#public entry

xvi. “GAEA” There is a beauty in the hills The orange painted clouds Not hidden by the acid wash of the city White moons unveiling the path home Red hot daylight frightening The things in the blackness There is a harmony in the beauty A kind of calm Hidden behind the silence Before the coming storm A faint clap in the distance Where gods fight with crackling light There is a power in the harmony A fearsome but merciful celestial being Watching over this Gaea Willingly letting ants live on In this Gaea Subtle reminders of its existence The thunder, the light in the sky The harmony of the falling rain The raw power of the sea, of water The peaceful falling of white winter magic The focused force of the wind The strength of earth, violent expulsions of fire

xv. “DON’T CARE” Unable to write for ages Because there was nothing My mind blank because I was living life All that got me down Was in the rearview mirror But now it all comes crashing down around Don’t care about rhyming Don’t care about being poetic It never helped anyway Hid all raw emotion Behind false metaphors And hid all imperfection in my thoughts This cross I bear Bears striking resemblances To a man revered A holy man Yet all I feel Diseased, broken, unloving, uncaring Your words are poison Yet you blame me You blame me because you’re unfeeling Unable to navigate your own short-comings Your own hypocrisy Your own mistakes Your basis for justification Your insanity inside false sanity You have become the same person you despise You take everything out of context And blame the first person that crosses you You are false, ignorant, inane Uncaring, heartless, cold Hostile, relentless, recusant Frail, spineless, annoying Exhausting, adverse, disgusting

xvi. “Maestro Revisited” “Pendulum” A voice rings in my head An unfamiliar sound But all the while familiar Like another crescendo swinging Above me, just waiting for me To finally lie down on the deathbed I thoughtlessly built Impatiently waiting to cut me in half And as this pendulum swings I remember a perfect melody I created For someone special years before I succumbed to the disease of my heart This stone cold, ice encased organ Once warm, as the melody played on the orchestra Now just a memory A memory of a time when I was young Idealistic Idiotic “Death” These tired strings have been plucked to death The volume has blown the speakers The orchestra has completely consumed the stage And the torture will never end I’ve hit every key with my heavy heart My heart has completely bled on the bow And the world’s saddest melody Has been played My heart of stone froze the percussion It never thundered and this song will never have a beat Forsaken it will live Discarded it will stay Forgot the lines Gave my life to these words And I drowned inside the pain I grieved Took it all away, a bloody mess My piano grieves and I’m finally free From the monotony of this bittersweet love

Tomorrow marks the day When the penny you kept For the ferryman’s ship Was finally spent I hope your sea-voyage Was as wonderful As the sunset on the beach When you left the waking world I still hear you in your studio Slaving away at your steel Trying to find that perfect melody Always getting frustrated When the string you needed Would break I grew inspired by your tenacity At trying to find that perfect melody And began searching for my melody And I’m saving a penny just like you did As a reminder to live each day As if it’s my last So I’ll see you again next year Here on the beach Where we sat and watched Your last sunset Here in my memories

xii. “I HATE YOU”   I hate you for the spot you left me in I hate you for abandoning me I hate you for driving me To the cliff where I now teeter Between the brink of letting the tide consume me Or let life continue to beat me into the ground I hate you for leaving me I hate you for thinking of only yourself I hate you for not thinking about What would happen to me After you leave I hate you for driving me out I hate you for not talking to me I hate you for telling everyone but me I hate you for letting me be the last to know I hate you for cheating on me I hate you for everything But mostly I hate myself Not seeing the signs I hate myself for denying the truth I hate myself for being completely dependent on you I hate myself for falling for you And I hate myself for being weak When I should have been strong

xi. “YOU” Woke up this morning Thinking I’ll just drink I’ll drink away your memory But then I remember That all that does Is give me a few hours relief Woke up this morning I could feel every piece fall I felt my walls crack I felt everything begin to tear Beginning to tear me apart All I could think of Was falling down again Woke up this morning Thinking I could fight your memory With someone new But that wouldn’t be fair To me or them Because you stole the best of me The parts of me that I want That I both want back And at the same time don’t Because that was the best of me When I was with you And I don’t want that back Or you But I can’t help but compare Them to you Because you’re all I knew And now I have to move on Or try to Because moving on from you Is harder than I thought

It felt like a dream Like a thousand nightmares Escaped from a dreamcatcher You told me you needed To work on yourself So go on Go and fix what needs to be fixed Because I won’t be here when you get back I’ll just be a memory in your dreamcatcher Sat on the cliff overlooking the sea That we created With a box of your things A match and your picture And I set them ablaze I decided that I need to find myself too So I’ll keep a memory of you In my dreamcatcher Left a note I wanted to tell you But I was so angry, so hurt, and so betrayed That what I wrote, I would’ve regretted So I’ll just file it away Just a memory of the end That I’ll let my dreamcatcher absolve It felt like a hundred knives Gripping my back, my dignity But you pulled them out One by one, pierced my heart And I bled Forever reminded to trust so carefully Love lost again And this beating heart Returns to its frozen place A heart of stone Forever scorned, forever lost