#playpaul

How is Paul de Homem-Christo the greatest semi fictional character I’ve ever written in my entire life? I love him. He is literally that uncle and nothing can convince me otherwise. 

*Lots of longing looks into the distance as the wind mystically whips his hair behind him. Also kickass motorcycle.*

You know, If I ever get my Daft Punk Tekken Rip Off off the ground, I really want Paul to be the Paul Phoenix/Jacky Bryant of the team. I’ve never played Virtua Fighter.

He is literally the kung fu biker dude that’s the wacky comic relief punching zombies in the face, wandering the wastelands, being the rebel son who left behind the pressure of withholding the legacy of the secret de Homem-Christo style of kung fu passed down for generations. He’s a wild card, he does what he wants.

*Rocky and Survivor intensifies* Seriously, where’s his movie?? 

Listen to Survivor - Eye of the tiger by Ben Young https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/7Qa71

Phoebe stood in the middle of the dimly lit training room.

She moved through each of her forms, determined to improve herself for the fight ahead.

Behind her, the door to the room suddenly opened and Paul strode in, oblivious that the room was occupied. He was lost in his own thoughts after speaking to his brother.

As he entered, Paul glanced up to see Phoebe, who was too absorbed in her training to see that he had entered the room.

Hesitating as to whether he should interrupt her or not, Paul suddenly paused, intrigued. He decided to observe for himself the young woman's technique.

Paul stood, leaning casually against the doorway, as he watched Phoebe attack the air in front of her. He marveled at her skill and control.

Finally, Phoebe paused, breathing hard with exertion.

She braced her hands on her knees to catch her breath, before she turned around and finally caught Paul's eye as he stood in the doorway behind her.

Embarrassed by her unaware spectator, Phoebe immediately straightened up.

"Oh! Uh, Paul! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there! I-I was... um..." Phoebe hastily tried to explain herself.

But Paul brushed off her concerns with a wave of his hand. He pushed himself up from where he had been leaning against the door frame and walked over to join her in the centre of the room.

"It's alright, don't worry about it. I just came in and thought I'd watch your technique. You're very good." He told her.

Paul looked down at Phoebe to give her an encouraging smile.

"Have you been practicing down here for long? He asked her.

Still nervous, Phoebe shook her head. "No, not long. I was just about to try out some more techniques I need to do." She replied.

Paul noticed Phoebe's eyes flicker to the wall nearest them, where a long pole was leaning against it.

Following her gaze, Paul turned round to see the staff and turned back to smile cheekily at Phoebe.

"The staff, right?" He asked her, before he turned and went to fetch the weapon and bring it over.

Paul paused to examine it, smiling nostalgically to himself.

"I remember when I used one of these. Been a long time now." He told Phoebe, who stood watching him with interest.

"Guy-Man was always the one to use this. I did for a bit."

"Did you ever think about training again?" Phoebe asked him.

At this, Paul shrugged as nonchalantly as he could.

"No, not really. Just wasn't my thing I suppose. I guess if I had applied myself more then, I might have been able to do more with those skills now..."

Paul's gaze wandered to fix itself into the far corner of the room, lost in reminiscing.

"I tried for a bit, but then I guess at some point it wasn't for me. I had to take a break. Clear my head. Find my own way." He said, almost speaking more to himself.

Then Paul returned his gaze to the staff in his hand, then smiled jauntily over at Phoebe.

He picked up the staff and held it towards her, offering her to take it.

"Show me what he taught you." He asked her, his smile widening.

Phoebe smiled back, before she gently took the staff from Paul's hand and twirled it expertly, before standing it upright beside her.

"That's no problem, Paul. But I wanted to ask you..." she began, as Paul frowned quizzically at her.

Phoebe paused to pick up a strange weapon from nearby: a small axe or sickle like weapon with a long chain ending in a heavy weight on the end.

"I was hoping you'd be able to help me practice with this." She told him. "I can't seem to figure out how the chain works."

At this, Paul's grin broadened as he pulled out his own chain from within his jacket.

"Now that I CAN help you with!" He told her excitedly, as he lead her over to the training dummy.

Fin.

Hey Pisanos! It's the Super de Homem-christo Bros Super Show!

Yeah, been meaning to write this one up for a while. Here's Paul reminiscing about training with his brother in the mountains learning the super secret de Homem-Christo style of Shaolin Kung Fu. I've been watching too much Shaw Bros lately. :p

Paul is basically Terry Bogard now. He just needs the hat.

Meanwhile, Paul and Guy-Man's epic kung fu ninja robot biker brawl battle had devolved into a rather childish slapstick fight. 

Paul, in the midst of pulling Guy-Man's hair while Guy-Man himself was busy shoving Paul's face away from him, both looked up curiously at Thomas' announcement.

"Huh?" Paul asked, slightly muffled by Guy-Man's hand on his face. 

Guy-Man likewise did his best to turn his head without scalping himself in the process as the two looked over at Thomas' curiously. 

A first draft of the Breakfast scene.

Context: The Daft Duo, along with Pharrell, Paul and their hilariously accented sidekick have to save the world from evil aliens and French President Laurent Brancowitz.

OMG I literally just stumbled across this picture while doing a Google search and-

Omg. WHAT EVEN IS THIS PICTURE?!?! XD

Its so hilarious yet so WTF at the same time!!

Apparently you can thank the Daft Club forum for this. It was on one of their really old threads.

But srsly tho. Thomas and Paul and Guy-man are just... XD omg. So cool!! :3

So yeah, there you are. No need to thank me. Ill just leave this here.

Badassery has been passed down the de Homem-Christo line for generations!!

(From Britkunoichi92′s Daft Punk Demon Slayers: The Movie fanfiction!!) For more info, please check out my other fanfic posts I have on this blog.

MEANWHILE!! The gang are still in the French White House. Which is pretty much the regular White House, except it's in France.

(Yes, I know what you're all thinking. How can they be in France when Phoebe and Paul got there from what is supposed to be America in a helicopter? Because shut up, that's why.)

Still only a first draft. But questions and comments are appreciated!! ;)

The door to the training room suddenly opened into the hallway beyond it, revealing Paul de Homem-Christo in the doorway.

"I'm just going for a cig break!" Paul told the others as he stepped out into the hallway. Pharrell, Phoebe and Thomas all smiled back at him. "Yeah, okay!" Pharrell confirmed, waving.

Paul smiled as the trio resumed their conversation, all chatting and laughing with each other.

Seeing them all relax together, Phoebe especially, made Paul feel better. It made him feel as though the worst was behind them and they could all work together as a team to beat this threat.

Turning away from the door and letting it snap shut behind him, Paul began to make his way to the nearest balcony to get a much needed cigarette break.

But he suddenly looked up as he realised he was not alone in the corridor.

Someone else was already there, leaning nonchalantly against the wall nearby.

He hadn't seemed to notice or care that Paul was there.

Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, Paul's brother, was already lighting up a cigarette not seeming to care that he was smoking in the middle of the hallway.

(Authors notes: Guy-Man don't give a fuck. He'll smoke in the middle of a corridor because fuck you. Fire safety be damned.)

Smiling to himself as he made his way over to him Paul asked, "Hey, bro. You got a light?"

Finally seeming to notice his brother, Guy-Man merely gave him a cursory glance out of the corner of his eye, seemingly annoyed at his younger brother's appearance.

Obviously displeased, Guy-Man wordlessly shoved his lighter into Paul's hand. Paul smiled at his elder brother's demeanour and leant against the wall beside him, lighting up as well.

The two brothers stood in silence for a while, Paul watching the smoke rising up towards the ceiling.

"Everyone's working really hard in there today." Paul finally announced, turning to stare over at the door to the training room he had just come from. "Phoebe's been teaching us some moves. She's pretty good."

Paul then smiled to himself proudly, pleased with his adoptive niece's progress. "Did you teach her?" Paul asked Guy-Man finally, who hadn't said a word. Not even a mention of praise for his protégé.

Guy-Man paused to exhale a cloud of smoke from his mouth into the air in front of him. "Not much." He replied modestly. "Thomas did most of the work, and forced me to do the other half." He admitted, maybe somewhat resignedly.

Paul chuckled at this, nudging his brother playfully on the shoulder, not taking him seriously. "Oh, come on, Guy-Man!! Thomas forced you to train her?! Come on, man!! She's great!! She took out me and Pharrell without breaking a sweat!"

Paul told him, pointing his thumb over at the door behind him. "You should have seen her earlier, man!! She helped me fight off a load of zombies!! She was amazing! Tell me you're not proud of that!! I would be!" Paul continued.

Guy-Man still said nothing. Instead he made a grunt of confirmation. "Mm." He replied, taking out another cigarette and lighting it up.

"Well, I'm glad you're the first member of Phoebe's fan club." He replied sarcastically.

"Just like old times, huh Guy-Man?" Paul asked his older brother jovially, clapping him on the shoulder.

Guy-Man stumbled for a moment at the force of Paul's blow, pausing to glare up at him irritably.

Then his gaze softened as he stood back up, leaning against the wall again. "Yeah... You could say that..." Guy-Man agreed, his blue eyes staring off into the distance.

(Guy-Man flashbacks to when the two were younger.)

Three figures stood at the top of a mountain range, in front of an Oriental looking temple.

Two boys stood in the centre of a makeshift arena.

They both held a staff, overseen by a stern looking man, their father.

Guy-Man squared up his younger brother, then launched his attack.

The two clashed against each other, Guy-Man hitting out with his staff, while Paul did his best to block.

Finally, Guy-Man twirled his staff a few times, gaining momentum.

Seeing this, Paul charged in to attack and stop him. But he was quickly blasted backwards by the strength of his older brother's strike. Guy-Man swiftly twirled his staff around and slammed the end straight into Paul's chest, sending him sprawling backwards.

Paul slid backwards a couple of paces, landing hard on his back. "Ugh!!" He slowly got up, clutching his chest from where Guy-Man had struck him.

Paul was a defector from decadence and decided to leave, whereas Guy-Man stayed on and used his skills to strengthen himself. The two brothers remained distant and so unalike since.

Paul paused, respecting his brother's silence. When he felt it was right to ask, Paul said: "So. How did you teach Phoebe?"

Guy-Man shrugged, as though it was no big deal. "The usual. A 10k run, push ups, sit ups, plenty of juice. I had to knock a little sense into her. She's a terribly chronic daydreamer."

"I almost broke her ankle once. But that was because I wanted to teach her how to dodge correctly."

Guy-Man had been using the same methods on Phoebe the way his dad had done on him and Paul.

Paul paused to stare gravely at his brother. "You push her too hard, you know."

"You don't push her enough!!" Guy-Man snapped back, uncharacteristic anger flashing in his eyes. Then he turned away to continue staring at the carpet.

"That's because she needs to. It's the only way she'll learn."

"Come on, Guy-Man. She looks up to you guys so much... She told us earlier." Paul replied.

Here Guy-Man paused, as though concerned. "She did?" He asked finally after a moment's hesitation.

"Yeah." Paul confirmed

I need this to be a real thing. Like if want to see this movie!! :D

Written and created by Britkunoichi92.

No, I’m not on drugs.

UPDATE: Had to re-edit this because I just uploaded this two seconds before I had to go out. Apologies, everyone!! I’m not usually this untidy! :p

Re-re-edit: Had to spell check and add some more bits in. :p

Enjoy! And feel free to ask what the hell is wrong is me!! :D

MEANWHILE!! Back at the French White House.

Thomas, Guy-Man and Pharrell are back on Earth and speaking with French President Laurent Brancowitz. They tell him about the robot mutant aliens trying to attack Earth, and the space radiation from space making alien space zombies.

(Thomas: "So yeah, we just got back from outer space after fighting an alien robot dragon that shoots fire. There was a nuclear explosion that happened but we all survived because we were in space. So we need to borrow some of your space jets to fly into the alien mothership and blow it up from the inside with the help of Jeff Goldblum." Laurent: "I'm the President of France now, for some reason. I think you're all crazy. So make like a tree and get the hell out of my office.")

Laurent paused as he listened to Thomas's story, deep in thought. He stood with his back to the trio, staring out of the large glass window behind him.

Standing behind him, Thomas stared at his friend gravely, worried about the fate of the world and his friends.

Guy-Man was busy smoking like a badass, but his stoisicm belied his tenseness as he looked on.

Pharrell meanwhile, was busy eating all the hors-deveus from a plate an attendant had brought them.

"Laurent, please! We need your help! I'm not asking you as a subject.... I'm asking you as a friend." Thomas asked him, almost openly pleading.

"We haven’t heard back from Pedro yet. He was supposed to come meet us here as he had something to help us fight this!! And as for Phoebe...." Here Thomas paused, as though pained to go on.

Beside him, Guy-Man glanced anxiously over at his friend. Even Pharrell paused in eating and looked concerned.

"I'm...sorry, Thomas." Laurent replied finally, regretfully. "I've already sent out a search team of helicopters to search the area you said Pedro's school is supposed to be..." Laurent sighed, finally turning round to look at his friends, his eyes sad behind his glasses.

"But they haven’t found anything. The mountains are too thick to traverse and the terrain is impossible to determine from a helicopter's radar... And the fog and cloud cover is too thick."

Laurent met Thomas's stricken gaze for a moment, then looked away, as though ashamed.

"I'm...sorry, Thomas. I cannot pour anymore money and resources into this. If what you told me is true..."

"It IS true!!" Thomas protested.

Laurent nodded, respecting his friends wishes. "I know it is. But I suppose we will just have to only hope... and wait."

Thomas stood back up, reluctant but still seeing the truth in Laurent's words.

Suddenly, the door opened behind them and Paul strode into the room, waving happily, as though the situation was not tense at all.

"Hey, guys!! Thanks for waiting!! I'm here!" He announced.

Thomas turned to look around at Paul, smiling warmly. “Hi Paul.” he greeted him, ignoring his abrupt entrance.

Guy-Man, meanwhile, did not turn around or move in any way. Instead he closed his eyes and pretended his brother had not arrived. "Oh god, not him..." He thought to himself. "Just ignore him, Guy-Man, he'll go away...."

But to Guy-Manuel’s dread, Paul bounded across the room in two strides and clapped him roughly on the back, almost sending Guy-man toppling face-first to the floor. But luckily for him, Guy-man managed to keep his footing. 

 “Hey, Guy-Man!! Bro!!” Paul yelled excitedly to his brother, beaming from ear to ear. “How you doing?! Man, it’s been way too long since we last saw each other!!”

“Not long enough...” Guy-Man muttered to himself acidly, glaring angrily at the wall and taking a long, furious drag on his cigarette. He didn't give his brother the courtesy of actually turning round and looking at him. Author’s notes: (Guy-Man is so salty I love it.)

"Yo, Paul!!" Pharrell greeted him, clasping his hand warmly and clapping him on the shoulder. "Where have you been?!"

Paul shrugged in reply casually. "Oh you know, nothing much. Just cruising around.” (”Killing ZOMBIES!!" (Paul puts on sunglasses)

"I had to bust my bike on the way here though. Ran into some zombies. So how are you guys?!" Paul asked them.

"In case you haven't noticed, we're currently under attack." Guy-Man replied irritably, speaking for the first time since the trio had arrived. He didn't look around at his brother, instead staring off out of the window in front of him where Laurent was standing. Guy-Man took an anxious drag on his cigarette, exhaling a cloud of smoke into the room.

"Also, someone had to babysit my niece!!" Paul suddenly announced jovially, opening the door for Phoebe. She looked downcast, staring at the floor, lost in thought. She looked a mess. Dishevelled, defeated. Covered in soot, dust and grime from the battle she had taken part in earlier.

For a moment, Thomas could only stare at her in shock, not daring to believe his eyes. Even Guy-Man was intrigued enough to glance over at the door behind him, his lit cigarette forgotten. It sent a ribbon of smoke trailing upwards towards the ceiling.

Finally, Phoebe seemed to realise where she was and raised her eyes. Her eyes and Thomas' met.

"Thomas!! Guy-Man!!" Phoebe cried happily as she rushed into the room, to run straight into Thomas' arms, almost bowling him over.

"Phoebe, you're okay!!" Thomas replied happily, hugging her back. "I thought you were dead!!"

Phoebe grabbed hold of Guy-Man and drew him into the trio's hug. Over Phoebe's head, Guy-Man glanced over at Thomas and the duo both shared a smile, glad their sidekick was alright.

Phoebe finally pulled away. The duo pulled away as well, before suddenly Guy-Man punched Phoebe's arm.

"Ow!! What the hell was that for?!" Phoebe demeaned, clutching her sore arm.

In response, Guy-Man turned to glare at her angrily. "Don't you. EVER. Scare us like that again. Thomas was worried sick about you!!" he warned her, before he playfully ruffled her hair to show he was just worried, glad that she was okay.

Thomas turned to frown at Guy-Man beside him in confusion at this. “No, I wasn't.” he replied. “I wasn't the one who smoked 20 cigarettes in 20 minutes.” He reminded Guy-man. “Shut up!!” He replied, punching Thomas in the arm to shut him up.

Realising this, Phoebe smiled back.

Behind the trio, Paul and Pharrell exchanged glances and smiled. "You did a great job." Pharrell told Paul. "You got her back safely. They're really happy."

Paul shrugged modestly in reply. "Ah, it was no big deal. Someone has to keep her out of trouble."

"So, where's Pedro? He said he'd meet us here, along with you!" Thomas asked Phoebe.

Immediately, Phoebe's joyous smile at meeting her two surrogate father figures disappeared as she thought back.

"You...You don't know?" she asked finally, turning to glance around at Paul, who shrugged helplessly. Phoebe turned back to address Thomas.

"We... The school was attacked. The...last thing I saw before I left was... Pedro sacrifing himself to protect the scroll. He... told me to keep it safe, and bring it to you. I'm sorry. I... wish I could have done more to stop him. I asked him to come with me, but... Pedro... He told me to take it and leave him."

Phoebe paused to take the scroll out of her pocket and held it out for them all to see. Thomas gazed at it silently for a moment, before he shared a glance with Guy-Man.

Thomas turned back to Phoebe. "Pedro told me before.... some time ago now, that he was going to teach you the techiques in that scroll. He said you would know how to use them."

Phoebe frowned to herself, thinking back. "Yeah, I think I remember he said he was going to teach me some new skills a while ago... Of course, now... It's too late."

Phoebe paused, ducking her head to hide the fact that tears were starting to well in her eyes. But the others still saw this.

The Daft duo paused to stare at each other in concern, before they both glanced up at Pharrell and Paul, respectively.

"Pharrell? Paul?" Thomas asked them.

"Yeah, Thomas?" Pharrell asked. Thomas smiled over at his two friends warmly.

"Could you take Phoebe somewhere? I think we all need to take a break." he told them.

"Yes, there's a spare training room you can use if you want to hang out there." Laurent suggested behind him.

Thomas turned and smiled over at him. "That would be perfect, thanks Laurent. I think we all need to keep our skills in top condition if we are to beat this threat."

"But what about you guys?" Paul asked as Pharrell and Phoebe began to leave.

They both stopped in the doorway.

Thomas smiled over at them reasurringly. "Don't worry about us. We just have to discuss some more things with Laurent. We'll come join you later."

I'll bet anything that while Guy-Man reprimands his brother Paul for giving his beloved motorcycle a cutesy girly name and dotes on it like a baby, Guy-Man will do the same to Goliath, his dog, whenever no one's looking.

Paul: "Hey Pauline, baby!! I got you some new wax honey and I'll give you a wash, Daddy loves you sweetie!!" 🏍🥰

Guy-Man: "Paul, you're an idiot. That's a motorbike. You're stupid."

*five minutes later*

Guy-Man: "Goliath, who's a good boy!! Yes, you are!! Daddy loves you!!" 🥰