#pkmnkin

stimboard for : cynthia (pokemon) with sharks, dark purple, and flowers

x | x | x x | x | x x | x | x

A poem that I wrote for myself as I lay here in bed trying to cleanse these thoughts from my head by putting them on a page. I'm unsure if it's even worth sharing, but I figure it is worthwhile for journaling purposes at least. I am by no means a skilled poet, nor is this a very refined poem, but it comes from a genuine place.

The poem is titled

"Am I even a therian?"

Am I even a therian?

It feels like I'm so out of touch 

With what's real 

And what's not. 

Who am I to decide if

I should be allowed to feel

The emotions I'm feeling?

Am I even a therian?

Nearly every day I ask myself,

And the answer is always the same.

Yet somehow,

This doesn't placate that nagging voice inside.

The self doubt that plagues me

Like a festering rot which is

Eating away at my soul.

Am I even a therian?

What do I have to gain by

Knowing the answer?

I'm constantly chasing some unattainable goal

Running in circles,

Like a dog chasing its tail. 

So close I can nearly taste it 

But just barely out of reach,

No matter how hard I try. 

Am I even a therian? 

It rings through my head 

As hot tears stain my cheeks.

It isn't the first time this week

That I've been here in this dark place 

And I know it won't be the last. 

Am I even a therian?

I lay down to rest,

Lamenting the me I'll never be. 

This body feels foreign,

My tail, paws, and fur all taken from me. 

This state of dissociation all too familiar,

Because every time I

Accidentally perceive my own wretched form

The wound flares as painfully as it ever was. 

This should be proof to me

That my plight is valid,

But I can never grant myself that mercy

Of letting me think that

I could ever truly accept myself. 

Instead I lie here,

Waiting for sleep to claim me. 

Over and over again, I 

Hear the question repeating in my mind:

sun-themed eevee stimboard, for one of our headmates!!

Hey y'all!

Remember how I said I was new to Tumblr? Well apparently I accidentally made this a secondary blog instead of my primary one and can't really interact with anyone on it now-

So since I'm just starting out, I'm remaking this blog as a primary one, so everything is going to move over to that one! I'll repost my posts so far there when I get it done.

The only downside is that I'm going to lose all of your wonderful comments you left. Know that I saw and appreciated each and every one. I feel really welcome here, and I hope to get to know more of you.

Talk to you again soon!