." You were kind, sweet, considerate, but all he could think was "How?" "How had you gotten out of your chains?" And why did you stay...?

I’ve always seen his father as a neglectful man, kinda like “meh, my son is a screw up, but so what? if he fucks up again i’ll throw a little money onto the problem and everything will be fine.”

But his mom? People either see her being the same as his dad or the complete opposite. I’ve personally headcanoned her as having the same disposition as Charlie: rebellious, wild-spirited, and overwhelmingly confident in herself.

Though, Mrs. Dalton is a complicated character that I’m still trying to understand. I was thinking that her spirit may have been stifled during her marriage to Charlie’s dad? It’s possible that she could’ve started self-medicating to dull the unfulfilled desires she had to throw out the window the moment she said “I do.”

She was forced to domesticate the wildling inside of herself to play the role of an adoring wife.

Even so, Mrs. Dalton holds onto the habit of being blunt, especially when she’s had more than enough to drink. She isn’t afraid to challenge her husband’s authority—not in front of her kids, but rather in private.

Mr. Dalton says that she’s a “loose cannon” or “a bomb that’s bound to go off any second.”

Charlie was always there to stick up for his mom and would come to her defense even when he was just a little kid.

Every time Charlie visits his family, the first thing he does is ask his mother if Mr. Dalton is treating her right. Of course, she’ll just flash one of her hollow smiles that never seem to reach her eyes, reassuring her son that he had “nothing to worry about” but they both knew that was far from the truth.

Mr. Dalton fears that Charlie is gonna end up just like his mother.

Reading it these days is different from reading it 30 or 60 years ago; I have a computer and internet access and I can immediately just look up whatever the hell the Elves are talking about when they thank some mythic figure; I don't recall how much of this was in the Hobbit, and of course if you read really far back you certainly didn't have the Silmarillion.

One thing I'm noticing this time, because of the preocupations of the time in which I'm reading it, is the immediate focus on Bilbo's pity for Gollum, and for that matter the pity felt by the elves and Gandalf for him as well.

Somewhere buried deep beneath it is one of the central tensions of modern Christian theology, which is that God provided us with wills of our own, and the capacity to act, in some small way, against him, and then immediately became infuriated and filled with rage when we used such things.

I'm not well familiar with the textual history of the Silmarillion, but if you read it it's hard to explain how Illuvitar and Morgoth are different; Morgoth seems merely to want Illuvitar's position.

One wonders why Illuvitar gave the Ainur the capacity to create disharmonious music in the first place.

I feel like there is something in this impulse that perhaps might be somewhat embedded in British culture, but I kind of felt it as a kid and never much liked it, which equates disharmony with wickedness. I think there's a lot of this in Chronicles of Narnia as well.

Actually, as a child I often thought the description of heaven in the Book of Revelation sounded profoundly unpleasant. Constant chanting, constant light, all aimed at satisfying the ego of a being which, quite frankly, should not need such things, no time to be alone and think your own thoughts, it just sounds unpleasant.

I guess Tolkien was a bit divided on the nature of Orcs and Trolls in his private writings? He would sort of have to be, because there is this kind of fundamental tension between the Christian belief in a universal pity and forgiveness, and the Christian belief that disharmony with God is inherently a form of wickedness.

I guess really what I kind of chafe at, and I think this is a constant tension in Lord of The Rings even in the first few chapters, is the sense that one should listen to and admire one's betters, and that to disagree with them, or resent them, or rebel against them is a sign of wickedness rather than, frankly, a fairly natural set of impulses (Particularly in the Children at whom these books are aimed!)

Hello there, Mr Jukebox.

Please play my favourite tunes,

Please play me a crying song,

Because my life is all in ruins.

Hey there, Mr Jukebox,

Can you play a song for me,

Because I'm drunk and all alone,

And I'm full of misery.

Sorry Mr Jukebox,

The barman says I've got to go,

Because the music that we're playing,

Makes he's customers drink slow.

So I'll be on my way, Mr Jukebox,

But I have your records in my home,

And I'll play them there for my sad self,

Where I'll truly be alone.

@Ambrose Harte

Abosulte bop of a song (Memento Mori: the most Important Thing in the world by Will Wood.) That reminds me two much of Rui Kamishiro. I can totally see him singing this just randomly (any will wood songs actually). Also people who are more dedicated Rui fans, tell me if I did good on this analysis or it sucks and I got everything wrong. There will also be random Memento Mori quotes.

⚠️tw: suicidal ideation, a swear word, death, terminal illness mentioned, murder mentioned, hopelessness about life⚠️

Be safe everyone.