#peermentor

I am starting a new job on monday. I will be a peer support specialist at my county's mental health department. I am pretty nervous but beyond excited to help people, share my story and hopefully make a difference in someone's life!

I’d like to think that being a peer mentor is fun and easy--I show up, play some games with some cool children, and I’m being helpful by creating a positive connection between the students and school, and the students and others. Nothing that I haven’t done before (to some extent anyways).

Today made me rethink that.

Because Mr. Robb was out at a meeting, he allowed my students and I to sit in his office. Today was the second time I allowed Hayden to invite a friend to our peer mentoring session and the first time I allowed Gabe to bring a friend. Thing is, Gabe brought two friends, and I thought that would be fine because it meant we could play something like Hedbanz more successfully. Unfortunately, Mr. Robb’s office had no door, so I was constantly worried about the boys making too much noise. I tried my best to ask them to be quieter and use inside voices, but at the end of the day, it didn’t seem like they cared to listen.

Honestly, it felt like I was seeing a whole new side of Gabe. Originally he was just energetic, maybe a little goofy at times. All in all, he was still polite and respectful. But his friends made him 10x more energetic and 10x more goofy to the point where the office ladies next door had to walk into the room and tell them to be quiet because they didn’t understand when it came from me. They still didn’t change their behavior much, but I could tell that when I said it only Gabe really listened, and when the office ladies said it, everyone listened and apologized. Like I said, quiet talk only lasted for around 30 seconds, but it was a bigger response than what I got.

I want to be in control and make sure these kids listen, but it’s a different experience from doing so at my work. You see, I wasn’t given power as an authority, as a staff member, I was given the power of “the friend.”

The power of the friend makes me happy to facilitate other’s joy.

The power of the friend makes me feel like I’m suggesting behavior rather than trying to enforce it.

The power of the friend makes me feel like I can’t speak up as loudly as I would as an authority.

The power of the friend makes me feel embarrassed when other adults comment on the environment I allowed to occur.

Personally, I think the problem is I don’t know Gabe’s friends and they don’t know me, and on top of that I’ve only known Gabe for a month... It doesn’t feel like I have the place to say “Guys, you need to listen and quiet down. You’re being too loud and you’re being disrespectful to all the other people who work in this area.” Maybe I shouldn’t feel like that, but I have to say, telling the girls to quiet down is a heck of a lot easier than the boys.

But that doesn’t mean this day got any easier.

You see, Hayden brought Evelynn again. It’s not that Evelynn isn’t a nice kid--it’s just that the way she is quirky isn’t the way you’d expect. Remember when I mentioned the girl who only wanted to play unicorns at recess? Yeah, this would be her.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed my time with her and Hayden the first session, so why would I not let her come back? We decided to play Hedbanz since it was already out from my time with Gabe, and soon moved over to the game Trouble. We were having a fun time from the looks of it, smiles on both their faces as we laughed about certain people having bad turns and such. But then Hayden mentioned something about rolling the die, to which Evelynn made a gesture of slashing her throat, and said “die...get it, like, die?” Hayden had the most uncomfortable expression I’ve ever seen, and I’m sure I did too. With hesitation, we awkwardly laughed and moved on.

But then throughout the rest of our time, Evelynn seemed to bring up suicide a little too much for my liking, so when they left and Mr. Robb came back, I had to have a word with him. I was stunned and had no idea what to do to address the sort of talk that Evelynn was engaging in.

I’m extremely proud of myself for stepping up and asking Mr. Robb about the situation, because normally I think I would’ve been too anxious to ask about it. I found out that one of Hayden’s friends had recently sent her a message about wanting to kill herself and she may have told Evelynn, but that Evelynn may not have understood the severity of the concept.

This got me thinking. Why does a fourth grader want to commit suicide? Is something wrong in their home life? Is it people at school? Is it the school itself? Is this why peer mentoring exists? Should I be worried that one of my students might think like this? Why does Hayden have to be exposed to a topic like this when she is only 10? Would it be important for me to talk about it with her?