#personal myth

Though I can be a little bit of a nihilist about life never having any inherent meaning, I actually just like the ideas that life can be given meaning and that there’s nothing cheap about that manufactured meaning.  (Who told that allegory about a man-made fire to sit by, being just as good as a fire that came out of no where?)  Even though I haven’t watched The Good Place, I like a lot of stories/series about immortality, my Personal Myth uses it a lot in Thought Experiments, and I do like muddling over such themes accompanying immortality.  I feel, just like a truly enjoyable movie/series/manga, the value is in the experiences of scenes and moments.  So what if you already have experienced everything for yourself and know how everything is going to end or know what patterns are going to repeat forever?  You don’t know what a moment feels like to someone else.  One of the tragic failings of language is that humans will still never be able to communicate their exact experiences to each other, no matter what the means of conveyance.  Anything short of a psychic hive mind is still inadequate communication, even that could be considered a singular being who doesn’t know how to communicate to other entities.  (Not without some trial and error, like in Eureka 7.)  It would be just the same as like individual humans to individual humans.  But maybe I just find an unusual amount of value and joy in experiencing things by proxy or from the outside.  Maybe it’s because I’m oversensitive and the bluntness of actually having first-person experiences is too intense for me.  But I enjoy watching someone else having an experience or even just imagining how they experience something, even if I myself have experienced it a zillion times.  Like when I watch an anime I already saw, in a video room with other people at a convention, or listen to reaction videos of a scene or movie I’ve already seen.  No matter how jaded I’ve become to the event, watching someone else have an experience and me trying to imagine what it must feel like for them, reminds me of how I felt when I first experienced the same thing.  But not just a recall; rather, the feelings actually re-manifest as a full emotional experience in and of themselves.  Not just a recollection of events in a plot.  Of course, a whole group of immortals jaded with their own experiences could become too dependent and addicted to the need for fresh people to have experiences for them to re-experience things freshly, by proxy...  ^.^;  There’s just something irrevocably new each time, to dealing with someone who isn’t already experienced with everything.  And all because no matter how jaded and “been there, done that” you’ve become, you still have to be kind and empathetic to other people.  Like when I was a teacher’s aid for 3 year olds, for 6 years.  I wonder if empathy is the reason why watching someone else’s experience, second-hand, by proxy, can be just as intense as a first-hand experience.  I wonder if the writers of The Good Place or all the philosophers cited would have had the notion that “once you’re jaded to your own experiences, there’s nothing else to experience”, if they were neuroatypical?  Where any of them HSPs?  And I don’t think that using other people as proxies for reinvigorating re-experiences is the only use of inexperienced people.  I think that genuinely caring for their emotions, not knowing what they’re going to do when you interact with them, having hopes that they’ll experience things well, and adjusting your interactive tactics to help guide them to good experiences, is instinctually emotional each time.  Or maybe my brain is just weird to care too much whenever someone is standing in front of me in real life.  But I really don’t think it’s just me.  As proof, there’s a lot of problems in the world caused by people ONLY caring about people in front of them in real life, so it can’t be that uncommon.  So then why get so jaded after depleting your own experiences?  Am I saying that mentorship is the “ultimate answer”?  lol  I dunno. But it would explain why people like raising children, even children not their own, when working as teachers.  In my Personal Myth, my main character is spiritually dying inside because she’s immortal and life is a never-ending hopeless trudge, that she no longer has the Strength to improve.  So she hopes instead for death, as a lazy way out.  But continually, new people she meets, and new experiences with old people she’s met before, keep pointing to the answer being to return to the Fight, the everyday battle to continuously improve.  After all, even in the jaded mindset, apparently perfection is still unattainable, because even complacency and satisfaction can spoil into stagnation.  So the answer was in the “martial arts anime” genre all along.  That must be why it always rung true enough for me to encounter it again, seeing the same tenants repeated in the artist community.  “Continual self-improvement”, “compare to your past self, not to others”, “progression is only measured by your own path, not someone else’s years of experience or natural talent”, “fear stagnation and complacency”, “be more concerned with self-improvement vs aggrandizing your ego”,  “recognize the True Strengths of Compassion vs Power”, etc.  Whether art or in anime martial arts, existence is a never-ending battle, constantly teetering on the edge of falling, then gritting your teeth to climb back up, again and again.  There’s always so much to do in existence, how can any humans get bored?  Maybe being jaded is less about having nothing new left to experience or do.  Maybe it’s more about being too tired to contract and expand to adjust to other people? Or just being too tired to overcome the fear that nothing will be different, no matter what you do or what happens, enough to stop trying?  Maybe I’m just falling into human cliches to value Evolution.  Or maybe that’s just the necessary value of anything living.  “Sometimes life is a bitch, but then you keep living,” to paraphrase what Diane said in Bojack Horseman.  Believing that Living and being truly Alive has to be about constantly evolving, both spiritually and mentally, is probably necessary for my survival as a living being.  Evolved into instinct, out of necessity.