#post 15x20

Post canon ver. 12345

He doesn't know when Balthazar stands next to him, watching him watch the stars. "Humans die," he states the simplest fact. "They are humans, you know, they do that a lot."

"I know," Castiel answers absently, still looking at those stars. Some are brighter than others. One of them is particularly bright.

"Who's that?" He wonders aloud.

"Just one of them," Balthazar answers plainly, watching his face carefully, "Why?"

Castiel's eyes follow that particularly bright star, shaking his head. "I'm not sure." He frowns at it. The star is still flying, still ascending, dropping in the direction of Heaven.

Balthazar is still watching him. "Spit it out, Cassie," he says. "What is it?"

"I think I'm feeling something," Castiel admits, frowning harder at himself. He doesn't understand. "I feel... sad, like I lost something, but I don't even remember."

Balthazar doesn't answer.

Castiel turns to him and studies his face. "What's that human's name?" He asks.

Balthazar swallows.

"Balthazar," Castiel presses.

Balthazar sighs. "Dean Winchester," he answers bitterly.

Castiel continues staring at him. Still confused and sad. There is a turbulence twisting in his gut now. "Did I know him?" He hears himself asking. That sorrowful feeling inside his chest is growing stronger. That powerful sense of loss, the sense of grieving that he didn't understand when he was watching the stars. Now he thinks, it's starting to make sense. Something is lost, and he's lost them before the stars -- the man named Dean -- falling.

"Balthazar, please, answer me, do I know him?" Castiel doesn't plead, but it's a close thing.

"Yes," Balthazar answers, not looking at him. He pinches the bridge of his nose, as if this can make the conversation easier. "As far as I know, yes, very much."

"Why don't I remember? What happened to him? What happened to... me?" Castiel's voice drops. Something clicks in his mind. "God. Did God do something? It's him, isn't it?"

"Is everything alright?" A young voice speaks behind them.

Balthazar turns sharply. "Yes, everything's fine. Nothing to worry about, dear God."

"Please, Balthazar, I told you no need to use that word, I'm still just Jack." The boy says kindly.

"Of course, Jack," Balthazar answers smoothly, glancing at the other angel who seems not to be paying any attention to the arrival of their God.

"Right," he makes a deliberate sound, glancing between the two of them. "Guess I'll just see myself out."

He leaves without waiting for an answer.

Jack walks slowly to Castiel. "Cas," he calls him quietly.

"Angels weren't always staying in Heaven, was it?" Castiel asks, eyes still on the stars. More quiet, more sad.

"No, not before my time, at least," Jack answers quietly.

"And I wasn't always an angel." He guesses.

Jack hesitates. "You were, but you spent a lot of time on Earth."

"Who was he to me?" Castiel asks, voice in pain. He doesn't remember anything about that name, or that man, or any life before seeing Jack, before staying in Heaven days and nights watching the Earth, but he's feeling the pain growing as if pain has a life of its own, living in his heart.

Jack thinks for a long time. "He is my dad, as are you, Castiel."

Castiel turns to him, looking into him. The young God stands there, looking nothing more than a twenty-year-old boy, also pained by his eyes.

There are too many questions, Castiel doesn't even know which one to start with. So he just stands there, feeling the hole of pain growing in his chest, devouring the part that's making him feel pain and sorrow, and so much emptiness and loss. He's grieving, he realizes, for a man he doesn't even know he knew.

"Jack, tell me," Castiel whispers. Now this is a plea.

The pain in Jack's eyes is no less than his own. "There was a price to pay to save you, and I had to pay it. That's all I can say. I'm sorry, Cas. Please forgive me." That price was too high, but he couldn't even tell anyone, not to Cas, not to Dean. He couldn't tell him he made a deal with Empty, he couldn't tell him God's power was no use in the Empty and that deal was his only chance to save Cas's life. It cost his power and soul, and it cost Cas's memory, but that's the only way, so he did it. Empty knew he would do anything to save Cas, just like he knew Dean would, but this time, he decided to do it for him. Maybe this is better, Jack had thought. Maybe that way, all of them can finally have peace, Dean will finally find peace in Heaven, and Cas can enjoy the quiet peaceful life here too.

This will be an ongoing series that explores Dean and reader's first year together after meeting on Halloween Night in her universe - there will be angst, fluff, smut, show level violence - who knows we're exploring the what-if not what we already know.

If you enjoy please reblog!!!!

Halloween Night - Thanksgiving - January 24th -

Sam requesting to be bury beside Dean’s ashes. I imagine Dean Jr. would have sneak in under the cover of night and disturb the dirt on his grandmother’s grave, find the spot where Dean’s ashes, the samulet, and his grandpa’s tags were buried and add his dad in. Then cover it all up and probably couldn’t talk about that experience with anyone or else a lot of uncomfortable questions would pop up.

Sam possibly leaving behind a fund to take care of the impala with the request to leave in the army figures, squeaky doors, and legos in. Probably leaving behind a list of don’ts too. Like, don’t play music besides 80′s mullet rock, don’t ride the breaks, and don’t add any car adapters too it or, “Your namesake might rise from the grave, seriously.” Sam also adds in that Dean Jr. shouldn’t use black lights anywhere near or inside the car, “Don’t ask.”

Also the Impala on earth is somehow connected to the impala in heaven. Dean figures this out after the first few times something changed in the boy’s heaven impala and Dean has to change it back. Dean decides to write Dean Jr. some choice words for him to find in Baby’s glove box in the aftermath. Sam finds out about it soon after and gets all soft and teary eyed as he uses it as a way to keep up with Dean Jr.’s life. 

As soon as he was done chopping the head off of the last vampire, Dean knew what he needed to do.

He and his brother had just obliterated a nest of 15 vampires, but it hadn't been easy. He had narrowly avoided getting shoved into a piece of rebar sticking out of a support beam in the seedy and dilapidated barn. Something that would've been fatal.

Dropping Sam back at the Bunker, Dean pointed the Impala northeast. It would take him eight hours, but he needed to go. He needed her.

Never in his life had he felt this way, this pull to another person. Even with Lisa, he’d never felt this way; the need, the want, the desire to be in their presence.

It is an, as of yet, untitled WIP of roughly 7,500 words.

If there is interest, I'll finish-yes, FINISH-it and post.

Just send me an ask, message or reply.