dugu ♥
she talked about aftabnagar. their house there.. she told her family, she wouldn’t come back to dhaka if they move there. & that dhaka imperial college & east west university made that place nasty.. i don’t know why that matters to her, but that place is beautiful. & right now, i think she has some issue with imperial, cause she was supposed to study there but she didn’t. don’t know..
you know orph, her fam called on my phone to get to her.. i wonder why. she said it’s probably her brother, who noticed, she texts with me.
what other things. i respect her a lot, i don’t wanna talk about my wild feelings for her. i already wrote too much. orph, its not like i don’t wanna tell you.
just that, certain things better remain untold. you try to read my mind if you’re curious. :p
i think she had a different spectacles on ,, that i didn’t see last time.
she’s 53 kg now. 5 ft 6 inches. haha. i don’t know what i don’t like her.
i just know i don’t like thinking of her all the time. it makes me tired & forget all the other things. & it makes me cry. makes me sad. wanting someone so bad hurts so bad.
did you know orph, i always thought, if i ever fall on love, he’ll love me back for sure. i’m not a stupid child, but i still thought that.. cause maybe imagining me in love was something almost miraculous, that i thought if that miracle happens, it sure will happen with the right person.
& then it turned out to be a ‘she’, who can’t like or love anyone. & even if she could, it wouldn’t be me for sure.
& above all that, orph, i’m not the right person for her. i’m the easily bored one who dreams to travel around the world. & we don’t have enough in common. & i’m not enough interesting. & i can’t stand dominance. & i don’t know how to maintain a relationship. & i sure will disappoint her.
even if she ever liked me, it wouldn’t last long.. she’d get hurt too. & i’ll die if i lose her after having her.
& at the same time, i feel like, please let me have her.. even if it’s for a day, or a week.
let her look at me with the eyes of love. let her hold me with love. with love. be that only once. & then i can let her go. wherever she wanna go.
i’m all messed up, i don’t even know what i want anymore.
everyday i’m trying to figure out a way of survival. i wish i could die.. would she be hurt if i die. i don’t wanna hurt her. i want her to be the happiest.
four. my p’shone.
she saved my number with the name ‘dugu’. i wanna save hers with the same. i won’t. :-)
