#quadrant advice

My boss, an indigo, is CLEARLY GAY, but I just found out that he has a matesprit??? The most beautiful rust EVER, who is way too pretty to be stuck with a jerk like him! I'm not homophobic, he sucks for issues besides being gay, but he does suck a lot. I think she deserves better than a jackwagon who uses her to beard, and especially THAT one. How can I convince her to leave him?

{Alright, hold on. Firstly - did he tell you he was gay? Secondly, how did you come to know this information? And thirdly, do you really think this is your business?}

{Assuming you know for sure that he is gay and that he is not attracted to her but is, for whatever reason, leading her on, then under that circumstance I could understand. However, I want to know exactly how you know this, and what about it is entirely so obvious to you, because if he hasn't even introduced you to his matesprit, I don't see how he'd tell you his sexuality.}

{My personal theory is that he realized he was bisexual, or they have an agreement, or some other thing.}

{...}

{Okay, anon, I'm seeing a lot of "I" and "my", but not a lot of I and My. What do you want from this situation? Who do you have feelings for? I can tell you the statistics, but I can't tell you how you feel. It doesn't sound like you want to date any of them... Or maybe you don't want to date at all?}

{Listen, this is the modern sweep, asexuality and aquadrantism are no longer dirty little words. This isn't the sweep of things like The Glass Closet, where aspecuality was something the 'good' and 'respectable' folk don't talk about. I think you should take some time to do some introspection, and consider that perhaps you just aren't interested in things like this. And there's really nothing wrong with that! I've never been one for croquet or making my own clothes, it's just personal preference.}

{If you really want my opinion, I think hemoanons and olives are a cute match, but your longterm friend would be a better pick, because you've known each other longer. That said... If you have no romantic interest in someone, to the point you feel forced to date them just to avoid hurting them while upsetting yourself... Well, you shouldn't date them.}

{Oh dear. That's quite a situation, anon... Naturally, as an bronze, you must be feeling very upset about not being able to get them to play nice with each other. However, a rust and an indigo fighting is... Really to be expected! The do-it-yourself attitude of a rust lends towards dirty hands, and the respectable higher brow of an indigo does not approve of dirty fingerprints. It's to be expected, but that doesn't mean you're expected to tolerate things that are having a negative impact on you mentally. Especially from people meant to make your life better!}

{Unfortunately, it really doesn't come down to you to decide if they get on or loathe each other. All you can do is ask them to respect your boundaries by not picking at each other around you.}

{As for choosing: you shouldn't have to. Plain and simple.}

{Quadrants should not make you feel like you're fighting to have even a moment of stability and peace between the people you care about, regardless of why. They should be complex and bring a range of emotions, but not make you miserable every time they spot each other across the room.}

a part of me thinks this is a little silly, but I'm curious. i'm a purple with both an olive matesprit and a gold matesprit, along with a violet moirail. I don't think i need advice, this is more so just for my curiosity! kinda just wanna see what you think about it yk?

~ RM

{Well, first of all, congratulations! You sound like you have your hands full! Let me think here...}

{A purple and an olive matesprit is, first off, quite tricky. There can be a great connection, or a lot of pain - sometimes both! It can be painful to pull away and painful to stay, or as natural as breathing, to the point even post split people still mistake you for a couple! A mixed bag on that one.}

{As for purple and gold, well, you might be surprised to hear this, but that's a great pair! If there's a connection, it'll be a good one. Purples and golds can make a fantastic duo who always care for each other, ground each other, and support each other. Or they can fizzle out with no connection at all, of course. But assuming there is one, it's going to be surprising to others how well it goes!}

{Finally, let me get into this one - purple and violet. I'm sure people will be shocked to hear this, but purples and violets go well together! A purple can help a violet get out of their head, and a violet can help a purple get back to ground. It's sweet, and sooo cute! Every purple and violet friendship I've seen could be a cute couple!}

{That depends on a lot of things, anon... But one of the best pitch confessions is just being direct and a jerk, tried and true!}

{If your beloathed is a violet, for example, try insulting their tackier interests! If they're a jade, maybe insult their fashion choices, etc, etc. Best to be as rude as possible as much as possible! The best pitch confession is one made from deep in your spade, after all.}

-Foggy Feelings

{Foggy, I really feel for you here. It can be surprising when you suddenly have a pitch flipping softer for you! But, olives are very creative and romantic by nature, so this is something that can happen when they date violets, especially the hopeless romantic kind.}

{The best advice I can give you is to just relax a little. The exact labels don't matter nearly that much! You should focus more on what you like about the relationship, and how it feels, rather than what you call it or what people think it should work like. It's more important to focus on YOUR feelings, Froggy, and if your olive semi-spade is catching a redder feeling, it might be because there's something there! Olives are very intuitive with how they feel, and violets can be very hot and cold when it comes to honesty.}

{Ask yourself, Froggy: ARE you in too deep, or are you just afraid of finding out something new and potentially different? You have nothing to lose with giving him a chance!}

How does a Bronze and Cerulean Pairing sound to You? I Don't know where I land with Him, but I Know it's Redways. I sort of Hope it's Flush, but I Don't really know. I got Out of a Bad Moiraillegience with a Purple who was Way Too Handsy, and He's been Supporting me! New Job, New Friends, New Life, i just. I get so Aflutter Wearing His Sign. I'm even Parrotting His Quirk. He got Out of a Bad Moiraillegience too. Maybe I can Be what He Needed all along? Ahhh, I just Can't Tell How!

Sincerely, Beforus Bound Bronze.

{Generally, pretty bad. Cerulean-bronze couples are some of the most toxic leaning ones. There's a huge power imbalance that pushy ceruleans will tend to exploit and more easily cowed bronzes tend to fall in line with.}

{Glad you shook loose that purple! Usually, a purple being pushy with a bronze can help them get over their reservations, but taken too far, it's just toxic. So I'm happy you're out of there! And good on him for getting away from his ex, but this sounds like a bit of a double rebound. Just because you're both single and riding high off of a swift exit does not mean you should blow off steam by blowing any chances of a stable relationship going forward!}

{You do not need to be the fixer, anon! If you're feeling the itch to get back on the scene, download a dating app, and let your matches know you aren't looking for anything serious. Maybe try going to a club, a library, some kind of concert, and feel the single life before you get into another relationship.}

{And that's not even touching on the issues that can come from dating your BOSS... If you still feel this way after a few perigees, and you can secure another way to make money, then I'd say test the waters.}