#personal eme

. . .

Wait.

Like that's me on the screen there? And I legit just didn't register it until around 2 weeks ago when I was rewatching it? Where I proceeded to completely freak out about it? (/pos?)

Most people stay indoors at night, not thinking twice about what actually goes on out there.

But it's when you step outside to do something after hours that you realize just how... empty, and quiet it is out there.

Making whatever you're doing - even something mundane that you do without thinking twice during the day - feel laced with an atmosphere of unfathomable dread.

You know that there probably isn't anything to worry about. You know that you could probably spend multiple hours out there, without anything bad, or even significant, happening to you.

But you can never be too sure. Because every once and a while... something does happen.

You'll hear a noise; a loud bang, or the sound of someone yelling out in the distance, and it'll unsettle you. You don't know from who or what it came from, but you'll know that there was a noise. And so, your instincts tell you to do one of two things; either maneuver back to safety immediately, meaning you never find out where the noise came from, or what happened to cause it. Or, go out further and try to find the source, putting yourself in further perceived danger, until your other instinct wins out and you run back to your home.

And that sticks with you, far beyond the initial encounter.

Clumsy is my natural state of being.

If I act clumsy, and I don't bounce back from it even if the mistake was a rather small one.

Thinking about my partner.

How I'd take care of him if he ever got sick.

I'm trying to unlearn the habit of tapping the blue bird so much.