#preachin

heavy and complex question. it’s hard to give any definite statements even based on their interviews over the years. like say with taehyung, his thoughts on weight shifted but we don’t know how he feels about it nowadays. or take yoongi’s feeling for his looks, it transforms very often. 

given that they’re idols following concepts, schedules, get styled with designer couture, wear heaps of makeup, get photoshopped and even CGI’d so heavily, those are dimensions of influenced self-perception we can’t possibly wrap our minds around. 

seeing yourself distorted on screen plus getting outside feedback on that can toss your thoughts around to high degrees. even with working out, the stylists have a say in it. the feeling for their body fluctuates each portion of the day and they see the more extreme ends of it. as it is treated: an idol’s body is not their business, their body IS business.

the sensitivity is extremely alert and they have to think about how we see them 24/7, but through their mindset which is a dangerous thing, especially for idols with controlling companies or vigilant parents. add the unspoken competition between idols’ looks that emerges when one’s esteem is already unstable or under attack. you have so many factors going on, it’s hard to fathom.

on the one hand you get this:

and then, 180°:

     the blood on his knuckles is seeping into the cracks of his skin, so he pushes the back of his hand flat against the fabric of his jeans and rubs, but it’s too late now for the privilege of clean hands.  he’s small and bony and bitter and angry on the side of the road, knees pulled up to his chest, outside the only bar in this town, and they won’t let him back in.

     (he didn’t start the fight, but he ended it.  at the bar, head down, hair coiling in front of his eyes, running his finger down the condensation on the side of his glass.  there were three of them and he thinks they wanted to take everything: the change in his pocket, the shirt off his back.  he didn’t let them.  he knocked two down before the third got a hand in his hair and put his face to the side of the bar, and there’s blood on his cheek, dripping down his neck.  he left three dropped bodies and a molar on the floor inside.)

     anger rolls under the surface of his skin with a physicality verging on visible; he thinks if he saw himself in the mirror he’d be undulating, unsteady, like a vcr flicker.  holding his breath doesn’t help.  his fingers curl into his palms, nails pushing into the soft, lined flesh.  he knows there’s someone watching him but he doesn’t look up until they’re standing close enough behind him to block out the sunlight.

I think unfollowing/blocking someone you don't like should be common sense. It should be an internet etiquette. You hate them? Unf/block, don't send dumb hate asks/messages. Trust me your life will improve & so will ur peace of mind. You don't need to send hate asks, it's rly not necessary even if u had all the time to do so. Don't be a useless assholish cumshot, be kind & move on w/ur life. 😊👌