#profanfic

I understand proshippers who block anyone publicly declared an anti without a second thought, and I understand those who spend their days criticing them and their outdates, harmful ways of thinking. I really do, but. Guys? Can you think about it with me for a second?

I know a lot of antis (definitely not all of them) are downright disrespectful, mean-spirited and seemingly violent just because, but let's dig deeper than that. From experience, I can say that antis are usually (not always):

An isolated, often chronically online invididual who is paranoid and currently suffering from moral panic. They're not having a good time, whether they're aware of it or not.

Scared to be obstracided from a fandom that means the world to them, so they say they're antis just to fit in, because they want to be accepted, even if it means being untrue to themselves. Unbeknown to them, being an anti does the exact opposite of that.

In the last case, those people who truly don't believe in the anti cult, will eventually realize how miserable they are (because, believe me, they ARE miserable). However long it takes, they're already proship, and will come out of the closet given time.

It's not an easy process. I would know because I was one of them! I used to be a closeted proshipper, masquerating as an anti to "fit in". And way before I had a public tumblr account, when I was roughly 14 or 15, I suffered an intense moral panic because I got told by weirdos on the internet that if I liked lolis, I liked real children and it WAS considered CSA.

I bullied my friends out ot liking loli stuff. More like, I made them umcomfortable, so they just hid it from me. I was addicted to lolisho porn at the time, and you know what I did? I kept consuming it. Because it made my pp hard. And it distressed me so much! I cried so many times over it! I felt like the worst trash in the world, but I couldn't help it. I hid it from everybody, too. I never truly quit it, I just felt guilty and miserable about it FOR YEARS.

Now, in my early 20s, I find that, no, liking lolisho porn did not, in fact, made me attracted to minors in any capacity. I educated myself on the topic throughly, and successfully grew out of that mentality.

My guilt came back full force when I made myself a tumblr about 4 years ago, though. I grew up on the old internet, the "we don't give a fuck about what people jack off to" internet, so seeing the discourse around proship and antis made me very confused as scared. Seeing so many death threats throw around at proshippers, I pretended to be an anti, so they would spare my poor soul.

I made exactly 0 meaningful connections in all those 4 years. Not a single friend. Not ever invited to any discord servers. I was a just a pathetic lurker; too weird for the antis, too scared to reach out to proshippers. Nobody wanted me fr. Those were 4 years of my life down the drain yall. I was so frustrated...

It broke me so bad I said, fuck it. Out of nowhere, I made a new blog, gave myself a proper username, and declared to the void that I was actually here to stay. I'm a proshipper. I'm proud of being a proshipper. My life changed for the better ever since. I have proper friends now, I'm in the grand total of three discord servers! Waos! But that's not the point.

See how long and turbulent the journey to happiness was? See how long it took? All the misery that came with it? Antis are going through it, yall. It's not easy being wrong, but it's even less easy to admit you're wrong, and change accordingly.