My dad just left to go get his new tattoo. I'm gonna do the same thing I do almost every time I'm alone in the house: mute the TV, play music on my phone and just write down notes. Because I don't know what else to do with my time. My neck currently feels itchy. The sky outside is currently incredibly dark, and it looks like it's going to rain shortly. I'm still crossing my ring finger and my pinky finger as I write this. My stomach feels sore, and I don't know how else I'm supposed to kill time. So I guess I'll kill time by writing about my dad's tattoo and stuff. It's now like I don't have thoughts about it, after all.
On a brief aside, I think I know why my hemorrhoids exist. I've got theories, anyways. Hemorrhoids come from straining, right? Well, I do have a bad history of straining in the bathroom whenever I feel like I've gotta get something out of me. I'll strain on my bowels, sure. But I'll also strain on my bladder sometimes. I'll strain on my bladder to get pee to come out. And then I've heard hemorrhoids can come from sitting on the toilet too long. And considering I just spent nearly 20 minutes sitting on the toilet because I was too nervous to get up and start wiping, well…you can do the math. I do that kind of thing a lot. So that surely can't be helping my hemorrhoids. But I get paranoid about needing to rush back to get bathroom if I leave it, so I basically sequester myself in there. It's horrible.
So like…I have ideas where my hemorrhoids come from. My stomach pains could be stress, the hemorrhoids could almost certainly be me straining and/or sitting on the toilet seat too long, there's a lot of variables that could go into this. I can't prove any of them to be true, though. I mainly only brought this up because I felt kind of sore on my butt recently. And I was beginning to wonder if it was tied to sitting on the toilet too long. And I was beginning to wonder if that was tied to anything else.
While I'm here, though…I do have time for one more tangent. My throat is still sore. Nowhere near as sore as it was yesterday, but still a tiny bit sore. My throats been a tiny bit sore ever since yesterday morning, and I don't know why. Is it my congestion? Is it dry in this house? Is it climate change exacerbating my allergies? Is it something else? I don't know. But I hate it. And having a sore throat two days in a row really makes me feel sick.
But getting back on topic…my dad's getting a tattoo today. It's really dark outside, and that's affecting my mood today. But I want to focus on the tattoo my dad is getting. My dad is getting a tattoo of shaggy from scooby doo. My only question: why? He's tried to explain it, but none of it makes much sense to me. Apparently it was a nickname he had in High School? I mean…sure, I guess? I'd believe it. I don't doubt the validity of my dad's story.
I just don't understand why my dad would want to get a character like shaggy from scooby doo. If gets a tattoo of shaggy from scooby doo, everyone who sees the tattoo is gonna assume he loves scooby doo. He doesn't! I don't! We don't hate scooby doo, but we're not obsessive fans. I think anyone who sees the tattoo would assume we're obsessive fans, because who else gets a character from that show tattooed on them!? How does my dad not understand this!? Why is he so comfortable with this!? Is he really, seriously comfortable potentially being asked about scooby doo for the rest of his life!? Is that what he wants? I don't understand it! I don't understand it, because I couldn't handle it!
You see, this exposes the difference between me and my dad. I'm so chronically afraid of judgement that I'll legitimately panic at the sheer thought of being asked questions. I can't handle the idea of being questioned on anything like that. I just can't handle it. It's terrifying to me, really stressful and everything. The idea of being asked about something constantly, it's all just overwhelming to me. I don't understand how you're supposed to cope with it. A fear of judgement really defines my issues, and this one thing exposes that more than anything. It's complicated, or it makes me feel complicated. sigh…
Now that my dad's gone, I've begun pulling muscles in my legs again. I don't know why I do this. It's just a bad habit I've picked up somewhere, I guess. I pull the muscles in my legs when I'm uncomfortable or something like that. It's really annoying, but I'm capable of handling it. I've handled it before, but I don't know why I deliberately give myself cramps though. It's just nerves or something, I guess. I don't think my dad does this, but my dad also shares a lot of my bad habits. I think he's just as nervous as me. My mom had pretty bad nerves sometimes, too. I guess I've got inherited neuroticism, for whatever that's worth. I mean, my dad carries stomach medication everywhere in case he gets sick outside the house. We're both nervous kinds of people.
My dad asked me if he thought I should get a haircut before I went back to College in September. I said that I think we should cut it before august ends, but later in the month. So yeah, I expect I'll be getting a haircut sometime this month. There's probably other stuff I'll do this month, but I don't know for sure about any of it.
My dad just left. My nerves are weirdly bad. I'm getting worked up. I think I'm getting secondhand nerves from my dad now. I still keep pulling the muscles in my legs. I also keep beating my feet together. Maybe that's why I get sore feet occasionally? I don't know. But my stomach is also beginning to feel sick, and that's kind of frustrating. But I'll be fine. I should be, anyways.
My dad's been gone for a little bit now. I'm still pulling my muscles a bit. I'm also still biting at my nails and stuff. But I'm fine otherwise. I think I'll be okay, anyways. Well, one of my fingers feels a bit sore. That's beginning to bother me. But I should be fine otherwise. Hopefully. sigh…
