#puppps

Well I had to go back to the dermatologist last week because I was literally ripping off my skin from itching. He gave me another injection and put me on prednisone. He also took 2 biopsies from my leg in a horrible spot right where baby sits... so I have stiches in my leg that are slowly healing now but the good news is that the itching has slowed down! That combo worked finally. I still have flare ups at night but day time has been much more manageable. The redness is nearly all gone but I am left with shredded skin all over from the scratching. It looks pretty awful. I've been applying neosporin to try and heal some of the spots and it's slow going. Unfortunately because I am on the prednisone I was told not to breastfeed. It can cause growth suppression. So 2 weeks of no breastfeeding... but I read that the prednisone amount lowers in your bm after 4- 6 hours so I try to give him breastmilk at least once a day. Now that I am down to 1 prednisone a day I can take it at night and bf during the day again. But now he is refusing to bf. I am miserable. I really wanted this to work and financially I had put too much faith in it working. Formula is expensive and it upsets his tummy. My wonderful SIL has been donating her extra milk for my son to eat which is amazing. I appreciate it so much that he can still get breastmilk in his diet alongside the formula and my meager supply. He gulps it down when I offer it to him and that makes me happy. I'm nervous to try and find a true donor because I can't trust them completely. With her I know I can trust her supply. She doesn't do anything crazy like drugs and crap. She wouldn't endanger her son or mine. The prednisone caused a significant drop in my own pathetic supply as well. I try to pump every 3 hours at home even after he attempts a feed to try and boost it. Eating lactation cookies and taking supplements but nothing is helping right now. He refuses to latch now without the shield and he won't even entertain the idea of latching on my left side. He has never done a true breast crawl which is very disheartening. We've tried skin to skin but I was so itchy that it was painful for me. So now that the itchies are going away I want to try again. Maybe restart this BFing relationship. I really want to have that close bond with him and it scares me to think that I won't get the chance. I definitely will be better prepared for the next baby. I will make this work for them but I am gonna do everything in my power to make it work for Vincent too. On that note I think I will go try and pump again before he wakes up to get ready for him.

Ugh so miserable!!!! The PUPPPS has spread to my entire body now including my bum and even my boobs.... I can't stop scratching!! :( I've been to my OB 3 times now and they finally referred me to a dermatologist who confirmed it was definitely puppps and gave me a double dose injection of cortisone today. He also is having me take Allegra in the morning and zyrtec at night. So far it hasn't helped me. If anything I am more itchy... everything is red and irritated. Hearing my baby cry makes my skin crawl. I can't enjoy my son with this going on. I'm so frustrated and uncomfortable I just want to sit in an ice cold bath and cry. But oh yeah that's right I have to wait 2 more weeks before I can take a freaking bath! !! And I'm paranoid about the shot so I'm pump and dumping today and that makes me feel awful. Seeing how little milk I produce is depressing me further. I've pumped every hour and a half since I got home and I'm not even at 2 ounces total from both sides and that's after 3 pumping sessions... I feel like I'm not cut out to breastfeed. I'm just exhausted and stressed and so tired of being itchy. I'm going to make myself get up every 2 hours tonight to pump. I wish hubby was back to normal hours. This 3 am wake up time sucks... also baby is getting really runny poos from his formula which makes me feel terrible. Hopefully tomorrow will be better once this shot has had time to run through my system. And the zyrtec and Allegra might help... my skin feels thick from all the blisters popping up from me scratching at it... I could post photos but it looks so awful I don't think people actually want to see it. Even wearing clothes hurts it... anything rubbing on my skin is horrible. I can't snuggle baby skin to skin because it just plain hurts. Even BFing hurts cuz it's all over my boobs. So if he tries to cuddle me I have to pull his little hands off. :( I'm just gonna go crawl into bed and cry now.

Well I managed to get PUPPPs.... life is hard... and itchy... so itchy..... I started my steroid pack today and I swear it's already helping. I scratched it so hard I broke the skin... :( also I love milk and apparently the best treatment I can do is to not drink dairy... that makes me the sad... Anyways!! Birth story! :) So I got to the hospital at 5 pm on the 19th which was my due date for my scheduled induction. They got me all attached to the monitors and started my IV line which I bled hardcore from. Like covered my hand and the bedside and the floor in my blood. It was awful and that IV hurt so much.... they put it on my thumb! Stupid place.... so then at about 7 they started the misoprostol tablets. I got a whole one the first time and they also gave me an ambien to help me try to get some sleep. I was apparently having contractions already when we got to the hospital but I wasn't feeling them at all. They were very light and we're about 4 minutes apart. But I didn't notice them at all. At about 9 I started to feel some very light contractions but nothing too painful yet. At 9:30 pm I attempted to roll over on my side to get comfortable and my water broke on its own! Yay! I thought I peed myself so I called the nurse to come see cuz hubby said it looked orangey pinkish to him lol. She took my bed pad and went to have it tested and came back to confirm that it was my waters around 10:30ish. I fell asleep around this time and I was only dilated to 1 cm still at this point. I woke up around midnight with some much stronger contractions and hubby was fast asleep. I had the nurse come help me to the potty and she showed me how to detach from the monitors so I could do it myself after that. By 1 am my contractions were getting much stronger and getting closer together. I ended up waking up my hubby and he rubbed my back for me while I swayed next to the bed for a little while. At 3 am I was finally at 3 cm and already miserable. So the nurse offered me some pain meds which I accepted and got a dose of nubaine in my IV. I slept a little bit after I got that but it didn't last long. I was awake again at 5 am and I felt like my insides were bursting. I believe I was at 4 cm at this point. At 7 am they started my pitocin to get my contractions really going and omg did that stuff kick it into high gear... pure misery is all I can describe it as. I felt like I had to poo so bad and I couldn't go. I had a hard time even peeing at that point. My parents showed up at the hospital a little after 8 and I was completely miserable at that point. My poor dad kept trying to make jokes to make me smile but I was so hostile from the pain I kept snapping at him. I ended up tossing my phone to him to respond to all the messages I had been getting all morning because I couldn't focus past the pain anymore. He took care of all my missed messages and it was very sweet of him lol. At about 9:30 the pain got to be too much for me and I couldn't stop crying. I was at 7 cm almost 8 cm. I was basically hysterical and I couldn't catch my breath. Pretty sure I was in transition and I wish I had realized this cuz I would have made it. But I broke down and basically begged for the epidural. Hubby tried so hard to help me get through the pain. He kept me breathing but it was no use. I simply couldn't handle anymore pain. Pitocin is the devil.... the anesthesiologist got in there a little after 10 and it took about a half hour to get the epidural in because my spine kept closing during contractions so he had to stick me 3 times to get the line in. That was absolutely horrible. .. but once it was in the relief was so fast I couldn't believe it. But after this I started having some issues. Babies heart rate dropped super fast and freaked us all out so they put me on oxygen and started rolling me around on the bed to relieve pressure on him. And being numb was so awkward but at least I got a catheter so I didn't have to get up to pee anymore haha. Finally at about 11 the nurse checked me and said I was fully dilated so we sent the family out to the waiting room and just my hubby and my momma stayed in the room with me. It was perfect. The nurse called for the doctor and we started practice pushing to help him move down into the birth canal and apparently I was super good at pushing cuz he was crowning by the time the doctor got there at 11:30. After she got ready and in position it only took about 2 good pushes and his head came out. Then the doctor told me to do a couple fake coughs and his shoulders popped out along with the rest of himself lol. Unfortunately when I coughed I tore. I ended up with a 2nd degree perineal tear and had to get stitches.... so glad I had the epidural at that point. I don't think I could have handled pushing and feeling that tear happen. So my little Vincent arrived at 11:36 am!! 7 lbs 3.9 ounces and 20 inches long. He was so handsome. Also I got to watch in the mirror as he came out and touch his head when he crowned. It was beautiful! :) they plopped him straight on me when he came out all bloody and nasty. I'll admit it was pretty gross but worth it. She ended up clamping his cord early because she was concerned that something seemed wrong. He ended up being diagnosed as Direct Coombs positive because hubby has a positive blood type while I am O-. He also had jaundice pretty bad and they put him under the billi lights first thing after we had our hour of bonding time. We did skin to skin and I attempted to breastfeed. He wasn't very interested in food just sleep haha. So they took baby to the nursery to straighten all that up and I got moved to recovery. Yay! So yeah that's all I've got right now cuz baby is asleep so I need to sleep too. Night all!