#probems

I’ve had a headache for two days straight, I was already sore and tired from stuff I did, and my ankle came up lame on me. I’m having crazy powerful anxiety spells about my brother planning to show up sometime in the next week or so to judge if I’ve done enough. Still, I was going to take it easy for a few hours before I collapse.

Suddenly someone offered to loan me a mower, and I had to go get it right then. I couldn’t afford to turn it down, what with not being up for another two days of swing blade work right now.

Going to get it the pickup went into low fuel.

Then the car went into low fuel.

And I need to buy gas for the mower.

I had $40 to last me until June 7th.

Great.

I got as little gas as possible, and ran out. I was exhausted, melted, and my ankle bleeding, but damn it I was going to finish, so more gas.

And the mower wouldn’t start!

Okay, so I remember now that last year when I ran out using it it wouldn’t restart for days after refilling. Dunno why, but damn.

I spent half an hour trying to start it. I pulled a muscle pulling yanking at that damn starter cord.

I haven’t finish mowing. My friend’s mower isn’t starting, and I can’t return it like that. I’m hurting . My headache is keeping me from thinking, well except for worrying about all the things I’m going to get yelled at by my brother for not doing. I’m broke for weeks.

Then I get a letter from the bank. They are ending the refillable cards like I use. I got it because I didn’t get a debit card when I got this checking account**, and I couldn’t find a way to request one on their website. Replacements, yes, new ones, no.

They have ways if you are setting up a new checking account, and they even suggest I set up a second one….with a second set of fees ?!? No monthly fees if you “only” have $500 in it at the end of the month, but I NEVER have that much left!!!! And they expect you to deposit $100 a month, so I’d have to be moving money around just to tick boxes. I can’t open another checking account, and for complicated reasons closing the other one isn’t an option.

I search the bank’s site for anything I missed. I Google. The advice I see online must be outdated because it doesn’t match what I see on my screen. I get more frustrated and anxious.

My headache hammers at the back of my head. “Remember me? I’m the one that’s supposed to be torturing your head today!! Stop thinking about this!”

But I need some sort of debit card or something. I have to pay my phone bill and a bunch of other stuff I can’t use cash or a check for. And I need to sort this stuff out fast, before they end this one.

At this point it looks like I need to go physically to the bank and talk to a human. I have incredible anxiety about this, plus I will be burning gas on the 20mile round trip just when I don’t have money to buy more!

I’m trying to remember what it’s like to have someone hug me and be encouraging, but I can’t. I can’t even imagine a hug anymore! To be fair, I’ve been having trouble imagining anything anymore. I’ve even stopped sculpting most nights.

I’m just so tired. Broke, worried, and alone too. But mostly just so, so tired.

Here I am writing my second blog. It kind of reminds me of a diary, only that this will be read by people (hopefully). As the title says, today I would like to talk about sarcasm. You see, my character is really weirds and…complicated. My personality binds together two opposite poles; you see, I’m a really, really, really sarcastic person, but at the same time, I also worry about hurting other…