#post!endgame

A couple of years later and you were being sent out on regular missions. Your cloned body was that of a seventeen year old. You were able to blend in with most populations. The mission that you were on at the time had been with the Winter Soldier. Things had somehow gone sideways and you ended up on a helicarrier with The Winter Soldier and Captain America. 

Long story short, seeing that there was no way for you to win, you abandoned the helicarrier with the information you had been sent to get. You didn’t see The Winter Soldier after that until two years later when you had been sent out for more information on ‘The Avengers’. You were also tasked with bringing the Winter Soldier back to HYDRA. 

You’d let most of those gathered duke it out and waited for the man to be mostly alone. You knew he recognized you the second he stood up from the wall he’d crumbled into. He’d called out to you as a friend, “Paragon Soldier, you don’t have to follow their orders. There’s a whole other part of the world you haven’t gotten to see.” You hadn’t listened to him. Eventually it had been you against The Winter Soldier and Captain America, the others melting into the background.

Needless to say, you had failed part of that mission. You hadn’t gotten The Winter Soldier back. You superiors were furious. You had been severely punished and by the time you were ready to be released for another mission, your mission was to protect the HYDRA base you were at.

The Avengers and friends had raided the facility and you were in charge of making sure that you gave the HYDRA Agents enough time to destroy all of their files before the Avengers completely overran them. You immediately saw The Winter Soldier amongst them and knew that it had been time to redeem yourself. 

You’d fought the hardest you’d ever fought. You’d broken apart their team one by one until it was you against six: Winter Soldier, Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Spiderman, and Scarlet Witch. The whole time, The Winter Soldier had been trying to get through to you. It didn’t take long for you to best The Hulk and Iron Man, but you’d neglected Scarlet Witch who was able to make you go unconscious.

That had been seven years ago. You’d learned a while later that the reason The Avengers stormed the base was because Bucky wanted to free you. Soon after, the war with Thanos began. Bucky and a few others you’d come to trust had been dusted with The Snap, but five years after that, everyone was back and you beat Thanos. In that time you had grown closer to the person who’s DNA you possessed. 

Fast forward to the present and everything was working itself out. You were still learning how everything worked in this new, non-HYDRA world. You had ‘friends’, that you still weren’t sure what friends did. You had your Biological Donor who helped you with things you didn’t understand. You had Bucky who understood how hard it was to integrate into something you didn’t understand...you had a ‘family’, which you still don’t understand. 

Getting back to the problem at hand, feelings. Before you had been taken from HYDRA, you never had these pesky emotions. You’d learned more about them from those around you, but you had never really felt the ‘sadder’ emotions before. You liked to separate the emotions into two categories: The ‘Feel Good’ emotions and The ‘Blah’ emotions. 

Currently you were in the middle of what you assumed were the ‘Blah’ emotions. Just watching how he smiled around her and leaned into her...it made you angry. It made you angrier than you’d ever felt before. It also made you feel like crying in your room...you think this is the ‘sad’ or ‘upset’ emotion Bucky had told you about. 

“You alright, (Y/N),” Bucky was in front of you. You hadn’t noticed him. 

“I do not-I do not understand...what I am...feeling,” you ground out, eyes momentarily going to Peter Parker again. 

Bucky glanced in the direction you had looked, his face showing he knew exactly what you were feeling. “Why don’t we go talk about it somewhere else?” You followed him to your room, taking a seat on the bed. He closed the door, taking a seat at your desk. “Explain everything you’re feeling.”

“I am...angry, for certain. I do not completely understand why. I saw Peter Parker with MJ Watson and I felt angry. I also felt...what is the word I’m looking for?” You paused, thinking about the scene you’d just left. “Down? Upset that he was happier with her than he ever is around me? Sad that I am not the person that puts such a smile on his face?” You shook your head. “I am angry at Peter. I am angry at MJ. But I do not understand why. I do not have reason to be angry.”

Bucky knelt in front of you, a small smile on his face. “I think what you’re experiencing is jealousy. It’s when you see someone that you like with someone else. You tend to feel angry at both parties and also down in the dumps wondering why you’re not good enough for them. You care greatly for Peter and to see him with someone who isn’t you is causing you to feel this way.”

“I ‘like’ more people than just Peter Parker. I do not get ‘jealous’ seeing you hanging out with other people or Bruce Banner.” Emotions were confusing. You liked it better when you didn’t have any.

Bucky placed a hand on the back of his neck. He didn’t think he’d end up having this conversation with you...he wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it. “Uh...I haven’t really felt this myself so I can’t answer your questions. Tell you what, I’ll call Pepper, she’d be better at explaining this than I would.”

“While I am awaiting Pepper, I assume I am not allowed to hurt Peter’s ‘friend’ MJ?” 

Bucky’s eyebrow rose in question. “That’s not a part of your life anymore. No hurting MJ.”

________________

After a long conversation with Pepper, you were beginning to understand more about the feeling jealousy and ‘liking someone’. You didn’t understand why you had these feelings, but at least it made more sense. 

As dinner was called, you got up leisurely, still in deep thought. You had questioned Pepper a lot during your conversation, wanting to know everything you could about the emotions you had. You didn’t like not having the information. You felt like a failure when you didn’t have all the information. 

You only began to pay attention when you accidentally ran into someone, which was unlike you. You were an assassin for almost five years, you were able to deflect any impact literally seconds before it happened. Your eyes snapped to the intrusion that you’d hit, mouth going into a straight line at seeing MJ. “Get your mind out of the clouds before you hurt somebody,” she rolled her eyes.

You rose your eyebrows. You were trying to be civil for Peter’s sake. If he ‘liked’ MJ, you wanted him to be happy. “You have eyes yourself,” you snapped, “you could have avoided me just as easily as I could have.”

Walking into the kitchen, you saw Bucky and Bruce already at the table. Sam Wilson would be joining you as soon as he got out of his suit. If anyone else was in the compound they would probably come by to get a plate as well. Bucky and Bruce were looking between you and MJ. Bucky must have filled Bruce in on what happened earlier and the talk he had with you. Peter was also looking between the both of you, a confused look on his face.

You grabbed a plate after Peter and MJ had done so. You wanted the rest of the dinner to go smoothly...you wouldn’t be able to vanish to your room without eating the dinner if you didn’t want any questions asked. “Honestly, Peter. I don’t understand why they even let the clone stay here. She’s a danger to everyone. She’s stronger than The Hulk.” 

Your grip on the plate tightened, you could hear the ceramic straining under your grip, so you loosened it slightly. It would do you no good to be questioned about why you broke a plate. You quickly scooped a small amount of food on your plate so that you could finish it quickly and get away from MJ before you decided to go back on your ‘no kill’ deal with Bucky. 

Sam Wilson had joined you, you didn’t realize until he sat in the chair beside you, across from Peter. You hadn’t even realized you’d sat in front of the woman. You were too lost in thought. Did Peter just let her bash you? After all the work you’ve put in to undo the things you did for HYDRA?

You said nothing to anyone at the table as they all started with some small talk. Sam was telling Bruce and Bucky about the mission he’d just completed. Peter and MJ were listening and commenting on it. Bucky was watching you closely, which you understood. MJ was getting on your nerves and sometimes you reacted badly when someone got on your nerves. 

Her laugh has to be the most obnoxious thing about her. It was so fake...why couldn’t Peter see that? As you finished your ‘meal’ and planned to get up and not have to deal with MJ anymore, she looked straight at you. “You’re awfully quiet, (Y/N)...Cat got your tongue?” 

Your eyes narrowed at her and you bit the inside of your cheeks to keep from saying something that you would enjoy but knew would alienate you from Peter. “Not really in the mood to socialize tonight.” 

The grip you had on your plate was once again getting to be too tight. “Right. You never really socialize do you?” Your grip continued to tighten. You knew you should walk away, but you wanted to hear what she’d say. Would she insult you with everyone at the table listening? “Is that because you don’t know how or you can’t because your DNA was wired in a way to make you a cold hearted killed?”

You clenched your jaw, grinding your teeth in the process. The plate shattered in your hand, but you didn’t pay attention to it. You stood from the table, not bothering with the mess. As you walked away, you couldn’t bite back your comment. “If I were a cold hearted killer, I would have killed you by now.”

____________________

You spent the next week only leaving your room between midnight and six a.m. You didn’t want to see Peter and MJ. You didn’t want to see Bucky or Bruce or Sam. Usually, you left by three a.m. and spent the day out in the city. You’d come back around midnight, sleep a couple of hours and leave again. 

You didn’t want to see Peter’s disappointed look directed at you for what you’d said to MJ. While MJ was in the wrong to start with, Peter would never see it that way. He’d only see you for the last comment you made to his ‘friend’. By now, she probably played the ‘she threatened me’ card to Peter enough that he hated you. 

It was all so frustrating. These ‘feelings’ you had for Peter only complicated things. A couple months prior, you didn’t have any problem ignoring MJ when she was here and talking to Peter when she was gone. You had an easy going ‘friendship’ with the wall crawler. 

What hurt the most was that Peter let her say those things about you. Peter let MJ call you a cold hearted killer, a cold blooded killer, a dangerous clone, et cetera. Peter never did anything to defend you when she did to your face so you had no hope that he did in private. 

You worked your ass off to get past the training that HYDRA had given you. You proved yourself time and time again that you weren’t a heartless killer. You didn’t kill anymore. You barely used your superstrength in battles. You never used it in training unless it was just you and Bruce. You don’t intentionally hurt people...so why did MJ think of you as a dangerous, heartless killer? Did Peter tell her about your past and none of your strides to be a better person.

You chuckled lightly. You weren’t a person. You were just a clone. You would never be ‘a regular person’, no matter how much atonement you did. It was all pointless. Why do you even waste your time trying? 

Maybe time away would be the best. You picked up your notepad, writing a short note to Bruce and Bucky. 

I need some time away from things. I promise to keep our deal, Bucky. I just can not stay here right now. I am going crazy. I need to find myself. -(Y/N)

You placed the notepad on your bed. You took out a duffle bag and packed a few changes of clothes along with your sketch pad. You took a look around the room, it was going to be a while before you came back. You hoped they would honor your need for space.

Turning around and climbing out the window, you didn’t look back. Time away, that’s all you needed.

Forever Tags

He chuckled, his green hand reaching out and patting your other shoulder. “I’m ninety-nine percent sure that he-or she-is another hero. No regular human being could hurt themselves that much.”

“But I’ve met every hero we’ve heard about and none of them have the matching bruises.”

“Maybe they heal faster,” he stated.

“Then why do I still feel it?”

“Because you don’t have faster healing.”

You rolled your eyes, banging your head on the table. “I have your intelligence and your super strength, but you forgot to pass on the healing gene.”

“We can’t all be perfect. At least you didn’t come with an alter ego that you had to learn to live with,” he smirked and placed a cup of coffee in front of you. “Now, I have a team to go run through a simulation. Try not to hurt yourself or your soulmate in the time I’m gone.”

“No promises. If they keep this up, I’ll break an arm so they stop.”

“Be kind to you soulmate, I’m sure they’re really sorry about all the pain they’re putting you through.”

A sigh left your lips as you drank the coffee. You’d have quite a few words with your soulmate after you met them about the pain they’ve put you through. You always minimized how much you got hurt on the job, but they seemed to maximize it. 

You choked on your coffee as the wind was knocked out of you. You clutch your stomach, trying to breathe again. “I swear to anyone who’s listening up there, when I meet my soulmate, I’m going to kill them.”

You walked over to the sink, pouring out the rest of your coffee. It seemed that your soulmate was undertaking a battle of their own and you wouldn’t be able to finish the coffee in peace. You made it to the common area before your knees buckled. You hissed out in pain, barely grabbing onto the couch to stop you from falling.

You decided to lay on the couch, not trusting your soulmate to not get hurt in the two minutes it would take to get to your room. Whatever your soulmate was doing, they were getting their ass handed to them. You curled in on yourself as the pains started to intensify. What were they doing?! Tears burned your eyes as it felt as if your whole body was on fire. You’d never felt this much pain coming from your soulmate before. 

Then, it all stopped, but the pain was still radiating throughout you. You couldn’t be sure, but you think you were shaking. Everything hurt. “I didn’t realize you’d gotten stuck in that part of the simulation. I’m sorry Peter. That looked like it was very painful.” There was your father, maybe he’d be able to get you something for the pain.

“Yeah, it felt like my whole body was being ripped apart. I hope my soulmate didn’t feel everything,” Peter sighed. “(Y/N)? Are you alright?”

You shut your eyes as you saw Peter start to round the couch. Maybe you could pretend you were asleep and he’d leave you alone. A gentle hand on your arm caused you to jump at the jolt of pain which caused more pain which caused you to groan. “Don’t touch me,” you finally hissed. “Shit,” you mumbled and muttered a few more curses as your muscles clenched. 

When you opened your eyes again, your dad was in front of you with Peter standing worriedly behind him. “When did you start feeling this pain?”

“Uh, about twenty minutes ago, I choked on my coffee as it felt like I’d gotten sucker punched in the stomach,” you stated after looking at the clock. “Couple minutes after that, my knees buckled,” you hissed as your father barely touched some of the bruises popping up across your body. “I decided to stay on the couch until my soulmate was done with whatever they were doing, but then it was j-just blinding pain all over my body. Felt like everything was on fire. Still feels like everything’s on fire,” you groaned, eyes closing as you tried to get your breathing to even out again.

“By on fire,” your dad asked.

“I don’t-I don’t know. Like, everything hurt at once, like my body was being pulled apart at the seams,” you ground out. 

“Good news, I think I know who your soulmate is,” your father’s small smile was enough to not have you blow your top at him. “Your timeline and description suggests that Bug boy behind me is you soulmate.”

“Great, remind me when I’m able to move again to beat his ass for this,” you sighed.

“Beating me would also cause you pain,” he supplied with a hesitant chuckle. 

“Shut up.”

_________________

Two Days Later

You couldn’t help but smile at the note left on your bedside table on top of a box of chocolates. It held another cheesy message from your soulmate telling you how sorry he is that he puts you through so much pain. Yesterday you’d finally convinced your dad to sucker punch you so that Peter could feel some semblance of your pain the other day considering he’d never been punched by the Hulk before. And this time, it stuck around because you were still in pain and didn’t have the healing factor that he did. 

He’d apologized profusely for the past two days. He kept telling you he tried to be careful, but he was still learning the ropes of being a superhero. You didn’t tell him that you’d already forgiven him and that you couldn’t stay mad at him. His adorable stutter when he was nervous and his cute face caused you to be unable to stay pissed at him. 

You walked to the kitchen, smiling when you saw your father already sat at the table with a cup of coffee. Peter was making breakfast, his back turned to you. You walked up to him quietly, giving a small wave to your dad. You snaked your arms around his waist, placing a kiss on the back of his neck before you rested your forehead on his upper back. “Morning to you too,” he laughed. 

He turned in your grip, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I would have brought you breakfast, Darling.” 

“That’s very sweet Pete, but you don’t need to keep apologizing for the other day. I’m over it.”

“Breakfast in bed isn’t necessarily an apology, I just believe in treating my soulmate right. You are a queen and deserve to be treated as such.”

The smile that broke out on your face was the whole reason he did sweet little things for you during the day. He loved that smile. He pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “Sit down, Sweetheart, breakfast’s almost ready.”

Forever Tags

“…Also, I guess we coulda been friends- though we’re separatin’ ways and stuff, so… better sever those ties I guess. It was nice knowin’ ya. Good luck y’know. That’s something that we’ll probably need.”

Shoko is probably one out of a few people that Jae-hwa would consider as some sort of friend! It’s kind of weird for him to have friends since he’s isolated himself to play games and talk to his corporation teammates once or twice if needed, but hey! Learning experience…

Honestly, at the beginning, he kind of respected her from afar since she was one of the main investigators in the beginning trials. (Though, he really didn’t want to hang out with anyone after the first trial, that’s for sure.) Which that respect kinda grew to being alright with Shoko, especially after finding Monorin? 

After endgame he’s pretty sobered up and just wishes her good luck for the future? Though he probably will not try to keep in touch/be friends with people who he may never meet, or have an unlikely chance of meeting once the group separates after all. :,/ Dammit, Jae-hwa.

To summarize that: He regards Shoko to be a friend but now just has a respect for her since he realizes that he should sever some ties and move on ?? Especially since they’re all going their own paths… clenches fist.

oh god jaehwa is such an asshole when it comes to killers ,,, despite how he’s killed someone (cries). what a hypocrite. he doesn’t like sully for many reasons, such as killing twice in the mutual killing, and killing two people who were pretty innocent seeming (unless they were secretly serial killers. oh god.)

(although at some point jaehwa would probably reflect back on these rly hypocritical feelings and just tsk at them)

he also doesn’t like sully because of their similar sounding voices as well?? it weirds jaehwa out and makes him a bit kinda… well, it goes into a field where jaehwa just doesn’t want to go back to anytime soon. (also this post made me laugh g od. voice pranks...)