#phanwedding

phan wedding

Me: *Cries* God it's happening...my dads are getting married...

Phandom: *Pats back* I know...we have waited so long for this

Child: You must have really suffered.

No trigger warnings (well a slight mention of depression) , its sickeningly fluffy. Basically what I imagine Dan's vows for Phil would be at their wedding or something like that. Maybe its him proposing, I dunno make your own story. 

Anyone can read this, if you don't like phan or anything pretend it isn't them. Yup. Criticism welcome.

                                       What you did for me.

  I sat on the train to Manchester Piccadilly the fields and houses flying past me in a blur of green and grey and red. I stepped off, feeling the wind rustle my hair; I looked for your eyes, to see them without the grain from Skype. I wanted to see your face without the worry of your family walking in. I stepped off that train and was instantly at home in your clear blue eyes. It was like all the weight of my nerves and slight travel sickness was relieved and I was as air. You hadn’t seen me yet but your eyes searched the anonymous crowd. Blue met brown. And you were running. Almost pushing people out the way, your converse slapping on the concrete; plaid shirt with the last button undone flapped ever so slightly. When you took me in your arms, then, then I was truly home.

 It was real. HD. You were real. Holding me there in the station. People who passed us blurred into nothing. They weren’t there, ghosts, shadows. This was what life was. Life was not destruction. Not black and white. No. It was bright and as real as the sun and moon and stars. I was the stars. I was the moon and sun. I was real. I was here in your arms, and your heat was burning a furious inferno of love and light. Picking me up like seeds in the wind. I had been small, nothing, invisible and yet here I was. I had stepped off the train in black and white and now I could see the colours.

 This is what true happiness was. It wasn’t getting drunk in the alleyways behind houses with friends. It wasn’t smoking in the bathrooms at school, and the adrenaline caused by almost getting caught. It wasn’t having all the money and wealth in world. It was here. Feeling alive. And I was. I think, I was now truly, finally feeling alive. For the first time in my life I could breath without weight. That is what your arms did for me.

 What your lips did, I cant describe it. I felt, god, I don’t know what I felt when you kissed me. When your heat was transferred into me. Bringing my brain to life, I could feel it, something inside me awaking. I could sense in myself a wonderful potentiality for life and brilliance. Something I had never felt before the moment that your lips were on mine. Nothing more. It was simple, but it was magic to me. I had never in my life sensed in me the heat and pure joy that now flowed through every artery and vein in my body. Air flooded my lungs and even my heart seemed to pump with more vigour.

 What your words did for me, its quite simple, they enforced the life and brilliance that your lips and arms had given me. It sounds like I relied on you for everything, and for the first few weeks I did. I was new to this, feeling alive. But after that your words and love were enough to keep me there. They gave me the lift of wind that I needed to know myself. Your words made me look inside to what I was, what I had been and what I would no longer be. Your words changed me for the better. You don’t know this, but you were chasing away the black creeping tendrils of depression with your words of colour and life. You were burning away the ever-present darkness with your words of fire and light.  

 I loved you. I do love you. I will always love you. I want to give you something back for everything you’ve done for me. Everything you did for me. Everything you still do for me. I know I am not the easiest person to love. I still have moments, hell weeks, of self-doubt and hatred. I still have days where all I can do is sit and stare and cry. I still have times where I can do nothing but lie face down in the hallway of our flat and do nothing. But you are always there to pick me up. Your eyes are there to bring me home. Your arms are there to give me warmth. Your lips are there to breath life and air into me. So here, I have probably gone on too long, I give you this ring. It’s a promise that when you need a home, when you need warmth, when you need life and air, I will be there. I am not much and I am not perfect but I will be there.