Runaways AU
They called it "April Showers" for a reason. It had been drizzling on and off for two days and the ground was muddy and soaked through. Through the trees, the clouds were dark with another storm set to roll in.
Ilya led the way into the house, two bags of groceries swinging from the hand not holding the door for his husband. "I want to watch House Hunters!" he complained again.
Shane let the door swing shut behind him and dumped his own bags onto the counter. "Get OBH on your laptop," a predictable retort.
Ilya rolled his eyes and dodged around Anya's excited greetings to let her out into the back yard. "Noooo. Shane, I want a TV."
Shane shoved the perishable items into the fridge before turning around, his full attention suddenly on the argument. "You've said."
Ilya heard the serious tone immediately. Okay, so they were having an actual conversation then. He leaned back on the dining room table. "People have TVs in their vacation homes all the time. Svetlana could do it without any trouble. Nothing about it would be dangerous."
Shane's face was stone, his jaw was set and his eyes flickering around in a way that told Ilya he wasn't saying something aloud. "I'm not worried about it tracing back to us."
"Then what?" Ilya prodded. He really didn't get why Shane was so resistant to this idea. Ilya missed the nights where he use to curl up with Shane on the couch with the TV murmuring in the background. He missed the excuse to just hold his husband without pretense or expectation. "We had a TV in our old house I don't see what changed."
Shane was silent for a second, a minute. Ilya didn't interrupt his thinking. Ilya could tell Shane was weighing something big, but what he couldn't be sure. He waited, watching as Shane got increasingly agitated. Shane picked up a cereal box and turned to shove it into the wrong cabinet before he stopped and let his head thunk heavy into the wood.
"I would watch hockey," Shane saidâlike that was some sort of crime that needed confessing to.
Ilya quickly bit back his laugh. What? "Okay� So you watch hockey?"
That's what Shane was worried about? Did he think Ilya wouldn't be okay with him keeping up with their old sport?
Shane's head slowly turned until he glared at Ilya out of the corner of his eye. Ilya raised his brows in question. Shane turned away from the cabinet and buried his face in his palms. A deep inhale, turned to a ragged exhale, filtered around his palms. Ilya's face scrunched. Shane was hurting, that much was obvious. He just wished he knew how to help.
"No, Ilya." Shane lowered his hands and met Ilya's eyes with an expression that begged for understanding. "That's not- I can't."
Ilya wanted to understand.
"I wouldn't be watching hockey for fun," Shane blurted.
He was trying to understand.
Ilya pushed himself off the table and came forward to cradle Shane's hands in his own. "Then why would you be watching it?"
Shane broke eye contact to stare at the floor. "Because I wouldn't be able to stop myself." It was a whispered admission.
"Shane, I don't understand."
Shane pressed his nose into the four hands clutched between them. "We can't get a TV. I would watch hockey. I can't watch hockey." Shane pulled his hands away. Ilya let him go, but only to free his own arms so he could step closer and wrap his arms around his husband. "You- You can't let me."
Something like fear entered the room. "Then I just won't let you watch hockey?" Ilya offered. He felt Shane's jack-rabbit pulse against his chest. It wasn't the right thing to say.
Anger flashed across Shane's face and he went to pull away. Ilya tightened his hold. Shane made a half hearted attempt to fight him off. Ilya didn't let him. He knew he was messing up but he wasn't going to let Shane push him away, emotionally or physically. Ilya softly stroked his hand up Shane's back. Shane sunk into Ilya's arms, letting Ilya support his weight as his body shook. "You couldn't stop me." Ilya continued to rub Shane's back. "What do you mean?"
Shane looked up into Ilya's eyes. His lip trembled. "It wouldn't work. I would wait, until you were sleeping, and I would sneak into the living room, and I would watch hockey." His voice broke on the last word. Shane's jaw strained as he clamped his teeth together.
The way he said poured a bucket of ice water down Ilya's back. A lump formed in Ilya's throat and suddenly Ilya wasn't in a petty squabble about a TV. He was looking at someone struggling, remembering images of dark nights with Sasha and pill bottles and vices that only led you deeper into the darkness. Ilya didn't understand what about hockey would hurt, but he didn't have to understand to know that it wasn't good.
"We are not getting a TV." It was final.
Tension rolled out of his husband, his shoulder settling lower. "I'm sorry." Shane's head swung from side to side. "I know you want one."
Ilya wrapped a hand around Shane's head and pulled him into his shoulder. "I am not bringing anything into this house that you would use to hurt yourself." "Thank you." Shane murmured into his collar. "I'm sorry."
"No. No sorries." Ilya slowly rocked their bodies back and forth. "The Figs already offered me their OHB password. It is very okay."
Shane grumbled unhappily in reply.
Ilya felt a smile tug at his lips. "Shane, look at me." Shane rocked his head sideways on his shoulder so he could meet Ilya's gaze. "I love you," Ilya said. "You are not causing me any strife."
Shane didn't move, just watched Ilya's face from his shoulder. Outside rain began to pelt the window. Soft diffused sunlight bathed their faces as they smiled at each other.
"Shane," Ilya whispered under the white noise. "If there is anything else that makes you feel like you would use it to punish yourself, please, can you tell me?" "Yes."
"Thank you."
Shane squeezed Ilya once. "I love you too."
The grin that had been threatening to split Ilya's face finally won. "Ah you remembered to say it back!"
Shane straightened himself. "Oh shut up!" Ilya beamed and pushed his head into Shane's personal space. Shane scrunched up his nose and leaned forward in turn. "Shut up!"
"Make me," Ilya simpered.
Shane made him. They kissed long and languid against the glass as the first rumble of thunder joined the storm.
Part 14 -> Part 15 -> Part 16











