#proably

okay when evermore came out I was re-reading harry potter (cause that’s my coping mechanism don’t @ me) but yeah I realised those lyrics fit so well with harry’s perspective at the end of Order of the Phoenix after sirius has died (rest in peace my beautiful boy...)

But yeah here is my lyric anaylsis:

I’ve been down since July - End of Ootp takes place at the end of the school term in june/july time

Motion capture put me in a bad light - Not as strong but ‘motion capture’ like photographers (and the press) in the daily prophet had been coming for Harry all year

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong - Of course in the aftermath of everything we know self hating harry was overthinking every action he took that lead up to sirius’ death and 100% beat himself up about it much much more than is shown in the books 

Writing letters addressed to the fire - Sirius was his main correspondent, with him gone, he has no one left to write to. All his letters may as well be thrown in the fire, there’s no one left to send them to. And also the association with talking to sirius in the fire. Now sirius is no longer there he can only toss the words he would tell him into the fire, but there’s no one there anymore.

And I was catching my breath, staring out an open window catching my death - (Okay I know the opening of the song sets it out as November but work with me here) beginning of HBP, Harry is sitting next to his fogging window waiting for dumbledore to arrive (and let’s pretend it was cold) and he describes how that summer he’s been living life on a loop (a consequence of his grief and his fear of the unstable situation) and he’s clung to this promise of Dumbledore’s visit leaning out of the window, unsure if it’s too good to be true in his new bleak existance 

And i couldn’t be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar, that this pain would be for evermore - Do I even have to explain this one?

Hey december, guess I’m feeling unmoored, can’t remember what I used to fight for -  Well if we’re going by the time referenced then around christmas time Hermione and Ron fall out and also Harry believes the stuff about Malfoy and Snape and no one else does (Remus actually puts down his theory on Christmas day quite forcefully) and whilst yes obviously Harry does know what he’s fighting for (since he refuses Scrimgeour when the latter asks for his help) it is bleak time when no one will listen to his theories or give him the time of day. And we all know Sirius would have.

I rewind the tape but all it does it pause on the very moment all was lost - So I don’t know if you can tell but Sirius is my favourite character, and clearly I was a lonely child cause I feel very very real grief when a fictional character dies. And I have re read Ootp many many times and every single time I will see every decision made that lead to his death and scream (internally ofc i’m not an animal). And I’ve dedicated hours to replaying things to see how they could’ve turned out differently. I’m sure Harry did too.

Sending signals to be double crossed -  Every time I always see that chapter when Kreacher goes to the Malfoys and comes back happier than normal and harry’s like ‘this is sus but whatever’ and you’re just so wrong if harry doesn’t think about that and hate how he got doubled by kreacher and voldemort.

Can’t not think of all the cost, and all the things that will be lost, oh can we just get a pause? To be certain we’ll be tall again - I don’t need to tell you all the things that Harry lost the moment Sirius was taken from him. A father figure. A connection to his past. A friend. A comfort. Moments and memories. It’s like the most traumatic grief possible on it’s own, but then on top of it he gets told he’s like mankind’s canon saviour and he doesn’t get a real moment to process it all really cause he comes back to school and starts Voldemort defeating training and I don’t Harry has ever really felt tall in his whole life. This poor kid.

Whether weather be the frost or the violence of the dog days -So there’s that scene I always associate this HBP with Katie being cursed by the necklace in the snow and the obvs the scene at the end with the freezing lake etc like the whole story feels frosty to me. Not just weather but relationships, it’s suddenly hard to know who to trust, (and the Romione fight) and obvs the rise of voldemort promises a return to the style of life from the first war (i.e. the violence of the dog days). Also dog. Padfoot.

I’m on waves, out being tossed, is there a line that I could just go cross - I’ve sort of said this already but Harry has so many things in his head with defeating Voldemort, his friends fighting, processing grief, falling in love (yes i ship hinny fight me), the world going to shit, you tell me this boy didn’t once think he’d love to just leave it all and go see his godfather again

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you in the cracks of light I dreamed of you it was real enough to get me through, but I swear you were there - First off this is like gods version of a bridge, like Justin Vernon really outdid himself. Secondly Sirius’ death was a symbol of the start of the meaningful things in his life that start to be taken away. And he will fight in their name. And that’s how a 17 year old boy started a revolution. And won it. Cause he held onto the things that had once given him happiness in a life that was so bleak, and fought to see them again. The boy ESCAPED POSSESSION BY VOLDEMORT AT THE END OF OOTP BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF DYING TO SEE THE THINGS HE LOVED WAS SO STRONG. THE BOY WALKED TO BE KILLED CAUSE HE’D GET TO SEE THOSE tAKEN FROM HIM AGAIN. ONce again I say, this. poor. boy. 

And I was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step, and I couldn’t be sure I had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be for evermore. - Okay not canon but image after the final battle of Hogwarts maybe that day, maybe months later, Harry comes back to Hogwarts and goes to the shrieking shack, to the place where he first met this man who would change his life and though he’s not here anymore, he knows that he’s out there, proud of him. And now the fighting is over (no harry does not become a cop wizard I refuse [redacted’s] suggestion) he can begin to greive and come to terms with everyone he’s lost. And he can realise, this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.

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I have talked about Harry potter and my general thoughts on the world provided compared to the governments of the world (my fav being the idea that if the wizard world actually bothered to tell the muggles about old vauldy they would have been take him out laughably easily with all the anti wizard tech that any sensible government would be stockpiling but i digress)  my own pro muggle and Power of Science (tm) sentiments aside AU idea. 

 it is a camp camp AU: 

staring: Max fresh wizard forced to live with terribly jealous of his natural ability family, and when he gets his letter, they get real mad things happen (more on this later) 

Nikki: the ron of the story, from the wizarding world, a lover of supernatural animals and nature and as a shoe in for a bright future in the business, she is also a bit feral. 

Neil: is quite easily the Haromine, Muggle born believer in science who takes this wizarding world tentatively while tackling his school work with passion. 

so far pretty standard stuff Until: 

David: works for the Bureau of Magical Protection, The arm of The British government that keeps track of the wizarding community, and does it’s best to protect the gernal public from them (because make no mistake in a post valudmort world at best the wizarding world would be on a “watch list”) The agency is kind of like a mix between the MIB and torch wood. they are all given an injection that allows them to enter magically protected area’s by faking the gene allowing for magic to take place (SCIENCE) David specifically was a member of the SAS that joined the Organization,  after Satellites picked up a large surge of energy in 1 pivot drive, the soilders raided the house to find Max scarred from years of abuse and very angry had accidentally used his powers  to kill his “pearents.” Max is taken away in order to recover and gets his letter in there offices.  Max gets attached to David, and the headmaster deciding that maybe have students learn about the muggle world from a muggle invites David to be the new Muggle studies professor, something the agency accepts and David is reassigned. 

Gwen:  Gwen is a witch and a professor of Hogwarts, she teaches charms, and is by a massive margin the youngest professor (until david) as such the two are natural friends (later lovers)  if Gwen can deal with the muggles abundance of happiness and the controversy of him even being here. 

so thats it the major stuff i have so far  tell me what you think? 

This weekend? C: