One more Beelzebub sketch for today. He looks hungry. Not good, not good.

My house demon visiting me at work just to mess with me. She likes to do that sometimes.

She was the head of the complaint department while I was working overnights at a shitty little gas station, but I have left that job for a less shitty overnight job stocking produce so she has been demoted to my personal demon. She's cool with it as long as I keep giving her candy, little toys and occasional shots of vodka.

I'll be working retail until the day I drop dead, so I prefer jobs that require as little human interaction as possible. I'm much happier at my current job.

Not sure how many people remember me. I was formally @messinwitheddie. For almost 6 years I worked on disjointed fan comics and dialogues for Invader Zim that I referred to as the 18-years-later au among other aus within that au...

To make a long story short, last year was one of the worst years of my life. It drove me to a mental breakdown. During that mental breakdown I deleted my old account... which was REALLY stupid because I lost 90% of all that work.

I hope my mutuals will forgive me for dropping off the face of the earth. I didn't mean to ghost anyone or worry anyone. Like I said, last year just kind of broke me.

Life is still a big fucking mess, but my mental health and home life are improving. I'm trying to get back into drawing again; it's honestly the only thing that makes me happy.

Slowly but surely I will try to reconnect with my old mutuals. It's a little overwhelming, trying to jump back into tumblr after being out of the loop for so many months.

I'm not sure if I want to recover my old 18-years-later au or just rebuild it from scratch or maybe just let it fade into the past and move onto other projects.

What say all of you?

This is one of my closest demons,

I just can't get enough, and that can be anything, food, activity, whatever, once I get "into" it I am hooked and I will be emersed for hours,

This is coming about after I had some 0% Guinness last week, I had three cans and after sitting on them for weeks wondering what will come of it if I have one, can I have just one, will I only want one

Or will it be

More,

It's always more,

Always...

Good company or attention, I just want more, and my mind will conjure multiple multiverses where my delusional mind has its way,

In this timeline someone may block me, in another we are happily married with kids and a great home,

These are things I do to get through my existence,

Getting back to the addiction,

I drank the cans of beer I had and it was more,

I stopped drinking because I was no longer getting the effects of the alcohol, I was tolerating it and burning it off faster than I would drink, but this comes from drinking to enjoy it not to get drunk, still, drinking a 40 with 2L(1/2gal) of ginger ale,

No one should be able to walk away after , if you can you should stop drinking, not my judgement just thinking about your liver and kidneys and their well being, I don't just hammer my thumb everyday because I have a pain delay, give your head a shake,

I finally watched trainspotting T2 the other day, the first one messed me up a bit, I was 17 and the baby scene was foreshadowing in a very dramatic way,

Anyway, there was a part in T2 that Ewans character says to spud about directing his addiction, that stuck with me and now I am in a state where I am sorting through what I can be addicted to that will be more positive and progressive,

I am asked about what my hobbies are but I can't think of any cause I do not have the focus to keep at anything for long, I get distracted or a mood shift happens and I am left with another unfinished project,

To me being an addict is not having the ability to put something down or stop before it's gone, or not having the ability to save it for later,

Maybe something I can't remember because it was blocked due to trauma event where I did save something and someone else took it on me, being in a house with 5 older siblings I got what I got,

Hmmm maybe that's it, I was given the "scraps" and "left overs", I can now see I did that a lot, I was the "clean up crew",

Hmmm, I think this is going somewhere,

I need to realize it's ok to have new and the first piece of the pie,

Having a personal crisis rn, ye know that r+n =m to my eyes, fr, not from, see what ye mills are doin to this cross wired Z, I might burn out and 💤,

Deflection to cope with the issue at hand,

Ego trying to alter my thoughts back to the comfort zone,

It's ok to want to take the first bite,

Wow, ok I am having a hard time grasping that, to me that's like marriage, a lot of things need to line up to have that event happen, like if I made a pie that was going to be just for me anyway, nut will I be able to only have one piece of the pie, see, it's the snake eating it's tale, deep breath, we will make it though this,

🌟🌟🌟

Thanks for the therapy session everyone, ye all are great,

🌟🌟🌟

If anyone wants to talk about addictions or anything in that nature I am open to talk about it,

Life is not an easy existence to experience, we constantly level up so that means the levels get harder and harder, if you want to chill and take it easy for a while setup came and he content with nothing happening and nothing changing, just know that when you want to get moving again it's harder to get the ball rolling the longer it's been sitting, not saying it won't move it's just going to take more effort that we realize,

We are all in this existence together and I am rooting for you

Edit: his name is Orthopox

Ya girl summoning her personal demons and their father 😀