Exaltation 10/10
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Exaltation 10/10

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Reflection
This will be a sort of diary entry.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling a bit more distance than usual from my Holy Father & Lord Jesus. I know that is completely my fault because He is always speaking to me but I feel like I’m having a bit more trouble hearing Him than usual. A few days ago, some family drama happened & I got really angry. Said some things I’m not proud of. Behaved like a child & hurt the feelings of those I love most. Usually, I can be a bit more mindful w/ God’s help because He literally is always telling His children the difference between right & wrong, how to steer clear of sin, etc.
But that day, I let the anger control the way I acted. And for the 1st time, I couldn’t feel/ hear Him moving my heart & mind in the right direction. It was really bad. I felt lost. That was the 1st time I ever skipped out on prayer for Him. I didn’t know how to talk to Him about it. I didn’t know how to confront it. So I skipped prayer & am still hung up on that. I apologized for my actions. But even though I acted inappropriately by allowing the anger to get out of hand, I can still clearly see the work He is doing in my life. He’s opened new doors for me today & shown me His great mercy, loving kindness, & understanding even when I don’t deserve it. At all.
I always worry that He will be really disappointed in me one day because I have trouble controlling myself & my emotions. I care about His feelings & don’t want to fall short & risk disappointing, saddening, or angering Him, not when He has done so much for me. Not only that, but risk having the gifts he has so graciously given to me taken away. I see it as regressing. Lord Jesus has been patient enough to have shown me what I am & guided me here - if I fall short & anger God, it might mean being set 1,000 steps back. Then I’m right back where I’m started - lost That’s a huge worry of mine. I know God is merciful, benevolent, & knows me better than anyone ever could, but there’s always that fear of confronting Him about it. I don’t know. It’s just shameful. I think about God & Jesus everyday so I don’t know why I feel like I can’t talk to them about some things. I need to do better. Not just for me, but for Him.😪
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