#post eg

Warning: This is not fluff, this is not cute, that's why I only post it now. I'm sorry, but if you know me, you know I'm not sorry, not really. Enjoy.

Tags: Post EG, Death. That's all.

———————

It was painful, to say the least, when Valentine's Day came around this year. Peter wasn't ready for it, how could he have been with Tony gone?

He just wanted to hide in his room and not talk to anyone for days, but it didn't feel right. Tony deserved something else and even if he wasn't here anymore, Peter couldn't do this.

So, he got dressed in his best suit and visited the restaurant Tony had made a reservation for them in almost a year ago. Apparently, he did it every year since Peter vanished.

Everything was paid already, for two people, obviously. But, Peter came alone. He nearly choked on the words when he asked the hostess to please give him their food to take home, tears in his eyes from the moment he set foot into the building.

They didn't ask any questions. The reservation was under Tony's name and they knew. Of course they knew. Everyone knew what happened, after all.

When the hostess handed Peter the food she gave him the saddest smile she probably ever gave someone and Peter returned it weakly.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, only warning a nod from the boy before he turned to leave again. But not to go home.

With a heavy heart, Peter visited the lake, not for the first time sadly, and sat down near the water.

"Hey, Tony," he sniffed, wiping his eyes that are now spilling tears nonstop. "I'm late, I'm sorry."

It must have looked like he lost his mind and maybe part of him did, but was it any surprise after Tony had been ripped away from him again so brutally?

Still, he stayed. This day, he didn't want to spend alone, he wanted to spend it with Tony and it couldn't get any closer to it than this. So, Peter sat at the lake and talked, for hours. Sometimes he went quiet for a while, sometimes he cried, sometimes he apologized for not being able to save him.

It was almost midnight when he finally got up, his portion of the food eaten and Tony's cold by now. Before he left, Peter reached into his pocket and pulled out a small stone he had found, a stone shaped like a heart. It was silly, it was childish, but he plucked some of the almost frozen grass out of the ground, enough to make a bedding for the stone. Then, he kissed the stone before he put both into the water and gave it a gentle push, letting it float out onto the lake.

"I love you, Tony," he whispered, wiping his eyes one last time. "I wish you would still be here. I miss you…"

And with that, he left. He didn't turn back around, he didn't wait for the lake to swallow his strange offering, knowing he would burst into tears once more. He simply left and walked back home, shoulders hanging low and looking at his feet.

There wouldn't be any more flowers on Valentine's Day, no more dates, no more kisses. Only him, wishing Tony would come back. But he wouldn't forget him, he never would. He would come back, tomorrow, next week, next year - as long as he lived, Peter would come back and no one could stop him.

I also run:

@tfatwsart for art of all characters and ships from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

@hydrarts for HTP art, if that’s your cup of tea. Warnings for hydra trash party, noncon, torture, violence, etc.

Tag Navigation

Click here for the official tag navigation page (desktop)

And here’s a masterlist of all the artists I’ve reblogged

General Tags:

Bucky - all art with solo Bucky, of any age

Steve - all art with solo Steve, of any age

Words: 549

Warnings: Post EG, angst, grief, mourning, past character death

Notes: Don't let me listen to Ordinary World when I'm sad.

—————

It's always the same, Peter stopped counting the days eventually. He wakes up, goes to school, comes home, goes to sleep and repeats the same the next day. And the day after. And so on and so on. It's all all the same but at the same time it's just not. Things just don't feel right after what happened. 

Sometimes, he will come home with the rain pouring down on him and on those days it seems to be the worst. He already feels miserable on those days, but then he will hear it and it feels like he's dying. A soft voice, almost speaking right into his ear. He turns around, for a split second actually hopeful, before realization hits him and everything comes crashing down on him.

When he's finally inside, he turns on the light, the TV and even the radio, but the feeling still lingers, as if something is there, something he cannot see. Like a ghost that's haunting him and it always ends with him sinking to the floor, crying into his hands because the loss is still so fresh, even months after, and it still hurts just the same as the first second. 

He doesn't know how this could happen, how everything could fall apart like this. The life he recognizes is gone, the world has changed but he hasn't and the only one who could give him hope, the only one he wants to turn to, will never come back. He feels so terribly alone and abandoned, scared out of his mind, and he just can't figure out how to live like this.

It's been five years. Five years that he was gone, only a few seconds for Peter himself, but for Tony… no, for him it was the whole five years. Is this how he felt? Did he feel so broken and destroyed and hopeless too? Or is Peter just not able to stand the pain because he's too weak? He doesn't know, but it doesn't matter either way. Tony is gone and with him Peter's hopes and will to live.

The world is cold now. It's a soul crushing realization that paralyzes him completely sometimes. Tony brightened the world, he brought color and warmth to it and now… now it's all in ruins. 

Every laugh is fake, every smile just hides the tears Peter wants to cry. He can barely get out of bed in the morning and still, after months, he checks his phone and texts Tony's old number. He knows the day will come when it's turned off, when his texts will be answered by a message telling him this user is unavailable, and he knows it will crush him again. But he can't stop and for some reason he can't stop hoping either.