#queen fics

Was a very rainy day here. The intense heat stopped but it came a thunder. At least I always haves my umbrella in my backpack.

My work day ended finally. I just wanted to be in home, with him. I wanted some hugs. Not only was a stressful day, but also I wanted some warm. My shoes and my pants were soaked, so my feet and my legs were wet. Plus, the feeling of cough in my throat didn't helped me at all.

An hour and a half between metro and bus… the smell was repulsive there. Everyone here were soaked like me or even worse. I needed to be in home right now. I couldn't tolerate more the sensation of my wet feet and wet pants.

Finally, my stop. I needed to walk a bit until my home, but the rain stopped. I walked as fast as I could.

The rain stopping ended just when I was trying to open the main door of my house. I started to be nervous. I just started in this job last month, I don't want to be ill.

I listen and I see him opening the door and saying "come in honey! Change your clothes that I'll preparing a delicious tea to you."

I entered quickly to the room and I quitted that wet clothes. I dry my feet and legs with my towel and I put my pajamas and my cozy slippers. When I was again in the living, he was waiting for me in the couch with some tea and cookies. 

I sat down next to him and I hugged so tightly. 

"Hi my love" I whispered in his right ear.

"Hi baby" replied him, giving a little kiss in my left cheek. He then watched at my eyes and asking me with a smile "better?"

"Yeah… but mainly because I'm here… with you. I'm so happy for having you in my life" I said, hugging him again as tight as I could.

"Something happened no?"

"Yeah" I just replied.

"You want to tell me?"

Silence.

"I'll take that as a no "

Now my head was in his left shoulder and I grabbed the cup of tea, sipping some of the content. Ah! That's better. So delicious.

Leaving the cup of tea in the tea table, I watched at him and I started to caress his face. He turned it in direction to me, smiling and watching at my eyes. People can say anything about us, don't care. He's beautiful with that wrinkles, that grayish hair… his smile gives color to my darkest days. In his arms I feel so safe, loved. It's the best sensation, can find someone that makes you feel that. Real love.

"That eyes… I love how you watch me with that eyes. That you're safe in my arm-". I interrupted with a kiss in that lips. Sorry honey. I needed your love that night and more than ever.

An hour later, the tea was cold. The cookies in the same place. But he and I, warm, giving some love to the another in the room, meanwhile the rain was pouring and the wind blowing. 

Really, when I'm with him, it's almost paradise.

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I hope that you liked this!!! A lot of time that I didn't write nothing with Reader. 😅❤️

Hope gives Roger the look of naiveness and the small wave she sends his way only heightens it. Roger wonders how long she'll have that look in her eyes and on her face. How the people around will change her, change the way she thinks and talks, change the look of innocence to the look of bearing and tiredness and everything else that comes with adolescence and growing up. He wonders if Y/N has told her everything about him, and if she hasn't, then when will she? Or won't she ever do it?

If she's told her, are the looks and smiles of innocence false? Does Hope know that her father's first reaction was anger and the thought of immediate abortion? What does she think of her father? Does she still see him as a good man? 

« I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness, And I have to sit down for a while...

Roger sighs and grunts as he raises from the kitchen table and takes the glass of whiskey from the surface. He walks over to his living room window from where he can see his front porch. He watches Hope climbing into her mom's car and the two of them smiling happily. Roger sees it through only a slit in the curtains, he doesn't want to be too obvious. Y/N and Hope share a lively conversation, it seems, and she's asked her daughter what she's done with her father together over the weekend. But even from here, Roger can see a glint of sadness in her eyes. Still. And he knows why.

« The feeling that I'm losing her forever, And without really entering her world...

Roger has always felt like he doesn't know her. When he first remembered about Y/N and their child that she bore, and thought about calling you up and meeting the two of you, he thought he'd know your child instantly. But that was the total opposite.

She's a quiet kid, very much like Y/N must have been as a child. Totally not like Roger. She didn't whine, she didn't cry when she didn't get what she wanted, she didn't yell or misbehave. Y/N was worried that it was very bad for a child who's five years old, but she realised it's her family's trait, on her mum's side, to be quiet and obeying and behaving as a kid. So she stopped worrying. 

Roger was jealous, he must admit, and still is. Hope got more of Y/N than she got of him, and he also knows that he's faulty of that. It was Roger's own fault. 

And he still doesn't know Hope. Roger doesn't know her as a person or as his own kid, even though she is, biologically. He can't see through her, he can't figure her out. And when he tries to ask questions, she replies plainly and shortly. Which might be because of her quietness, but also because Y/N might have told her about Roger.

She's the second introvert Roger has come across, but she's harder to get around with and please and figure out than John, his band's bassist. He never expected an introvert being his own daughter. Roger barely knows how to live with an introvert and converse on daily basis, let alone how to raise one! He's not used to someone being unresponsive or less responsive, and he doesn't know what to do in many situations with Hope. What to say next, or does he even say anything... Makes him stressed.

« I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter, That funny little girl,

When Hope laughs, it's the most beautiful and uplifting thing Roger hears and tries every day and every hour to get it to happen again. But it's so rare. And he guesses that's what makes it even more beautiful. 

She laughs at silly and unusual things, like the small fluffy Easter chickens that they sell at the stores with flowers and other Easter decorations. The flying drumstick her dad tosses away while drumming. Her own funny faces that she makes in the mirror. Something funny in the book she's reading. A painting out of flour on the kitchen table amidst pancake or gingerbread making. A dog running after a cat on the street. Cupcakes with silly decorations in pastrie shops.

Her laughter is music to Roger's ears, and he gets so much joy from the sound. It lifts him up, makes his day. He just wishes Hope would laugh and smile more, and more because of him.

« Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to capture every minute, The feeling in it...

Even though at the start Y/N prohibited Roger to take pictures or tape videos of their daughter, he did it anyway. He has a whole album of her pictures, not entirely filled, but soon to be there. Anytime there's a good day and the two of them are together, Roger takes as many pictures of Hope as she lets him. He likes to photograph her when she doesn't see him doing it. Otherwise, she'd immediately want to pose (unnecessarily) or photograph her dad. And he's got enough pictures of himself in the public and private to go around. But the ones that she manages to take of him, Roger gives to Hope. And she's got quite the collection.

There's her dad trying to take the camera away with his hands covering the most of the lens. There's one of him writing something down, then the next one is of him looking in the lens with a blank look. A complete natural one, that is, one of Hope's favourites. There are so many emotions visible in his eyes, she hopes to uncover them all someday. There's also one with Rog behind his drum kit, one with him holding a guitar and drinking tea. 

Y/N could put up with looking at the pictures of Roger in front of Hope, but when she slept or was at school, Y/N cried heavily. She cried of how horrible he was, how heartless and denying. How he's trying to be a father just now, years and years after the break-up. She cries about his relationship with Hope and how they're sort of bonding. She cries about the time wasted and spent alone. She cries because she misses him and because... She still loves Roger. She does, even after all these years and despite all the anger she feels for him.

« Do I really see what's in her mind? Each time I think I'm close to knowing, She keeps on growing...

Will he ever know Hope? Will he know her as a person? How will he find her out? How can he sympathise with her, win her love and heart? Roger's not a good person, he thinks it's the truth, and so he doubts he'll ever win her complete trust and heart. And that breaks his heart.

He's been changing girlfriends from time to time since he broke up with Y/N more than ten years ago. None of them have been serious, and you'd think he truly loved Y/N and that's why he couldn't stay with another woman for longer than a few months. But that's not it. 

When he remembered that he actually has a child, he couldn't shake it. To Roger's mind, there's no bond stronger than between people who have had a kid together. And it's an unbreakable bond. 

He loves Y/N as the mother of his child. Sometimes he thinks there's something more, but... Roger knows she won't let him in again. Even if both of them wanted it. Nothing could happen, cause they both have too many doubts about the relationship and each other. It wouldn't be good for Hope if she saw them in some sort of tension or arguing. She already has quite the bad atmosphere what with her parents not being together. 

Y/N had many ground rules for Roger seeing Hope, but the main one is that he can't see Y/N. She only met him that one time when Hope was five years old, and it already was too much for Y/N. Sometimes she comes to pick her up from Roger's house, but she never comes into the house. She's still scared.

« Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table Barely awake, I let precious time go by...

Rarely, when Y/N has a work event or a night-out with her friends, she drives him to Roger's house. And sometimes that happens on school nights. Roger has no problem with that, of course, the more time he can get with Hope he enjoys and is always up for it. 

But Hope does have to get up at an ungodly hour to get to school on time. Roger never wakes up that early, except on tours, but he hates it either way. He's in his flannel pyjama shirt and pants, hair messed up and glasses in front of his eyes, making breakfast for them both. Roger is trying not to fall asleep while standing, and Hope, on the contrary, is awake as ever. She's in her sleeping gown and and pants, and fuzzy socks. Her hair is put up in a bun she saw her mother make with her own hair—hence why Hope does it. And she's doing some last minute homework. How can she even think this early?

The clock shows it's 7:16am. For Roger, this is night time. On one hand, he can't wait to get back to sleep. On the other, he wants to spend the whole day with Hope, no matter how early he has to get up. But the good thing is, she's here now and he even gets to drive her to school! Roger smiles at that, and finally turns to Hope with finished breakfast on two plates. Eggs with ham and some toast.

She looks up at him and notices the plates, immediately closing her notebook and pushing it to the corner of the table's surface. The fourteen-year-old girl scrambles to get them kitchen ware to eat with and places it beside the plates her father has put down. There's also tea and coffee, and juice for them to drink on. 

Hope loves this, but she won't say it out loud to Roger. She loves school mornings with her dad. They're better than weekend mornings or holiday mornings. These school mornings are gentle, quiet, full of love, and limited as well. But that's what makes them so loved by Hope.

« Then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling And a sense of guilt I can't deny...

Roger wishes that he could spend every school and weekend morning with Hope. And it's the greatest regret of his life that he can't have that. And he knows it's his fault that he can't have every morning with his daughter.

He often thinks back to the day Y/N told him she was pregnant and wants to punch his younger self in the face for thinking and saying and doing what he did. It was ever so wrong, the most wrong thing he's done in his life. 

Roger looks at Hope again as she's drawing something, laying on his living room floor. Her hair is in a ponytail and her face is ruled by deep concentration. What is she drawing? Some thought-up character? Fairies and wizards? No. He doesn't know and can't guess that she's drawing her father. He'd never know.

Roger watches her drawing and she looks so divine, so exceptional, so peaceful. How could he ever want to abort this beautiful child? He didn't know, of course, what she'd be like, he never wanted to then. Roger was young and reckless and dumb, he only cared for himself and his reputation. What a stupid boy I was...

His arrogance and mistakes have robbed him of the biggest treasure in his life. Y/N and Hope. Roger will never forgive himself. He could've had the best life, the best and most beautiful family. There would be two people missing him at home everyday, two people he'd miss everyday apart from his own parents, of course. Two girls he'd give the world to, he'd bring them everywhere and show them everything beautiful that is to enjoy in this life. He could have had and done everything. But he chose the wrong path in his younger and egoistical years and that lead him to the misery he so badly wants to escape now.

Roger sighs and leans back into the couch. His sigh would've turned into a desperate sob or cry if it weren't for his self-control and care and love for Hope. He doesn't want her seeing him cry or drown in self-pity, which is what he does day-to-day anyway. But if he promised himself and Y/N that he'd be a great father, he will stay true to his word. 

« What happened to the wonderful adventures? The places I had planned for us to go...

Y/N had so many fantasies of being parents with Roger when she found out she was pregnant. Roger kissing her big stomach while the child still hasn't been born, buying baby clothes and furniture together. Roger barely making it in time to the baby's birth, the joy on his face as he holds the little baby. Perhaps he'd cry or cheer loudly, announce to the whole hospital or even scream the news out of the window to everyone who walks by. She'd be too tired to quiet him down, so she'd just smile and hold onto their baby tighter.

Walking around the park with the child in a cute carriage, the sun shining down. Waking up early to feed the baby, the wakings at night and Y/N and Roger taking turns in putting the kid back to sleep. Breakfast on a terrace in a house in summer when the sun's still pleasant in the early morning. Baths together as a trio, bubbles, laughter and wet hair. Introducing the baby to the band, bringing her over to their houses and gardens and watching as the tough badass glam-rock men turn into complete mushy bears upon seeing the little girl. Her fingers tangling in Brian's hair, repeatedly playing one string of John's guitar and dancing with Freddie or listening to him sing.

Roger taking Y/N and the toddler girl on vacations to France or Italy or Spain, residing in country-side houses and watching the sunsets in meadows or on beaches. When the kid's older, Roger would eventually allow the two girls to come with him on tour, but only a few dates. He wouldn't want his two girls to be exposed to the public eye too much, in a perfect world - the public wouldn't even know about them and let the family live their life privately. 

Sometimes Y/N cries at night because her fantasies never came true. And they never will. And this is her first and probably only child, which she raised completely on her own and who she loves more than anything in the world. She wants to give her daughter everything there is to give. Y/N moves mountains for her daughter, always has and will be ready to do it forever. And she knews it from the very start, from the day she found out she'd have a child. And she'll be forever angry at Roger for not wanting the same, not seeing the child as she did and still does. She was blinded by Hope.

Hope. An interesting name for a child. Roger asked Y/N why she named her 'Hope'. Y/N answered him, but not truthfully. She didn't want Roger to know the sacred truth of their daughter's name origin. 

She named her so because that was all she had when she was alone with her daughter, when she was without Roger at child birth, at her first birthday, and all birthdays until the 6th. All Y/N had was hope. Hope that Roger would call and apologise for what a prick he was, how he wasn't thinking straight and was ever so sorry. Hope that Roger would turn up at her door when she had been fired or robbed, at the most horrible and unexpected time. Like a blessing, an angel in her eyes. 

Y/N hoped that Roger would come around a week or two after. When that time passed, she hoped for a month. And then, and then, and then, she didn't want to admit she still had hope, but she did. Y/N hoped dearly that some completely ordinary day she'd meet Roger at a shop or on the street with Hope in the carriage. And they'd have a lovely conversation, and he'd tell her he loves her and wants to be a father and that he was a shitty person. She hoped they'd be together again, be parents, maybe even get married! Y/N hoped for every possible scenario, but never expected what actually happened. Roger sending her a letter after six years of no communication, three months after Hope's 5th birthday, and asking Y/N to meet up because he's realised his wrongs and wants to be a proper father. 

She had to read the letter multiple times then, over and over. Then Y/N sat down at the kitchen table, stared at the letter, at the envelope, at the table, at her hands and the wall. Her mind was blank. Then came the anger, then came the sadness, then the gladness and then tears from every emotion, and that went on and on in circles. Until she decided that she'd take Hope to meet her father and let whatever happens happen. 

« Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture And save it from the funny tricks of time Slipping through my fingers...

Then came one evening when Hope asked her mother if she could spend longer time with her dad. It took Y/N by surprise and at first, she just stared at Hope until some logical question came up in her mind to ask. She had so many questions and also arguments as to why she shouldn't. But she can't neglect her child's wishes, especially the ones with her father, that could lead to later trauma.

“W-Why?” Y/N asked and Hope continued to look at her mother with begging eyes. 

“Because, mummy,” she starts to say. She still says 'mummy', this fourteen-year-old, “I know daddy wants to spend more time with me, and I miss him everyday. I want to see him everyday, I want to live with him more.” Live with him? Outrageous, was the first thing Y/N thought. She couldn't allow that, at least she thinks so. “I love daddy, and he loves me. He tells me that everyday.”

“He does?” Y/N whispers. Hope nods.

“And he loves you. And I know you love him, don't you? You just don't want to tell that to each other.” She explains. Y/N smiles quickly, but it fades away soon enough. Her hand reaches out to stroke Hope's cheek. 

“You're so smart, angel.” She says to her daughter and Hope manages a shy smile. 

“Mum, please,” the teenager begs, “I want to see daddy more. I want to meet his friends, I wanna watch them make music.”

Y/N nods and has to take a moment to herself to think it over. She looks out the window, grasping her chin between her fingers in deep thought. This is complicated. Her own feelings and love might be compromised, her life might be turned upside down or ruined. She can't predict the future, but Y/N damn wishes she could. Everything would be easier.

“Alright, my love,” Y/N starts to say and looks back at Hope, who's got big eyes with optimism in them, “when we meet daddy tomorrow, we'll talk about it, alright?”

Hope nods and smiles wide. She immediately jumps on her mother, her arms reaching around so she can hug her. Y/N smiles and strokes Hope's hair, a few tears in her eyes. She's sad and happy and anxious, all at one moment. Maybe it is time for a change. In everything. She knows what it means if everything would stay the same. And she knows exactly what it means to live with Roger. Even if it's just Hope who does, but Y/N knows Roger would never allow her living completely alone, away from them two. Here comes a big decision, and a dilemma.

“Of course you can stay longer, bub,” Roger says, smiling wide. He's so happy, and glad, that Hope wants to stay at his house more. He strokes her cheek, watching her with his big, blue and almost teary eyes. Hope gives him a smile and then looks at her mother, and so does Roger, “if mummy likes that, of course.” He says once seeing the cold and unsure look in Y/N's eyes.

She gives them both a shy smile and watches her own fiddling fingers under the table cloth. “Hope, why don't you go look outside in the cafe's garden? I saw they had bunnies.” Y/N says to her daughter who frowns.

“But I want to be here when you decide.” She argues and Y/N sighs.

“There are things, my love, that are private between me and your father.” Y/N says. Your father. Roger looks at her when she calls him that. A cold, distant name for him. It makes him a bit sad, and hopeless, as well. “Go outside and pet the bunnies. We'll come for you when everything's settled.”

Hope nods sadly and leaves the table. “A bit cold to her, that is,” Roger says, though his words are fearful. He looks at Y/N in a scared way. She only smiles and shakes her head.

“I don't want her to know all our issues.” She admits to Roger, looking him in the eyes, and he immediately raises his eyebrows.

“So you... haven't, um, told her?” He squints his eyebrows, purely curious for the answer. 

“Have I told her that your first response was abortion and that you weren't supportive at all?” Y/N asks, raising her eyebrows and suddenly rising from her seat. She slumps back down and huffs. “No, I have not.” She says and erases all the fright in Roger. He almost breathes in his relief, but stops himself. “She's still a kid. And as much as I hate her not knowing anything, I...” Y/N sighs and looks down at her hands, “I don't want her to hate you.” She admits, looking back at Roger. 

A smile twitches his lips. He's very touched by that. 

“I just know how I felt when my mother finally told me about my father.” She says.

“Don't tell me he did the same thing I did.” Roger says, in slight fear again. Y/N laughs.

“No, he cheated. I told you that... years ago.” She tells him and Roger nods. You dumbass, he thinks to himself. 

“Sorry.” Roger says. “I'm sorry for everything. Really, I am, Y/N. I cannot live with myself with what I did. But I love Hope so much, she means the world to me. You both do.” At the last three words, Roger reaches over the table to take Y/N's hands in his. He's hopeful, but the action is a bit outrageous. She looks at him, taken aback at the gesture, but waiting for him to say more. “And I'm sorry for not being with you earlier, from the very start. I—It's the greatest mistake of my life. My biggest regret that I didn't give you the partner and Hope the father she needed. I am so sorry.” 

Y/n sighs deeply and looks away, but doesn't retract her hand. “You don't—you don't have to apologise.” She tells him. But Roger's not convinced. “You were a different person. Well, that, and you had d-different, um... priorities.” Y/N falters, her whole posture does. She's never talked to someone about this, about that night so many years ago.

“I was stupid, young and stupid, I really—”

“Roger, please stop.” Y/N stops him, whispering, and the look in her eyes catches Roger. There are tears brimming and begging in her beautiful orbs. He immediately stops talking and closes his mouth, understanding that it hurts for her. “Hope will be back soon and we have to settle the whole... thing.” She continues whispering, but the last word she says in a proper voice.

“Right, right. Okay,” Roger responds and leans back into his chair, his hands slipping away from Y/N's, “um, well, what do I say? Uh...”

“Whatever you want. Tell me everything you think.” Y/N encourages, but Roger has already decided what he'll say.

“Move in with me.” He tells her suddenly. “Both of you.” 

Y/N's breath catches in her throat, and her eyes widen. She blinks a few times, realising one of the scenarios she predicted has come true and she is not prepared her answer to it, or answers. 

She stays silent for a moment that seems much too long for Roger to wait on. She seems decided, but conflicted. Perhaps she already knows what to say, but doesn't know if she should? Decided, but not sure how to say it? Unsure to say it? He watches her as she thinks, and decides in his head that everything's over and she doesn't want to move in, she doesn't want Hope to spend more time with him—

“It will take time,” Y/N finally says, looking at Roger, “but we can.” She voices her decision to Roger.

He can't help but smile wide and simply look at Y/N for a while. Her decision was the one Roger was hoping for. Probably the only one he could survive. Roger didn't even expect her to accept his moving-in suggestion, he thought she'd laugh in his face and leave. Or start crying.

But the reason she'd be crying would be of happiness. They're all going to be living in one place, as a family. Family. That's what she's always wanted. She wouldn't ask for nothing more except for it to have happened sooner. But she's grateful it's happened at all.

Tags: @woaholland @obsessedwithrogertaylor​ @mustbeaweasleyginger​ @langdonzvoid