#polylosers

So anyways the public is nosy and wants to know who's banging who. Richie, Bill, and Bev, along with the other Losers have decided to keep their relationship a secret. Yeah being gay/bi is okay but they don't want to have to explain why they're in a relationship of seven people. Bev, Richie, and Bill handle this in many different ways. Bev just deflects any relationship questions in interviews and Richie jokes that he's a whore and no one will date him. (Stan and Eddie give him so much shit over that bit) and Bill,,,poor bb flounders.

Bill likes to dedicate his books to his lovers. Each book he writes has a dedication that says something like: "To my lover who watches the birds", or "To my lover that is sun on earth", and naturally people ask who this lover is in interviews. And Bill just doesn't know how to lie so the general public just thinks that Bill's lover is a multifaceted person who loves to grow plants, bird watches, work on cars, and also writes poetry.

This all works for a while until Bill is caught in public holding hands with Ben. Magazines blow up like :"Is this the lover of many talents?? World Renowned architect Ben Hanscom??" so now they just let the public think Bill is dating just Ben. Also Bill and Richie got an argument over it that went like:

Richie: "This is so not fair, why do you get Ben?"

Bill: "It's not like I was trying to get caught!"

Richie: "Well if you get Ben then I get Mike!"

Bill: "Fine."

Richie: "Fine!"

Bill: "Fine!"

On Richie's next stand up he tells everyone he's dating this cute librarian named Mike and like with Bill, the press eats that up.

But fans are crazy right? Like they had a working theory that Richie was actually dating this high end accountant (Stanley) bc Richie had been spotted with him a couple times at fancy parties. (Stanley is a slut for fancy parties and Richie only goes to the ones he's invited to bc he knows Stan will enjoy it) But some other fans had a theory that Richie was dating high end fashion designer Beverly Marsh. Because Richie only ever wears her clothes on stage or in interviews. Plus they've been spotted being flirty before at award shows. So fans are a little confused when Richie announces he's dating a humble librarian.

But remember fans are crazy so it doesn't take long for them to figure out that Bill Denbrough also only ever wears suits out of the Beverly Marsh brand. Which is strange bc Bill and Richie have very much a bickering banter in the spotlight. So they're all left wondering, what does this all mean?

Because yes Bev avoids relationship questions but she always has the same guy with her as her 'date' at events. A man not much taller than her and he's been seen reassuring her at her runway shows. Calming down her anxiety. (Eddie is 100% Bev's unofficial manager and I like to think that Bev's fashion is her and Eddie's thing. He's the one who goes to all her shows.)

So at this point fans are going crazy. They have Bill who is dating the famous architect but has written too many dedications for it just be about Ben. Also some fans 'ship' Bill and Richie bc of how they play fight through the press.

Then there's Richie who is dating the "Librarian" Mike Hanlon, but also Richie has been spotted with at like Galas with one of the best accountants in the business, Stanley Uris and he constantly flirts with Bev in the public eye.

But Richie and Bill both exclusively wear Beverly Marsh. And Bev who avoids relationship questions but is seen with the same man at shows, who the fans had pieced together is Eddie Kaspbrack. Someone who owns a predominant limousine company in New York.

And this all falls apart after one particular award show, Bill's book turned Movie won an oscar, and the Losers were out celebrating at what they thought was a private party....only to wake up the next morning and see all hell break loose. There are photos of Richie making out with Bill and Ben. There's a couple photos of Bev scandalously dancing with Richie's librarian boyfriend, Mike. Then to top it off Eddie and Stan are spotted sneaking away from said party. Two people with romantic links to Bev and Richie.

The internet blows up.

Richie tweets out the next day: "So I see you've guys have met my lovers. Yes, plural. Told you I was a whore."

"What do you mean 'define virgin'," says whoever says it, probably Eddie or Bev.

"It's a social construct!" Richie points out, avoiding eye contact. "Oral counts, or doesn't. Anal doesn't count for girls, sometimes. It's not a real thing, so- What does it mean in this case?"

Everyone stares at him. He stares at Mike's dusty record shelf. His knee bounces.

Delicately, Mike asks, "Is that relevant?"

Richie laughs. "Depends on the definition."

So Mike gets up and he digs through his piles of discarded books and notes (he kept them all of course, you never really know what you might need, what you might be able to- finesse, if you make yourself believe in it, if you have no other choice). He finds the right account and skims it, translating in his head, and gives aloud an approximation of how the ambiguously dead culture defined 'virgin'. Richie nods, seemingly compulsively, for several long moments.

Then he gets up and crosses into Mike's kitchenette, opens and closes cabinet after cabinet until he finds the whiskey, takes a double directly from the bottle, and says, "So, hypothetically. If we did have one of those..."

So - delicately, delicately - Mike explains the entirety of the ritual.

They need a virgin, as there defined, who has a strong spiritual connection to Stan (Richie flexes his hand; the scar may be gone but the oath behind it remains).

They need as many other people willing to participate who also have a spiritual connection to Stan as possible (it's the P&P hand flex all around).

They need everyone to fuck the virgin, as there defined, one after the other, such that th- such that Richie is so overwhelmed with pleasure and love for Stan that his petit mort ends up just a little bit literal.

If it's working, Richie will basically astral project into the macroverse afterlife, where Stan's spirit will be waiting. If Stan wants to come back to life with Richie they will - basically - have tantric sex, drawing them both back into Richie's body.

Richie says, "Mikey, that's not an orgy. That's a gang bang." Everyone stares at him. "What? I'm just saying, those are different things."

They have to, uh, leave some organic material behind inside Richie for Stan to possess instead of Richie's body because then their spirits might get mixed up. I'm making it up so that they all fuck a bunch and make Richie cry, it only needs to make enough sense to satisfy me personally.

Bill laughs. "W-we have to kn-knn-knock you up, Richie!" Richie does not laugh. Richie blushes very, very deeply and looks like he could not speak if his literal life depended on it. "Oh," says Bill, pensively.

"That's disgusting," says Eddie. "I have to go first." This is a thin excuse to ensure that he'll be the first one to fuck Richie - ever! !! - made thinner by the fact that he insists he has to go before Bev too. The other Losers make resignedly amused looks at each other. Richie looks like he will spontaneously combust at literally any moment.

Uh. And then they gang bang Richie in Mike's loft while thinking about Stan (and in Eddie's case, dirty talking about Stan). And Eddie goes first. And Stan goes last.

And then they immediately realize they made a huge mistake because now they have to somehow get to Georgia without, uh, leaving anything behind so that Stan can go back into his own body lmfao.

And then probably Richie has a nervous breakdown about how to explain all this to Patty.