#post-aou

Breathe

Wanda cried out to her own mind as she rocked back and forth, thumping a hand against her chest as though it would somehow alleviate the pain radiating from her heart.

She wasn’t sure what had brought on the intense wave of emotion – there were plenty of options to choose from, be it dead brother, the mass destruction of her city, the endless damage she’d committed under Ultron. There seemed no limit to her pain, to the pain that she had caused. All she knew was that she had woken up at some point late in the night and the darkness pressing in on all sides had made her panic, prompting the revival of all those memories she’d spent the last two weeks forcing down. Of course, it was going to bubble over. She’d just never thought it could get this catastrophic.

“Wanda!” She distantly heard Steve cry from her doorway as he tried to pull himself into her room. But it was no use, her powers were out of control, creating a dangerous tornado of swirling red magic that only seemed to grow.

A small crowd had gathered behind Steve – Nat, Sam and James Rhodes each with varying shades of concern and fear on their faces. And then a more familiar figure came down the corridor. Wanda wasn’t certain how she knew he was there before she saw him, she just did. He was a warmth at the edges of her mind, a figure in the corner of her gaze, there was always small part of her consciousness focused on him.

His arrival granted her one sweet moment of pause before the riling, spinning ball of energy encasing her room picked up speed once more. She curled in on herself, the bed at her back and the full extent of her power barely restrained between her two fists.  

“This isn’t good,” Nat yelled from outside the roaring power, “we need to get through to her before she brings the entire building down.”

Yes, her powers would do that wouldn’t they? They’d bring it all crashing down, just as she had in Sokovia.

“Stand aside Captain Rogers.”

“Vision I don’t know if this is a good idea, the proximity to the power source in your head could make things worse.”

“Stay away!” Wanda howled, pressing her fists to her chest and calling her power in lest they hurt those who had been trying so hard to help her.

“I can reach her.”

With grudging respect Steve moved aside. "Have the sedatives ready," he said to Natasha as Vision began trying to enter the room she had effectively barricaded herself in.

“Wanda?” Vision’s voice was soft, yet she heard him clear as day.

“Please go,” Wanda whispered, clutching at her shoulders as though she could hold the pain in, the power in, all of it.

“Let me help you,” Vision said taking the first step into the room.

“I don’t want to hurt you!”

“You won’t hurt me.” Vision’s voice held a confidence that she didn’t feel. “I trust you.”

Wanda’s chest heaved with a sob.

“I need you to let it go, stop calling on the power.”

“I can’t,” Wanda cried, shaking with the effort it took to keep it restrained. “It’s too powerful.”

Vision was closer to her now, her power flinching off him like water off a duck’s back. She didn't want to hurt him.

“You are that power, Wanda.”

“No,” Wanda whispered and shook her head firmly.

“You are the power, you are powerful,” he said with such certainty that Wanda faltered. At the start it had felt like a separate entity, something that had latched onto her but the more she had experimented with the misty magic the more it had become her own. “You don’t need to control it, you just have to let go.”

He was crouching before her now, his hand outstretched. Wanda focused on his eyes, those strange eyes which were both artificial and entirely human.

“Take my hand,” Vision said, reaching out to her.

The roaring quietened a little bit, her mind calming enough for her to relax one hand and stretch it out. Her heat beat started to slow and the blood rushing in her ears lessened. His hand grounded her and slowly, layer by layer, her powers dropped down their red walls. Finally, the only one that remained was a half-hearted swirling mass encasing herself.

With a tight grip on her hand Vision dragged her out of her own whirlpool. Wanda shook with tears at the sudden quiet that descended upon them as the last of her power evaporated, leaving her arms aching with the magic as she let go.

Vision’s hand was her lifeline. He picked her up carefully and lifted her to the bed where she continued to tremble with leftover sobs. His voice calmed her as he whispered soft comforts and she maintained a vicelike grip of his hand.

Half an hour later and she had calmed down enough to get back in bed. The others had already retired to their quarters – convinced Wanda was fine once she started professing her apologies for disturbing their Saturday evening. Steve had left a herbal tea on her nightstand and Nat had given her a tight hug with the promise they’d talk more in the morning.

Vision didn’t leave though. He saw to making sure she had another blanket and intuitively knew to pull her blinds up so that the outside world might be seen. That he had known what would make her feel better startled Wanda and she watching him curiously. Finished at the windows he turned back to her, rubbing his hands before him as though not quite sure what to do with himself.

“Is there anything else I can do?” Vision asked hesitantly.

“You’ve already done so much,” Wanda said, her throat hoarse from the crying. “Thank you.”

Vision gave a small smile at this. “And you will be alright until morning?

Wanda managed a huffing laugh at his concern, wondering what on earth she had done to entice such care from the synthezoid. Regardless of whether it sense, she couldn’t ignore the warm feeling blossoming in her chest replacing the harshness of the feelings she’d been bombarded not long earlier. “I’ll be alright now, thank you, Vision.”

“If there is anything else you need,” Vision said stepping backwards towards the wall behind him, “now or in the future, please tell me.”

Wanda’s breath caught in her throat when she realised, he was making to leave, intending to phase through her bedroom wall as he so often did around the house. Just as quickly the panic was back at the thought of being left alone. Vision must have seen her eyes widen and her hands tense atop the covers because he paused.

“Would it bother you if I stayed a little longer?” His words were a rush. “I would rather not leave you alone, at least until you are asleep.”

Wanda’s lip trembled and she blinked furiously. “That would be nice.”

Vision smiled and pointed to the chair once again before shaking his head and walking over to sit. His mannerisms were becoming more familiar to her with every passing day, and his quirks were beginning to make her smile.  

He remained at her side throughout the night, though he’d said he would only stay until she fell asleep. Though the chair was empty when morning light started to stream through her windows, Wanda was certain he hadn’t left her. She would have felt him leave, felt the absence of him even when her brain was lost in deep sleep. And a deep sleep it had been, she had not felt so well rested in a long, long time.

Wanda sat up when she felt Vision returning, and was surprised when he knocked at her door this time.

“Come in,” she called.

“I thought you might like to eat breakfast with the others,” Vision’s voice was hesitant as he cracked the door open to speak.

Wanda was quiet for a moment. She had yet to eat a meal with her supposed teammates, though not through any fault of their own. It had hurt her to hear their laughter each morning and evening as they gathered in the kitchen down from her room. She had hated the part of her that longed to join their laughter what with Pietro's loss so fresh in her mind.

“It would do everyone good to see you well,” Vision said, quieter this time.  

He had torn at her walls yesterday and here he was again, making sure her defences didn't snap back up just as strong. He was asking her to leave the door open and take a step through. Wanda struggled to find a reason to say no. Afterall, Vision had walked through catastrophic amounts of her power just the previous evening, the least she could do was manage a plate of scrambled eggs.

“I’ll be right out,” she said, her voice still scratchy but eager for use.

Novi Grad was falling, taking Wanda down with it.

Distantly, she registered the strange sensation as she floated weightless above the city the was falling apart around her. She knew it was the end, could feel Pietro reaching out to take her hand, to guide her to another place beyond this physical plane. It was about time, she thought, Death had been trying to claim her since the faulty Stark missile all those years ago.

And so Wanda surrendered herself to the freefall, hoping that it would at least by painless, even if that wasn’t what she deserved.

What she didn’t expect was the Vision flying down to save her. He darted gracefully amidst the rubble flying up around them and didn’t hesitate to pull her out of the air. He slipped one arm around her back and another under her knees and they rose, him spinning between debris until they were clear of the falling city.

And it was as though Wanda’s heart remembered to beat, as though her body had momentarily given up but now screamed and begged for life. She was sure her heart was thudding out of her chest and her lungs burned painfully as she desperately dragged air in. The Vision didn’t say anything to her and even if she wanted to thank him, Wanda couldn’t speak past the tightness in her throat. He held her even as the sky around them raged with lightning and the god below split the city into hundreds of pieces.

He held her even as the tears began to stream down Wanda’s cheeks and the sobs came one after the other. Desperate to avoid the horrors below Wanda turned her head into the crook of his neck, ignoring how he flinched at the unfamiliar contact. The damning destruction was burnt into the back of her eyelids and there was no escape.

Wanda jumped awake, the dream, no, memory ending abruptly. She grasped at her neck breathlessly, still feeling the tightness of panic and grief and wiped at her eyes which had begun to stream in her sleep.

Her bedroom was dim around her but the moon outside was so bright that a little bit of its beam managed to reach past her windows. It made the shadows seem longer and Wanda gathered herself up, pressing against her bedframe and pulling the covers closer. She briefly considered closing the blinds but knew that if she did the next nightmare she’d wake up from would be of her time in Strucker’s lab.

The tears continued to fall though she barely noticed them, she’d been in a constant tearful state since arriving in America. She didn’t leave the compound building they’d placed her in and usually didn’t leave her room unless it was to eat. She avoided the others who lived on the other floors and turned down Steve Rogers’ invitations to join training with the other new recruits. Most days she was too overcome with emotion to do anything but lay in bed and cry, while other days she felt nothing and was so numb that she just slept and slept and slept.

Wanda’s heart seized when the room suddenly lit up with soft gold light for a moment, before going dark again. She blinked against the surprising brightness and shook her head, sure she had been imagining things. But then it happened again and for a moment it was like the sun had come out from behind a cloud before disappearing again.

Of course, Wanda’s next concern was that the light was coming from an explosion outside of the compound and fear raked its claws down her spine, making her shiver.

Pulling the covers up over her shoulders she eased out of bed and slowly approached the big windows that occupied one side of her room. She was prepared to run out and raise the alarm (not that she really knew how to do this, but she was sure the Compound AI would help) when she saw exactly what was causing the warm light.

Vision was standing out on the wide lawn, on his own. Wanda watched as he picked up a brick from the pile at his feet and threw it into the air. His extreme strength meant that the brick flew up so high Wanda was sure it had disappeared into the clouds until it spun back down, twice as fast. When it was about 20 feet off the ground Vision shot it out of existence with the stone in his forehead. That was the light she had seen. Wanda caught sight of her own reflection in the glass and her eyes which widened against the golden glow.

She felt a tug behind her naval, calling her outside even as Vision hefted another brick into the air. Curiosity and the strange drag in her abdomen had Wanda tugging on a sweatshirt from one of the piles littered around her floor and walking out the door. The Compound was hauntingly empty, and she took solace in knowing that it could have moments of peace such as now. Already she was used to the hustle and bustle of the superheroes she lived with.

Wanda hesitated in front of the door just long enough to second guess what she was doing. But her decision had been made the moment she left her room and so she opened the front door she hadn’t gone beyond since they’d invited her here to live. The driveway was rough and cold against her bare feet but she didn’t give it much thought, instead working to keeping walking until she reached the grassy lawn and Vision in the middle of it.

He had paused his brick destroying with his back turned.

“Hello,” Wanda said, realising how hoarse her voice sounded after a week of little use.

Only then did the synthezoid turn around, his gaze hesitant as he met her eyes. “Hello, Wanda.” She blinked, tilting her head feeling sure that it was the first time that he had used her first name before. The strange feeling that had brought her outside was back and she stepped closer.

“What are you doing?”

Vision opened his mouth once or twice as though trying to find the right words. “I confess, I was having trouble resting and a bit of research told me physical exertion can help.” He looked pointedly at the bricks.

Wanda walked around the pile and then looked to the pieces brick that lay scattered about them, suddenly conscious that she should’ve worn shoes. Those shards were probably going to break a few lawnmowers.

“Why could you not rest?” She asked instead and looked into Vision’s eyes, which seemed to change with the days. Or at least she was sure they had looked different when he’d been created compared with how they were now. Not that she was monitoring him or anything.

Vision again took a moment to think before he spoke. “It was very loud up here,” he said tapping at his temple.

Wanda nodded, knowing the feeling. “But can’t you just turn that off? You’re part computer, right? What if you just blocked out the things you didn’t want to think about?”

“Well, yes,” Vision said thoughtfully, “there is that, but I don’t know if I want to turn it off. I think I’d like to experience it all, even the bad parts.”

Wanda nodded at his interesting response and nudged at one of the bricks with her foot.

“Would you turn it off?”

“Probably,” she said quietly but knew that after the last week the answer was closer to a yes than it ever had been. She could probably have switched off someone else’s grief in their head but knew it wasn’t as simple when it came to being in control of her own mind.

“Would you like to try?” Vision asked and Wanda was slightly confused by the topic change. He hefted a brick in one hand. “I believe it is quiet cathartic.”

Wanda almost smiled at his understanding of such a feeling as catharsisbut nodded, taking him up on the offer before she could hesitate.

Vision smiled at her before turning and throwing the brick into the air, not quite as high as he had been doing before.

It was the first time that Wanda had used her powers since the battle in Sokovia but calling the red mist to her fingertips felt as natural as it always had since getting her powers. She watched the brick fall and squinted her eyes slightly in the darkness of the night. She raised her hands and followed the brick’s downward descent, catching it just before it hit the ground holding it there with her powers. She looked at it, trembling in the air and then snapped her fingers into a fist, vaporising it instantly.

She glanced at Vision and he tilted his head at her, a curious look in his eyes that she wasn’t quite able to place. He picked up another brick and she nodded, preparing herself more this time and wiping it out of the air with a single blast of carefully aimed red energy.

She wasn’t sure exactly how long they spent destroying the bricks, but the moon still shone high above them as they reached the last one. This time Wanda took it and sent it careening around in the air as Vision fired blasts of yellow energy, finally hitting it on his third try.

“That was close,” he said turning to her, the stone in his head glowing slightly at the expending of power.

She looked down at the space where the bricks had been, surprisingly disappointed that they were over. He had been right about the catharsis; she had felt an immense relief at blowing something up without causing any serious damage. And though she hated to admit it, it felt good to be using her power again.

“I didn’t anticipate company,” Vision said rubbing his hands together, a mannerism Wanda was sure he had picked up from one of the teammates, “I should have brought more bricks.”

“Another time, perhaps,” she replied, her lips turning up a little at her own suggestion and at what their companions might think if she started blowing up bricks in the middle of the night with the team’s robot. But Vision wasn’t a robot, he was something more. She’d known that from the beginning when he’d first broken out of the cradle. Even now she could see there was so much more to him, and she wanted to know. It felt strange to be feeling anything other than the suffocating grief that was her constant companion and Wanda suddenly wondered if she were allowed to be feeling such trivial things as relief or curiosity.

Vision distracted her with a wide smile that had her blinking in surprise. “I would like that very much.” She tried not to frown too much at the foreign idea of someone at the compound actually wanting to genuinely spend time with her.

“I suppose we should go back inside,” Vision sighed after a moment when it became clear that Wanda was not going to suggest anything more.

“Actually,” Wanda interjected, not wanting to return to her unfamiliar room just yet, “could we stay out here a little longer.”

For a moment she wondered if she had overstepped, if his eagerness before had been for blowing up the bricks and not actually spending time with her. But his returning smile was enough for her to ask the next question.

“Can you help me to fly?”

This time Vison seemed genuinely surprised at her admission. “Please,” she added on quickly.

“I can try,” he said, sounding uncertain.

Wanda took a few steps back, just in case, though she was sure she couldn’t hurt Vision even if she wanted to. “I was practicing this before but was never able to get it right,” she said and let her power grow, “could you catch me if I fall?”

“Alright,” Vision said taking a few steps back, his arms at the ready if things went wrong.

Wanda bent her knees and then directing her palms downwards, letting the power go, surprised at just how far she managed to send herself into the air. It was all fun and games until she started to come down, spinning slightly as she tried to right herself with her powers. She was stopped abruptly when Vision flew up to meet her.

“You looked like you were going to hit the ground,” he said hesitantly, by way of explanation even as they hovered together a few feet above the ground.

“Ok, thank you,” Wanda said her breath huffing in a little laugh. She used her power to push away from him and this time didn’t use too much, instead keeping a steady stream from her hands as she darted away. It was difficult and required more concentration than was expected. She couldn’t bounce off tangible objects around her as she was used to when fighting but had to control her density through the air. A few minutes of practice and she was soaring, breathless from using so much power but relishing the adrenaline rushing through her blood.

She arched up above the compound, pushing herself up with a boost and then letting herself freefall a little before bouncing up again. Vision was as effortless and graceful as always as he joined her, his cape fluttering behind him.

“How do you walk anywhere?” Wanda marvelled as she teetered before him, trying to hover in one place. “I’d fly everywhere.”

“It’s a wonderful feeling isn’t it?” Vision said smiling at her and darting in a circle around her.

“It is,” she said thoughtfully, managing a small and purposeful smile. At this Vision dipped as though he had momentarily forgotten how to fly, and she instinctively reached out with her power to support him. He regained himself quickly but held up a hand to marvel at the red power coalescing around his fingers as she withdrew it back to her.

“Remarkable,” he said under his breath. “It feels warm, familiar almost.”

Curious, Wanda tilted her head. His description wasn’t unlike how he felt to her, how his presence called to her. Familiar, yet unexpected. She wanted to know more but was growing tired of staying in one place and gave Vision a daring look as she flew off higher.

He was quick on her tail and they spun so high they were nearing the clouds. The moon shone even brighter overhead as it filled the dark sky above and Wanda held an arm out, marvelling at how bright it appeared now they were this high up.

Vision caught up and spun circles around her as they ascended, his gaze intent on her face and she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

When she had finally gotten her fill of the night air, she let herself fall, barely softening her descent and relishing in the air’s caress as it rushed past her face. Before she could make to stop herself, Vision once more had his arms around her waist and was slowly lowering her to the ground.

He let her go as soon as they hit the ground and Wanda looked down at her hands, tingling from all the power. Since she’d been experimented on, she’d learnt the power was something like a muscle, and the more often she used it the stronger it grew. Which explained why she felt so tired now, her depleted power and likely the late hour making her ready to return to bed. But it was satisfying. For the first time it made her not only want to go to bed, but to rise the following morning and actually dosomething.

“Thank you for letting me join you,” Wanda said as they began their walk back to the compound, agreeing in unison that it was time to return.

“There is no need to thank me,” Vision said, “and you know you are welcome to train with the rest of the team, Wanda.”

She was quiet as they stepped up to the front door. Steve had been asking her every few days to join. He’d coming knocking at her door in the morning and then after lunch again, letting her know that he was doing some training with the other new recruits and that she was more than welcome to join if she wanted to. But Wanda, struggling to do the most basic of things, couldn’t bring herself to reply when he did this.

“That’s kind,” Wanda said quietly as they walked inside, “but maybe not just yet.”

“Of course,” Vision said shaking his head, “forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive,” she said shrugging and fiddling with her sleeves as a reason to not meet his gaze.

They paused at the corridor to Wanda’s bedroom. “Perhaps if you need to blow bricks up again you can tell me?”

“Of course,” Vision said smiling hesitantly, “and anytime you need to talk or—or anything else, my door is always open.”

She smiled at how awkwardly he gestured over his shoulder and gave him one last small smile before continuing down to her own room. It had been a strange evening, but Wanda thought she might have found a reason to get out of bed the next morning. In anticipation her hands warmed, recalling the power even as she tried not to think of all the destruction it had caused. But she knew that hating her gifts and hating herself wouldn’t get her anywhere. It would just cause more harm.

She slipped into bed and in moments was asleep. It was different than any of the rest she’d been getting in the past days and nights. Different to the hazy hours spent drifting in and out of consciousness. This was proper rest, the kind that restored depleted energy. She didn’t dream, as though in getting so much power out she had also earned herself a little break from the relentless nightmares and grief. Within the quiet of her mind, she was distantly aware of the being who lived in the compound, not far from where she now lay, his energy, his mind calling to hers in a way she could not yet explain. A light in the endless week of darkness that had made her struggle to breath and cry so hard she couldn’t see. A flare of hope, growing stronger.

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