#psychotropics

I worry I’m doomed to never like how I look again because I won’t be able to wear the clothes I want. And with how many health problems run in my family I just don’t have time for the world to get more accommodating.

I don’t know what to do to or how to be happy

*hugs*

I'm so sorry you're having people fat shaming you in your life. I've personally gained like 100 pounds from different psychotropics over the last 22 years. Some of it was really fast (like when I got put on lithium and gained 50 pounds in 4 months). I've done my fair amount of yoyo dieting as a result and let me tell you please start curating your online presence to feature fat positivity. A lot of the fat positivity of the last decade or so is just... it would make teenage me feel a whole lot better honestly. There's tons of resources like @fatphobiabusters and the tag #fatshion if you want to see other fat people who are wearing whatever they want.

I personally gained a lot of weight with my knee injury 2 years ago and its been very comforting to see so much more in the way of options now.

I'll give you a few tips for shopping. 1) only shop sales and clearance on popular retail sites like torrid or lanebryant. (I've gotten so much cute stuff from Lane Bryant that I don't see in their stores and like everything in their stores is for rich people I swear). 2) Shop with different occassions in mind. Pick one fancy dress for things like weddings and parties or clubbing. Lots of chic cocktail dresses can be dressed up or dressed down depending on your accessories. Get some work outfit staples (black pants or skirts are a must have for everyone but as long as you don't shop impulsively and recklessly at the last minute you should find a few things on sale now that will wow people when you finally debut them) 3) I know its hard to shop online but it can get easier if you do a few things. First of all is know your measurements. Get a measuring tape and measure your chest/bust your hips and your tummy where you want your pants to be. (this totally depends on whether you're looking for like high waisted pants or jeans btw).

Ok that's all I can think of right now but I might do a post that highlights my recent shopping sprees.

Hi,

Psychotropics are used in TBMC. Drugs such as amphetamines, and cocaine can be used. BZP (benzodiazepines) that can be prescribed to someone(abuser) then given to the child can be done as well.  

All forms of abuse/torture leave lasting damage.

I’m not certain by what you mean by scar you. Do you mean physically or emotionally?

Invalid?  It sounds like you’re measuring your abuse against other forms of abuse.  The, “Others had it worse” sort of thing?

Your experience is valid, your pain is valid, your trauma is valid, you are valid.  Abuse is abuse. No comparison. If it hurt you, traumatised you, and has caused distress in your life you deserve support and healing. No matter what.

Yet dysphoria and euphoria are not just symptomatic. Like metaphor and anaphora, they are also tropic structures. What they bear is not just the material and psychic necessity of coping with life but also the need to make sense of pleasure and suffering as they move through the body image. If as symptoms dysphoria and euphoria are surface encryptions of something happening in the unconscious recesses of the body, as tropes they reroute signifying and asignifying blocs of affect from the outside in. Kinesthetic images of comportment--the way you carry yourself--can bend, shrink, bulge, stretch, become graceful and lithe or enfeebled and shameful, expand in generosity or rage, contract in depression or tenderness, become quick and aroused and connective or slow and numb and isolated -- all depending not just on expressive subjectivity but, rather, on the concrete aesthetic, social, and libidinal potentials the body picks up and sheds as its image is configured by other images. 

Often psychotropic drugs produce euphoria. Kinesthetic images come to bear a series of realignments: an attunement and harmonization with the world, perhaps, or a balancing of necessity and capacity, or a feeling of luck. Maybe this is just an interpretation of an affective shift, a sense of success or felicity in catching up with that shift, which is itself amorphous and undirected--a buzz. A body letting its disciplined contours go. A rush of molecular activity washing through the porous system. Just because there’s a high excitation doesn’t mean it generates pleasure, though. When people take psychedelics they sometimes complain of a heavy “body load”--when the buzz is overwhelming, antsy, confusing, nauseating, cramped, spastic, ominous, menacing, devouring, or simply too intense in its pulsations. This sort of heaviness is obviously not just about gravitational pull. It designates, rather, the aggregate sense of how the body is maintaining itself -- an autoaffective loop. Although these feedback processes are happening all the time, drugs alter their velocity and scope so that they can become sensuous contents in themselves-- a buzz or body load --rather than serving solely as vehicles for other sensations.