#pick

Chit chat pt2 -> previous(pt1) **** next(pt3)

(transcript found after read more block)

Is this journey still the right one for you, or is it time to say goodbye to it? / a tarot pick a pile reading ♡

piles → one and two ♡

It wasn’t at all easy, to make this decision, to go into this journey. Without having the proper time to understand it, all the responsibilities and the implications. Nor to prepare for it, to really consider every but and ifs… But you still did it. Because in that one single instant, it felt like it was the right thing, the only right option. You had faith in it, faith in the fact that no matter how this journey will be, in one way or the other, but it will gift you something. It will have in store for you something precious, something worthy. Or, in the worst case, that you will be able to find it either way in it, you will make it work out regardless…

Now, some time has passed already. And even though you learned quickly to love all of this… Some doubts and wanders are catching up to you, asking questions that you don’t know how to answer. They are overwhelming, so insistent, that thanks to them a new thought is finding its way to you, the one of changing everything, of looking for something else, a different path, that might be better, safer, easier or faster, more worth all of it…

But this journey is not finished. The journey itself, is not ready to let go of you, to surrender to the idea that you might never see what it had in store for you just because it is more slow in its growth and progress. So, today, it wants to talk to you. The very journey you are now on, the one you had faith in, the one that you are, unfortunately, starting now to doubt because of how little it is progressing. It wants to tell you a little secret, about what it hides right here, on the horizon, ready for you to take it, if only you wait and resist a little bit.

So slow down for one brief moment, and think about it, about all that you’ve experienced so far since your decision to trust this one path. And allow it to speak to you, through the details of this painting, guiding you to that one pile that holds its message.♡

- Pile One,

(the key: the tower and the king of wands)

Details of “The Favorite”, 1892, by Max Nonnenbruch.♡

It’s strange because… You kind of knew it. You knew that it will not be easy, that it will take this time, to come closer to the realisations of your goals, of your achievements.

You knew it. But you also knew that this is a sure route for it. And, at the same time, you’ve had enough confidence in yourself and in your capabilities. You believed, deep down in your heart, that if the things change, if your attitude about this journey changes, you will be stronger than it, you will shift every single thing by just desiring it. The pace, the time needed, the rewards… You told yourself, convincingly, that if needed you could change its course by simply being you, and working harder, speeding up a little bit…

But you weren’t stronger than all of this. Not stronger than this journey, people involved, circumstances, little and big ones. You weren’t able to shift and mold this situation to how you wanted it to be. Instead, it’s this path that not so gently refused to change, when you tried to do it.

More you pushed and more it slowed down. More you looked for shortcuts, and more complicated, filled with obstacles and ups and downs, every route became. More you tried to be like others, to ‘‘infiltrate’’ the system gently, in hopes of changing things… The more you stood out, in an uncomfortable way, in the one that makes others leave you slightly behind, not willing to get closer, to help, to listen to your ideas…

And all of this, all these tries to change things, weren’t even necessary, when you think about it. It’s just that… You felt like it. You felt like moving, changing, exploring, trying, daring. You felt like not staying in one place, not letting go or losing the other things that were so tempting to you. You felt like not committing, fully, because it seemed, deep down, a little bit too dangerous. To really have to have this much faith in one single thing, one single journey, instead of having plans b and c to back you up, if something goes wrong.

So you’ve played into it, in that sudden desire to rush, to experiment, to try things. If not on other journeys, than on this one, to achieve more, to have more results and evidence to demonstrate that this is the right one, that you can achieve anything that you could ever want… But it only, kind of, broke it. That bubble that sometimes, some journeys, create around us. It’s environment that allowed it to grow, the protection and silence and space it gives you, so you can truly focus on what you are working on… It all bursted out, it all changed, and not how you intended to. And through that crack that your own impatience and doubt created - so many other challenges came through.

From stagnant, slow and boring… It all became just frustrating and confusing and challenging. To the point that, if before you thought about trying something else because of difficulty to stay still, now you are thinking about it because it all became too much. A mess that you don’t really know if you can, or want, to take care of now.

But, although it seems and feels like a revenge, some karma that is attacking you back because of your little faith… It really is just a coincidence, combined with your perspective of someone who feels a little scared, a little ashamed, and insecure now.

Those things, the disruptions and obstacles, the changes ‘‘for the worst’’, would’ve happened either way, in that same exact moment. They were always supposed to be part of this journey. They were, in fact, the things through which it would’ve really evolved and progressed, thanks to your help. But your impatience and decision came in, suddenly, in the same period. And it changed completely the way you interpreted every single situation from that moment on - you connected it all to you, you saw everything as your fault, because you expected it to be easier, not more challenging.

But it was just a bizarre timing. And the confusion of it all that made pass one thing for another. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t because of it. It rather was you, all those doubts and impatience, that were a reflection of the arrival of the right moment for this journey to level up, to morph into its next phase and form that you’ve been longing for.

This journey, as alive as it might be, never took it on as a battle, or a betrayal. It only saw you, your emotions and desires, being completely in tune with its phases. But, not knowing it, not expecting all of what came through, it saw you being so confused, and mistake it for a punishment that it never wanted to give you.

You are safe. You are alright. You are still on the right path. Even if some desires of yours have changed, even if your goals and timeframes now have some more details - this journey was made exactly for this, it is already conscious and ready for all of it, for your every change, and growth and elevation.

It is reflecting you, mirroring you, the same way you did it unknowingly, before getting confused and scared. This path still will lead you to your desire, even if it somehow changes. Because this is the reason you were drawn to it in the first place - you chose it because something in it felt the same as you, same phases, rhythms, possibilities that your heart chases.

p.s.

More of my readings | My personal guidance ♡

- Pile Two,

(the stork: the ace of cups and the emperor)

Details of “The Favorite”, 1892, by Max Nonnenbruch.♡

As promising and abundant as it seems… It just feels like too much to carry. It feels, at times, like the future of this journey has much more to offer than what you deserve, than what you ever would hope or dare to ask for. And thus… Why should you stay here, wait for it to be handed to you, if you already know that you are not ready to take it, to accept it?

It is a different kind of struggle, the one you have. It comes from within, even though the situation, the circumstances, are yet to happen - your mind already proves you in so many ways how you won’t ever be able to handle it. Not even if you know it in advance - you never could acquire enough experience or confidence. And not even if you were the one choosing this journey - you were just too naive and in your head, when you made such an absurd decision.

There is no really way to win against your mind, against those thoughts that are so persistent. So, every single time, exactly like you are about to do in this journey, you simply start to listen to it more closely, wandering, if the risk of not following your doubts is even worth it.

Let’s say you do it, you resist, you stay here. And you achieve it, whatever is on the horizon. Than what? Will you really be able to hold the pressure? The responsibilities? The future ahead that will not still be written or decided, and that you will need to create all on your own again, by choosing? And, first and foremost, will you even be satisfied with it? Do you really still want it? Or was it just because the goal seemed far away enough to choose to do it safely..?

Such harsh words… are really difficult to fight off. Especially when your last moves and changes weren’t that successful. It just all looks like a lot of stress, a promise of constant obstacles and fights and mistake that you will inevitably need to pay for.

It is scary to even look at it, to think about the possibility of staying, and one day be the one in charge, the one with the authority, because this is where ultimately this journey is leading…

It does seem easier to just go away. To make another change, to go through another ending and beginning. Because at least it will be the one you will choose for yourself, the one that you will somehow be mentally prepared for. Instead of dedicating so much to this journey, only to be one day, suddenly, be pushed from it…

Because this is what it really is about. The fact that even though you will be in charge, it still won’t be something that you could control for 100%. The responsibilities on your shoulders, the expectations, will constantly weight, and throw off your balance. You will be constantly at risk of failing, but, in this case, also in losing quite everything. Being this the journey that you will dedicate yourself completely to, for such a long time, creating it with your own hands, even though it might not protect you forever…

But even though these concernes are painfully real and serious… When thinking about them, or to be exact, when listening to that voice in your head and its thousands arguments, you don’t notice one little but important point… That it doesn’t ever mention you. The you factor. It never counts how many things you already accomplished and got through. It doesn’t, so cleverly, name the things that did not break you, even though you got through them when no one was there to help you. It doesn’t remind you, ever, how many times you created for yourself and on your own, that needed space and strength to be able to hold something in your life, with all its complications.

Because the truth is that it doesn’t happen all in one single instant. It takes time, it takes a lot of moments and decisions. A lot of opportunities for you to adjust things, little by little, as they are happening. Giving them their right space, moving them a little, learning to take care of them, seamlessly, as they arrive, without realising even how much you are handling at the same time.

Objectively it’s not so different from any other journey of yours. Except for the fact that you did chose it, it was one of your first ‘‘adult’’ decisions. And this is worth something. You do want it. You are just not sure about how you will handle it in the future, when it will become truly what you chose it for… But how you could ever know how to do it right in this moment, when you are barely halfway through it?

The goal of yours is pretty big, and it is far away from you now. But it is normal - it’s this way to allow you to be prepared for it, when it becomes true. Right now things are a little slower, and this gives you time to think about it, to rush directly to that specific moment when you will achieve it… But it’s just an illusion, isn’t it? There is so much time and space between this moment and that one. So many things can happen, the ones that you can’t even imagine or comprehend now. The ones that will change you and your life, little by little, without you noticing, so it can hold so perfectly exactly that thing that you are doing all of this for.

You will change, you will grow. But so will this journey, that one thing. It won’t remain unchanged, or, to be exact, you perception of it won’t be the same as now, as you will get closer to it. Your knowledge will be deeper, you will notice more details, and every single one of them won’t seem so strange, or new or complicated. Simply because, in that moment, you will be standing there after doing so many things that will prepare you for it, that will make you become the person that really will be strong enough, and confident, and deserving of holding it.

p.s.

More of my readings | My personal guidance ♡

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Requested by @miraclekay97

Some poems are mine!!

ᴘɪʟᴇ 1

Queen of swords, temperance

I love your hands:

They are big hands, firm hands, gentle hands;

Hair grows on the back near the wrist . . . .

I have seen the nails broken and stained

From hard work.

And yet, when you touch me,

I grow small . . . . . . . and quiet . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . And happy . . . . . . . .

If I might only grow small enough

To curl up into the hollow of your palm,

Your left palm,

Curl up, lie close and cling,

So that I might know myself always there,

. . . . . . . Even if you forgot.

- “Your Hands” by Angelina Weld Grimké

ᴘɪʟᴇ 2

Ten of wands, ace of swords

I am sweetly perplexed by love sallies, releases,

By the countless retreats and the numberless captures,

By the petulant coldness and agreeable raptures,

By the whisper of phrases that hurts and then pleases,

I am drunk by the prodigal total of leases

From her body and spirit, her soul and her senses,

I revel in approaches and artless offenses,

In her challenging taunts and her tenderly teases.

Now will I disengage a red flower from her tresses,

And uplift her lithe form from a divan of roses,

For the zephyr of night too much passion opposes,

And in delicate folds now has rumpled her dresses.

On tomorrow’s new ventures the heart eager presses,

I repose now to ponder on life-soothing losses.

- “Pagan Passion” by Luis G. Dato

ᴘɪʟᴇ 3

The devil, 5 of wands

And I wish I could take your heart

Eat it alive, eat you alive

So you can be a part of me,

Forever, indefinitely

As if our skin was melted together

As if our heads were laced together .

I wish I could hold you

As your body pulses through my veins

As your love fills my mind.

I think I love you more than you do

Forever yours, forever mine

Always nowhere, in a space

-Written by me, you can find more on Substack

For personalised readings, check this out!