#pmd-d

Well, one, its' PMD. Lord knows how me and DA PMD artists mix (good heavens no) but the group has recently picked at my interest? I wouldn't mind joining but i'm worried about several things-

being attacked by people who worship a certain someone

being attacked about PMD-D (because there are a LOT of selfish people who are mad at me and didn't even consider what was going on behind closed doors

This is the PMD fandom we're talking about. They always find a reason to be mad at me (I'm aware that this comes off as immature.)

People are automatically gonna assume that I'm here to start something when in reality no I have no intentions of interacting with the majority unless they're willing to have me. I'm not one who approaches others unless invited into their space

One of the mods I'm slightly worried might be a little unfair towards me (This is more of just a hunch I'm just hoping that they're mature enough not to let anything personal get in the way of professional work.)

Overall, I'm not worried about what happened with Star, I mean, seriously, it was a five minute rant that was literally composed of skype messages with little to no editing. It's old news, been there done that, moving on.

As for PMD-D, I don't know how I feel about it. I'll be honest, I put up a front when I shut the group down because I didn't want to care. Though I wholeheartedly cared about the group and I didn't want to let anyone down.

Was I happy about closing it? Hell no.

Was I ready for the responses? Hell yes.

Did I read most of them? Hell no.

Should I of? Prolly.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is going to veer off topic, I need to get this off of my chest.

Recently I interacted with someone who was SUPER mad about me closing the group, thought they weren't even a member, and they still somewhat hold a grudge. Things like this are what I'm worried about.

A majority of the people who responded angrily DID NOT consider how we, the mod team, felt, I'm gonna clear that up.

The mod team had and always did come before the members. A group is only as powerful as its mods, and we obviously had a bumpy start. Mainly because I recruited random people for the mod position because 1. I didn't know anyone, and 2. Because I'm actually incredibly shy and it's hard for me to approach people, even on the online interface. At first I tried to keep my relationship with the mods professional and not personal, but as time drew on, the first set of mods were slightly dysfunctional.

IT just wasn't serious with them so I decided to boot the members that I clashed with, or caused the the whole team discomfort. I kicked those who i clashed with because there's no room for animosity in a workspace, and the other because I had received word of them bragging about a rape concept that was going on with one of the NPCs.  Yes, one of the NPCs was supposed to be a victim by a another NPC but it was supposed to be history that was barely touched on. 

I was really not okay with even leaving the mod team chat and I'm sorry for those who heard about it. It was supposed to be a personal plot element to help explain a character's animosity towards another.

After those mods left, we tried to do a reboot. I created the fall festival because the mods felt like I was hogging all the work, when in reality, I had a specific image in mind and I didn't know how to explain it, so in short, I rather just do it myself. Had they given me a chance instead of just complaining, they would've had their time, but at the time being, I had an image in mind that I couldn't describe.  If I can't describe something, I draw it.

This kind of got off topic. In short, when it came to the closing of PMD-D which i forethought a long time ago, it was because I put my mods first. We were all tired and stressed, and we all have lives. Instead of leaving the group dangling on a slab of meat and letting them struggle,  I tossed it out.

Sorr-rry for tossing out your outlet for creation because I valued my mods more than a group of people who already hate me. Do you even really even realize how selfish some of you are?

I'm a pitiful excuse of a leader because I wanted my mods to live their own lives? Okay. Okay.

Another thing that none of you considered, was the fact that I was fucking, homeless when I shut the group down.

Do you expect me to run a non profit group that only takes up my time with no benefit because the populace looks down on me while living in an extended stay, a small room that housed 6 people that loaded me with triggers? How does a roleplay group support me? Huh? I pay bills. And at the time, I needed to let SOMETHING go. I wasn't getting paid to run the group, and I had several other methods of making money, but I couldn't do it if I stressed over PMD-D 247, because I did. I stressed over it so much that I fell into a motivational rut and then NOTHING got done.

Did you guys even consider what goes on with the HEAD of the group? No. Nah.  From what I saw, a lot of you were incredibly biased. Keep an open mind, people. 

Back on the topic of joining PMDO, it's this exact bias against me that I'm worried about. Because I've already up and dropped every grudge against anyone that I had. I don't dislike anyone because they're not harming me or my ocs or my comic or my friends. I don't have a reason to dislike them. I'm not holding any grudges.

I'm tossing out the hate a bias that I myself held, it's the only reason I'm even considering joining. But I know that a lot of people haven't dropped there's.

If I do join, I'm not going to be very active. I've got a comic in the works and another one being scripted. I also have commissions and I'm graduating FAIRLY SOON so I'm looking into colleges and shittledittle and what not.

It all comes down to this, I'm considering joining, but there are still a couple questions in mind

I have 2 DAs, my old one, and my current one. My old one has 10 months worth of premium, I don't want it to sit and rot. But as soon as pople see that username, all hell is going to break loose.

My new DA is a clean slate for high quality work and I mainly made it because I wanted an audience that didn't demand pokemon art. Joining with it sort of cuts out the possible hell breaking loose, but it'd defeat the purpose of even making that account. I'm a lil lost.