#poetryproject

Lou Reed & Laurie Anderson, St Mark’s Church, December 1995 (photo by Allen Ginsberg, courtesy Stanford University Libraries/Allen Ginsberg Estate)

You will come across several battles

But one thing you should always keep

Are the secrets that are all too deep

Certain things are better left unspoken

Never leave a promise broken

Regrets are nothing fun

Age 13. I'm starting to grow into my curves and get embarrassed when I need pads. Why are these men staring at me like that? I wonder if this is how my body should exist. I am reminded I'm "always hungry". I didn't know it meant blasphemy.

Age 17. Pilates. I look in the mirror and think I am healthy. Why did my best friend call me "too skinny". Maybe I should eat a burger.

Age 20. I am surrounded by vultures who see open invitations to pick me apart. "Are you sure you can eat that?". I am confused. I still have to pick out 10/12 panties.

Age 23. It's hard to build a healthy relationship with your body when no matter the size, you are wrong. Why do I feel pretty when I'm hungry, yet sick and disgusting when I find myself savoring the taste of cake.

When reality splits

I'm bipolar as fuck

So no I cant get a grip

All I crave is her face

And that taste of her lips

But I fucked it all up

Yeah I did it again

A whole piece of shit

Nah cannot pretend

I regret past mistakes

But then I fuck up again

I stay surrounded by people

say my name

cut your lips