#personal cw

I'm indigenous and have pale coloring in a way that makes people assume I'm white, especially since I was raised by white relatives. As a child, white girls always asked to play with my hair but then lost interest as soon as they touched it and found it had a different texture than theirs. Like, I remember being asked what was wrong with me.

I vaguely understood that my Black friends had different hair textures than my white friends but I knew I wasn't Black. So I literally thought that my body had this weird flaw and that I was the only person in the world who had hair like mine.

There are weeks where I'll be the main fronter, and I'll almost always be present. Then there are weeks where I'm rarely at the front. When I'm the main fronter, this always coincides with times my entire system is much more depressed.

I don't know if it's a correlation or a causation. I don't know if it's because I'm always depressed, and that makes my headmates more depressed when I'm present, or if it's because when my headmates are more depressed, I'm more likely to front.

My presence will likely be minimal this week. Extreme fatigue has hit, and I want to avoid spoilers for tomorrow's premier. Additionally, I have family in town for a member's passing, and am kind of letting my own medical diagnosis sink in (nothing too crazy — but I do see my doctor Nov. 4th to discuss a treatment plan and such). Life is chaaaoootic right now and I am but a chronically ill person, miserably trotting along. 😅

Anyways, I'll be lurking on Discord and occasionally check the dash.