#polytropia

under-the-moonlight-tower replied to your post “My therapist: People already love things about you. You need to be...”

But we do care you glorious giraffe you!

I know some of you do. Bless you. You especially.  ♥

lisapizza replied to your photo “She actually told me to keep a notebook of times when I do slip up. So...”

p sure that tag counts

SHHHHH. DON’T TELL HER.

polytropia replied to your post “KL Jawin’: Futures Edition”

Librarianship is actually a pretty common second career, so there will definitely be non-babies about. Simmons is PRICEY compared to other schools, though.

Ugh, I know. But you know, grad school may not be the answer at all. I have a lot of thinking to do. Thinking is hard. Futures are hard. Why do we even?

me-prusta replied to your photo “She actually told me to keep a notebook of times when I do slip up. So...”

I'd say that tag does count, fwiw. Because clearly many people care <3

Some of you do, and bless you. I appreciate you and your faces and I love you very much. But also like, realistically, at this point most of the people following this blog are doing it because I wrote Too Much TRC fic last year and now I’m not putting out and it’s all about my stupid feelings and my stupid cyberpunk novel that is very low interest. So that tag is just a preemptive deflection of reaction to that. Which is, you know, a thing I do in all areas of my life because I don’t value my own feelings enough when compared to other people’s and it’s the very thing she’s trying to get me to notice and stop doing.

shinykari replied to your post “shinykari replied to your photo “She actually told me to keep a...”

I make self-deprecating jokes when I'm anxious. It's not so much about being a bitch to myself, it's a reaction to pressure. (It's also why work friends think I'm hilarious, because i'm always slightly freaking out.)

Mine is also a reaction to pressure. Whether mental or emotional. She points it out whenever I giggle because I’m nervous or deflect something because I just don’t want to deal with it. And I can respect that these are pretty terrible habits I’ve picked up that are furthering a defective narrative of myself to myself. But also...feelings. Pfah.

kaijuvsgiantrobotsvsme replied to your photo “She actually told me to keep a notebook of times when I do slip up. So...”

I would explode. I would just not be able to speak or communicate with anyone at all for that whole two weeks.

RIGHT? She was like, I know this is a defense mechanism, but it’s a terrible defense mechanism and you need to stop. And I was like, but what happens when I’m defenseless!??? Probably actual connections with other humans, but like...at what cost???

lionsroar83 replied to your photo “She actually told me to keep a notebook of times when I do slip up. So...”

New humor idea: 24/7 puns. They're much nicer and you're good w language, so you'll be a pro!!!

“KL, you used to have so many friends, what happened?”

“Well, I started communicating mainly in puns.” 

jellosushi replied to your post “somuchpotential replied to your post “winged replied to your post...”

If I could give you my math skills I would. You got this.

I do! I did it before I can do it again. I’d rather not, but you know, maybe I shouldn’t have spent all this time not doing anything with my test scores if I didn’t want to be in this exact place again.

polytropia replied to your post “winged replied to your post “So, not sure if you’re looking for...”

Also my digital humanities rockstar friend was telling me about this: http://dhsi.org as a way to learn from people SHE describes as DH rockstars in a vacationable amount of time. Maybe this is the giant trip we save up for.

polytropia replied to your post “winged replied to your post “So, not sure if you’re looking for...”

Just as a data point: I applied to 3 or 4 library schools (including Simmons, which is the closest one to us) and none of them required the GRE at the time. (And I had taken it and just chose not to give them my scores, so you've got options on that front.)

I’D RATHER GO TO IRELAND, HONESTLY. But yeah, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. I have a lot of mulling to do and some big decisions to make before I figure out what I need. 

And I do remember from when I was looking into all of this before that some of the schools I was applying to even then didn’t need GRE scores. I think maybe the University of Washington was the only one that really did need them, and it’s not exactly an option this time. Simmons WOULD be an option, because of proximity, and because I hear good things about their percentage of graduate job placement, but my circumstances and what I’m looking for in the field are probably different than those of someone who went right into grad school from their undergrad, so I’m bound to be an outlier there. 

halfdeadfriedrice replied to your post “somuchpotential replied to your post “winged replied to your post...”

Maybe a prep class? Math is such a hell, so unnecessary and useless; I had stopped using GRE math by my first semester of college liiiiike. :P at least you've got lit & writing well covered though? Always cheering for you

13. The fictional character you want to believe you resemble and the fictional character you actually resemble

i would love to say that i’m Kiera Darby (Lady Darby Mysteries), but in reality i’m Simon Murray (Tigers and Devils), 100%.

14. The book that, in hindsight, really should have clued you in to the fact that you’re _________ (queer/in love/doomed to be an academic/etc)

well. Interview with the Vampire (both the book and the movie) is probably a lot more responsible for large swathes of my psyche than i care to think about, tbh. other than that, i can say with absolute certainty that Dubliners is largely to blame for how i approached my undergrad degree. also: The Gathering. modernist and contemporary Irish lit, man.

23. The book you expected to hate, didn’t, and then got angry about not hating

generally if i expect to hate a book, i don’t bother reading it. that being said, i got real mad when i ended up loving Good Omens - i’d put off reading it for YEARS because of Neil Gaiman, and then it turned out to be SO GREAT. ugh. still kind of bitter about it.

16: If you could bring three books to a deserted island which would you bring and why?

i’ll be good and not list collected works or series:

Till We Have Faces, C.S. Lewis (one of my all-time favorite books which i’ve re-read many, many times)

The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien (because i can’t say LOTR+The Hobbit)

Radiance, Catherynne M. Valente (because it’s amazing)

23: Bookdepository or Amazon?

amazon. i didn’t actually know what bookdepository was until i looked it up just now >.>

42: Which was the best book you had to read in school?

<3 Not knowing how a thing will happen well enough to plan coping mechanisms is the WORST. If you finish with them for the day and need to ring the klaxon for reminding you you have a Boston life outside your parents, don't hesitate. We're about if you need post-parental venting/detoxing/reminders you're awesome. (If you do blow up at him I am especially good at pointing out when people deserved that.)

That you are. And wouldn’t an actual plan be great? Wouldn’t it have been great if they’d told me at all what the plan was instead of just accidentally letting me know when they were going to be here so I had to cancel things with people I actually like? Golly gee. 

<33 I wish that I could give you the word survivor to highlight all the things you HAVE survived, (even with the knowledge there will always be people out there who have survived worse). I'm sorry this week is so awful and that people are often so awful, but bourbon and I are here anytime overusing the word "fuck" can make things suck a little less.

You and bourbon are the best and there is very little that can’t be made more palatable by overuse of the word ‘fuck’. These are just the facts. ♥

getawaymachine replied to your post “Hey, you remember this asshole from the train three and a half months...”

<3333 ::hugs::

*smish*

suddenly-the-consequences replied to your post “Hey, you remember this asshole from the train three and a half months...”

Can relate to a lot of this so much it hurts (and isn't it ridiculous how it is somehow felt more keenly when it is someone elses fear & hurt and not your own, as though there is a monopoly on pain) and hope that asshole fucks off & you can manage to be kind to yourself today, at least for a little bit. Cause you do deserve kindness and love, even if it doesn't feel that way.

It is ridiculous. And it’s always the way. Any time I talk about anything tough and someone says ‘I know how this feels’ or ‘oh me too’ my heart breaks a little. I don’t want other people to feel this way. I want other people to be happy and safe and never able to understand this, but you do, so all we can do is stand together. I’ll be here for you and all these things we share and also the other, good things we might not. Deal? Deal. ♥

brilligspoons replied to your post “Hey, you remember this asshole from the train three and a half months...”

<3333333333

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

cleopatriia replied to your post “Hey, you remember this asshole from the train three and a half months...”

thank you for sharing, honestly. there is some of this that I relate to and it's super shitty and i'm so sorry you'e had to experience this. fuck that guy honestly and I hope you don't have to ever encounter him again.

Babe, ♥♥. I also hope I never encounter him again. HE’S gonna hope I never encounter him again, because I am 100% determined to take a picture of him, even if I can’t do anything but tweet out an alert to the greater Boston area about him. But also I kind of want to call the cops with it and see if he has a record I should be legit afraid of. I don’t even know if they could tell me that information, but I feel like SOMEONE should know this guy is out there serial harassing women and that it might escalate. 

thecosmonaut replied to your post “Hey, you remember this asshole from the train three and a half months...”

This hit really close to home, and I am so deeply sorry that you have to deal with this. I didn't even know about the original post but I would have been just as afraid, just as shaken. Thank you writing this down. Thank you for using your unique voice to bring to light just how deeply the mind can feel it deserves to suffer when that's all it's ever known, and how that can shape your entire life.

Minds, right? Has this shaped my entire life? Yeah, I guess it has, though thinking about it that way is overwhelming. 

I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to doubt my friendships and relationships. Many of my local friends literally asked me to move here. They tell me all the time that they’re glad I’m here. And still in my head I have to expend a lot of effort to not fall into the familiar mindset of thinking that it’s all a joke or a long con, that I’m going to get the better of me and eventually they’ll realize I’m not worth knowing or too annoying to hang out with or too needy to be friends, that I don’t give anything back to them, that I’m selfish and mean and they’ll be better off without me. And some of these things are the product of many years of conditioning by many different people, and some of them are just the plain old self doubts and low self-esteem that have always been there, that gave those other people the in to begin with. 

What did that post say the other day? I am, as the poets say, a mess. But I’m a public mess. A mess who wants to fix myself and who will just yammer on about all of this so other people know they’re not alone and so I know I’m not alone. You and me, we can get through this. We can be radder than ever. Just, deep breaths until then, I guess. 

zeegoesthere replied to your post “Hey, you remember this asshole from the train three and a half months...”

I hadn't ever seen the original post about that asshole and I'm so fucking livid on your behalf. Also livid at your rapist and your father and all men really, of course. I don't know what to say other than that I'm furious for you right now, but. I'm here and I find your thoughts and tour voice incredibly valuable and you do not deserve to be afraid.