#queenmindset

AND NOW YOU RISE

Whether it’s by choice or circumstance, life leads us into “rites of passage” as we evolve from one stage of life to the next. These moments can be life experiences such as falling in love and being heartbroken, broken homes, children leaving, divorce, bereavement, redundancy. We can hit fear as we feel completely unprepared. But underneath the fear there’s also a ripple of excitement at the possibility of adventure, something new and mysterious.

They are like uneasy initiations for growth into our true selves. It’s during these painful experiences we find out our character… Are we carbon copies of our mothers, products of our cultures or our own woman with individual thoughts and needs?

The archetypal story of Persephone has a wonderful teaching guide for us through these times of transition. She is Winter and Spring, daughter and wife; naivety and wisdom, innocence and immorality; joy and grief, life and death.

In her transition into Queen, she accepts her life experience and leans into, flows with, and conquers what the Universe has provided her.

Like Persephone we may have got hooked up with a toxic relationship or a tricky situation, abducted into the underworld if you like. Yet she shows us that by working through our “hell” and learning to become our own Queen (the ruler of ourselves) we can use this experience to take concrete steps towards independence.

I love this poem by Sheila Foster: “Fear of the unknown is no longer an issue for the Queen, since she has recognized that all of her fear was some idea of the unknown, not the unknown itself. In fact, she has fallen in love and in trust with the unknown.”

Queen Persephone consciously takes control of her own fate and to make it a part of her being. Bad things happen. We can choose to go under and live as a victim or take the pain, the circumstances and changes in our lives to become the empowered Queen of Ourselves.

NEVER BE DE-THRONED AGAIN

Marching to your own beat is the wisdom to know what you can control and what you cannot.  Toxic relationships are based on controlling your behaviours, choices and emotions.  In the past, you may have sacrificed your authenticity in return for love.  You may have trusted other people more than yourself, accepted another’s opinions and views as more valid than your own.  There is an enormous price to pay for giving your life away in this way. It’s simply not your life any longer.

Toxic tyrants play on this control undermining your self-esteem and confidence until you lose yourself to their will.  It is designed to keep you dependent and needy.  You become their Slave Girl.  They have the control.

A Queen has no need for dominating another.   A Queen knows the power of focusing on what she can control.  She can't prevent a manipulative attack but she can have boundaries already in place. She can't control how someone else behaves, but she can control her reaction.  She knows that she can control her effort and her attitude.

Darling, be a Queen and not a Toxic Tryant or a Slavegirl.  Here’s a Queen’s Guide To Control:

1.  A Queen recognises that she is responsible for the life she finds herself in.  She chooses to prioritise what’s most important to her, regardless of what others think and feel about it.

2.  A Queen no longer undertakes anything that serves the good of someone else at her own expense.

3.  A Queen takes back ownership of herself. She stands her ground.  Her goal is to gain healthy loving relationships without sacrificing herself.

4.  A Queen recognises her own worth. She enjoys validation but doesn’t need it from others.  She focuses on her own abilities, talents, and skills and shares them with her Kingdom,  She uplifts herself and finds that naturally mirrored back to her.

5.  A Queen focuses on influence rather than fixing.  She knows she cannot force things to go her way.  She encourages but doesn’t try to fix people who don't want to be fixed.

6.  A Queen is aware of her fears.  This gives her self-mastery.  She knows it’s a waste of time ruminating on what could go wrong and decides to focus on what is going right.

7.  A Queen heeds the warnings.  She recognises that people have their own agendas and so creates a healthy personal space to minimise emotional and psychological entanglement. Her goal is to gain a healthy perspective of others, without creating conflict within herself.

8.  A Queen is wary of those who try to make her feel inadequate or “less than”.  She refuses one-sided relationships.  She knows that existing in an environment fraught with unhealthy undercurrents is hazardous to the well-being of her Kingdom (her life).

If you want to gain more control over your decisions and never be de-throned again:

A QUEEN IS NEVER LET DOWN. BECAUSE SHE NEVER USES ANYONE TO PROP HER UP.

When we feel sad, disappointed, abandoned, rejected, left behind …..the real issue is that we are looking for validation from others and not from within.

A Queen doesn’t let that happen. Here’s how she copes …

TIP 1. A Queen focuses on getting her happiness from within.

No-one can let us down unless we are needing them to prop us up. The good news is when we are not relying on others including our children, our partners, our friends to make us feel good enough, we experience a happiness that no-one can take away.

TIP 2. A Queen has become comfortable with herself.

When we rely on others to prop us up, we live in a constant state of anxiety. They can remove their validation at any moment. How scary is that when our sense of worth is dependent on their approval? In the end my friend, it won’t even matter how much validation they do give us, it won’t be enough. It won’t fill that aching hole within us. The key is to learn internal validation. That’s where our happiness lies.

TIP 3. A Queen develops her potential.

In the past we may have ”hid” or been afraid of achieving our potential. Maybe we believed the lies that have fed our insecurities that we can’t do things. Maybe we used a relationship (even with our children) to hide. Yet we all have a gift. It’s our job to find it. When we break that cycle we watch our sense of worth grow and become less dependent on others to fulfil our life.

THEY WIN. YOU LOSE IN THIS DYNAMIC.

It starts where you are the centre of their world. Soon it flips and they become the centre of yours.

Somehow you accept their version of the truth. Nothing is their fault. Instead the blame shifts onto you each and every time.

Your brain has become manipulated to doubt our own sanity and our own reality. You override your intuition and the red flags. Instead you blame yourself at every turn.

Your happiness (or lack of it) is controlled. Your moods are controlled so that somehow their shame becomes yours.

You do not set boundaries anymore. You do not question. Somehow by choosing their happiness over yours, you enable abusive behaviour to continue and it just gets worse.

You learn that their behaviour is above reproach.

You create a fear that rocking the boat will leave you abandoned.

You realise that whatever you do will never be enough. The goal posts are always changing. Somehow this makes you try harder to please and do a better job next time.

Your strings are being pulled and you don’t even know it.


With continuous put-downs you don’t recognise your worth anymore.

They win, you lose in this dynamic. That’s just the way it is.

My darling, there’s a world out there full of healthy choices, great people and a wealth of soul enriching experiences. You are it’s rightful Queen. That world is waiting for you. It is time to Own Your Throne and have what you want.

HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED FOR AN HONEST RELATIONSHIP INVENTORY?

Try this simple, honest test to highlight if you’re in a good relationship or it’s time to leave.

Part 1: Make two columns. In the first, list every one of their positive qualities. In the second, list every one of their negative qualities.

Part 2: Now list YOUR top ten priorities in your life. Then Mark each with a YES or NO in regard to whether or not your partner is able / willing to help you fulfill them.

Part 3: Note how many of your priorities are enhanced by this relationship. And on the flip side, how many they actually make more difficult to achieve.

The good news is, armed with this information, you can now pinpoint the source of frustrations and disappointments within the relationship. This will leave you with a chance to discuss these issues and see if there were ways to improve things or continue searching for someone who would be a more positive match. You’re better off alone than being with somebody who lacks the qualities that you are looking for in a relationship. In the meantime, be your own partner and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you!

HOW TO FINALLY BE QUEEN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

I hope you are ready to discover your full powers and true destiny. You are a Queen, darling. Reclaiming your powers will stop you from falling prey to the Toxics for good.

A Queen is not aggressive. She is fierce and full of love ❤️. She has arisen from her own personal hell and is choosing to live her own true destiny. She rises like a Phoenix despite the devastation caused by toxic relationships, bad breakups, Narcissists, manipulation, divorce and being told she ain’t all that !

Here’s how she reclaims her Queen Superpowers in 6 easy steps :

Step 1: She stops taking responsibility for other people’s happiness.

Step 2: A Queen refuses to deform herself to fit someone’s dysfunctional view of life and relationships.

Step 3: She faces her pain head on.

She finally sees her old wounds and where she desperately tried to heal another in the past in an attempt to fix her old pain (maybe she couldn’t make her mum happy or make her dad stay?)

Step 4: She now sees manipulation.

Her Nemesis, the Toxics and Narcissists, are masters at projecting their negative feelings. They ghost, withdraw, shout, put-down, sulk, steal your children’s minds to enforce compliance to their will. In the past, this worked. She was burdened by feeling responsible for their unhappiness. She was manipulated into believing that SHE wasn’t good enough.

Now she sees their game. She’s one step ahead. Because she knows the rules of this game, she is no longer fooled. Her knowledge gives her the superpower to challenge the issue. If they are human, there will be win-win resolution. If not, she will save herself and her family and walk away.

Step 5: She has stopped striving to be so darn loving.

Having realised her Krytonite is striving to heal the world and trying to make everyone happy, she frees herself and thereby breaks the emotionally toxic patterns (and for her children too) by realising Toxics are not brave enough to look within and heal their own wounds. They will create scapegoats for their unhappiness so they can avoid looking into themselves. Others choose to be miserable and angry and they don’t want to heal.

A Queen will remove herself from her need to save the world by saving her life and her children.

Step 6: She is brave enough to be considered the “bad” one in order to create the life she is destined for.

She is human with a big heart and so allows herself to grieve the reality that, no matter what she does, someone will blame her for not complying to their dysfunction.

Please take this tip from a survivor of this personal hell. It’s liberating to embrace being considered ‘bad’ for having your boundaries.

I fought against that for years because I am an Empath with a big heart like you. It’s the last thing we want to be considered, isn’t it ? But this is our Krytonite.

We reclaim our superpower as Queen when we stop trying to prove we are good enough. Let go and “be bad”. If that is how the other person wants to see us, we can’t change their mind anyway.

Lay down the need to defend yourself and get on with your ruling your own life and your own happiness. Stop wasting your life carrying the mantle of someone else’s emotional well-being.