#ptgc

I am a tough cookie. I have weathered every storm. I would say that I am brave enough to stand on my own, deal with things grown-ups deal with. I took full responsibility of my life -- how I cope with it and how I want it to be. I switched jobs. Studied all facets of the world that I'm adapting with. It has been an everyday learning experience. I am at awe as to how I was able to be in this place where I am now. I would not say it is a success but at least I'm making myself productive.

Here I am…. still waiting for you. Although we couldn't deny how everything had changed.

But I guess I am more occupied these days. Been really busy familiarizing with stock market and now getting more involved with my branches' clients!

Oh how i wish you could see me working here, pretending to be professional and all that! How i wish you could visit me and will let me give you financial advice, would have been cool! I have no idea what your future goals are but I hope you are always keen to try to save and invest.

But I stopped typing when I realized that what I was doing was needlessly recollecting memories from the not too distant past. Yes, needlessly, because upon completing that supposed post, I’m pretty certain I would find it harder to concentrate again (which is not good since I need to focus on studying for my finals), with all those thoughts—what if, what could’ve been, it was stupid, I don’t care, that was funny, my pride—buzzing through my poor, restless mind.

Honestly, I’m not the type to save personal, even nonsensical, messages on my phone. But since I don't clean my inbox each time the day ends, I won't even open a message once I see a subject line on the screen is already an eyesore, I'll be left with no choice but hit the delete all after a week. Then, guess what… You happened. And suddenly I have more than three thousand text messages clogging my old phone.

But I hope you don’t mind that I actually deleted everything—every word, every promises, every sweet nothings, every trace.

Everything that you sent even before March 27, 2011. 

See, I read some of them this morning after RR got back my BB from the service center last night and I felt a tinge of hollowness somewhere in my insides. Can you blame me if after all the confessions, a part of me doubted the sincerity of the words before my eyes? I’d been happy. You said you had been, too. And that is the important thing. That is why I erased everything from my phone, so that I may never see them, taint the memories with doubts. And in the process of healing, I want my memories to be pure, unharmed by my incessantly paranoid mind.

I know we’re good now. We might not be talking anymore, I'm not even sure if we'll ever talk again or if we could ever be friends again...

so you finally talked to me after what? a month? honestly, i don't even get the whole point of that. i hope you noticed that when you said "sorry i need to not talk to you", instead of asking "why" i just said "it's ok, dont worry" coz honestly i'd rather not know the reason behind it as it will just tear me piece by piece. ignorance is a bliss, baby and i like it that way. i think the more i don't know anything, the less pain i'll get. it's fine, really... coz i have more issues in my life right now and i don't think i could handle any more torture from what i already have. 

It's been more than 2 weeks that I haven’t spoken to him and I felt a little lost and incomplete. I don’t know who to go to whenever I feel so down and he’s the one who knows how to lift my spirits up a little too well. I don’t have anyone to talk to during my whole day. I don’t have anyone to lean to nor talk to just for the hell of it or joke with. My phone's been idle here waiting for a single text or call. 

I dunno what you're up to, I mean, why are you doing this to me? Seriously? You cannot just walk away like that and start neglecting me. If you want me out of your life, can you just at least fucking advise or warn me? 

Yeah, I know you've changed. And in case you're wondering, I’m still the old me.