#pickingyourselfup

Plain and simple, I was in a relationship for almost seven years with my now ex partner.  I won’t go too much into detail but even though in the last two years of our relationship it was becoming toxic to the both of us, the previous years before that, I think we very precious moments that I will hold very close to my heart.  We broke up 10 days before our anniversary here is how I handled it: Break Up Day:

Talked to my friends

Cried  a lot...cried even more....continuing onto hysterically crying..

Bought myself a deep pan/thick crust pepperoni and jalapeno pizza, cheesy garlic bread and 4 churros - which i tried to eat with Ben & Jerry’s Ice cream but failed (my stomach did not like how i was handling my feelings and made me throw it all back up) started watch a stream on Twitch just to fall asleep.

After: Day 1 : Got up, went to the gym and worked my but off. Bought some healthy foods to cook for dinner - I cook dinner early because I work the evening shift.  I thought I’d treat myself, or more so try and look after myself and so I also bought: 1. new lunch box ( oh yeah lets start getting back into shape and eating healthy again) 2. some expensive eye cream (self explanatory, my eyes were sore and puffy and pretty much damn right scary looking they needed something)

3. and painkillers because when I cry i get headaches (weird right).

Then after showering and taking of my mud mask I got ready and left for work. Work was easy, I think I bought a block of chocolate to share and told my workmates what was going on with me.  I was fine this day, I didn’t cry too much, it was probably because it was extremely busy though.  I ended up getting a goods night rest from that too.  I think I felt happy today, they say when you had a shit day and let yourself feel shit and express it, the next day you feel so much more better and happy.

Day 2:

Also a good day, I didn’t go to the gym but it was another busy day at work and it took my mind off of things.  One of my new friends from work even gave me a lift back home - how lucky I am to have such a nice person in my life. I stayed up that night but made myself sleep at around 1am again falling asleep to a Twitch stream.

Day 3: Saturday,

Cried a little bit, probably because I was listening to music that reminded me of him. I washed my clothes and bed sheets, went to the gym, bought some goods, showered moved some of the ex’s stuff into a garbage bag without thinking twice and then got ready to go to the shops again to get my hair done.  Another good day. I bought mangoes, chocolate, pineapple, candy, chips and guacamole and big surprise to me one bottle of moscato wine.

The wine is a big deal, mainly because I didn’t like drinking later on in our relationship  for some reason.  He always wanted to drink more than he could handle and he would spend too much on it.  He always wanted me to drink more drink more drink more.  Today, it felt good to just go buy a bottle of wine because I felt at the time that I wanted to not because he wanted to. It was good to be able to drink something at my own pace rather than be felt like I was being guilt tripped into or forced to drink faster. I felt happy that I could do this without feeling like something was going to go wrong, because every time he drank something would go wrong.

Dinner was great, wine with steak and veges. I felt happy. I can cook a good steak now, I used to rely on him but now I have mastered it!

Day 4: Sunday,

Meal prepped a bit JUST FOR MYSELF - so good to just meal prep for myself and know that I will be the only one eating it.  Every time I meal prepped I felt like I was making extra for him for nothing - he hardly made any effort to help me, or even eat the food that I made for him but he would always ask me to make him some.  Always ended up throwing it away because he ‘didn't have time to eat it’‘ or ‘‘its been in the fridge for too long I don’t to eat it it’s old” even though I only just made it the day before.  I feel happy that I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

I made banana bread too. Yippee :)  No eggs too. I have created a huge addiction to coffee and banana bread lately.  $$$ pretty much money down the drain, so I decided that I will start baking it myself.

Towards the afternoon I fell asleep and got woken up by a call from the ex’s sister. Telling me what he said for her to tell me “that he misses me and still loves me”... she thinks he thinks that we are just on a break.  When we broke up he made it very clear that it was a break up for good.. so how can he say that, that’s not fair on me.  I am starting to pick myself up again and I am liking and getting used to being by myself.

The thing was, I was already used to not being around him prior to the break up, I had tried to break up with him 4 days before we officially ended it but he wanted to try again with me and he was in a bad state so I gave it ago again.

When the break up happened it was after something I would never let go, or not stand against. He didn’t understand why and he got so wrapped up and angry over it.....he has some anger management issues but I won’t go deep into it.