#pellesonemoretimetour

Stellenbosch, April 29 2016 It's a wrap, like, literally! My last ever warm weather training camp as a semi-professional(ish) track and field athlete is over. Not before having a malva pudding and a long flight back, but training is done. It's been both great and not good enough. It's been tough and stressful, it's been fun. It's been emotional and memorable. I've only got a month until the decisive decathlon in Götzis, and I am fully aware of that. So after a pretty decent week of training and then nearly tearing my hamstring last week it's great to work my way back with stops at 4x1000m (fastest in 3,34), 20x200m (fastest in 32) and today 5x300m (fastest in 41,8) in just a week's time. It's huge progress, but it's also not something that was allowed to happen. I don't want to have to rely on a miracle in Götzis. Especially because I know that miracles in the decathlon are rarely actual miracles, usually merely the result of a solid and structured training program with a long term focus. And no, I haven't been able to meet the qualitative criteria that I myself have for a training program this winter. So yeah, I came to Stellenbosch with worries and I will be leaving with worries, but that's okay. I knew from the start that the ‪#‎pellesonemoretimetour‬ would take everything I had left in me, and more. I will also be leaving with a sense of melancholy, as training camps have been such a huge part of what being an athlete is all about. Of why I wanted to be a more than average athlete in the first place, I found out about all that on training camps, just by experiencing the vibe, looking at other athletes, talking to them and learning from them. About fifteen years after the first one it was definitely a big moment stepping off the track with lactic legs for the very last time this morning. So, a lot of feelings, most of them mixed. Feeling very confident about the javelin, am close to a breakthrough in the hurdles but could also totally mess that up, expecting the high jump to be alright, shitting my pants already about the 1500 'cause I haven't nearly done enough to be properly prepared for almost four laps of hell. Feeling grateful and slightly agitated, scared and satisfied. And I felt compelled to tell you all a little bit about all this. Haven't been as public about my mental state lately, but felt for some reason like this was worth sharing, so here you go.