#polytech

Now, I want to begin by briefly addressing my own life, because I am fully aware that my life experiences colour my speculations and opinions here, and I think that is the case for all of us, naturally. I was viciously bullied at school for many years for ‘being different’ (and this included, but was not limited to, the fact that I was very artistically expressive and undeterred in my very strong artistic ambitions no matter what, playing the lead in every school play, singing the solos in choir, etc, even though this did not at all make me popular. Instead, people would shout abuse after me in the hallways and try to push me down the stairs and such. “Is your name Ana-star-sia cause you wanna be a star?” 😂 - is something I got to hear quite a lot. So, yes, there is somerthing about Freddie’s experience in his teens at school and later in college which has a very familiar ring on a personal level for me. “I’ll be a pop star/legend”, “Freddie Baby” and all that. I can’t help but relate. I fully acknowledge my personal bias here.

With that caveat out of the way, back to Freddie.

The former classmate who was interviewed did not, in fact, say that Freddie wasn’t bullied. In my opinion, he said the opposite. Because by saying that he wouldn’t be bullied, what he is talking about is not what was happening, but how Freddie dealt with it. So what this actually confirms for me is that there was bullying, but equally that Freddie refused to be cowed by it. Perhaps apart from becoming more reserved and quiet than he would have been naturally. Did I spend many hours, days, weeks weeping into my pillow in high school because everybody hated me? Yes. Did this stop me from still putting myself out there, still gunning for the lead in the school play, still wanting to sing those solos? No. There are different ways of dealing with bullying, and they are personality dependant. Some people do become complete wallflowers and shut down entirely, trying to withdraw themselves from the centre of attention completely to stop attracting negative attention. And others, perhaps more stubborn or wilful people, do the opposite. They continue to be themselves more unapologetically, pretend to ignore the bullying, pretend it doesn’t get to them at all, pretend they’ve above it. With everything I’ve read about Freddie, I firmly believe he was the latter. He would not be bullied. He would not let his bullies determine what he did or didn’t do, nor dissuade him from his ambitions. And perhaps, that experience in school even served him well later in life.

I’ll come back to personal experience here, because it’s relevant. As an actor, even just trying to get into drama school, I face/faced constant criticism and rejection. 9 out of 10 auditions will end in rejection. Every performance you are in will be criticised. You are always too fat, too short, too ugly, too wrong for somebody in the entertainment industry. And I have honestly often thought to myself that if I hadn’t made the experience I did in school, if I hadn’t had to get used to the thought that if I attract attention, there will always be people who will hate me, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, no matter how much I attempt to please them. It is a hard lesson to learn, that you will never be universally loved by all, especially for the sensitive artistic types who just want to be seen, and heard and long for their artistic expression to be appreciated and adored. 

Now, think of the way Queen and Freddie specifically were often viciously torn down by the music press. I think that the experience I believe he had in school made that easier to deal with for him. I think that, since childhood, he had learned to laugh with the people who laughed at him and not seem daunted by it. Does that mean it no longer affected him? Absolutely not. It still stings. You still always have to remind yourself, like a mantra, that not everybody will love you. Not everybody will love you. There is always a part of you that thinks, but what if, but maybe- It remains a constant struggle for all artists, I firmly believe.

So what I am saying is that Freddie was evidently bullied in boarding school to some extent, but I cannot for the life of me imagine, given what I’ve read of his character, that he isolated himself because of it or let it “ruin” his life. He was still social. He was still in a band. He still seemed happy enough to his friends most of the time, probably. Because both things can be true. You can be bullied, even terribly, and still go to parties, and still laugh, and still have friends and still refuse to see yourself as a victim.

This is what it comes down to. One’s perception of oneself. I think it’s very clear, throughout Freddie’s life, that he did not like and in fact actively refused to be pitied or to see himself as a victim of his circumstances the large majority of the time. That is also a strength of character which makes a person very attractive, and it’s frankly one of the things I love about him. See, if you had asked me while I was in high school if I was unhappy, I would have said no. I’m happy. I’m fine. Because from my perspective, I wasn’t letting the bullies ruin my life. I wasn’t letting them tear me down. I was winning. I was undefeated. And to me personally, it makes perfect sense that Freddie would have felt that way, too.

Now, there is also something tangential, a little speculation I want to throw out there. I think due to the nature of boarding school, there is definitely a certain amount of camaraderie involved and I think that while Freddie definitely didn’t have an easy time of it there, he had a much worse time at Polytech in terms of bullying once he came to London. Why? Well, this is what the Laura Jackson biography has to say about that time, but keep in mind I have found inaccuracies in that biography and there are no sources given for where the author acquired this information:

“In appearance, accent and temperament he must have felt different, and in his neighbourhood he was treated as such. From the start he suffered from ignorant bigotry – made the butt of constant ridicule and abuse. His first reaction was to retreat into a shell. But, recognising that he was there to stay, he realised it would be impractical for him to hide away. Applying his well-developed streak of self-discipline, he worked out a simple plan of attack. Since his narrow-minded tormentors saw him as a funny foreigner, he played the Persian popinjay for them and parodied himself ruthlessly. This took the sting out of their tails, effectively robbing them of their fun. But, brazening it out took its toll, and at home he became unhappy and insecure, desperate to fit in and yet aware that he was different.”

While I have no proof nor sources for this other than this one biography, it does make sense to me. It makes sense to me looking at the video from Polytech and his entire body language. It makes sense to me in context of the entire situation. It makes me think that if there was a part of his schooling where he was really, truly miserable much of the time - it was most likely then. (So much so that I wrote fic about it.)