#poor cole

“Loops, I gotta appreciate-”

“And then Leo has another one.”

Finn stopped talking and stared at Remus for another moment. He nodded quickly. “‘Kay, I’ll stick around.” He turned back to Leo and patted his ribs with a wide smile. “How’s that, nutter butter? You’ll have an audience.”

Leo rolled his eyes and kissed Finn quickly. “Oh joy. C’mon, let’s help Loops set up.”

***

“No, no, come here!”

“Finn!” Logan laughed as he was forcefully pulled backwards into Finn’s lap by his hips. His knee bumped the bar table and shook the glasses. “Careful, mon rouge.”

“Yeah,” Thomas chimed in. “Don’t spill my Sex on the Beach.”

Noelle took a sip of her beer, eyeing her baby brother. “Are they always like this?”

Layla nodded from her place under Cole’s arm. “More or less, especially when they’ve been drinking. And it’s usually Finn.”

“You hear that, baby?” Finn pouted, eyes glassy. “They hate that I love you.”

“You’re so gross,” Noelle said. 

Logan stuck his tongue out at her, then immediately melted back against Finn’s body when he felt lips press to his neck. He craned his neck sideways and laced their fingers together across his stomach. “Salut.”

“Hey, T, baby.”

“Yeah, Christmas?”

Noelle batted her eyelashes over exaggeratedly. “Salut.” 

Thomas batted his eyelashes back at her and kissed her. “Salut.”

Logan kicked Noelle under the table. “Who invited you, anyway?”

Thomas raised his eyebrows playfully, resting an arm across Noelle’s shoulders. “I did, because she’s my girlfriend.”

Logan rolled his eyes, but a small smile creeped over his face. “Ouais, I guess.”

He felt Finn tap his belly. “Look, look, incoming hottie at twelve o’clock.” 

Logan looked up to find Leo walking towards them with Sirius and Remus, laughing and talking. Leo and Sirius were talking in French, Remus trying his best to participate and translate, it seemed. When he saw them, Leo’s eyes lit up. He sat down beside Finn, Remus and Sirius on the other side of the table next to Noelle. “Hi, sweethearts.”

“Howdy, butter baby.” Finn playfully nudged at his jaw with his nose. “You’re very pretty.”

“Oh, here we go again.”

Logan glared at his sister, but Leo just laughed. “I actually came to collect you. We’ve gotta clean the apartment and stuff before my mama and dad fly in tomorrow evening.”

“Mama and Papa Knut,” Thomas said.

“What’s the special occasion?” Remus asked. “Don’t you usually go down to them during the summer?”

“Dad’s got a conference here,” Leo said. “And mama took some time off, so they’re staying with us for a week.”

Sirius took a sip of his drink. “Well, they’re welcome to the barbecue at our house over the weekend.”

Leo smiled. “Thanks, Cap.” He patted Logan’s thigh. “C’mon, up you get, it’s bedtime.”

Logan took Leo’s hand, despite Finn’s protesting noise. “No, you’re so comfy, baby.”

Leo, still holding on to Logan’s hand, bent to talk closer in Finn’s ear, just loud enough for the three of them to hear. “Honey, this is the last chance for loud sex and morning love making for a week. Let’s get out of here.”

Logan had never seen Finn change his mind so fast. He bolted up, gripping Leo’s hand and tugging. “Goodbye, everybody, love you, see you this weekend!” He widened his eyes and looked frantically at Logan and Leo. “Let’s go, let’s go, come on.”

“Every fucking time,” Cole muttered as they began to walk away.

“Bye, baby brother!”

Logan just turned around and stuck his tongue out at Noelle again.

***

“Hello, sexy.” Finn ran a hand appreciatively over Logan’s arms in his suit. “I’m engaged to a Greek god.” His eyes widened when he saw Leo step out of the car behind Logan. “Two Greek gods, holy smokes.”

Leo, a Gryffindor All Star along with Remus this year, looked down at himself. “Sweetheart, this is just my gameday suit, you see it all the time. You literally watched me change a half hour ago.”

“Yes, but you’re in it.” 

There was a huff from beside them. “Can we please move it along?”

Remus laughed and scratched his hand through Sirius’ hair. “Someone is jealous they weren’t nominated this year.”

Sirius just rolled his eyes at his husband. “You know that’s not true. I hate these things, I want a vacation.”

“My poor lion cub.” 

Sirius just huffed again, but kissed Remus’ cheek and steered him in the direction of the red carpet. “Let’s get this over with.”

Finn turned back to his fiances and held out his hands. “C’mere.”

They laced their fingers with his and pressed closer. Leo wrapped his free arm around Logan’s waist. “You okay, sweetheart?”

Finn nodded. “Yeah, just- really proud of you.”

Logan smiled. “It’s just All Stars. And I’m here with the Rangers.”

“No, I know, but… I’m just happy to be able to walk on a red carpet with you.”

“Oh, we know you love the attention, honey.”

“Not true!” Finn kissed Leo quickly. “I’m happy about the… you know, the ‘with you’ part.”

Leo’s playful expression softened. “Aw, honey.”

Logan kissed Finn’s cheek. “Je t’aime, mon rouge.”

“I love you, too.” Finn smiled and kissed them each again before drawing them even closer, placing his hands low on each of their backs. “And I can’t wait to take these suits right off your-”

“O’Hara! Let’s go!”

“Sirius,” Remus laughed. “You’re not even the All Star!”

“But they are slowing us down, and I hate these things.”

“Coming!” Finn called. He turned back to Leo and Logan. “I love you so much.”

Leo kissed his forehead. “Love you, sweetheart.” He jerked his head to where Remus and Sirius were waiting, tugging on Logan’s hand. “C’mon, at least we’ll get some nice pictures out of this.”

“Alright, you damned rabbit. This game’s gone on long enough!!”

I rip random shit out from their places as I search high and low for this antlered thorn in my side, not really caring what it is or who it might belong to. I don’t know what it’s trying to get at, but it’s only going to make things so much worse for it when I get my hands on it. “How do I see myself?” What kind of mind games is it trying to play; Especially with asking that while I was literally looking in a damn mirror? The answer is literally staring me in the face! I’m me! Always have been.

That damn question though… It circles in my head more than I’d like, fucking vultures riding a rising current of hot air. While yes, it is true that I haven’t physically changed much, but I have. God I hate to admit it, but so much has changed that I’m not even sure who I am anymore. Everything that made me the man I was is gone, torn asunder and ashes in the wind. Zeke’s been dead for what… Two, three years? Trish has been gone longer still. Empire City is crater, courtesy of John. Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s been deemed the US’s own Chernobyl or something.

Any ties I had to that old life is just… Gone. Save for whatever tiny scraps I managed to salvage… The life I had planned for, the life I wanted, will never come to be.

It’s not helped by the fact that I’ve been nothing more than either some kind of errand boy or a puppet on fucking strings ever since I was popped out of my mother. Any choice I made was either deemed incorrect, wrong or the choice was outright taken away! At this point, I’ve stopped trying.

Now I’m starting to understand the question and my answer is: “Does it fucking matter?”

My rampage in the big top continues on, leaving debris of knocked over furniture, confetti and dust in my wake when I think I see a plume of purple in my periphery. I turn my head to look, but see nothing, probably just glitter or some shit like that. However, I do spot another flash, another mirror. What a fucking coincidence.

I try to ignore it and focus on my task of finding that damn rabbit, but every time I see glimpses of my reflection, my curiosity grows… I eventually just say “fuck it” and walk over.

I make note of the mirror now that I’m actually looking at it. It’s one of those full, stand-up mirrors you find in those old as fuck mansions that are definitely not haunted. I know those ghost stories and while those kinds of things were more Zeke’s wheelhouse, with the “Killer Clown” vibes this place has going on? I’m not taking any chances… Especially with a circus full of Conduits.

I walk to the mirror, making sure I’m far enough away that should some fucking “Ringu” or “Grudge” thing be hiding in the mirror tries to grab me or some shit like that I can jump back out of reach, but close enough to see my full body in the reflective glass.

Damn… There’s a lot more change than I thought now that I look at myself fully.

My skin actually looks half-way healthy, slightly tanned from being cooked in the sun and bringing out the freckles that I had as a kid. The only hint of the pale, sickly grey that I’m used to seeing all over my body is focused on the scar that tracked across my chest like spider lightning through the clouds. First time in a long time I get to see that painful reminder.

I look at my clothes and it hammers home just how much I’ve changed, it’s honestly strange. I can see bits and pieces of someone new, yet it’s still my face, still my scars… I can almost feel my mind starting to struggle a bit. Trying to decide who this person in the mirror is even though I know it’s still me.

As I’m having a slight identity crisis, I hear something whisper in my ear. “How do you think others see you?”

A Punch Blast rips from my hands as I whirl around with a start, sending a popcorn machine and some heavy props flying in its wake. I scan the area, ready to fry the bastard that’s been toying with me ever since I stepped into this madhouse. I growl loudly as my frustration grows, seeing nothing. 

“Hey, fuzzy lil’ fucker!” I shout out, my accent starting to slip more than I’d like. “Stop fuckin’ aroun’ with me and face me!” 

All I get is crickets as I sweep the area, looking for hide or hair of the pain in my ass, but of fucking course, the rabbit is nowhere to be seen. I am getting so sick and tired of all of these games.

If I was a less stubborn man, I would have given up at this point and head back to the hospital to take a long-ass nap. Sadly, I am not a less stubborn man and I want that bunny made into a pair of leather gloves for all the grief it’s put me through.

What I didn’t know is that I’m in for one hell of a shock myself when I turn around and face the mirror again.

Staring back at me isn’t myself… It doesn’t even look human, it looks closer to a living storm, not a shred of humanity to be seen in its crimson eyes. It almost frightened me. Yet…. Somehow I knew that it’s still me.

It’s twisted and monstrous, even more so than how I am in my Beast form… Or is that not my Beast form and what I’m looking at is supposed to be what it’s actually supposed to look like? I remember John’s whole shtick was being a giant magma golem of a monster and I could never figure out how to get that.

I growl and shake my head before dismissing the reflection and walking away, remembering the question and guessing that’s what the mirror was showing; how others saw me.That I couldn’t give less of a rat’s ass about. Not surprising in the least that people saw me less as an actual person and more of a monster or a force of nature, something soulless and without care. It’s honestly nothing new to me.

I’ve been a reject of society ever since I knew what that was. Always casted aside: mocked, shunned and scapegoated in some way, shape or form. So how is this any different? Always a fuck-up, so fucking what? It’s a non-issue at this point. They can think however they want, as long as those dumb shits stay the hell out of my way, then there will be no issues.

My search for Bugs Bunny’s horned cousin continues when I think I see something else furry, a fluffy looking tabby cat sitting on a chest. Not what I’m looking for, but okay.

Though as I look at it, I can’t tell if it’s the color of my lightning or what, but I swear this cat was an odd color… Almost blending in with the hue my sparks bathed the area in, but it was definitely an unnatural color for a cat, pink? Purple? I couldn’t tell, nor did I care.

I try to get close so I can get a better look at the feline, but as I did, the cat turns to purple smoke and flits away. Are you fucking kidding me?!? First a white rabbit who can teleport, now a purple-y cat that can turn to smoke, what’s next? Am I gonna stumble across a giant ass caterpillar smoking from a hookah or something?!? I watch the wisp dart around, the sight feeling familiar for some odd reason.

I don’t have much time to ponder that before it dashes off, prompting me to go after it.

“Maybe this fucker will lead me its little bunny friend.” I think to myself before following it through the big top and find it went through a door. I narrow my eyes in suspicion, this reeks of a trap, yet something keeps telling me to push forward. Is it my curiosity? My stubbornness? Or is it me thinking that I’ve made it this far in, might as well how deep this goes?

Doesn’t matter which it is as I follow the smoke inside.

Through the door, I am damn near blinded by the amount of light my dark-adjusted eyes were subjected to, forcing me to cover them until they had readjusted. I remove my hands and my jaw falls open at the sight I see.

That cat lead me into a fucking mirror maze.

“What’s with all the goddamn mirrors?!” I growl out loud as I look around, seeing myself at damn near every conceivable angle. The scowl on my face deepens the more I see my reflections, I already don’t like seeing myself, let alone being stuck in a room that’s nothing but myself. It infuriates me to no end. It’s almost dizzying and disorienting with everything reflecting everything else. I start to step back, I’m getting in over my head. I need to get out so I can regroup and…

A voice stops my thoughts dead in its tracks as an all too familiar voice hisses in my ear, full of venom and cruelty.

“Do you want to see who you really are?”

The door behind me slams shut with a deafening “BANG” as I try to get out. There was nothing to grab hold of and no way to force it open, it’s flushed with the wall. I’m stuck in here and that damned voice laughs at my struggle and plight. I fire off an Alpha Blast to blow the door open, but it bounces off the reflection and damn near hits me in the process. I can feel my heart start to race as the fact sinks in more and more. I’m trapped in this damned maze.

I slowly turn around, knowing what I have to do, but what I see behind me… My eyes widen as I can feel the color drain from my face, my blood runs cold as I face what is my worst fear made manifest.