Feb 26
Looking up looking down looking all around
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Looking up looking down looking all around
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My brain still doesn't get it, still doesn't get that I look like a pretty woman. It's not what I see in the mirror sometimes and it's not what I expect others to see. My dilemma is that I don't always have the spoons to do my hair and dress nicely, and due to my remaining beard hairs and voice my two options are to present as a pretty woman or gnc.
But like my voice sucks when i smoke, which is often in the winter. Sometimes I shave and you can still see the shadow. Spend a bit of time around me and you can tell I'm not cis, not that I'm trying to be perceived as cis it's just the easiest thing to do day to day.
It still hurts my brain that I dont look like a guy anymore. Even if I tried I'm too curvy, too soft, my voice sounds trans as heck when I'm not paying attention and I forget how to do a guy voice that doesn't sound like Barney the Dinosaur or L Ron Hubbard singing.
The manliness is just.. gone. It feels very good to be feminine dont get me wrong, but this incongruity feels so strange. When will it sink in? Will it ever? Would having more friends help? Therapy lol?
I can't even wear a t shirt anymore. Who am I? It just hurts my brain sometimes. I spent so long feeling like everything wasn't real, even me. Now that I feel real it's like I have to construct who I always was from the ashes of my past. I am a Phoenix. I fall only to emerge brighter and bolder that ever before.
always loved that old david foster wallace interview where he begins psychically sinking into his chair when the audio guy tells this self-effacing english/philosophy double major linguistics dork that he had just spent the better part of ten minutes "pontificating" on international television.
It's painful to accept the mortality of all things in our lives. Forever is eternal but our bodies fall short. Love lasts forever until our hearts give out
While this may be so, I think it's important to hold on for dear life until then for is it not worth the possibility of loss to experience the bliss of love and the joy it brings?
Hulme Park, Manchester.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“Pontificating” - Digital Oil Painting
What it might have looked like if Rose had kept her long hair when she traveled with Ten.
Please see the notes for my links, I always double post my art because Tumblr is excluding all links from tag searches. You should find my post tagged ‘licie links’ right under my original post in the notes. I know it’s annoying, but this extra step helps me out a lot.
#radical#commie#silly#satire#lesbiansunite#revolutionary#nyc#summer2019#pontificating#museum# (at KGB Espionage Museum) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0O1B27hAGJeyldh6hrnRu7oQTrpiVWt8cmvns0/?igshid=xa0jeeyb1m16
struggling on w this thing and man, working hard on a picture that’ll go with like a couple of seconds of music makes me really appreciate animators, working their asses off for shit that is like... split seconds. humans are so cool. art is cool.
also makes me appreciate ppl who painted church windows bc shit man this is hard enough when it’s not literally on glass.
also waiting for this to dry so I can keep drawing fucks me up, 0/10.