#thomas walker

Gryffindor took Tampa in a sweep. From the look of it, the Rangers were hungry for the same from Vegas. They even had good-luck charms in the Garden for game four: six Lions, tucked away in a family booth where their ballcap disguises didn’t matter so much. They wouldn’t be counted among opponents for another week, anyway. It was really nobody’s business how many people it took to convince Sirius Black a day trip wouldn’t jinx them. Leo maintained that the benefits of watching Logan take out Vegas in the first round far outweighed any advantage they might get from staying home. And on the subject of advantages, he had Remus on his side. Sirius never stood a chance.

“I love watching him lose,” Remus muttered into the rim of his solo cup. Leo was pretty sure that was only meant for Sirius’ ears; Sirius, who ducked his smile into the crook of Remus’ neck before kissing his temple.

“I still think you should let me fight him,” Sirius murmured back.

Remus, halfway through another sip of beer, shook his head. “You know how he gets that stupid look on his face? Right before he starts taking terrible shots? If I’m lucky, Tremzy’ll even punch him in the throat.”

Teeth scraped Leo’s ear as Sirius began to laugh. He pressed a blind kiss to Finn’s forehead and settled into the weight of his arms when they circled his waist. A sigh warmed his nape. “I love those top-shelf goals. I really, really do. And I know he’s doing it to drive me crazy. Knutty, can you believe he’s doing it just to drive me crazy?”

Leo smiled. “Sure, Harz. Just for you.”

“I mean, he could do anything,” Finn continued, running a hand along Leo’s lower belly with an absent sort of slowness. “This goalie—who is this, Hill?—I mean, seriously, Peanut, look how much fuckin’ room he’s leaving.”

“Shit’s wild,” Leo agreed.

“And yet.” Finn sighed again. His fingertips slipped under Leo’s shirt. “Top-shelf, baby. Every time.”

Leo hummed. “For your eyes only.”

Finn nuzzled into the side of his hair. “He’ll get a five-hole, next,” he whispered. “Just for you.”

Leo knew that. He’d seen Logan watching from the bench, all keen green eyes on the Jumbotron whenever it swept near the family box, squinting up at them when it was away. Logan’s excellence never made him a puck-hog. It was one of the many things Leo loved about him. He’d get two goals against Vegas tonight, and he’d probably try to fight Greyback if he could bait him into it before the final buzzer. That part, Leo didn’t love so much. Not the fighting—that would always get him riled. But Greyback wasn’t like the other big lugs Logan could grapple.

Leo glanced over to Remus. The two of them had slipped in halfway through the first to avoid the crowds and cameras, dressed down in hoodies and hats and standing just out of the camera’s scope. They weren’t quite as cozy as Finn and himself, but that was no surprise. They could barely sit still long enough to share a seat on their own couch for a full period. Sirius’ hand rested gently at the small of Remus’ back, though, and when the buzzer went a few seconds later, he watched Remus breathe out and lean his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

Finn patted his stomach twice. “Want a refill?”

“Nah, I’m good.” He made to leave, but Leo caught his wrist. Finn wrapped him up even closer with a small, pleased noise and gave his hips two quick squeezes. His eyes were bright when Leo turned to look at him. “Hi.”

“Hi, handsome.” Finn kissed his shoulder. Sweet boy. “You okay?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Worried about something?”

Remus and Sirius were talking about something else, now, heads bowed together while Sirius pointed at the ice. Leo looked back to Finn and smiled. “Not too worried.”

Finn stole a sip of his drink. Leo watched him think for a moment, from the way his gaze trailed over to Remus to the dart of tongue over his gin-shiny lower lip. A light pat found his hip. “He’ll be okay,” Finn murmured.

“Not Loops I’m thinking about.”

“I know.” He always did. “We got a good one, Le. He can hold his own.”

Logan was very good. That’s what worried him. Maybe too much—not enough faith in Logan, too much trust in his squirming gut. But looking at Remus and Sirius, chatting with Noelle, he couldn’t bring himself to feel better. Twelve minutes left. He took his drink back from Finn with a kiss and a smile.

“Think we’ll be able to go say hi?”

“No way,” Finn laughed, looping an arm around his waist. “Not even a little. That big bunch of Rangers won’t want to see our faces until July.”

“I dunno,” Leo mused. “I do love some of those faces.”

Finn narrowed his eyes playfully as they meandered toward the snack table. “You’re allowed one.”

“Oh, yeah? We’re rationing Rangers, now?”

“And he barely even counts.”

Finn bent to grab a few cookies. Leo couldn’t help himself—he laid his head on Finn’s shoulder blade, slipping his hand into his back pocket on the way. Only for a moment, and with a silent thank you in the form of a kiss to his warm neck as he straightened.

Around them, families and lovers and the few kids too young to handle the stands milled about. Leo spotted a game of hide and seek with Will Morgan’s wife, Ray, as ‘home base’. Finn just watched him, a soft crease at his brow. “You’re sure you’re okay?” he asked quietly.

“I’ll be better when the game’s over.” And he’s back in Vegas.

“Me, too.” Finn pressed a shortbread cookie into his hand. “I think everyone will. You…”

“Hmm?”

Finn took a moment to answer, then smoothed his thumb over the side of Leo’s mouth. “Let me know if I can do anything, okay? Anything at all.”

“Thanks, honey.”

“Don’t fret all by yourself,” Finn added a few seconds later. They made their way toward the viewing window again, arm in arm like something out of an old Victorian painting. Leo felt like he was being perhaps a little too clingy, but Finn didn’t seem to mind. Just tilted his head when they made it back and shot a smile at his parents across the room. “Lo’s got Al and the rest of them out there with him. Then we’ll bring him home, and he’ll be all safe with us.”

Leo cupped that thought in two careful hands for the remainder of the break. Logan looked so good in the quick glances they got of him around the locker room. Five minutes before the start, while Finn laughed with Thomas and Noelle, Leo reached for his phone. He kept his eyes fixed on the shape of Logan’s shoulders meeting his neck on the small TV.

Message to: LT <3

Love you! Cheering for you :)

Damn it.

Message to: LT <3

Be careful <3

That would worry Logan. Or maybe not—Leo watched him glance at his phone, propped up on the shelf of his stall. Logan smiled. Good. That was better. A shadow stretched beside him.

“I want that fucker in Vegas by midnight.”

A soft snort answered. “You and me both.”

Leo closed his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Why?” Remus laughed, peering down at the ice. “I’d put the fucker in a catapult if I could. Jeez, hell of a view up here.”

“No kidding. Think they can hook us up with one of these in Gryff?”

“Nah, I like ours.”

Years into their friendship, Leo still couldn’t believe the way Remus watched the ice. Remus and Sirius, which really explained a lot more than most people knew. He’d only known Remus as a staff member for a year, but he’d known even then that the way he scanned the game was not normal for…well, anyone, but certainly not a trainer. They watched Logan skate out together.

“I’m sorry,” Leo said suddenly.

Remus glanced behind him. “What, me?”

“I just—” He gestured vaguely at the glass, and the game beginning again below. “All of that. It’s not fair. And I know you’re all good and everything, but I am. Sorry, I mean. It shouldn’t be hard like this.”

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it. He patted Leo on the shoulder, eyes back on the game. “It’s not hard with you guys.”

“Good.” Leo swished a mouthful of ice water around. “Let me know if you want anyone to go in on that catapult with you, rookie.”

Back on the ice, for the third period of game four, your NEW! YORK! RANGERS!

Logan got his second goal of the night three minutes in. A five-hole. Finn bit his bicep, just below the edge of his shirtsleeve, and whispered told you in the sweetest sort of promise while the crowd chanted Logan’s name. It would be hell on earth to face them in the second round, but god, the things Leo would do to snatch that puck right out of the air and watch Logan’s eyes go flame-hot.

“We’re still good for later, right?” Remus asked, accepting a perfect cheese and cracker from Sirius.

Finn nodded. “Should be. They’ll want Lo for postgame—oh, nice steal, go baby go!”

Logan swept the puck out of the Rangers’ zone and took to the half, already winding up for a pass to Alex. It connected—Alex shot—the goalpost knocked it away, just barely, a near-miss that rebounded off the boards. Vegas’ new winger was closer, but Logan was hungry. He shouldered 64 out of the way and sniped it to Percy for a beautiful wraparound on the other side.

“Yes!” Finn hollered, slapping his palm to Leo’s. “That’s what I’m talking about, baby, absolute beauty!”

Logan and Percy jostled each other around as they headed out of the dog pile and toward the face-off. Leo liked Percy. He was wild and crazy and all-in-all a lot, but there was a little mirror-part of him that was so very much like Finn. He knew Percy had been there for the highest highs and lowest lows. It had never stopped him from being kind to Leo.

Finn groaned softly. “I want a hattie for him.”

Leo jerked his chin toward the ice. “I think he does, too.”

“The things he’ll get if he sinks it…”

“You got plans?”

Finn’s smile glimmered in the booth light. “Always.”

There was really no way for Vegas to come back from their deficit. Not with that kind of time, not with Saint in net. Leo was pretty sure New York’s defense would find a way to box the Knights out even in Saint’s absence. He respected them for their hunger, even if he didn’t like it from the other side. It was hard to hope they’d be tired before going head-to-head, when a sweep of Vegas sounded so good.

“There’s the face,” he heard Remus mutter.

Greyback was sweating hard. His hair stuck to his forehead under his visor as he shouted down the bench before standing and heading for the gate. It was hard to imagine him in the same room as Remus, let alone the same team. His expression defaulted to an ugly sort of rage, starved and rabid. It unsettled even his teammates. It certainly unsettled Leo.

Eight minutes remaining, and Logan got the puck again. He hadn’t had it a second when it happened.

“Fuck—”

Leo flinched as Logan folded gut-first over the Knight’s bench, Greyback’s weight behind him. His whole body visibly jerked, skates dangling. Finn shouted—whistles blew. The puck skipped away.

Greyback grabbed Logan by the back of the jersey and threw him to the ice.

“Oh my god,” Leo whispered. “Oh—”

Greyback’s skate met Logan’s stomach, vicious and mean and hard, both gloves braced on the boards for leverage. Logan jolted again and curled on his side, pinned between the boards and Greyback’s foot rising a second time—

The Rangers fell on him like wolves. Leo covered his mouth with both hands. He didn’t want to watch this. Oh, god, he didn’t want to see this. Greyback shook the refs off and skated backward to boos that rattled the windows. His lips twitched into a snarl. A grin.

Leo swore he looked right at them.

“Oh my god.” It tore out of him, muffled by his palm.

“—motherfucking maniac.”

Finn was yelling. He must have been, before. Leo hadn’t heard. A hand found his mid-back. Sirius. Unflinching and unblinking. Leo’s throat pulled hard enough to hurt. “He…”

“Go downstairs,” Sirius said quietly. His other arm was wrapped around Remus’ shoulders. God. Remus.

Leo’s ice water soaked into the carpet by his sneaker. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. “It’s because Logan’s good.”

Because you were good. Around and around. It never fucking ended. Remus stared at the ice as the medical team helped Logan off the ice, all shades of dark blue and red. He shook his head. “He knows I’m here.”

He’d been ready to kick Logan again. And again, and again, until—Leo didn’t want to know what Fenrir Greyback’s stopping point was. The whole team watched him limp down the tunnel, a trainer under one arm and Luke under the other.

Percy grabbed Greyback by the back of the jersey and slammed a fist across his face.

“Go downstairs,” Sirius repeated.

Captain’s orders. Leo figured he should probably let go of Finn’s wrist. He didn’t seem to mind, though, and they kept up a quick, steady pace through halls so empty Leo could hear each footfall. A security guard stepped forward when they reached the medical room. “Sir—”

“Move,” Finn said flatly. He didn’t wait for an answer; Leo clapped the guard on the shoulder as they passed through the door.

They weren’t alone.

The Rangers’ PT closed his eyes. “I said no visitors.”

“They’re fine.” Leo winced at the strain in Logan’s voice. “They’re fine, they can stay.”

“Goddamn right we can stay,” Finn muttered. He pulled a stool over to the side of Logan’s bed and pressed a kiss to the top of Noelle’s head. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Her eyes remained locked on the PT as he palpated Logan’s thigh, then his calf. She must have left the second Logan folded. That explained the security guard.

“What are we doing?” Leo asked.

“Checking legs and arms,” Noelle answered before the PT could open his mouth. “Nothing so far. They’re looking at his chest and stomach next.”

“I feel great,” Logan said from the bed. He offered Leo a shaky grin, a little pale against the white pillow. “Hey, like my goals?”

Leo mustered something like a smile and squeezed his hand. “Real pretty, baby.”

“Nothing broken,” the PT said. He had moved on to Logan’s ankles. “Anything hurt, Tremblay?”

Logan laughed ruefully. “Everything. But not so bad.”

The PT nodded, though he didn’t look convinced. “Let’s get those pads off you and take a look. How’s your breathing?”

“Better, now.”

“Ribs?”

“Sore.”

The PT—Koch, Leo read—finally looked back to them. “If you’re going to be here, you can help him sit up.”

Good. Leo hadn’t planned on leaving either way. He took the head of the bed, where Logan was pressing himself up onto his elbows with a grimace. It felt odd to handle him in all his gear—Leo could feel straps and buckles bunch under his bare hands, all locked tight against Logan’s body. He got ahold of Logan’s underarms and took his weight, then brushed a kiss to his sweaty hair. “Hi.”

“Salut.”

“Okay here?”

“Ouais, it’s good.”

“We’re going to get that jersey off first,” Koch instructed. “Tremz, can you lift your arms?”

Leo eased his weight forward until Logan could brace against him. He managed to get his arms up, but not without a low noise. “Yeah.”

“We can always cut it off if it hurts.”

“Non, I’ll be quick.”

Leo watched Finn watch Logan as he pulled his jersey over his head. The crease between his auburn brows was back. Deeper, now. More intent. Leo watched it go slack in an instant. “Fuck, Lo.”

“Tabarnak,” Noelle mumbled.

“Is it bad?” Logan craned his neck down at an odd angle. “Get these things off, I can’t see.”

Koch clicked his tongue. “Pretty banged up, bud.”

The four of them worked Logan’s pads off in pieces. The release made Logan sigh and lean back, eyes closed, his abdomen free and bare. Leo’s stomach curdled. "Fucking Christ, Logan."

Banged up. Beaten, more like it. Brutalized. Leo couldn’t help it—he reached out to touch, and felt heat radiating off the mass of purple-blue-black spreading across Logan’s torso an inch before contact. “How’s the breathing?” Koch checked. Logan gave a thumbs-up. “Cramping?”

“A little. Sore, mostly. I’m coming off the adrenaline.”

Noelle glanced to Leo. “He got the wind knocked out of him.”

“No shit.”

“Did they throw Greyback out?”

“Percy fought him,” Finn chimed in. Logan’s eyebrows rose. “We didn’t see the rest.”

“We’ll win,” Logan said decisively, then winced. “Ugh. I should be excited.”

“Be excited at home tonight.” Koch felt around the abused area and made a face. “This will feel worse in an hour, and real bad in the morning. I can send you home with some pain meds and anti-inflammatories. Honestly, though, heading to urgent care or the hospital is not a bad idea.”

Logan made a face. “I’m too tired for a hospital.”

“You’re sure?”

“I don’t want to…” Logan trailed off. Noelle squeezed his hand. “Just, like, go sit there forever so they can give me meds and send me home. I really just want to sleep this off.”

“You should have someone stay with you overnight,” Koch said. “Just in case, I mean.”

Logan gestured to them. “I have three right here.”

“Are they going to be able to get you to a hospital if anything changes?”

“Absolutely.” Finn patted Logan’s calf. Leo could see the false edge in his smile from a mile away, but Logan seemed tired enough not to care. “Hear that, baby? We’ll even carry you to the car.”

“Please, no,” Logan laughed, then made a soft noise.

Koch’s eyes narrowed. “What feels bad?”

“Feels like I got kicked in the fucking stomach.”

“Lo,” Leo said quietly. Logan exhaled through his nose.

Waspish or not, Koch appeared unbothered by Logan’s attitude. He laid his hands over the darkest part of the bruise again and gave Logan a once-over. “I’m going to get those anti-inflammatories,” he said. “Lift your arms again?”

Logan waved his arms up and down, like he was doing jumping jacks. “See? Fine.”

“His back’s really tense,” Leo said.

Logan let his head thud back against Leo’s shoulder. “Come on.”

“I’ll get the medical staff to give a second opinion,” Koch said. He held both hands up as Logan began to protest. “Look, Tremz, I think you’ll be good in a couple days, but I’m not tossing you out the door without another set of eyes.”

“Just—” Logan turned to Finn, all hopeful and sweet. Leo nearly rolled his eyes. “Loops is upstairs, right? He knows me. He’s got his fancy doctor school stuff and everything, he counts.”

“Tremblay,” Koch said at the same time Finn sighed out a “Logan.”

“He does!”

“Oh, tais-toi,” Noelle grumbled, covering his mouth with her palm. “Hush. No more. Yes, Mr. Koch, please get your medical team to tell my idiot brother if he should go to the doctor. Thank you.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Koch said.

Leo had never tried that method. He wasn’t sure it would work as well for him, though he had a few tricks of his own. The sides of Logan’s mouth tilted down in a hard frown when Noelle took her hand away and patted his arm. “Mean to me,” he muttered.

“You look like an eggplant.”

“I’m hurt.”

“Then go to the doctor,” she said slowly.

“I’ll be fine!” Logan spread his hands. “Look, I move, I breathe, I’m talking, I can argue.”

“You could argue from your grave, Lolo.”

Logan huffed and folded both hands on his stomach, winced, and laid them in his lap instead. He looked up at Leo, upside-down and far less flushed than he’d been on the TV screen. “Sorry I scared you.”

“Not your fault.”

“No,” Logan agreed. He looked down at Finn and held a hand out for him to take. “Sorry, Fish.”

Finn ran his thumb over Logan’s knuckles. Unbruised, for once. “Just glad you’re okay.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Noelle added, standing only to sit on the side of the PT table and usher Logan a few inches over. She combed her fingers through his hair; his eyelids drooped. “We’ll check the game in a minute, d’accord? They probably suspended Greyback.”

“Dirty hit,” Logan said.

“Dirty kick,” Leo muttered.

“A mess,” Noelle agreed. “But not our mess. How’s your stomach?”

Logan wobbled his hand from side to side. “Been better. Bruised, probably.”

She laid her head on top of his, but kept one hand in his hair. She was petting Logan the same way their mother did—Leo had been pleasantly surprised by the tenderness of Iva’s hand on his head at dinner, slipping a few curls behind his ear with a thoughtless, yet no less intense, kind of care. Logan liked it, too. He let out a long sigh and Leo watched the tension in his legs fade away.

“Here,” he said, ratcheting the top section of the PT table up a few notches into more of a chair shape. Noelle helped Logan get comfortable, though Leo noticed she took most of his weight on herself. Their legs stretched in parallel down the length of the cushioned tabletop. He’d never noticed how their feet turned inward at the same angle.

Finn straightened Noelle’s stool out for him when he came back around, bringing it close to his own. “And now we wait,” he said quietly. His palm smoothed up Logan’s thigh, then up to the ink-spill of a bruise. His splayed fingers stood vivid in their paleness. Finn ran his thumb across the lower boundary, then laid his hand back over the heart of it. He frowned.

“Lo?”

As quickly as it had eased, Leo’s heart rate kickstarted again.

“Hmm?” came Logan’s tired answer.

Noelle sat up the rest of the way, frowning. “Why are you purple?”

“My stomach hurts.”

“You’re—Finn, do you see this?”

“Hang on, he’s all…tense, here, I don’t know.” Finn prodded the purpled skin, then seemed to see something in Logan’s face, too. “Yeah, right around his—"

“Mouth,” Noelle finished. She shook Logan’s shoulder. Gentle at first, then harder. “Logan. Look at me.”

“Arrêtes,” he muttered, peering out at her through one slitted eye. “Let me nap, it’s been a long night.”

“Noelle.” The urgent undertone of Finn’s voice raised every hair on Leo’s neck. “He doesn’t feel right.”

“He’s breathing faster.” Noelle rubbed her palm along the center of Logan’s chest, even when he tried to push her away. “Come on, Lolo, look at me.”

Logan started to speak, then stopped. He blinked both eyes open with a hard breath out through his nose. He held himself awkwardly—too still, too wary. Leo watched him glance down at himself, at the table, and take another labored breath, brows knitted like he’d missed an easy pass. A shudder rattled from the tops of his shoulders to his socked feet. “Nolly.”

“I’m here,” she said immediately, wrapping her arm fully around his shoulders.

“It’s okay, Lo,” Leo said. Even as the words left his mouth, it felt like a lie.

Another shiver. Fast breaths, shallow breaths. Leo’s lungs hurt just looking at him. They caught in Logan’s chest and flared his nostrils like each one took a thousand tons of effort. He wet his lips. His gaze slid to the side, and only focused after a few blinks. “J’ne sais…”

“C’est bon.”

Logan shook his head, then laid it on her shoulder again. His face twisted the moment he moved.

She murmured something into his hair, then turned to Finn and Leo. “He’s cold—”

Logan lurched. In a single rush of motion, red poured down the front of Noelle’s shirt, across her lap, and began to pool on the floor of the PT room.

Leo ran.

Noelle’s blistering scream followed him out the door.

Koch and his collection of medics were already running when Leo found them, coffee cups sloshing in their hands. Leo twisted his fist in the front of a Ranger-blue quarter-zip and hauled him back down the hallway at a sprint. “What—”

“Fix it!”

One of the medics shouted when they crossed the threshold. There was a lot of shouting, actually. Leo let it blur like a crowd and beelined for the table. Logan: slumped and still. Finn: holding both of Logan’s hands. Noelle: holding the rest of Logan’s upper body in her arms and lap, where he had evidently passed right the fuck out. She looked like she’d fallen out of a bad remake of Carrie. The whole fucking room was the set.

Leo heard sirens echo from the back of the building. More rapid footsteps, more people, and Logan. Still laying limp. Leo knelt by his head and swallowed hard at the warmth seeping through the knees of his jeans. “Logan? Lo, can you hear me?”

“He’s out, he just went fucking out,” Noelle sobbed, clutching him to her as the medics closed in. “Allez, Bear, reste avec moi—"

“Ms. Tremblay—"

“No!” she howled.

Leo let the medics body him out of the way. He hit something solid; arms came around him, and he was on his feet in one tug, but Finn had been bullied all the way on the other side of the room. He was watching them load Logan onto a stretcher, ghost-white. A medic barred his path. Leo sucked in a breath. “I…”

“Stay here,” Sirius ordered. Leo could have cried. Oh, fuck, he was definitely going to cry. Sirius was holding him like he’d bolt. Leo didn’t know how to tell him it was more likely he’d collapse. “Sit.”

He sat. He didn’t know whose chair he was in, but he sat. Sirius moved around him like a shadow and steered Finn to the adjacent seat by his shoulders.

“Stay,” he repeated, pointing to the pair of them. “Do not move. I’ll be back in two minutes. Count.”

“One,” Finn said shakily. He held onto the chair with both hands. “Two. Three.”

Noelle was still crying, somewhere in the vastness beyond the room. The underside of her sneaker was stamped in crimson on the floor. Leo blinked fast.

“Four,” Finn continued, voice wobbling harder. “Five.”

Someone was yelling in the hallway. Unfamiliar—no, very familiar, and very loud.

“Eight. Is that—”

“What the fuck were you doing?” Very, very familiar, yet so foreign in its thunderous anger. “It’s internal bleeding, you stupid motherfucker! It’s goddamn hypovolemic shock! He came in with—HE CAME IN WITH A TRAUMATIC BRUISE AND LABORED BREATHING, AND YOU WENT FOR ANTI FUCKING INFLAMMATORIES AND A COFFEE?”

“Oh, shit,” Finn choked out.

“This is your job! THEY ARE YOUR JOB!”

The shouting died out for half a second.

“A MISTAKE? You left a patient to puke blood on his fucking sister! HE COULD HAVE DIED ON YOUR TABLE, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE SON OF A BITCH!”

Leo reached for Finn. He’d made it to number sixty-five. The chair arms wedged against his side at an awkward angle, but Finn clutched at the back of his shirt and pressed his face to Leo’s shoulder like it was his only anchor on earth.

The door hit the wall. A picture fell flat to Koch’s desk with the impact. “Jesus,” he heard Remus mutter, then quick footsteps crossing linoleum. “Hey,” he said, gentler. The back of a cool hand came to rest on Leo’s forehead, then a palm just below his nape. “Hey, come on. We’re gonna get out of here, okay?”

“We’re good,” Leo managed. His vision blurred. “We’re good.”

“I know, bud.” Remus put his hand on Finn’s shoulder and gave a squeeze. “They’re taking Logan to the hospital right now. I bet he’ll want to see you when he wakes up, right?”

Finn was one solid tremor in Leo’s arms. “Is he alive?”

Leo watched Remus’ face do something complicated. “Yeah, Harz. He’s alive. They’re taking real good care of him.”

“Cap told us to stay.”

“He’s helping Noelle right now.” Remus’ knuckles rubbed short, quick lines along the side of Finn’s spine. “He asked me to come get you two. Finn, can you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna pass out?”

Finn pulled in a shuddering, tear-filled breath. “Maybe.”

“Yeah, man, you’re shaking pretty bad.”

Touch. Leo flinched at the sensation.

“You with me, Knut?”

Leo nodded, and nodded, and broke.

Remus didn’t balk at the first garbled sob, nor the second. When Leo came back to himself, dry-mouthed and riddled with a headache he hadn’t had five minutes ago, he’d sweated through his shirt. It didn’t even make him feel worse.

“Keep breathing,” Remus murmured. “Good job, that’s really great. We’re going to try standing up now, okay?”

He swayed badly, clutching Finn for support, but they made it. Lukewarm water dribbled down the inside of Leo’s wrist. Paper towels. Damp, like the glistening floor. Leo licked his lips. Chemicals and salt the whole way down.

“I promise,” Remus was saying, low and soothing like a lullaby Leo couldn’t remember. “Keep those there, Harz. I’ll get you some water.”

Finn was crying. Oh, he hated it when Finn cried. It broke his heart right open. Leo swiped the handful of paper towels down his face and shuddered at the cool air that followed. He made his wooden feet take a few steps toward the door.

“Nope, nope, nope.” A grip on his arms shocked Leo away from the buzz in his ears. Remus lifted his hand for him and pressed it to his neck. Water began trickling down the soaked back of his shirt.

Leo shook his head. “He’s not dead.”

“He’s not,” Remus agreed, guiding Finn over with a hand on his back. “He’s at the hospital.”

“It’s because Logan’s good.” They made their way across the room. Someone should put up a ‘wet floor’ sign, Leo thought. Between Finn’s clenched fistful of damp paper towels and his own dripping rivers down his spine, this place would be a slipping hazard sooner rather than later. Someone had tossed a few towels down—the red was gone. Leo could still see it when he blinked. A tang lingered in the air. He nodded to himself. “He hurt him ‘cause he’s good. He always does that. Logan’s so good.”

“Merci,” Sirius murmured, kissing Remus’ forehead quickly. The hallway around them was—was a mess. Sirius had blood on his shirt. Not as much as Noelle, but Leo frowned.

“Your shirt.”

“She’s fine,” Sirius assured him. “I’m driving you two to the hospital, d’accord?”

“Who’s fine?”

“What?”

“She’s fine,” Leo repeated. “Who?”

Sirius glanced down the hallway, toward the bathrooms. “Uh, Noelle. She was—upset. But she’s okay. Thomas is with her.”

“Is she coming?”

“Where?”

Too many follow-up questions. Leo was getting impatient. “Is she coming to the hospital with us?”

“Not right now.” Sirius gave him a strained smile and pried the wad of paper towels from his hand, then Finn’s. “Thomas will drive her. Let’s be quick, ouais? Is one of you his emergency contact?”

They’d joked about it, at the start of the season. Lots of back and forth about if you’re in an emergency, he’s going to be right next to you and we should all put Loops and see what he says and wait, no, do Kuny, it’ll be funny and am I too old to put my mom on mine? “Both.”

The throbbing in Leo’s head had started leaving a pretty little star in the left side of his vision. He let Sirius shepherd them toward the exit, blinking slowly to clear it. It worked for seawater. At home, and in Nice. They made it all the way to the car, parked in the players’ lot, before he could find words again. “Dumo.”

The engine rumbled to life. “What about him?”

“Dumo’s his other emergency contact.” Beside him, Finn nodded. His eyelid was twitching fast. Leo put a hand on his thigh, and in a second Finn’s palm had folded over it. “It’s us and then him. And then his mom, I think.”

Sirius kept his headlights off until they made it to the main road. “He doesn’t have anyone in New York?”

“Um.” He couldn’t think. Sensation returned to his fingers and toes in a tingling wave, but his brain… “Luke, probably. We didn’t want to put people on our teams.”

“Why?”

“We figured if something happened, it’d be on the bus,” Finn said. His thumbnail ran along the outer seam of his jeans in one long highway, then back up, juddering over the bump of each stitch. He pressed his other hand over his eyes. “Or, like, a plane or something. Or practice. Everyone would be there.”

“We’re—” Sirius broke off with a sigh, like the red light personally offended him. “Okay, we’re changing that when we’re at the hospital.”

--

A few other things came first. Logan’s surgery, for instance. And one hell of a hullabaloo about blood transfusions. Leo forgot about blood banks entirely and nearly called Noelle before the nurse stopped him. He and Finn were awarded the illustrious honor of sitting outside the OR for over an hour.

Someone had found Noelle a change of clothes. Thomas, Leo realized when she fell into his arms. She smelled like Thomas. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair. She held on to him tight, then went right for Finn.

There wasn’t much to say after that. Leo didn’t want to know the answers to any of his questions except one.

Alex showed up a few minutes before ten with food and hot tea for each of them. That hug nearly did Leo in. He’d wanted to hide in the safe arch of Alex’s body and let him handle the onslaught of questions for a while. But he couldn’t. Not forever.

More waiting, and more updates that sent Leo’s heart into his throat only to be told that Logan was doing great. That he just needed some time to rest up before receiving visitors. Leo wasn’t sure how Logan could possibly do better alone in a recovery room than he would with them beside him, but he’d left his energy somewhere between Remus’ shoulder and the doors of the hospital.

In an unusual turn, it was Finn that caught a second wind just past eleven o’clock, with a mutter of fucking bullshit and a hard kiss to the crown of Leo’s head. They were at Logan’s side with a pair of stupid little bracelets in a matter of minutes.

“Do you think he’ll have a scar?”

Finn looked over at him, one hand still tucking the edge of the blanket under Logan’s ribs. Confused, then soft as new snow. “Oh, yeah,” he said. “Yeah, real sexy.”

“Hear that, Lo?” Leo squeezed his hand and tried to ignore the lack of response. “You’ll be rugged.”

“They suspended Greyback.”

Leo would have preferred a death notice, but that worked. “Good.”

“And we won,” Finn added. He stroked the side of Logan’s sleeping face, mouth turning down at the sides. “I asked. He’ll want to know.”

“He will.”

Finn stared for a long moment, then groaned out a fuck and carded both hands through his hair, folding them at the back of his neck. He put his forehead on the crisp white sheets. “I don’t get it, Le. I just don’t. I can’t even—the fact that he’s still there, that they might still let him play.”

“It’s what he does.” Around and around and over and over.

“Remus said—”

“He didn’t know.” Leo wouldn’t stand for it. “They came late and they were never on the cameras. He did it because of Logan.”

Finn rested his chin on his forearms. His eyes were red-rimmed, face flushed. “It wasn’t Lo’s fault.”

“Logan’s good,” Leo said quietly. “This is what he does.”

“He knew Remus would be watching.” Red hair, falling prettily over his ears even mussed as it was. “Even if he thought he was at home, he knew.”

“Sure. Does it matter?”

“No.” Finn sat back, legs akimbo, restless hands tangling in his lap. He let out a low groan and let his head drop onto Leo’s shoulder. “I hate this. I hate that he’s ever been on the fucking ice, I hate that they might let him back, I hate that there’s a fucking—pattern, Le, and nobody even knows.”

Leo had missed his voice in those silent minutes.

“It’s not right.” He was fever-hot, close like this. Logan had been cold. “It’s not okay. Someone needs to know. I don’t fucking care if Loops just wants to, like, do his Zen get-over-it bullshit or whatever, someone needs to fucking stop him. I can’t keep doing this. Every time he’s out on the ice with you two I’ m just…”

Finn broke off with another groan. Privately, Leo was pretty sure there wasn’t an ounce of get-over-it in Remus’ body. And his dedication to dismantling Greyback’s legacy year by year, point by point, humiliation by humiliation, was pretty far from Zen.

“We could’ve been home.” Finn’s voice broke. Leo closed his eyes. “Jesus, we could’ve been four fucking hours away. What if nobody had been with him? That fucking PT was just going to let him bleed out on a table. I can’t take this. I can’t watch him get away with it again.”

When Alex stole a reluctant Finn away, and Noelle went to check in with Thomas at the end of the hall, Leo had taken a moment to call his mother. She’d heard Logan was taken to the hospital, but not much else. Twitter knew more. Someone got a shaky, out-of-focus video of Noelle before Sirius had taken their phone and thrown it in the nearest trash can. Can you tell us what happened? Can you tell us how you’re feeling?

I’m fucking covered in my little brother’s fucking blood!

“I don’t think Remus has to tell anyone.”

Finn sighed, slumping in his seat. “Leo…”

“We can’t make him. Not like this.” Fucking covered. She’d been holding Logan. Cradling him. Remus had been alone. And tonight, his sharp teeth, hidden by cautious walls. Leo didn’t think he’d been like that, before. “It needs to be its own thing. He deserves that much.”

He saw it in Logan’s chest, first. The same shift-stutter-sigh that greeted him in the earliest early mornings, when the moon and sun had both left Leo behind. Finn heard it, too, and took Logan’s hand in his between one breath and the next.

“Morning, baby,” Leo whispered.

In the low orange light, Logan’s eyes were nearly hazel. The tiny oxygen tubes pulled when he turned his head; his nose crinkled, mouth turning down. “Quoi…?”

“How are you feeling?” Finn asked. “Hi, Lo baby, hi.”

“Le match…” Logan trailed off, frowning harder. “Noelle.”

Leo exchanged a look with Finn. He didn’t want to leave, but he certainly didn’t want to squabble pointlessly over who should go. Finn stood, and smoothed a hand over Leo’s head with a soft kiss for his temple. “I’ll get her.”

“Thanks,” Leo murmured.

Finn just kissed him again. Three taps to his shoulder, three taps for Logan’s hand. Leo’s heart ached.

Logan took in a long breath, then let it out slow. He was still looking at Leo. “Did I throw up on her?” he asked in hazy French. “I think…I don’t remember. She was with me.”

“Does your stomach still hurt?”

“Non.”

“That’s good.” Leo straightened the oxygen tubes, mostly to give his hands something to do. Logan’s cheeks were soft under his thumb when he stroked over them. “You did throw up earlier, but it was just blood.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

Leo blew out a breath. “Fenrir Greyback?”

“What a fuck.”

“What a fuck,” he agreed. “He hit you. Too hard.”

“Kicked me.”

“Yeah,” Leo said quietly. “That, too. Your bruise was—you were bleeding inside. Your gear kept it under pressure until we took it off to check you out.”

“It was bad.”

Tears pressed at the back of Leo’s throat. He glanced at the ceiling to will them back, then nodded. “Yeah, pretty bad.”

Logan nodded. “Did we win?”

“Mhm.” One streaked down his cheek; Leo made sure to swipe it off on his shoulder before taking Logan’s hand between his own. A few careful rubs brought some warmth back to the tips. He needed to touch. To feel him move. “Percy fought for you.”

“He thinks you’re great.”

Leo managed a wet laugh. “Oh, yeah?”

“I made him a believer. Wasn’t hard.”

“Well, you can tell him I’m a big fan, too. He’s probably banging the door down right now.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Logan mumbled. The medication kept his eyelids heavy and his voice low, but when he adjusted his head on the pillow to look at Leo head-on, his focus was good. He sighed when Leo laced their fingers together.

The two of them were good at comfortable silence. Leo let it wash over him, a cool wave, a calm wind. He laid his head on the pillow next to Logan. He used to long for him so badly it hurt. This was worse, this was so, so much worse, but he’d take a hundred doses of that longing if it meant he could stay here for another second. Leo watched him blink and breathe in peaceful oblivion across a few inches of clean cotton. Rip the bandaid off—one quick stroke. He hated being the unfair one. Perhaps this Logan, pink-cheeked and foggy, would forgive him fast.

“You’re out for the playoffs, Lo.”

Logan’s exhale quavered. “I know.”

I’m so sorry. It wasn’t the time for apologies. Logan didn’t need them. Not from him, at least. Leo had a long list of people who owed Logan far more than an apology tonight.

But that list did not include Noelle, who brought no noise with her when she arrived. Leo had seen that zip-up hoodie on Ray Morgan this afternoon. She folded herself into the infinitesimal space between Logan’s arm and the rail of the bed and said nothing for several minutes.

“Thomas called the girls. And maman.”

Logan nodded. “Sorry I threw up on you.”

Leo didn’t have a name for the look on her face. The four of them were so…he didn’t even know. He wasn't sure he ever would. The way they spoke to each other with no words at all—the way they saw each other, intense eyes piercing through masks and lies down to the marrow of their bones. Logan and his sisters were cut from the same tight-woven cloth. They could say one thing, mean something entirely different, and be understood all the same.

Finn’s hands came to rest on his shoulders. They gave a tiny pulse; Leo leaned into it and kissed his forefinger. It wasn’t enough. He reached back and pulled on Finn’s sleeve until he came around the side of Leo’s chair, and Leo was gifted a small, tired smile when he brought Finn down to sit in his lap.

“Noelle found me when I was entirely distracted by a certain someone taking over our ice for the first time,” Thomas said, then pointed right at Finn, who was already shaking his head, arms crossed. “Anyone here not know the story of the time Loops dangled Harzy so bad he fell clean over?”

Finn threw his hands up, Leo laughing. Finn threw a hand at Kasey. “And beat the Blizzard! No one ever includes that.”

“I don’t deny it,” Kasey called back.

“Well, Loops,” Thomas said into the microphone, eyes on Remus. “Didn’t I promise to stir up some rehearsal dinner chaos?”

~

But Thomas found other things while not looking. He’d found the photograph that way. Mostly, he’d been curious. Remus on the ice had made him curious. Maybe he and Remus had crossed paths at college. Maybe they’d been this close to sharing the ice. Sharing a thousand shifts.

Remus Lupin ice hockey got him a lot of dead links. Which, no, that wasn’t what he’d wanted. He’d wanted team photographs. A bio. Statistics. But here was an interesting find anyway.

He didn’t know if Remus had looked. Didn’t know if he was allowed to bring it up—especially not then. Remus hadn’t even been on the team yet. It’d still been more colleague than friend between them.

But now they did share the ice. And Thomas had done his best to hold steady while Remus’ entire life changed beneath his feet, and he would speak at his wedding, and, right now, he was watching Remus and Leo, both wearing hockey helmets, sing a song Thomas wished he knew, if only to sing along.

And for some reason, against the drinks making him buzz pleasantly, and the arm Noelle had around his waist, all Thomas could think about were dead links and the sheer lack of photographs, and—Fenrir Greyback. The way that man sounded on the ice, the cruel, spitting whine of him.

Noelle’s hand came up to rub at his chest, the way it always did when—well, she just knew him, didn’t she? Didn’t have to search at all.

“What’s up, coeur?” She said beneath the music. She didn’t look concerned, exactly, broke long enough for a smile when Leo tried to hit a high note, but her hand remained, thumbs swiping gently over the fabric of his t-shirt. “You look a little…contemplative? For karaoke.”

He could tell her. Right now, he could tell her. Talk it all out to her. Explain why his throat felt so tight every time he so much as looked at the speech he’d written. Thomas felt like he’d overcome quite a few odds in this small game of theirs. And Remus? No, it wasn’t as if he’d done it alone, having Sirius Black in your corner helped. But Remus had all but rewritten his odds. And he was still doing it.

“I’m good,” Thomas said. Thomas tucked his fingers snug against Noelle’s waist. Remus looked at him from the stage—exactly then. Bright eyes, hair pushed back, arm around Leo’s waist as they sang some part together, completely off-beat because they were laughing too hard. It made Thomas laugh.

The surprising things about Remus Lupin—and this he’d put in his speech. The surprising thing about Remus Lupin was that he really could just…make you forget you were in pain. At least, he could dull it. Bruised ribs. Puck-split lip. Thomas looked down at Noelle. A little heart-sick over wanting your teammate’s older sister.

Didn’t mean Thomas could forget Remus’, though. Dead links and that scar on his shoulder that caught the light every day in the dressing room. Guys asked. Guys who didn’t really know. Not the most uncommon thing, to ask after scars. And Remus was good. Bright smile, throw-away laugh and a shrug. Sirius was not to good. Tight eyes and a firm look to the guy asking that would have had even James with his hands up and tail between his legs. It’d made Thomas go back and check, just once. Dead links. One team photograph. Kind of blurry, actually. Remus and Fenrir, though, dead center. Grinning.

On stage, Remus tilted his head at him, still smiling into his microphone. Thomas smiled a bit back. There it is. Remus Lupin: A couple drinks in, music blaring, and wondering if Thomas was all right.

“I’m good.” He dropped a kiss to Noelle’s temple. “Never heard anyone sing this song like this, is all.”

Noelle laughed. “Ouais, sounds right.” She turned into him, reaching up to lace her fingers at the back of his neck. Gorgeous like this, is what Thomas thought. And they had a whole summer.

He pressed her hair away from her face with soft hands. “Hey—whole summer.”

“Whole summer,” Noelle nodded. She tilted her chin up, hardly even asking before Thomas ducked to kiss her.

She was smiling by the time he pulled back.

“You know…” Noelle reached up and pressed a thumb over his bottom lip. He’d seen her mom do that to her dad more than once. Sweet, how it carried over. “We’re at Sirius fucking Black’s wedding. Well, almost.”

“That, we are.”

“I really do like weddings.”

If he could love her more, right then, he would’ve. Well, no—he could always, always love her more. A hundred times over. Especially when she scrunched her nose at him and laughed.

“Oh, yeah, Christmas.” Thomas squeezed her hips. “I’m keeping that in mind, don’t you worry.”

•

“Crowds aren’t always my thing,” Kasey said, and the tables laughed. Alex had a hand half over his mouth, grinning. He’d nodded when Kasey said that, but it wavered into something more of an unsure gesture. Always thinking the best of him, Kasey guessed. How he always got away with that, Kasey didn’t know. He cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes. Gift from Alex. Scuffed at the toes. “But I really love these guys, so, hey.”

Natalie had her fingers in Alex’s hair, and Kasey watched as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Beautiful night. If he had to give a speech—and he did want to, it just wasn’t like his heart was calm, exactly, in his chest—at least there was a warm breeze and the lingering smell of sun, sand, and firewood. At least he wasn’t so much on a stage as he was just standing in front of Sirius and Remus. In front of the family they shared. And what more was a good locker room than that? Leo was leaning forward in his seat with that massive rookie-smile on his face. Kasey used to wonder when he was going to stop looking at him like that. There was really nothing awe-inspiring about him. Except maybe his capacity for hurting himself—in all the ways.

Now, after it all, the final game and the final unbuckling of the pads, he sort of hoped Leo never stopped looking at him like that.

Kasey cleared his throat. “I think I’m speaking for any of the players here, any of my teammates—guess we have some Rangers here, too. For some reason.” He glanced at Logan. “Hey, that got me a good old, vintage Tremblay glare.”

Laughs. He was doing fine.

“I speak for everyone when I say that Remus Lupin saved our asses more times than we can count.”

“Damn right,” Thomas called out. Noelle shushed him, but not really. He appreciated the microphone squeaking a bit, bringing on the loud ha that was Alex’s and Alex’s alone. He glanced over to see that Natalie had a hand over his mouth. Kasey knew exactly what she was whispering to him. You’re so loud.

“Yeah.” Kasey rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. Snuck a glance at Remus. “He’s been saving me for a long time. Or, I guess I’d been having problems for a long time. I would just—spiral. Like, you wouldn’t believe—yeah, I see you nodding, Lupin.”

Remus waved him off, smile closed-lipped and eyes a little bright. They’d spent so much time together now that Kasey could say it wasn’t just Remus who had seen him fight tears—or, really, lose the fight to them. It went both ways now.

“When you’re hurt,” Kasey said, “and it keeps coming back. It’s just this looming…thing. Like someone standing behind you, waiting to strike again.”

Sirius’ arm went around Remus’ back, thumb rubbing soft circles over his shoulder.

“It’s really easy to feel out of control. Scary easy. And then nothing in life feels like it’s even yours. Just things that are happening to you. Which is a terrible feeling.”

That was too much. Jesus, how depressing was that? What was he even saying? But also Sirius Black was sitting there, nodding like he understood. So. Kasey couldn’t be all wrong.

“I am—um. God, I promise this speech isn’t about me.” More laughs. He gave them a smile in return. “I’m retired. I retired. I think people know that, sorry, it’s all right, though. Left y’all in good hands.” He waved a hand at Leo. “Sunshine face.”

Leo tilted his head back and laughed.

“God, here’s what I’m…trying to say.” Kasey realized he’d started walking back and forth a little and stopped. Looked at Remus, because looking to Remus had always been the most steadying thing in the room. Especially when Natalie hadn’t been there. When Alex had been in another city, and they hadn’t patched things up exactly, but he’d known Natalie, Natalie had known him, and they’d got on like fire and fucking wood, and Kasey’s thigh ached, tearing slowly apart, and his heart ached, one half in each of their hands. And Remus had just seemed to know. That sometimes those aches got so tangled up, it was hard to tell the difference.

“It takes a pretty incredible person to make you feel like you can just…be easy with them. Laugh and hang out the same day you maybe lost it a little bit earlier in their office. No embarrassment. No questions asked—except the pain scale ones. Jesus, Lupin, how do you always know when we’re lying?”

Remus was definitely crying a little now. The tears were thick in his laugh and it brought a tightness to Kasey’s throat, too, oh God.

“I got the big dream when I thought I would,” Kasey said. He gestured to the team. “This dream we all have. Even if it ended early, I got it. And you got yours, finally and long overdue. And after everything you did for me—hours, fucking hours of just…” He glanced at Julian, spitting image of Remus, and wondered briefly if he should swear. But fuck it, that kid should hear this. All of this. “Hours of just working with me, talking me out of my own head…” Yeah, Kasey was going to cry, but he fought through the words. “Loops, I got to play behind you, I got to watch you find Cap, and I just—couldn’t have asked for anything more for you. And you deserve absolutely everything.”

~

The idea of karaoke had sent everyone inside wondering what to wear, but Kasey was fine in his sweatshirt and shorts, so. 

He stayed by the Lupins’ fire pit. Thought about what it’d be like to give his speech in a few days time and tried not to get nervous about it.

He’d been thinking a lot about Florida, actually. Which had nothing to do with his speech. And everything, actually. That roadie, and then the world stopping in Gryffindor’s airport. He was sure Florida meant a thousand different things to Remus and Sirius now, but Florida would always mean Alex for Kasey. Maybe even especially now.

He used to just—forget, really. What to do with himself when he was in the same city as Alex. Playing there and being in the sunshine was probably very relaxing for everyone else. Must have been nice.

He used to stare up at the ceiling when he should have been napping. Should’ve been enjoying the warm weather. Should’ve found an open rooftop and had dinner. Night swim in the steam-curled outdoor pool?

Kasey watched the embers ebb and wane with the slight breeze and thought about last season. Thought about all the boys planning that beach day. Watching the visitor’s locker room after a morning skate and seeing that everything was just a little different. Logan had been somber, but Remus—Remus had had some sort of…new lightness to him.

Grinning more than usual maybe? It’d been hard to tell because—well. All Kasey had seemed to be able to do was wait for dark red hair and brown eyes to appear around every corner. (Last year had maybe been the peak of Finn making Kasey jump. Caught out of the corner of his eye, he was a ghost).

(Now Kasey was pulling Alex’s chair closer around campfires, but still).

Still. He thought about Florida. About thinking about New York in Florida. Thigh burning while he tried to sleep and heart tight at the thought of airport kisses, and the way city lights blurred through rainy New York cab windows. One night—a final night, so it would turn out—of tracing marble pale skin with his mouth. Never thought of such a bustling city as a hometown before but, back in New York, with Alex, it had felt like one. Somehow.

And he thought about that roadie, where he’d only just secured a towel around his waist, wiping the mirror clear of steam when a knock on his door had muffled its way through the room.

Dumo, maybe, about dinner, or Finn and Logan.

Another round of knocking, two fists on the door, a mess of it. Finn and Logan, then.

“Coming,” Kasey remembered calling. And something about calming down, and then the knocking not stopping, if anything it had just picked up its pace. Sharp taps that formed some sort of pattern, bum-bum-ba-bum. It’d had Kasey rolling his eyes and yanking open his hotel room door.

“Jesus, guys, I’m—”

Not Finn and Logan. Kasey wasn’t sure what he’d felt, actually, opening that door. Cold from the hallway’s AC or warm all over from—

“Alex,” he’d said. Because, yeah—Alex. Standing in the hallway with a big O’Hara grin on his face—hard to look at when Finn did it—and wearing navy shorts and a white t-shirt. Stupid tan boat shoes and no socks. God.

“Hi, Winter.”

Kasey had just stared at him. Too much. From just thinking, worrying, wondering about seeing him, to all of Alex—right here. Kasey’s remembered clutching the band of his towel, low on his hips. He’d thought he’d be waving Finn and Logan off to let him get ready, not standing in front of…

“What are you—Hi.” Kasey glanced down the hallway. The purely Lions-filled hallway. “What…”

Alex had made a big show of frowning, like he’d forgotten why he was there. Tapped the pockets of his shorts like he’d lost something before slipping his hands inside, nice and easy. Like seeing Kasey didn’t affect him at all.

In the fire pit in front of Kasey, the charred wood shifted down, sending sparks up.

In the memory, Alex leaned against the doorway. “I mean…pretty sure I’m about to take you to dinner. So.”

Kasey had some type of stone ruin in his chest, Alex’s, that crumbled just a little more at the way he talked.

Alex’s eyes flicked down to his waist, the towel’s fragile tie around Kasey’s hips. “Is that what you’re wearing?” That stupid poke of his tongue in the corner of his mouth as he smiled. “Damn. Now I feel overdressed.”

“Those shoes are stupid.”

“Thank you.”

The memory tangled after that. Kasey felt his eyes unfocus, the fire just a blur of color and light. He touched his mouth. Not that Alex had kissed him that night. But he’d… He’d asked after Natalie. Does she miss me? Yes, was the answer. There’d been one night, a summer one, where he and Natalie had gone to New York. They were meant to see Alex once. Just dinner. Kasey hadn’t known what the fuck his problem was, wanting two people, and he certainly hadn’t been able to read that same problem all over Nat yet. So, one dinner. A start and an end. Just to see him. Just to watch the way Alex was.

But this was Alex O’Hara. This was Natalie Darcy. And Kasey could have watched them make each other laugh forever. Natalie putting her hand on his thigh, Alex’s arm stretched behind Kasey in a booth. So dinner had turned into bars after. Bars after, brunch the next morning. Brunch the next morning, a second late night dinner. Late dinner, Alex walking them to their hotel, drinks in the bar. Drinks in the bar…Alex had left for his own apartment. His own bed. Barely, maybe, yes, maybe there had been a few tight moments of barely, but he had. Kasey using the bathroom in the hotel lobby, picturing Alex coming upstairs with them for so long that someone had had to knock on the door twice. Alex standing up—he’d slid right next to Natalie while Kasey had been gone, of course he had—to let him back into his seat and asking, teasing, fall in?

Yeah. Fell into something, for sure. Falling into whatever the hell this was.

Their hotel room door had shut and he and Natalie had just stood there inside, looking at each other. Natalie in that sheer green dress she loved. No bra. It’d been a humid night, but her breasts—well, cold hotel room. Kasey felt like he could see every curve of her.

“Kase…” she’d whispered. She’d pressed a hand low on her own hips, the other squeezing his shoulder. “Kasey.”

Kasey had pressed her right up against the door with a kiss, one she laughed into as her hands making the buckle of his jeans clink against the pull-down zing of his zipper. She’d put one leg around his waist until he could sink into the soaked warmth of her—all for the love of Alex fucking O’Hara. With his brown, candlelight eyes. It had been fast, a little frantic, Kasey making Natalie come against the door. She’d straddled his hips on the bed, then, dress rucked up. She’d let the straps off her arms so the silk pooled below her breasts. Kasey let his warm hands span her waist and she’d looked at him through their haze, hand between them, guiding his cock back into her. Rode him until the turn-down service was a mess, and with nothing but the lights of Alex’s city to wash all over them.

God, he was knotted up in the memories. New York—all of that two summers ago in New York, and then Florida, Alex showing up at his door, dinner, and then laying in bed afterwards, alone. Didn’t matter that he felt like a live wire at the image of Alex and the way he brushed his knuckles against his mouth when he smiled. Alex fucking O’Hara, how’s Nat, she miss me? Got him half-hard in the middle of some stupid open-air patio restaurant, just by looking at him.

Rough game, Florida. Rough time in general, of course. Calm before the storm, really. And still, Kasey’d never forget asking Remus, while he was taping up his thigh, if something was different. You seem happy, Kasey had said, if only because, with his own heart so heavy in his ribs, Remus’ lightness had glowed bright like a sun. Remus had smiled at him. Really smiled, even with warm hands trying to loosen the stubborn muscles of Kasey’s leg. Yeah, Bliz, thanks. I…I think I really am.

The wind changed direction. Smoke in Kasey’s face, and arms coming from behind, cheek pressing against his.

“Found you,” Alex whispered into his skin, then bit soundly at his jaw.

One corner of Kasey’s mouth lifted. “Yeah, you did.”

“You gonna sing a song with me?” Alex asked. He smelled like burnt sugar and lake water. Reminded Kasey of the Hampton House. Where everything clicked together. Of course—until he’d almost ruined everything by thinking too hard. By thinking too hard and with a diamond ring. The usual.

Kasey brought his hand up to hold Alex’s wrists where they were clasped over his chest.

“Come on.” Alex pressed the words into his skin. “Or Nat and I will sing at you.”

“Is that a threat? Because it’s not one.”

Alex just pressed his face into Kasey’s neck. Kasey closed his eyes.

“You’re sitting out here all alone,” Alex whispered.

Kasey knew that. He reached back to put a hand on the back of Alex’s neck, thumb tracing until he could feel the chain of his diamond. “I’m thinking about you.”

“Oh.” Kasey felt Alex’s body tense against him. Not in a bad way. Just thinking. “Well, then I guess I can leave you to it.”

Kasey gave the chain a light yank. “Those stupid shoes you used to have.”

“Oh.” Came out in three syllables through Alex’s laugh. “I brought those—”

“No, no, no.”

Alex released him, pushing himself upright off of Kasey’s shoulders. “Let me just go—”

But Kasey had already pushed himself up, too. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to catch Alex, even with the way he was jogging backwards towards the cars. Maybe Alex slowed down a lot so that Kasey could snag him, arm thrown around his shoulders. Alex put his arm around Kasey’s waist, grinning. Kasey couldn’t look at him for too long, he’d get some sort of stupid look on his face.

“You don’t have to worry about your speech,” Alex said as they stopped just shy of the porch steps. Kasey could hear the others inside, yelling to each other. James’ voice above the others.

And, yeah, Kasey was worried. But he worried about almost everything. But right now Alex’s hair was still messy from swimming earlier and he’d gotten too much sun on the bridge of his nose, the tops of his cheeks. And he was still, just—God, he still had the look of winning on him. Every part of him built up and pressing against the t-shirt he was wearing. Kasey didn’t think too much about it before he reached forward and pressed a thumb down from the center of his chest—right where the diamond lay beneath the fabric—and followed the strong line of his stomach all the way down to the tie of his shorts.

When he flicked his eyes back up, Alex was staring at him, eyebrows raised.

“Well.” Alex cleared his throat. “Hi.”

Fine. Kasey would let the stupid expression go all over him, if only to see the way, when he smiled, Alex’s eyes lit up, too.

“Stupid shoes,” Kasey said quietly.

“Hm,” Alex said.

“Oh, come on. Allez, allez—” Logan banged out of the screen door. His sweatshirt was gone, replaced by a dark green button-down that Kasey had basically come to think of as his time-to-drive-Finn-nuts shirt. Fine, maybe Leo called it that. Not you, too? Kasey had asked him. Leo had just smiled. He wears the grey one for me.

Logan frowned down at Kasey from the top step. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Alex snorted. “Oh, oh okay, mister I-owned-ten-versions-of-the same-t-shirt-for-most-of-my-life.”

Kasey put his hands in his pockets and nodded to the grassy ground in front of him. “Why don’t you come down here and say that again, Tremzy?”

Logan narrowed his eyes, jogging down to stand in front of Kasey. Kasey pushed up on his toes once, just for effect, and Logan shoved him. Kasey put both hands on his shoulders and gave him a shake. He’d missed him.

“We’re going to a bar,” Kasey said. Then, he flicked the space where Logan’s shirt was half undone. “Wouldn’t exactly call this wearing a shirt, frat boy.”

Logan just grinned. “Ouais.”

Alex groaned, turning with them to walk to the car. “You can’t just say ways to everything.”

“Ouais.”

Car doors slamming and radios turning on after that. Kasey found himself in a dark backseat with Alex’s face lit up by his phone, typing out a text.

Kasey didn’t think too hard, didn’t worry, when he brushed a gentle knuckle to Alex’s chin, got him to look up, and leaned over and pressed a kiss to his mouth. Logan was talking fast French in the driver’s seat, and Regulus was mumbling back from beside him. There might as well have been a dividing ocean in the leather seats between them. For all Kasey cared, it was deep brown eyes looking at him, and that was all there was.

“Let’s go have fun with everyone,” Kasey whispered, just for him, then leaned in, mouth brushing Alex’s ear, just to be sure, “but I want you tonight.”

Alex made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cough, and let his head drop back against the seat.

“D’accord,” Logan said, shifting the car into drive. “Ready?”

“Yep,” Kasey said to him. Alex’s phone light timed out, going dark, and they grinned at one another in the new dark.

October 2002

“Get in, loser!”

Kasey gave Alex the slightest smile through the open passenger door window. His eyes were half lidded and droopy, as they had been since August. Mr. Winter’s funeral had left a shadow over all of them, but over nobody more than Kasey, even though he and his dad had been rocky at the best of times. At least this time his clothes looked clean and fresh, Alex thought, not covered in dirt or leaves from the copious amount of time he spent smoking in the woods behind his house, as much as he claimed not to. But Alex could always smell the weed on him.

There was no scent of marijuana this time when Kasey sat next to him. Alex closed the passenger window and turned the volume down on the radio, then turned to Kasey. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Kasey shuffled with his backpack at his feet before finally making eye contact. Alex tried to control the beating of his heart under his gaze, which was always warm for Alex, no matter how shit Kasey was feeling. And he had been feeling pretty shit lately. 

“I have a plan,” Alex said. “Like, not a massive one. Or a complex one, just… let’s go to the Tremblay’s farm, yeah? Finn joins Logan there all the time, there’s a part with a field. I mean, you can see the stars and shit, it’s pretty nice-”

“Alex,” Kasey chastised, but he was smiling gently. “That sounds good.”

“Yeah?” Alex wasted no time putting his pickup into gear. “Great, because I wasn’t sure if you’d want to go and just, like, sit under the night sky with our feelings and shit, but…”

He saw Kasey shrug out of the corner of his eye. “We don’t have to talk about our feelings.”

“I know, I just…” Alex heaved out a sigh. “Okay. Yeah, okay. We can just- chat. Yeah.”

“Well, we know you’re good at that.”

Alex rolled his eyes, but smiled. And when he turned to look at Kasey briefly- whose hair looked unfairly soft in the street lights- he was smiling back.

***

“You were right, the stars are pretty here.”

“I told you so.”

Kasey’s nudge to his knee didn’t have any feeling behind it. Alex nudged him back playfully before settling back against the pillows he’d put in his pickup bed, shivering underneath the blanket they were sharing. The wind whistled through the Vermont woods that surrounded the farmland, but it was almost more comforting than creepy. They’d been passing whiskey that Alex had smuggled from his dad’s stock back and forth, and it was starting to make their skin flush. Still, Alex shuffled closer to seek out Kasey’s warmth beside him. “I think the ghosts are out to get us.”

Kasey snorted. “Ghosts?”

“Yeah. Ghosts of- I don’t know who, but ghosts. They’re in the woods, can’t you hear them?”

“No, I’m too busy listening to you talk my ear off.”

Alex flushed and ducked his chin under the blanket. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kasey rubbed a hand up Alex’s arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. “It helps.”

Alex turned his head away from the sky at that. Kasey didn’t like to talk about it. Since Alex had returned to college in September, he’d made the drive from Burlington a couple of times to visit, and called Kasey at least once a week. But still, it was mostly superficial, and Kasey mostly asked Alex questions about his life. Alex didn’t know how many ways he could explain how much he hated his calculus class before they ran out of things to talk about.

Although, Alex didn’t think he’d ever get tired of talking with Kasey- which was yet another thing they never, ever discussed.

Alex didn’t think Kasey regretted kissing him- Alex certainly didn’t. He did regret the circumstances, though. Finding Kasey in that random empty storage closet of the funeral home had taken him far too long. Kasey had always taken to hiding when he was emotionally overwhelmed. At their junior prom, he’d been so nervous to dance with his date, Sydney Tremblay, even though they went just as friends, that he’d hid in the coat closet at the venue until Alex went and got him. Sydney ended up hiding out behind the building and making out with a girl named Amelia, anyways, but that wasn’t the point. The point was Alex would go looking for Kasey anywhere and everywhere, no matter how long it took to find him. Especially at his father’s wake. 

What he hadn’t expected though, when he had gone looking for Kasey that fateful day, was for Kasey to grab him by the face and kiss him so hard he almost fell over.

Alex closed his eyes briefly against the memory. When he opened them again, Kasey was looking at him knowingly, his mouth turned down at the corners.

“Kase…”

“No.” Kasey shook his head. His voice was shaky. “Al, no, please.”

“Kasey.” Alex sat up and leaned to hover over him. “Kasey, I just- I just want to make sure you’re alright-”

“I’m fine.”

“Like hell you are.” Alex took a deep breath at the hurt that crossed Kasey’s face and tried to calm himself. “Kasey Winter, you are my best friend, I know when you’re not okay. You dropped out of college, and you love school, and you smoke weed and drink all the fucking time-”

“Alex.”

“-and tonight you’ve been taking big sips of whiskey, like, really big, and I know it’s not because you want to get drunk and have fun-”

“Alex.”

“-it’s because you’re sad, Kase, and I can’t do anything-”

“Alex!”

Kasey had taken Alex’s face in his hands now and Alex almost stopped breathing. For the first time since his father’s funeral, Kasey had tears in his eyes, and his bottom lip was trembling. He looked so tragically beautiful under the stars. Alex felt glued to his spot on the truck bed.

Kasey took a trembling breath and brushed his thumbs under Alex’s eyes. “Al, I…” His gaze dropped briefly to Alex’s mouth. “Alex, I can’t.”

“You can, Kasey, I- I feel so lost if I can’t help you.”

“I know,” Kasey whispered. His eyes were darting over Alex’s face now. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Alex, I am.” Then suddenly, as though dragged from the depths of his being, Kasey began to cry. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sh, no, Kase.” Alex took Kasey tightly in his arms, tucking his face down into his neck and running gentle fingers through his long hair. “Sh, no, Kasey, don’t be sorry. Don’t be sorry, baby-”

He felt Kasey suck in a breath when he did. Alex noticed that his fingers were trembling where they were resting in Kasey’s hair. He squeezed his eyes shut. Shit.

For a few moments, they were silent and still, just breathing together. Then, slowly, Kasey pulled back. Alex’s hands fell to his shoulders, his thumbs resting just behind Kasey’s jaw, where he could feel his racing pulse. Kasey licked his lips, then took Alex’s face in his hands once again.

“I know it hurts you. That I can’t talk about it.”

Alex shook his head hard. “Kase, it doesn’t matter if it hurts me-”

“Yes it does.” Kasey’s face was pinched. “Yes it does, it does matter that I hurt you, because you’re- you’re my…” He groaned through his teeth frustratedly. “Alex.”

“What?” Alex asked. He covered Kasey’s hands with his own. “What, Kasey, what do you need? Anything, Kasey, please-”

He was interrupted by a kiss. It was quick, almost nervous, so at odds with the kisses they had shared in the store room. Kasey pulled back immediately. He was terrified and so small, his tall body hunched and framed by the rear window of the pickup. He looked at Alex pleadingly. “Al.”

Alex wasted no time in taking Kasey’s face in his own hands, now, and leaning in. He kept his eyes open, gazing into Kasey’s, until the last possible moment. Then he made sure to kiss Kasey slowly and gently like he deserved. Alex’s body vibrated with the sensation. He felt Kasey shaking, too, attempting to turn the kiss hard and rough. But Alex kept him there, cradling the heart he cared most about in the world in a way it had never been held before, with long draws of their lips. The kiss was salty with both of their tears, and the freezing air was hitting harder now, but it was the best kiss Alex had ever had. He’d never been in love with anyone he’d ever kissed before.

Suddenly, Kasey pulled back. His face was pale. “Fuck.”

Oh, Alex did not like the sound of that. “Kase,” he implored.

“Oh my God.” Kasey covered his mouth with his hands as more tears fell. “Oh my God, no, Alex-”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said hurriedly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, I-”

“No, Al, I- we can’t.”

Alex believed in many things. In hard work, in the power of a hug. He believed that, the longer you knew someone, the easier it would be to find things to talk about. He believed that laughter was the best medicine, and that having a younger brother was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he definitely believed that he was in love with Kasey Winter.

He decidedly did not believe, then, that they couldn’t.

“No,” Alex said firmly. “No, uh-uh, Kase.”

“We can’t.”

“No, Kasey, we-”

“I can’t.” Kasey was looking at Alex so pleadingly, willing him to understand. “And it’s not- it’s not because I don’t love you-”

“I love you, too,” Alex interrupted simply. It was simple. He loved Kasey.

Kasey took a moment, bottom lip between his teeth. “Al, it’s because I don’t deserve you.”

Perhaps, for the first time in his life, Alex was lost for words. “What?”

“Alex,” Kasey began, reaching to take Alex’s hands in his own. “Alex, I’m a mess. I’m… I’m so fucked up, and you’re so incredible, and you deserve someone who is just as good as you.”

“To hell with you saying you aren’t good,” Alex implored. He leaned in to look Kasey in the eye. “And to hell with what you think I deserve. What I want is you. Kase…”

But Kasey was already shaking his head. “No, Alex.”

“Kase, please-”

“I said no.” 

There had only been a handful of times in his life when Alex had ever seen Kasey angry. And maybe he wasn’t even angry now, just irritated, but his face shook Alex to his core. This was not his Kasey. This was a boy, barely twenty-one, who was sad, and lost, and so, so beautiful he took Alex’s breath away. He had to try once more.

“Kasey, I love-”

“Take me home.” 

Kasey dropped Alex’s hands and grabbed the whiskey bottle instead, taking two big swigs. It was almost half gone, and Alex had not even had enough to make himself tipsy, which meant Kasey had been drinking more than his fare share. He winced as he watched Kasey finish his drink, wobbling a bit, even sitting down. Kasey locked eyes with him again, stony and firm.

“I need you to take me home, please, Alex.”

Alex simply nodded, eyeing the whiskey bottle still dangling from Kasey’s fingers. “Okay.”

***

They hadn’t talked since Alex had pulled off of the access road to the Tremblay farm. It was at least a twenty minute drive to the other side of town, where Kasey lived, on a good day, but it took longer in the dark because Alex had to slow down around all the blind corners as they wound through the hilly, forest-lined roads. The only sound was the radio, where Alex had put in an old Talking Heads CD. He and Kasey normally absentmindedly tapped along to the beat, Alex on the steering wheel and Kasey on his own thighs, but now they were silent and still. Kasey was slumped against the passenger door with his eyes closed. His face was flushed from drinking.

The blinker clicked as Alex turned onto the main road. He let out a sigh, looked at Kasey briefly, and gripped the steering wheel tightly between his hands.

“Kasey,” he said. “I’m not leaving you like this.”

Kasey didn’t even crack an eye open. “It’s not your choice.”

Alex bit his lip hard. Kasey had never talked to him like that. “Kasey, we should talk-”

“There is nothing to say.”

“Kase-”

“Stop saying my name like that!” Kasey was sitting upright now, eyes angry. His words were slurred. “Stop saying my fucking name like that, why the hell can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”

“Hey!” Alex hated rising to the bait, but he was irritated now, too. “Hey, don’t talk to me like that.” He clicked his blinker on and slowed the car down. “I am pulling over and we are figuring this out-”

“No you are not.” Hands grabbed Alex’s steering wheel and swerved back onto the road. 

“What the hell? Get your hands off-”

“You are taking me home!”

“This is dangerous, let go-”

“Alex!”

Alex looked up from fighting with Kasey’s hands just as they crossed the road. The four deer froze, and so did Alex, a yell caught in his throat. The next thing Alex saw were headlights coming their way and the deer running. He felt the car swerve, Kasey jerking the wheel with another yell. The world went white, then black with a bang, an airbag smacking him across the face. The last thing he heard was Kasey pleading with him to wake up before his eyes drifted closed.

***

Christmas Eve, 2006

“Well, well, well, what have we here? An Alex O’Hara, cooking?”

Alex rolled his eyes at Natalie before turning back to the root vegetables he was cutting for Christmas dinner. “Oh, ha, ha, like you’re any better.”

“I don’t need to be better,” she said, walking up behind him and planting a kiss on his cheek. “I am a guest. I don’t have to do anything.”

Alex hummed, placing his knife down and turning to wrap his arms around Natalie’s waist. He kissed her firmly. “I love you.”

Her smile was everything. “I love you, too.”

“I’m so happy you came home with me for Christmas.”

“I am, too, baby.” Natalie stood on her toes to kiss him again. “Your brother is sweet. And so are his boys.”

Alex rolled his eyes hard. Finn’s partners, Logan and Leo, had also joined them for the holidays. “They are disgusting.”

Natalie flicked the side of his head. “I think they’re cute.” 

“You’re cute.”

“Well, I know that.” Natalie carded her fingers through Alex’s hair. She looked contemplative. “How’s Leo?”

“What do you mean, ‘how’s Leo’?”

“I mean… I don’t know, his parent’s flight got seriously delayed because of the snow here. Is he worried or anything?”

“I don’t think so,” Alex said, patting a rhythm on her hips. “They get in the day after Christmas, so they’ll still be here for New Years.” He thought for a minute, then laughed. “I think Leo’s more irritated about the cold.”

“He is a southern boy. Not that Tremblay, though, my goodness. Born and raised a lumberjack in the deep Canadian wilderness.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “No he was not.”

“Yeah huh, he was. Until they bought the farm.”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Should I be concerned that you’re so obsessed with Finn’s boyfriends?”

“No,” Natalie laughed. “No, it’s just…” She shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just nice, that we’re all so happy. That we’re all family. Your parents are so wonderful, inviting everyone and keeping their home open.”

Alex had a sudden flashback to Christmases in high school and warm brown eyes looking up at him from where Kasey had been asleep on his floor.

Thank you.

For what?

For letting me crash your family’s Christmas.

You are family, Kase.

“Baby?”

Alex blinked hard. “Hm?”

Natalie was looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. “You okay?”

He couldn’t help but smile and kissed her forehead. “I’m so good, gorgeous.”

But her eyes were knowing. “Kasey?”

Alex nodded and rubbed his thumb over the skin of her hip absentmindedly. “Yeah.”

“He didn’t respond?”

Alex shook his head. “No.”

Natalie knew all about his history with Kasey, and the accident. He’d broken down on her when he told her how in love he’d been, guilt tearing its way through him. But she’d sat there, beautiful and understanding, and suggested he invited Kasey for Christmas Eve, just like he’d done when they were younger. Alex was grateful to her in ways he simply could not put into words.

Now she was standing in front of him, the same understanding written across her face, and gorgeous beyond his wildest dreams. She stood on her toes to cup his face and kiss him slowly. “He’ll come, Alexander.”

Alex pressed their foreheads together and nodded. “I love you.”

He felt her smile into his neck. “I love you, too.”

Alex kissed her forehead and went back to chopping his vegetables. There were footsteps sounding from down the hallway, and then Noelle Tremblay and Thomas Walker appeared in the kitchen, both in matching cable knit sweaters and complimentary earrings.

“Joyeux Noelle!” Thomas said in excited, badly pronounced French, smacking a kiss on Noelle’s cheek. “It’s this girl’s special day!”

Noelle just rolled her eyes, blushing. “Ignore him.” She opened her arms to give each Natalie and Alex a hug. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Alex said, squeezing her tightly. He clapped Thomas on the back. “How’ve you been?”

“Montreal’s sick, man,” Thomas said. “New job’s good, Noelle’s job is good, and my French is superb,”

Alex saw Noelle wince and bit back a snort. “Well, that’s good.”

“Sure is.” Thomas patted him on the back and began to head towards the living room. “Now, Leo asked me to beat Logan at cards, gotta knock him down a few pegs. So I bid you adieu.”

“C’mon,” Noelle said, tugging on Natalie’s sweater sleeve. “I brought some good wine, we can open it with Hayley.”

“Oh, yes.” Natalie kissed Alex’s cheek. “I’ll be in the living room, baby, okay? Come find me if you need help.”

“Have fun, Natalia.”

“That’s not my name.”

Alex winked at her as she left, then turned back to his vegetables. He was just putting them in a bowl to season and oil them when there was a knock at the door, and an I’ll get it! from Finn. He couldn’t see the front door from where he was, but Alex looked up anyway, brows furrowed. They weren’t expecting anyone else. Logan’s family was all here, and assuming Leo’s parents didn’t magically teleport from Louisiana, there wasn’t anybody else who was meant to be there. Unless…

“Al!” Finn’s voice was urgent. “C’mere!”

Alex blanched. He felt his heart rate pick up and his fingers dropped the knife he was holding. It clattered onto the cutting board, but Alex barely paid it any attention before he was walking quickly down the hallway. Everyone was crowded by the front door, and Finn and Logan were looking at him with wide eyes. Leo had his arm wrapped tightly around Finn’s waist, eyes darting between all of them, putting the puzzle pieces together. Natalie and Sydney, one of Logan’s other sisters, were whispering to one another in hushed voices, and Sydney put her arm around Natalie’s shoulders to give her a hug. Alex swallowed and looked at the center of the crowd, where he could see his mother tearfully embracing someone a head taller than her. Alex’s stomach dropped when she stepped away to reveal warm brown eyes looking at him.

Kasey Winter hadn’t changed much since Alex had last seen him. His hair was a bit shorter, coming down just below his chin. He looked broader, like he’d been working out, and there were less circles under his eyes. But he held himself in the same sheepish way he always had, maybe even more so when he met Alex’s gaze and gave him a small, awkward smile. 

“Hey, Al.”

Alex looked at him for a moment, taking Kasey in, before he felt like he’d been shocked back to life. He closed the distance between them quickly and threw his arms around Kasey’s neck, tugging him down into a fierce hug. Kasey responded in kind, gripping Alex around the waist and ducking down to press his face into his shoulder. Alex stumbled back with the weight of him, but held on tightly to regain his footing. 

“Hi,” Alex whispered shakily. His eyes stung. “Oh God, hi.” He released Kasey and stepped back to look at him, still gripping onto his biceps. “Look at you.”

Kasey’s cheeks flushed in that way they did when he was particularly sheepish. He looked around the room and they reddened further. He cleared his throat and dropped his hands from where they were holding onto Alex’s forearms, looking around the room cautiously. 

Alex shook his head, as though shaking himself awake. “Oh, right, you don’t know everybody. This is Leo-”

Alex was grateful for that sunshine smile. “Hi.”

“-Thomas-”

Thomas extended his hand for Kasey to shake firmly. “Pleasure, man.”

“-and Natalie.” Alex opened his arm to tuck Natalie into his side. “My Natalie.”

“Hi,” she said. Her arm was firm around Alex’s waist, holding him up. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Kasey just smiled slightly and nodded. He looked Natalie up and down briefly. Alex knew what Kasey Winter looked like when he found someone attractive, and right now he was exposing all his tells: the way he bit the inside of his cheek, the way his eyelashes fluttered just slightly. It was how Alex knew Kasey had feelings for him all those years ago, when those beautiful eyes of his looked at Alex as though he was cradling him. And to see him look at Natalie the same way… Alex should have been jealous. Or annoyed. But Natalie was the most beautiful girl in the world, and Kasey was looking at her like he understood that. 

Alex didn’t realize his breathing had picked up until Natalie pressed a hand over his chest and rubbed gently. “Do you two wanna go talk?” she asked Alex softly, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

The most beautiful girl in the world. “Yeah.” Alex cleared his throat and looked at Kasey. “Yeah, Kase, you wanna…?”

Kasey nodded, still obviously uneasy. “Okay.”

“Cool.” 

Alex looked at Finn and he nodded, pressing his hands to Leo’s waist to guide him out of the room and to the kitchen, everyone following suit. Alex’s mother gave his bicep a squeeze. Noelle stayed behind briefly, her and Natalie communicating something silently, before nodding and following Thomas. Then it was just the three of them left.

“Um,” Alex started nervously. Natalie was still looking at him, eyebrows furrowed, and Alex was going to fall apart. “Kase, you remember where my room is?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Kasey stumbled through taking his boots off and looked at them with wide eyes. He was jittery. “Should I meet you?”

“Yeah, I’ll just be a minute.” Alex let his eyes follow Kasey out of the room and around the corner to the staircase. When he’d reached the first landing, Alex turned back to Natalie. His voice was choked when he spoke. “Nat…”

“Sh, baby.” Natalie wrapped her arms firmly around his neck and tugged him down to her. “Oh, baby, I got you.”

“I don’t… he’s…”

“I know.” She cupped his face and pressed their foreheads together. He felt her thumbs swipe under his eyes to wipe the wetness away. “It’s okay.”

“I love you,” Alex whispered desperately. He met her eyes; he needed her to understand. “I love you, I love you so much, Natalie, I…”

“Sh, I know. I know.” She kissed him softly. “I love you, too.”

“Will you tell Finn and my mom that I’m okay? Please, they’ll be…”

“Of course, of course.” She pressed her lips softly to his cheek. “You can do this.”

Alex couldn’t help it. He kissed her firmly again. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Alex took a deep breath and squeezed her hands. She slipped away and through the doorway to the kitchen, where Noelle was immediately waiting to wrap an arm around her shoulders. She asked Natalie something briefly before retreating further into the room, long hair swinging behind them both.

Alex watched until she completely disappeared, then took a deep breath before going to climb up the staircase to the second floor of his parent’s house. His childhood bedroom was at the end of the hall, right across from Finn’s. He smiled at the drawings they’d done of each other one afternoon, taped right at eye level. In his, Finn had drawn the two of them playing hockey at the pond behind their house. Alex studied it for a minute before taking a deep breath and knocking on the door, which was ajar an inch.

“Kase?”

“Yeah.”

Alex opened the door fully and closed it behind him. Kasey was standing by his desk, hands in his pockets, and though he had to resist the urge to touch things. Alex's eyes flashed to the photo of the two of them sitting around a campfire the summer after their senior year of high school. Kasey must have been looking at it.

Sure enough, Kasey jerked his head. “I didn’t know you still had that.”

“Of course,” Alex said. He sat down on the edge of his bed, back straight. “It was a good summer.”

Kasey let out a huff of a laugh. “God, working at the diner was…”

“Yeah.” Alex smiled. “Customers loved us.”

“You maybe. You’re just so…” Kasey waved his hand. “You know. Everybody loves you.”

Alex cocked his head. “They loved you, too.” 

“Maybe.” Kasey took a deep breath. “I got your message. Thanks for inviting me.”

“I wasn’t sure.” Alex’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. “I didn’t know if you were with your mom, or…”

Kasey shook his head. “I’m not. I mean, I wasn’t. I just moved back from Colorado. She’s… you know. Lonely. And needs her knees replaced, so she’s not very mobile right now.”

“So you’re here to help her.”

Kasey looked him up and down. “There were more reasons to move back.” He sighed. “She gave me your message, and I thought… you know, I hadn’t seen you in a while.”

That was the understatement of the year. Alex tried to control his face from revealing too much. He was probably failing. “Colorado?”

“Yeah. I worked at a ski mountain for a year, then took up a carpentry internship. I left Vermont after… you know.”

The accident. “Oh.” Alex patted the space next to him. “Well, I’m happy to see you.”

“Me, too.” Kasey gingerly sat down. “Finn looks the same.”

That made Alex laugh. “He’s still just as annoying as he was, too.”

Kasey’s smile was wide and real. “You love him.”

“I do.” Alex had to stop himself from playing with his cuticles. If Natalie were here, she would take his hands and kiss them. “He’s got two boyfriends now.”

Kasey looked surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah. Lo and him finally figured their shit out… well, mostly ‘cause of Leo. Who they’re also dating. They met him at UVM.”

“Wow.” Kasey thought for a moment. “I didn’t think they’d ever…”

“Me neither.” Alex smiled fondly. “They were so stupid. But Leo’s so good to them, and helped them so much with it all. His parents are coming in a couple of days.”

“That’s nice.” Kasey trailed off, looking out Alex’s bedroom window. He stood to get a better look at the view. “You can see the Tremblay’s farm from here. Without all the leaves on the trees.”

Alex knew where this was going. His heart picked up again. “Kasey…”

When Kasey turned around, his eyes were rimmed with tears. “Al.”

“Hey.” Alex stood and pulled Kasey to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders firmly. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, I’m so sorry-”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I do.” Kasey pulled back strongly, backed up against the window. “Alex, I crashed your car.”

“There were deer.”

“I kissed you.”

“And I kissed you back.”

“I killed those people.”

“No.” 

The word came out harsher than Alex had intended it to. His mind flashed to being in the hospital, a concussion and broken ribs, and the police there asking questions. His mother had been crying, Finn had been talking with an officer, and Kasey was nowhere to be found. Alex had asked for him for days, and all Finn had had to say was that he wasn’t answering the phone, nor the door when he had gone to try and talk. Alex had felt like his heart had broken in two. Learning that the passengers in the car had run right into a buck and had died instantly had only added to the pain. And hearing Kasey say that it was his fault…

“No,” Alex repeated. He gripped Kasey firmly behind the head. “Kasey Winter, you listen to me. You did not kill those people. They were going too fast on a windy road and hit two deer, one with large antlers, and they died. It wasn’t you.”

“But I was swerving all around the road from the passenger seat-”

“And if you hadn’t swerved when you saw that fawn and that doe, I would be dead.” Alex couldn’t help it, he ran a hand through Kasey’s hair. “Kase.”

Kasey had his eyes shut, probably against the memories. “I just… I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” 

“No, Al,” Kasey insisted. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so drunk that day, I’m sorry I took the wheel, I’m sorry I left.”

Alex felt the cracks running through his heart deepen. His grip on Kasey was still strong. “Kasey…”

“I’m sorry I kissed you.” 

Kasey’s eyes were pleading as they looked into Alex’s. Alex swallowed. 

“I’m not,” he whispered shakily. “I’m sorry I tried to get you to talk when you didn’t want to, I’m sorry I didn’t look harder for you-” When Kasey went to speak, Alex squeezed the back of his neck. “-but I’m not sorry you kissed me.”

Kasey finally relaxed, as though relief had washed over him. He wrapped his arms around Alex again, not as tightly as before, but still just as strong. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much.” Alex breathed out shakily. “So much.”

Kasey lingered for a moment before pulling back entirely, his arms now crossed in front of him. Leaning against Alex’s bedroom window like that, smiling in that Kasey way of his, with his rugged plaid, jeans, and jacket on, he looked like something out of twenty year old Alex’s dreams. “So,” Kasey said. “Natalie.”

Alex flushed with warmth and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. Nat, she’s… she’s great. The best, I just- I really love her.”

“Good.” Kasey nodded a few times. He was smiling, but Alex knew him better than anyone, and the corners of his eyes were strained. “I’d like to get to know her then.”

Alex didn’t really know why, but he suddenly wished Natalie was there, pressed in between them. Kasey would love her, Alex just knew it. Natalie already loved him just from the stories she’d heard about him. That insistent thought pressed on the back of his brain, and his mind suddenly went to Finn. To Finn and Logan and Leo, and he didn’t know what was happening, but Alex knew it was important. He cupped the feeling to his chest and held it closely.

“Yeah,” he said, fighting the urge to reach out and cup Kasey’s jaw. He just looked so soft. “Yeah, I think you’ll really like her.”

October 2002

“Kasey, open up!” Finn pounded on the Winter’s front door again. “Kasey!”

“Kasey!” Logan yelled, peering through a window of the small home. “Open the door!”

Finn grunted and banged his fist on the door once more. “Fuck.”

“He’s not going to answer,” Logan said, walking up the front steps to stand beside Finn on the wooden porch. 

“He’s home.”

“Finn…”

“Why won’t he answer?” Finn turned and sat frustratedly down on the top step. “He’s such a-”

“Finn.”

“Sorry.”

“Non, c’est bien.” Logan sat beside him, their shoulders and thighs touching. “It’s okay.”

“It’s just…” Finn sighed, running a hand through his hair. “He’s Alex’s best friend. And Alex is hurt, and he’s just not…”

“Kasey’s hurt, too,” Logan pointed out. 

“I know, but- how can he not be there?” Finn turned to Logan, who was looking at him almost sadly, those soft green eyes of his starkly contrasting to the orange leaves on the trees around them. “I’d never leave you like that.”

“Je sais,” Logan whispered. “I know.”

Finn suddenly realized how close they were sitting. Logan’s body radiated heat and Finn leaned ever so slightly into it. He tapped the toes of their boots together. “You’re a good friend, Lo.”

Logan’s answering smile was everything. “You are, too.”

September 2004

Finn flopped down beside Logan on the grass with a groan. “Fuck me.”

Logan laughed and put his notebook down. “What happened?”

“Professor Branston, who I’m TAing for, just gave me twenty essays to help grade by Monday.”

Logan’s eyebrows furrowed. “But it’s the third week of classes?”

“And he’d already given them an assignment!” Finn let out another groan and rested his forearm across his forehead. He looked up at Logan, who was watching him with amused eyes. “How was French club?”

“Good, ouais.” Logan shrugged. “The same people, mostly. There are a few new freshmen. One is also from Rimouski.”

“Oh, sick. Anyone from anywhere else cool?”

Logan had to think for a minute, but then he clucked his tongue. “Ah, ouais, there is someone from New Orleans. Leo.” Logan made a face. “He speaks weird French.”

“He’d probably say the same about you.”

Logan scoffed. “Non, I speak the best French.”

Finn snorted. “Oui, oui, Canada!” he exclaimed in a poor imitation of Logan’s accent. “We are za best! Quebec forever!”

“Va te faire,” Logan grumbled, giving him a shove. “I do not speak like that.”

“Mm, a little bit you do.” Finn rolled over onto his stomach and folded his arms underneath his chin. “Your accent here sounds like it did when you first moved to Vermont junior year of high school, now that you have more Canadian friends.”

“Non, it doesn’t,” Logan insisted, but he was blushing. 

“I like it,” Finn said simply. “Hey, there’s a guy in Branston's class named Leo. Cool name, like the constellation. I started grading his essay today, he’s pretty good.”

“Ouais?” Logan asked. If Finn didn’t know any better, he would have said Logan was jealous. 

Finn grinned. “Oo-ways.” He nudged Logan’s shoulder. “C’mon, let’s go to the dining hall, I’m starving.” 

***

April 2003

“Non, non, non!” 

Logan’s voice carried through the hallway from the common room. He was laughing, and someone was saying something back to him in French. Finn’s ears perked up from where he was coming back from changing after club hockey practice. Logan had finished showering before him, for once, and had gone to the common room to work on something for his French club. Maybe he’d run into someone from there. They were both still laughing and Finn's curiosity piqued. He rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks. “Leo?”

Leo, who’d been smiling at Logan from where they were both sitting on the couch, looked up suddenly, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Finn?”

“I- hi.” Finn gestured between Leo and Logan. “Wait, you’re…”

Leo looked amused. “Logan and I are in French club together.”

A light bulb went off in Finn’s head. “Oh, you’re Leo from French club!”

Leo’s cheeks and button nose flushed. “Leo from French club?”

“Yeah, Lo talks about you all the time!”

A look of mischief washed over Leo’s face and he looked at Logan, who was blushing. “Oh does he now? All good things?”

Logan made a face at him and smacked his shoulder lightly. “Finn is being silly.”

“No I’m not-”

Logan sent him a glare and Finn had to hold back a snort. “How do you two know each other?”

“I took Branston’s class last semester,” Leo said. “And I am in Lamond’s class this semester, which Finn is also TAing, obviously.”

Logan’s eyes lit up. “You’re the Leo? The one with the incredible writing?”

Finn’s eyes widened. It was Logan’s turn to be teasing, apparently.

Leo, on the other hand, looked very sheepish. “I mean, no, I’m not that-”

“Yeah you are,” Finn interrupted. If he and Logan were going to attempt to embarrass each other, Finn might as well be honest. “You are a good writer. And apparently you speak strange French.”

Leo snorted and nudged Logan’s foot. “Don’t worry, this one tells me that all the time.”

Finn grinned and sat down on Leo’s other side on the couch. They were both looking at him, their bodies turned to face him fully, and it did something funny to Finn’s chest. “I’m sure he does.”

November, 2003

“You’re coming to Thanksgiving.”

Leo looked up from where he was doing his philosophy homework, blue eyes blinking slowly. “Excuse me.”

“I said, you’re coming to Thanksgiving. O’Hara Thanksgiving.” Finn splayed his hands out on the library table. “You aren’t going to New Orleans, and campus is quiet because everybody else leaves. So, you’re coming to Thanksgiving. In Vermont. With me. My mother insists.” 

Logan snorted from beside Leo, doing what looked like his biology homework. “You can’t say no to Hayley, she won’t allow it.” Logan set his pencil down and looked up at Leo through long eyelashes. “I’ll be there, too. I’m going to my parent’s.”

Leo’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “You’re not going to Rimouski?”

“My grandparents are coming down this year.”

“The Tremblays are also coming to my house,” Finn said. He pointed a finger at Leo. “Al has his Subaru here on campus, so he’s driving. Pack your stuff, Knut, and we’re hitting the road.”

Leo laughed. “Not for two more weeks!”

“Well, it takes me that long to pack.”

Leo just rolled his eyes playfully and turned back to his homework.

August 2004

“Senior year,” Alex said from Finn’s doorway. “Shit, where’d all that go, huh?”

“Says the man with his big fancy job.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I work in bird of prey conservation.”

“With your girlfriend,” Finn replied playfully. “Natalie’s cool, I like her. She shares mom’s passion for tea.”

Alex shushed him, looking carefully over his shoulder. “Quiet, they might hear you and come running with a steaming mug.”

“They can’t hear us, they’re in the kitchen.” Finn looked at his unzipped, but full, suitcase. “I think that’s everything set for tomorrow.”

“You driving you and Lo tomorrow?”

“Yeah. We’re meeting Le at the bus station here, too, he’s got an early flight from New Orleans into Boston, then taking the bus here, then we are all making the trip up.”

“He’s flying with all his stuff?”

“No, Lo stored some of it over the summer for him.”

“Mm,” Alex hummed. He cocked his head. “You think Leo’s gonna be okay after you and Logan graduate in the spring?”

Finn snorted. “Leo? Yeah, he’ll be fine. We’re not his only friends, by far, just like he’s not ours. He’s just… we’re…” Finn shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Alex looked confused, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded. Finn didn’t quite know how to express what Logan and Leo were to him. He’d loved Logan differently than any of his other friends since high school, and still did. Their college friends couldn’t quite match the two of them; in fact, for a while, Finn didn’t think anybody could. But then Leo Knut, in all of his tall, tanned, golden glory had walked into their lives their sophomore year and blown Finn off course. Not that he had been on course to begin with, but those same feelings he’d had for Logan for years he now also associated with Leo, and he didn’t quite know what to do with that.

Finn realized that he’d spaced out and shook out of his reverie, then laughed awkwardly. “Sorry.”

“All good.” Alex was looking at him curiously still. “Hey, is Logan still dating that girl?”

“Cassie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, no.” Finn shook his head with a frown. “No, they’re not. Nothing bad, they just- I don’t know, weren’t meant to date.” He let out an amused breath. “Plus, we’re pretty sure her and our friend Percy are, like, meant to be, actually. So, you know- her and Lo, not gonna work.”

“And you don’t have… you know, you don’t have anyone to bring home?”

Finn furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s with the questions?”

Alex shook his head. “Nothing, nothing, I just… I don’t know, bringing Nat home, it’s just… you’ve never…”

Finn swallowed. “There’s never been anyone to bring home,” he said. His voice sounded shaky, even to his own ears. He snorted self-deprecatingly. “Hey, that’s not true, I bring Leo for Thanksgiving.”

Alex simply looked at him. He was silent for a moment before putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Hey.”

Finn felt his heart race. “Hi.”

“Finn.” Alex took a deep breath. “You can talk to me about stuff, you know? Okay? Even though I’m not at college with you anymore.”

“I know.” In his mind’s eye, Leo and Logan’s faces flashed before Finn, the words on the tip of his tongue. But he stifled them and patted Alex’s shoulder back. “I know, I promise.”

“Okay.” Alex nodded towards his suitcase. “You got enough flannel shirts?”

Finn rolled his eyes and shoved him. “Shut up.”

“What? C’mon, English major, you gotta fit in with the crowd up there in Burly.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

November, 2004

“I can’t believe this is our last Thanksgiving all together in college,” Leo said, getting under the blanket next to Logan on one of the couches in the O’Hara’s den. “It’s the end of an era.”

“Non,” Logan insisted. He reached for some popcorn in the bowl Leo was holding. “Non, you’ll still be invited.”

“It’s Finn’s house, I think he gets a say in that.”

“Yeah!” Finn called from the other couch. “It’s my house.” He stuck his tongue out playfully at Leo. “And you’re always trouble, Knut, so count yourself lucky if you’re invited back.”

Leo stuck his tongue out back before turning to the hockey game on the TV. He popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth. “I can’t believe the O’Haras are a Rangers family living in Bruins territory.”

“Hey, my parents are from New York.” Finn pointed a finger at Logan. “And at least we’re not Canadiens fans.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Va te faire. I am proud to be from Quebec.”

“Yeah we noticed,” Leo said drily, then giggled with rosy cheeks when Logan glared at him. He said something to Logan in French, who responded with a mockingly biting tone, and they smiled at each other before shifting their focus back to the game.

Finn took a minute to look at their side profiles. Logan was all sharp lines- which really concealed a rather mushy inside, but he would never let anyone think that- whereas Leo’s features were soft. His blonde curls were longer now, almost as long as Logan’s dark waves, and the contrasting elements between the two of them caused Finn to take a sharp breath and turn back to the game. 

***

An hour and forty-five minutes later, and the Rangers were entering the Thanksgiving holiday with a clean 2-0 win against the Montreal Canadiens. Logan had started the game passionately yelling at the television, but his eyes had gone droopy at the start of the third period. Leo had shared an exasperated look with Finn as they witnessed Logan wind down. He’d eventually slouched against the couch, head dozing back on the cushion, but had wiggled so his head was now resting on Leo’s stomach. Leo, to his credit, hadn’t moved a muscle, just smiled fondly when Logan let out a soft snore. 

“He awake?” Finn whispered.

Leo shook his head. His hand was splayed across Logan’s upper back- Finn didn’t think he even knew he had placed it there. “No, out like a light.”

“Oh shit.” Finn laughed quietly. He stood, wrapping the blanket he’d been using around his shoulders, and went to kneel on the ground beside the other couch. “He’s such a baby when you wake him up from a nap.”

Leo looked up at Finn and smiled. “You remember that time in Louisiana? When you came to visit for spring break and he fell asleep on my boat?”

Finn remembered it clear as day. Logan and Leo had looked gorgeous in the golden hour, Leo with a rod in his hand, strong arm flexing as he fished over the side of the boat, and Logan spread out on his stomach on the bench at the front of the boat, passed out cold. Finn had wanted in that moment so vividly he’d had to grip the book between his fingers so tightly his nail made a mark in the back cover.

“I do remember,” he said to Leo, fighting the urge to brush some of those curls back from his forehead. “He was a grumpy boy.”

“It’s just a front,” Leo said. He smiled down at Logan. “Inside he’s just a big ol’ softy.”

“Mm.” Finn flickered his eyes over Leo’s face. “I meant what I said earlier, you know. You’ll still be invited here for Thanksgiving next year.”

Leo’s grin was delighted when he directed it at Finn. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, you’re…” Finn felt his cheeks flush. “Well, my mom loves you, for one. And Logan’s sisters. And Al, and Nat, who loves to bake with you, and my dad likes playing cards with you and Lo, so just… I don’t know, you should come back next year.” Finn took a deep breath and met Leo’s eyes. “I want you to come back next year.” 

Logan began to stir, maybe from the sound of their voices. His legs stretched from underneath the blanket and his cheek was squished into Leo’s sweatshirt when he blinked sleepily up at them. “Quoi?”

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Leo whispered with a smile. “Sweet dreams?”

Logan grunted and stretched again, reminding Finn of a dog being awoken from its slumber. “Ouais. Did we win?”

“If by we, you mean the Rangers,” Finn said. “Then yeah, we did.”

Logan groaned into Leo’s stomach. “Non.”

“Ouais,” Leo laughed. He rested a hand on the back of Logan’s head, fingertips carding lightly through the strands. “The Habs lost.”

Logan huffed grumpily once, then looked up at Leo with big eyes. “Désole, Le, I’m sorry for falling asleep on you.”

“It’s alright,” Leo said with a sweet shrug. He was so cute Finn was going to combust. “You’re warm.”

Logan looked pleased. He settled back down and turned his beautiful eyes to Finn. “Leo is coming for Thanksgiving next year?”

“What, were you eavesdropping?” Finn joked, then rested his elbow on the cushion near Leo to prop his head up. “And yeah, he is. Of course he is.”

“I think,” Logan mumbled, closing his eyes sleepily and snuggling into Leo. “I think we should spend Thanksgiving together forever.”

Finn felt his heartbeat stop for a moment. By the catch in Leo’s breath, he was just as surprised. They looked at each other, then at Logan, who was staring up at them nervously. 

“What…” Leo asked breathily. “That’s… that’s a long time.”

“Mhm,” Logan hummed. His eyes darted between their faces for a second, then he shifted to straddle Leo’s thighs, pinning them beneath his gaze. “Do you not want to?”

Leo’s breathing was shaky. He raised trembling arms to cup around Logan’s waist, and Logan let him. “I do,” Leo whispered, so softly that Finn would have missed it if he wasn’t listening. He turned to look at Finn. “What do you say?”

Finn looked between the two of them warily. He was standing on a precipice, that he knew, their friendship at stake as much as his heart that was beating wildly in his chest. Fear coursed through him for a moment, but then he looked at Leo’s hands, firm around Logan’s waist, and how Logan had laced his fingers over the backs of Leo’s tenderly. Leo was leaning closer now, his breathing almost in Finn’s ear, and Logan’s eyes were sure, steady, holding Finn together like they always did. Finn settled into the warmth and looked at each of them carefully.

“My job’s not boring! I get to teach about books!” Finn countered, knowing that it might not sound as fun as playing hockey, but it was still an enlightening career. 

She looked at him, considering. “I do like books.” 

“I know you do. And between you and me, your Papa’s job is a lot cooler. But you know who has the coolest job in the world?” 

She shook her head, eyes widening in anticipation. Finn’s eyes met Leo’s and he rolled his eyes, knowing what Finn was going to say just a second before he said it. Which was enough time for him to start blushing apparently. 

“Your Daddy! Because he gets to spend all day with the two of you!” 

“Daddy is the coolest! And the only one without gray hairs!” Margo adds, laughing as Finn scoffed. Standing and walking over to Leo, bringing his fingers through Leo’s gray spot. 

“And what do you call this?”

“That’s not old person gray hair. Not like this, Dada,” Margo stood on the chair, Leo’s arms coming around to steady her, as she pulled a rare gray strand of Finn’s hair in her fingers.

“Yes, okay, okay, I get it,” Finn said, and Margo was giggling. Leo couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. “Oh no, not you too!” He quickly pulled Leo in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Dada! Yucky!” Margo exclaimed as they broke apart. “Can we please please please go now?” 

The college was having a family night with booths and kids activities set up by the education majors who wanted to be elementary school teachers. Finn had mentioned a table for kids to pick out free books, as he had worked with his department on that.

“Lo here yet?” 

“No, I don’t think he’s left the rink yet. We could probably head down to the event and meet him there.”

-----------

“I know all those constellations already,” Margo said proudly. At five years old, she already had the confidence of someone much older. “My Uncle Reg is part of the lion constellation right there. I love lions. And Uncle Sirius is right there. He says he’s a dog star. An’ Uncle Reg calls him a smelly wet dog! An’ also my cousin’s name means Star.” Then she called out, “Daddy! Look! Your name!” 

Through the crowds of people at Gryffindor University’s Kids Discovery Day, Leo had finally caught up to Margo who had went running through the crowds when she saw the astronomy booth. He bent down to see what she was looking at, sending the college student who was running the booth a smile. 

“What did you say, Punkin’?” 

“Your name, Daddy!” She was pointing at a chart of constellations, the word “Leo” was in bright red with an arrow toward the constellation of a lion. 

“Oh yeah. My name is also the name of a constellation. Actually, it’s the one that the Regulus star is in!” 

“Read please, Daddy?” She asked, shoving a piece of paper with multiple constellations on it. He read the short blurb about the Leo constellation to her. She grinned, jumping up and down. 

“Daddy, stickers!” Margo grabbed for the sticker sheets on the table. 

“I see them, hon. Can you ask nicely if you can grab some?” 

“Can I please, please, please have some star stickers? An’ some for my baby brother?” 

“Of course, take as many as you want. They glow in the dark!” The university student said, smiling down at her and handing over the stickers. “And you can take some for your brother, too.” 

“Thank you,” Leo said. Then he stood, glancing around for said baby brother. He found them a minute later, eyes catching the bouncing blond curls as Finn glanced around the crowd with Oliver high in his arms, bouncing the boy up and down as tears rolled down his face. 

Oh no. 

“Margs, lets go find Dada and Ollie. What do you say?” 

“Thank you!” She grabbed the stickers and sheet of paper, and took off in the crowd once more. 

“Margo!” He called, but she had already swerved between two people and was gone. At least she had gone in the direction of Finn. 

When Leo made it through the dense crowds to Finn, he leaned over to kiss Oliver on the cheek. 

“What’s wrong, bug?” 

Leo caught the boy as he lurched toward him from Finn’s arms. He buried his face in Leo’s shoulder, sniffling. It hurt him to see their sweet two-year-old so sad. He looked at Finn, eyebrow raised. 

Finn shrugged. 

“He got upset when I didn’t follow you through the crowd. He was saying something in French, but all I picked up was ‘Papa’ because…y’know.” Even after so many years, years spent teaching their kids French by talking almost exclusively in that language some days of the week, Finn was still hopeless with it beyond a few key phrases. “Maybe he’s coming down with something,” Finn said, feeling his forehead. The boy didn’t respond. But there hadn’t been any other indication of sickness all day, the boy had simply been grumpy. Leo had a sneaking suspicion that he was getting his molars, and teething was never a fun time with kids. 

“Well, you guys don’t have to stay. When Lo gets here…” But Finn shook his head. 

“No, we’re going to your concert.” Leo had been playing in the Gryffindor community band since Margo was two, when Finn and Logan had mentioned that he didn’t seem to be doing any activities that were just for him, emphasizing that he was always working to take care of the family. He had finally admitted to wanting to join a band, having played oboe all through high school. So they had encouraged him, and for years he had been playing. Tonight they had a kid-friendly concert that they had planned to bring Margo and Oliver to. 

“Lo and I can take turns walking him if necessary. He didn’t sleep well either, so he might just pass out to the sweet supple sounds of his Daddy playing oboe.” 

Leo could feel himself blush, but was saved from responding by a soft, “Où est Papa?”

Leo decided to respond in French. It was also possible the boy was overstimulated and needed the steadiness of the language. “He’s coming from practice and he’ll be here in just a few minutes.” Leo had to go warm up with the band in twenty minutes, and he hoped that Logan could ease his departure a bit for Oliver. The boy had developed a new strain of separation anxiety that made it hard for them to leave unless he was fully distracted. “Your sister got you some stickers.” Oliver shifted so he could look at Margo, who was showing Finn the collection of items she got from the table. 

“Oggie, I got you some glow in the dark stickers! B’cause you don’t like the dark!” 

“Merci,” he said in a soft voice, reaching for them and staring at the collection. 

“Let’s go now. I want to see more tables! Where are the free books, Dada?” 

Finn glanced around, then he pointed at a table with a light blue tablecloth across the room. 

Margo was about to set out before Leo called down to her, hand on her shoulder. 

“Hey, you need to please slow down in these crowds, Margo. We don’t need you bowlin’ people over.” But before the words had even left his mouth, she was running once more. 

Leo sighed. 

“Ah, good old O’Hara energy,” Finn said, taking Leo’s hand and leading them smoothly through the crowd toward the booth. He was able to keep sight of her through the crowd, as he was taller than most here. 

Leo could hear Margo’s excited voice as they walked up to her. 

“No, I’m not lost! My dads are right there!” 

“That’s your dad?” One of the college students asked, gesturing to Finn. 

“Yep. My Dada and my Daddy. And my baby brother, Oggie!” 

“Hi, Dr. O’Hara!” Another of the students said as they walked up. “Is this your family?” 

Finn nodded, beaming, making introductions. Apparently these were a few education majors who were taking his upper-level English teaching class. 

“And this is my husband, Leo, and my kids, Margo and Oliver,” Finn reached over and rustled Oliver’s hair, who, at seeing unfamiliar faces, hid in Leo’s shoulder once again, making a few of the students coo. 

“I didn’t know you had kids or a husband, professor,” one of the girls said. Sofie, Leo remembered. 

“Well, honestly, I don’t talk about them a whole lot in class because if I did, I’d go on and on and never get to my lesson!” Finn said, smiling at him. Leo blushed, but he could tell that Finn was telling an only slightly exaggerated truth. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Dr. O’Hara’s husband!” Leo was used to people recognizing him in public. Any professional athlete, or former professional athlete, was. But he wasn’t used to people calling him that. He loved it.

“Nice to meet you,” Leo said in return, shifting Oliver around so he could shake hands with the girl. 

Finn chatted with his students a bit. After a few minutes, Margo had chosen a book and was darting between them, eying the other booths. In a moment, her eyes lit up and Leo knew she was about to bolt. 

Then tan arms came under her shoulders and she was being pulled up into the air with a flurry of giggles. 

“Papa!” She squealed. 

“I knew you were about to run off, ma fraise. It’s busy in here. You know your dads have gotten slow and we can’t chase after you. Good thing I caught you, huh?” Logan smiled, hiking the girl over his shoulder before turning to give Leo a peck on the cheek and pat Oliver’s head. The boy looked up and cried out, “Papa!” before lunging for him. Logan easily caught the boy in his other arm, talking to him in French as the boy smiled and nuzzled into Logan’s neck. Logan  unceremoniously deposited a wriggling Margo into Finn’s arms, turning to give him a peck, too. 

By now, Finn’s students looked really confused. Finn laughed at their wide eyes. 

“My other husband, Logan Tremblay,” Finn said by way of explanation. The students seemed to take this in stride, shaking hands once more. 

“Oh, I do hope he’s teaching you all the right stuff! You should really listen to him, he helped me not fail out of my own English class in college!” 

The students laughed. Then one piped up. 

“You’re the Logan Tremblay? The hockey player.” 

Logan nodded, obviously used to this. Over the past few years his popularity had grown significantly, especially in Gryffindor. Although Logan was quite a private person, he had had to get used to being recognized in public more and more. 

“Oui, I am. But did you know that these two also were?” 

“You played hockey, Dr. O’Hara?” One of them asked, looking as shocked as the rest of the girls. Finn laughed. 

“I swear, no one listens to my start of the year presentation. I did mention I’m a big Lions fan and that I played hockey growing up.” 

Leo had to admit that that was a huge understatement. 

“Also, if you ever look me up on anything other than RateMyProfessor, you’d know all about my hockey career!” Finn had once bragged about his RateMyProfessor score of 4.7 out of 5, complaining that the student who pulled his score down hadn’t even shown up to class. Leo had asked why he was checking the website in the first place, and he had mentioned that his students were all talking about it in class and he had to keep up with the “opinions of the youth.” 

They talked some more before Margo bolted once more with a shriek of “Uncle T!” This time, Leo turned to find that Margo was barreling straight into Thomas’s legs, the man laughing and rustling her hair, little Ellie smiling down at her from her dad’s arms, Charlie weaving around him, looking extremely excited to see her cousin. 

“Ah, you made it!” Logan said as he and Leo hurried after her, leaving Finn talking with one of his coworkers, Oliver now clinging to his neck. 

“Did you doubt me, Lo Lo Bear?” 

“Arrête, Talker!” Lo said, glancing around, as if anyone was listening to them in the overly crowded and loud area. “Only my sisters and my parents get to call me that!” 

“I am your sister now, man.” Logan shoved him lightly, leaning over to give Ellie a kiss on the cheek. 

“Whatever you say.” 

“I’m extra-prepared and ultra-excited to hear you on the oboe, Knutty!” Thomas said, setting Ellie down as she wriggled. “You want your Uncle Leo, don’t you?” And, sure enough, the girl immediately walked to Leo’s legs. He picked her up, kissing her on the cheek. 

“Bonjour, Ellie!” Leo turned back to Thomas. “Don’t get too excited, T.” 

“Oh, I am!” 

“Untle Knut?” Ellie asked. He turned to her once again, smiling at her bright green Tremblay eyes that matched her sister’s, mother’s, and uncle’s. 

“Oui, mon chou?” 

“I wanna pay music like you do when I grow up,” the three-year-old’s voice was smiling up at him, eyes bright. Then he heard a cry from behind and he recognized immediately, even through the noise of the crowd. That’s my kid. 

“Non, Daddy! Non, Ewie!” 

Oliver was toddling over to him, Finn following from behind. The two-year-old could be fast when he wanted to be. And also territorial. 

“Okay, okay. It’s fine, bug.” The next thing he knew, he was holding a kid in each arm, both refusing to leave, staring each other down. The cousins usually loved each other, both having similar sweet dispositions that they got along so well. But they were territorial of their parents, often angry when their cousin was getting attention from their mom or dads instead of them. It was an issue that they hoped the kids would grow out of, but hadn’t yet. 

“Um, where did Margo go? And did you just bring one today?” Finn asked after he clapped hands with Thomas in greeting. 

“That girl is going to be the death of me,” Leo muttered, glancing around until he spotted red and brown hair on the other side of the room. 

“Well, at least she’s enjoying this event,” Finn reasoned, as they made their way over. “Maybe she won’t think my job’s so boring after all.” 

“Aw, you really took that to heart, didn’t you, Finn?” Leo asked, smiling as he relayed the story to Thomas and Logan. 

“Your own daughter, huh?” Thomas asked. “I want you to know that my daughters think that my job is cool.” 

“Peut-être, but do they think your job’s cooler than my sister?” 

Thomas let out a barking laugh and then looked away, shaking his head. 

Once they made it to Margo, Logan leaning down to once again remind her that she needed to stay with them, Thomas making sure Charlie stopped running off as well. These two were often very well behaved by themselves, Margo a bit less so when she was excited, but when they got together, their energy fed off each other and they would get a bit crazy. 

“She’s going to love your concert so much,” Finn said. “You’re going to be the new cool dad.” 

“I was always the cool dad,” Leo said, although he wasn’t sure he believed it. “Speaking of the concert…” Leo glanced at the two kids in his arms still in a glaring match, gripping his shoulder tightly. “I’ve got to go get warmed up.” 

“Here,” Finn said, grabbing Ellie, who went with little resistance, happy to see her other uncle who she hadn’t seemed to notice was there.

“Dada, non!” Oliver said, now struggling to get out of Leo’s arms. Thomas offered to take him, and when he handed him over, the two kids started screeching. 

“Alright, I think it’s time to go,” Finn said, as he and Thomas quickly traded toddlers. “We got this, Le. You go.” 

“Time to go, Margo and Charlie!” Logan said, noticing the squabble and taking each of them by hand. “I think ice cream is in order before the concert.” 

And, as expected by this promise of ice cream, the kids calmed down and jumped around with excitement. Enough for Leo to sneak away, waving at Finn, who was purposely holding Oliver’s attention away from Leo’s quick departure. 

The concert was a great success! Leo stood proudly as the audience clapped after their final piece. He then noticed Margo and Charlie, each standing on a chair, each being held tightly by Finn and Thomas, clapping, calling for him and waving. It seemed that the other two kids were already asleep on Logan’s shoulders as Logan attempted to clap, but couldn’t quite reach around them, instead giving a soft whooping sound that Leo read from his lips. 

On the car ride home, Margo told them, sleepily that “Daddy definitely has the coolest job of you all,” before promptly falling asleep, unknowingly causing a whispered debate among them about who really did have the coolest job. 

And while they couldn’t decide, his boys reassured him that Leo’s stay-at-home, keeping their life together job was definitely the most important of them all. 

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I hope you enjoyed! I love a girl-dad Thomas!