#quicksilverster

“There is no way I’m letting you walk home in the rain alone, darling,” he says, stepping forward. You wince, both at the nickname and how quickly Ayato’s countless layers of clothing absorbed the rainwater that made its way under the umbrella.

“I’m not your darling,” you snap.

“I’m aware of that, darling,” Ayato makes his way towards you, positioning the parasol exactly above your head. You closed your eyes, feeling your heart stutter at how close Ayato’s chest was to yours.

“Let’s get going, then.” You say, turning around before Ayato could catch the blush scattered on your cheeks.

It is not so bad, you decided, having the young head of the Kamisato Clan and Yashiro Commissioner walk you home on a dark, rainy night. A few hilichurls were waiting around the path down from Mount Yougou, but Ayato made short work of them. You averted your gaze when he grinned back at you, sweat and rain dripping from his face and hair. His clothes were pressed against his skin, exposing lines you didn’t know existed.

You live on the foot of the mountain, alongside a few other houses belonging to people who work at the Kamisato Estate. Even though there was a good enough number of people who settled there, the area was not large enough to be referred to as a town or village, so most people referred to it as the Yougou Settlement. You were on the outskirts of the settlement when you stopped Ayato, pressing your hand against his chest.

“This is where we part,” you insist, ignoring the dampened surface of Ayato’s jacket. “It is not befitting for the Yashiro Commissioner to be seen with a common girl.”

Ayato laughs as if you had cracked a funny joke about lavender melons or sakura blooms. “You know people don’t care about that stuff anymore, right? Especially those from around here.”

“I cannot be seen around you,” you continue to insist. “It is late, anyway. You should go home now.”

“At least let me walk you back to your house.”

You only relented because Ayato took both your hands in his (umbrella handle nestled underneath his arm), and you did not know how to respond.

You and Ayato manage to arrive at your house without anyone spotting the two of you, much to your relief. At the door, however, Ayato did not budge from the front steps even after you entered your home, and when you inquired him, he answered, “Well, I’m rather drenched from our encounter with those hilichurls. Don’t you think it’d be courteous if you invited me in to clean myself?”

You almost swore at him then and there, but you let him in.

As Ayato occupied your bathroom, you lay on your bed with a book on your lap, reading from the dim light of the torch behind you. When the doors of the bathroom swung open without warning, you nearly jumped; Ayato had emerged with a towel on his head and his seven layers of attire stripped down to a single black shirt and navy blue shorts.

“W-what are you doing?” You yelp, visibly scrambling backward as Ayato climbs onto the bed.

“Keeping you company,” Ayato shrugs as if his answer must have been obvious to you. “Thoma told me you lived alone, and that you wished there was someone who could stay with you. That is what I am here for.”

You closed your eyes. Dang it, Thoma. “Is this why you wanted to walk me home?”

“Well, I did not want you to walk through the rain by yourself and without an umbrella, so I decided this would be a bonus.” He is by your side within seconds, his warm torso pressed against yours as he rested his towel-clad hair on your shoulder. “What are you reading?”

You clear your throat, nervous at the comfortable weight on your arm. “Just… a novel Ayaka got for me from the Yae Publishing House.”

“I see,” Ayato mumbles. He seems to be falling asleep. “Read me some of it.”

You want to object, but ultimately decide to go for it anyway. As you read lines from the romance novel in your hands—making sure to avoid all the spicy scenes—you feel Ayato’s towel tumble from your shoulders, his sky-blue locks pressing against the bare skin of your neck. You close the book as you watch Ayato’s sleeping form, comforted at the sight of his peaceful expression. Without thinking, you press your palm against Ayato’s cheek, exhaling nervously when he does not budge. You try to suppress a smile; it has been so long since you have seen Ayato without stressed brows or mischievous eyes.

“Sleep well, Ayato,” you whisper, pressing a kiss on the side of your temple despite your every nerve telling you not to. This is the head of the Kamisato Clan after all—who are you to kiss him? Yet you did so anyway, ignoring the corner of your brain nagging you about the inevitable consequences of your actions. You snuffed the light and placed your book next to it, before circling your arms around Ayato as you both dreamed of places far away.

“It’s 11 p.m., why are you still awake?” Jeonghan bustled into the apartment chattering like a mother hen. He scrutinized her fluffy lavender pajamas and wide eyes behind her glinting spectacles. “I understand that you have work and stuff, but sleep is important as well.”

Yejin blinked blankly, watching Jeonghan tut over her apartment with a watchful eye, and dropped an overnight bag on her couch. “Um,” she managed after a few flummoxed seconds. “Uh, what are you doing here?”

“Aera sent me here,” he shrugged, carding his messy locks back. “She wanted me to make sure you’re doing your essay diligently instead of scrolling through Instagram or whatnot.”

“So you’re sleeping over?” Yejin raised a doubtful eyebrow.

Jeonghan scratched the back of his head. “Well, Aera said she might not be back until tomorrow morning, so she wants me to keep you company.”

Aera was currently dating Jeonghan’s best friend and roommate Seungcheol, so she was well acquainted with the young man in front of her. However, that didn’t mean she was entirely comfortable with the idea of him sleeping over in her apartment.

Jeonghan seemed to comprehend Yejin’s indecisive expression, for he placed his hands in the air. “I won’t do anything suspicious, I promise. Aera just doesn’t want you to be alone here.”

“Okay,” Yejin said, slipping her earbud into her ear as she continued her assignment. “Make yourself at home, I guess.”

Jeonghan grinned a broad, boyish smile, before plopping onto the couch and pulling his phone out to play a mobile game. Within a few minutes, he had fallen asleep. His snores accompanied the already existing sounds in the room.

Yejin eyed him from her workstation, her lips punctured as she wondered what her roommate was up to.

two.

“I’m perfectly fine being by myself,” Yejin said with as much patience (which isn’t much) as she could summon from the inner depths of her heart. However, her roommate was making it particularly difficult to be nice.

“I told you a hundred times, you need human interaction!” Aera said as she shoved her feet into a pair of heels, ready for yet another party.

“Easy for you to say, you social butterfly.”

Aera grinned proudly at the nickname she was bestowed with. “Thank you!” She said, bowing for extra effect.

Yejin fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Jeonghan hardly counts as human interaction.” She poked the yogurt cup in her hand with her spoon, denting the fragile base of the plastic. “Whenever he comes here, he only lounges over our couch, steals our snacks, and plays with his phone.”

“It’d be nice if you both become friends.”

“Doesn’t Jeonghan have a girlfriend? Are you sure it’s wise for him to be here?”

Aera fidgeted in the spot, her eyes ricocheting from the door and to her roommate. “If you put it like that, probably not.”

“You just want me to interact with him because he’s your boyfriend’s roommate.”

“And he’s a nice person, and you need his company,” Aera added hurriedly. “Now can I go? I’m going to be late.”

“Fine,” Yejin said. Aera bolted as soon as the words left her roommate’s mouth. Yejin shook her head almost endearingly as the front door slammed shut.

Half an hour later, Jeonghan materialized in her doorway with a messy hairdo and a plastic bag filled with boxes of food. The former was the result of the displeased weather outside, but Yejin couldn’t think of a special occasion that would warrant takeout.

“I heard you have an exam coming up,” Jeonghan placed the plastic bag down in front of her laptop, the smell of it tantalizing Yejin’s stomach to growl. “So I got you this.”

Yejin eyed the plastic bag, her fingers tingling to reach out and devour whatever was inside in a single gulp. She glanced upward and stared into Jeonghan’s eyes. It was difficult to maintain contact; his eyes were obsidian in color, as dark as black holes. If Yejin stared for too long, she’d get sucked in.

“What are you getting out of this?” Yejin asked as politely as she could, though a trained ear could detect the venom hiding within.

Jeonghan leaned in, his disorganized chestnut side-swept hair falling over his eyes. He fixed the navy blue backpack strap hanging from the side of his shoulder as he bent down to stare into her eyes. Yejin held her breath, intimidated by the sudden change of atmosphere.

“Your friendship,” Jeonghan ended cheekily, a boyish smile curling on the corners of his lips.

“Ha,” Yejin muttered weakly, running her hand through her long hair.

“You’re a very smart student, Yejin,” Jeonghan reached out to fidget with her laptop screen, pushing it close before pulling it up again before it could involuntarily shut down. “But it’s okay to take a break sometimes, you know. When you’re done with that assignment of yours, let’s play Monopoly.”

“Monopoly?” Yejin frowned. “We don’t have Monopoly here.”

“I noticed,” Jeonghan commented in a pained tone. “How can you not have a Monopoly board in this apartment? You and Aera are disappointments. Here,” he dropped his backpack on the floor and pulled out a Monopoly board.

Yejin raised a brow. “You brought a whole Monopoly board with you?”

“Yes, for this very special occasion,” Jeonghan said proudly. “Eat your food, and then tell me when you’re finished with your work. I’ll wait for you.”

Despite her protests, Yejin’s heart fluttered a little at his words.

“Okay,” she mumbled.

Jeonghan smiled and threw his body over the couch, unaware that he left a certain girl’s heart hammering violently against her sternum.

three.

A knock dragged Yejin’s attention away from her book and towards the door. Setting the paperback page down on the coffee table, Yejin stretched her sore back as her guest knocked on her door again.

“Coming,” she said, peeking through the eyehole to check. Her eyes widened a little when she recognized the mop of brown hair and swung the door wide open without hesitation. Jeonghan fell forward like a piece of domino, but luckily, Yejin caught his shoulders before he could collide with the ground.

“Get up, you’re heavy,” Yejin inhaled, catching a whiff of alcohol. She coughed, startled. “Oh, crap. Have you been drinking?”

“It was Aera,” he mumbled, his legs flailing behind him. He groaned as his palm flew to his temple. Yejin laid him gently on the couch and rummaged through her drawers for painkillers.

“What were you doing with Aera?” Yejin asked as she placed a glass of water and some tablets on the coffee table. She peered down at Jeonghan’s head from the side of the couch as his body took up the rest of the comfy furniture. From her vantage point, she could see the elegant curves and slopes that made up Jeonghan’s face. He was, indeed, handsome. She threw her gaze away in case he saw her staring, but he was too drunk to care.

“Some party,” Jeonghan said, his voice so soft that Yejin had to guess what he said through his closed lips. He had an arm over his eyes, and his voice sounded strained. Yejin raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” she pulled at his arm to get him to sit up. “Come on, you need to drink this.”

“I don’t have a headache yet,” his words were slurred as Yejin attempted to yank him to his feet.

“You look like you have a headache. Trust me, Aera’s my roommate.”

“Can I confess something?” Jeonghan swiftly rolled over onto his stomach as he shot Yejin a smile. Or a smirk, more like, judging from the lopsided curve on the right side of his mouth.

“Okay?” Yejin gulped, feeling her cheeks pinking at the casual smile he offered.

“I actually like you,” he laughed, a bubbly note ringing through the silent air of the apartment.

Yejin froze. “What?”

“It was two years ago. I saw you at orientation and developed a crush on you. Surprising, eh? And I only saw you once but I fell deep. In love, I mean. I forgot about you, sort of, when I didn’t see you again for a very long time. And then a few months ago I saw you in the library and learned you were my roommate’s girlfriend’s roommate. You can imagine my shock.”

“Jeonghan, you have a girlfriend,” Yejin reminded him, feeling a stinging in her eye sockets.

“Yeah, I know,” Jeonghan laughed, his eyelids closing halfway through. “Funny. If only I went out more, socialized more, you know. Maybe I would’ve met you. Maybe I would’ve been dating you right now.”

“You sound so confident,” Yejin said, reaching out to press her palm against Jeonghan’s cheek. Just this once. One time, then I’m never going to do this again.

“I mean, maybe. I don’t know,” Jeonghan leaned into her hand and his lips brushed the heel of her palm. Her breath hitched and she swallowed. “Do you like me?”

Yejin grimaced, her lips embracing her teeth. “I don’t know.”

Jeonghan kept his firm gaze on her eyes, but she looked away within seconds. A sigh escaped his mouth and he leaned against the couch.

“Of course, you don’t.” He peeled Yejin’s hand from his cheek. “I’m sorry for coming here.”

“It’s alright,” Yejin said, running her fingers through his hair. “I don’t mind at all.”

“I really like you,” Jeonghan repeated, his voice fading into a soft laugh. “I just…”

A snore left his throat, and a tear escaped her eyelids.

four.

“I want you to be gentle with Jeonghan,” Aera said as she shoved her heels into her shoes.

“What do you mean?” Yejin asked as soon as she pulled the pen from between her teeth. Normally, she’d tuck the piece of stationary behind her ear, but that space was currently occupied by her black-rimmed glasses.

“Something happened,” Aera answered vaguely, averting her gaze from Yejin’s scrutiny.

“To him?”

“You’ll see for yourself.”

When Jeonghan came along, Yejin immediately understood what Aera meant. His fluffy swept hair was even more disgruntled than usual, vaguely reminding Yejin of a thornbush. There were dark circles under his eyes that were almost the shade of his onyx eyes and his lips were chapped and scarlet in some places, but Yejin glanced away before he could catch her staring. Despite how exhausted he looked, he still managed to smile at her.

“I’ve never seen you wear glasses before,” he said.

Yejin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, swallowing nervously. “Yeah, well, I usually prefer my lenses.”

Jeonghan exhaled, a rough, guttural sound that shattered Yejin’s glass heart into a thousand fragments. “I broke up with Stacey.”

“Oh,” Yejin closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jeonghan laughed, an empty sound that undulated as he flopped face-first onto the couch. “I’m sorry about last time and for… for being here. I don’t know who else to go to.”

Yejin pursed her lips, wondering if Jeonghan still remembered his confession. Did he remember that he told her he liked her? Did he remember how she placed her palm on his cheek? Did he remember the sound of her heartbeat and the warm emotions thumping in rhythm with her blood?

“Do you want a hug?” she asked, surprising herself.

Jeonghan watched her, a small smile materializing on his face. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Yejin accompanied Jeonghan on the couch and allowed him to sink his head into the dip of her shoulder. They stayed that way for a while as Yejin allowed Jeonghan to take the warm comfort she offered him.

“I saw her,” he mumbled into the collar of Yejin’s sweater, “with another guy. It’s only been a week since we broke up and there she is. Dating again.”

“Maybe… that’s her way of recovering?” Yejin asked meekly.

“Maybe,” Jeonghan exhaled and Yejin could feel his breath on her neck. “But it still hurts so much, you know.”

“Yeah,” Yejin stared out at the dark sky. “I know.”

“Can I…” Jeonghan shifted to a more comfortable position, keeping his head on Yejin’s shoulder and his arms around her torso. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Sure.” Yejin pulled away to grab a cushion on the floor and positioned it under Jeonghan’s head. “Not a problem at all.”

Jeonghan looped his fingers through Yejin’s hand, and she didn’t pull away. Instead, she rested her head against the couch and watched his chest rise and fall.

five.

“What’s he doing here?” Aera frowned.

“No, the question is, why are you still here?” Yejin responded.

“I live here!” Aera threw her hands into the air incredulously.

“She’s kicking you out,” Jeonghan snickered. “She wants full ownership of the apartment and the cat and the refrigerator full of your delicious food.”

“We don’t have a cat.”

“He’s the cat,” Yejin jabbed her finger in Jeonghan's direction.

“Ouch,” Jeonghan used his hand that wasn’t occupied with holding a yogurt cup to slam the right side of his chest. “That smarts, Yejin.”

Even the way he said her name made her stomach soar.

“It’s true!” She argued, hoping that her cheeks remained their normal hue. “All you do here is sleep and eat our food. Just like a cat.”

“I meant,” Aera began, flapping the air when Jeonghan opened his mouth to argue, “that I haven’t even left and yet you’re already here. You usually come after I’m gone.”

“We’re having a movie marathon today,” Yejin said. “We’re binging the Larry Hatter movies.”

“Ah, that’s a classic. Have fun, you two.”

“Do you have the popcorn?” Yejin asked as the front door slammed shut.

Jeonghan snorted. “Of course I brought the popcorn. And the candy. What’s a movie marathon without candy?” He grabbed the tubs of popcorn and the colorful plastic bag and plopped onto the couch next to Yejin with a huff.

Larry Hatter and the Thaumaturge’s Rock flashed across the screen in front of them, but Yejin could only focus on the side of Jeonghan’s face. She watched the colors dance over the soft angles of his cheeks, garnering a blush on Yejin’s cheeks. Suddenly, he was watching her, but she didn’t look away.

“Is my face much more interesting than the movie?” Jeonghan laughed, a smirk dancing over his lips. Yejin fought the urge to slap it off his face.

“Why do you like coming over here?” Yejin answered with a question, her head slightly tilted to the side.

Jeonghan paused, watching her as Persephone scolded Roland for pronouncing a spell wrong on screen. Yejin watched the emotions swirl behind his irises, unable to discern any of them.

“Because you’re here,” he said.

Yejin nodded, trying not to smile at the vague answer. “Mhm.”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not making fun of you.”

“You’re smiling,” he poked her cheek and Yejin fought the urge to lean into his hand.

Remember, he just got out of a relationship. Don’t do this to him.

“So what, you’ve taken away my right to smile now?” Yejin huffed.

“No,” Jeonghan assured, throwing his head back in a laugh. “It’s just that I can’t control myself when you smile.”

Breathe.

“Okay,” Yejin shrugged. She tightened her grip on her bowl of popcorn and kept a steel gaze on the movie, making sure to ignore Jeonghan’s stares and his hands.

+ one.

One bad thing kept happening after the other.

Earlier that day, someone knocked into Yejin while she was going up the stairs and she fell, scraping her knees against the pavement. They burned like an inferno and Yejin had to bite her lip to prevent herself from crying. The person who shoved her didn’t even spare a second glance her way; she walked home limping. When she arrived home, she checked her phone and discovered that she attained a superbly low grade for one of her essays. She also received a message from one of her friends that his dog ripped apart a book that she lent him. To make matters worse, it was one of her favorite books; a book her mother had given her on her fifteenth birthday.

It was too much for Yejin to handle.

Aera wasn’t home—where was comfort when you needed it—and no one from her family was picking up. Yejin’s face was buried deep into her right palm as another hand pressed her phone against her ear.

Please, Yejin thought as the phone continued to ring in her ear.

“Hello?”

Yejin’s balloon heart sagged in relief.

“Hi,” she swallowed. “Can I come over?”

Jeonghan’s response was immediate. “Yes.”

That was how Yejin found herself in Jeonghan’s apartment, snuggled against him on the couch with a warm mug of hot chocolate. He was playing a game on his PS5, but his arms were around Yejin like a large, comfy teddy bear. She leaned against his chest, hearing his heartbeat in sync with hers.

“Thanks,” she mumbled to him, and she could feel his heart pump faster.

“Any time,” he answered, pulling her closer to his chest.

Yejin continued to watch the characters and graphics flash across the screen. She sipped her hot chocolate as she placed her hands on one of Jeonghan’s hands, momentarily distracting him from his game. He recovered quickly and twisted his thumb so that he was caressing her palm.

“Jeonghan?”

He hummed in response.

“I think I like you.”

Jeonghan froze and his character died. He turned to her, ignoring the flashing message on the screen that spelled GAME OVER in red capital letters.

“You think?” he asked, voice cracking at the end.

Yejin shook her head quickly. “No, no. Not think. I do like you.”

She squirmed nervously; he was still at a loss for words. She vaguely watched his throat gulp as he swallowed.

“Really?” he asked, his voice raw and vulnerable.

Yejin understood why he was so hesitant. He had recently gotten out of a relationship—he didn’t know if he was ready to give his heart to someone else after losing it not too long ago.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” Yejin assured, squeezing his wrist. “I’ll wait—”

“Yejin.”

Yejin glanced at Jeonghan’s serious expression; his jawline is firm and stiff and his eyebrows are slightly wrinkled. He stared at her for a while, deep in thought, before he leaned in to kiss her.

Her eyes fluttered shut in response. Jeonghan’s lips were slightly chapped but soft and gentle. She was frozen for a while, her mind unable to process what was happening at first. Then Jeonghan pulled away, and she grabbed his collar to pull him into her.

“Yejin,” Jeonghan said breathlessly, his hair tousled as he held Yejin in his arms. “I don’t want you to think I’m only using you as a rebound; I like you, from the bottom of my heart. Can I be your boyfriend?”

Yejin laughed at the innocent question and reached up to tuck one of his curls behind his ear. She leaned up to peck him again.

“Yes.”

You turned away from him. It would hurt you both if you made eye contact.

“I think we should end this. Whatever we are right now.”

You heard Kazuha’s breath hitch in his throat. The breeze whooshed past, ruffling your hair. You closed your eyes as you inhaled the scent of maple trees.

“Why?”

Why? You asked yourself. You weren’t sure either; you didn’t compile all the reasons why you wanted to let go before you spoke up.

Everything, you thought. It’s because of everything. You confessed to him and he accepted it, but he never told you if he liked you. There were times when he did not respond to your advances, making you feel embarrassed and rejected. The two of you only had a few things in common, so there was not much you could do together. You doubted whether he loved you, and you weren’t sure you could keep the relationship.

“I think you should go back to Inazuma,” you answered instead.

Kazuha blinked. Stared at you.

“You want me to go back to Inazuma.”

You turned to the sky and did not answer.

“You want me to leave?”

“Go home. Perhaps you’ll find something you’re missing there.”

Kazuha touched your hand. Something shifted in your stomach when he touched you, but you pulled away.

“I don’t want to leave. Tell me to stay.”

You said nothing.

“Please. I don’t want to go.”

Don’t ask me to tell you to stay. You need to want to stay.

You said nothing. Kazuha reached out to take your wrist in his hand once again, but you did nothing. You waited. Then you heard him say it.

“Okay.”

The air is quiet.

You don’t turn around. You hope that your suspicions are false, that the silence is only a result of a decision being thought over again. But deep down you know that the wind does not smell like him, and you turn.

He is gone.

You turn back around again, and sob. You cry because your struggles turned out to be true, you cry because you knew he did not love you as much as you did, you cry because you want to see him again and you can’t because he is lost in Inazuma, wandering like the wanderer he had always been.

The wind dies down, the maple leaves lie on the ground unmoving.