#uwbcble

I was definitely excited to meet her. But that’s when the waft of nuts hit me...sorry, sorry, peanut butter hit me. This girl was holding her lunch in her hand: a peanut butter sandwich. At first, I did okay. I mean, I didn’t know if she was supposed to bring food into Mr. Robb’s office. Still, she’d take a bite, the smell would grow for a minute, but everything would eventually be fine. However, around half way through her sandwich, maybe a little more, she thought she heard me say a bad word (dick). She then presumed to stand up, take her sandwich, and place it in front of her pelvic area (yes, she was creating a peanut butter sandwich penis). Although I was happy to see her and Gabe burst out in laughter, I was less than impressed by her maturity. I know she’s a child, a second grader, but things like that really shouldn’t be done in front of an adult if you don’t want to get in trouble. But then the same question hit me: am I just the friend? Is she not scared of me the way she would be a staff member and that’s why she feels comfortable doing this? We quickly resumed our game, only for the office ladies to come by and remind both children to keep it down. While I turned my head around to grab the box for the game we were putting away, Gabbie found my phone and snatched it. She held it in my face and said she was going to send bad messages to all the people I knew. Of course, I held out my hand and told her she needed to give it back immediately, but the fact that she would even do something so rude in the first place made me more infuriated.  With this anger came the smell of peanut butter again, more intense than before. So, I let the kids leave five minutes early so they could enjoy a little time out at recess together. So yeah, I hate to say it, but I think Gabbie ruined peanut butter for me. I imagine that being a teacher might cause things like this to happen, where a bad experience with a student might ruin an activity or something. Part of it makes me not want to be a teacher, and just opt to become someone more involved with the law aspect of education. Either way, even though it wasn’t the best day, I’m just glad I got the chance to meet someone new, even if I didn’t like them all that much. By the way, is that bad? I feel like I’m not supposed to like every kid, although for the most part I do. But sometimes certain kids just don’t meet our expectations and don’t even meet our low expectations. As long as I don’t treat them as if I don’t like them, does that mean it’s okay to not like them? Or will it end up showing in little ways that maybe I don’t like them as much as the others? I don’t want to be a teacher that teaches a student as if they are broken or rotten because that honestly doesn’t help anyone, so understanding whether or not I can separate my dislike of a student from my teaching would be an excellent thing to figure out.  

I left the school wondering what my relationship with these kids really was and if it needed to go in a different direction for me to feel more successful as a mentor.

Anyway, as I was talking with my supervisor, Mrs. Pelto, I was informed that I would be working with a kindergarten named Michael, a second grader named Gabe, and a fourth grader named Hayden. Instantly my palms became sweaty as I had always been nervous when conversing with younger boys. Even at my work I have always struggled to find something to talk about with them, but I was hoping this experience might help me become better at that.  Michael was my first student. Mr. Robb, the vice principle, brought him over and introduced us. Immediately I could see the energy in this boy’s eyes which made me forget about the anxiety I was feeling. I brought him over to a table with many different games on it, to which Michael picked UNO. Of course like a lot of the other kindergartners I know, he didn’t know how to play the game correctly. I figured when it was time, someone would teach him how to play it correctly, so I let him play the way he wanted to play. Maybe this was partially because I was still nervous deep down and wanted him to like me, but I also knew that the way he wanted to play the game made enough sense that his creativity was admirable.  Do you think it’s my responsibility to teach him how to play the game correctly? Would he even listen to me if I tried? I can’t say I know for sure, but it’s something I ask myself all the time, even at work. But at the end of the day, I just wanted to make sure we both had fun. From all the laughing and high-fives, I’d like to think we did. Gabe was my second student. Honestly, Gabe seemed very shy at first. I was told not talk about his home life with him too much, so instead I opted for talking about video games while we played Legos. We designed our own castle together, where two tiny Lego men were to overlook the hilltops and prevent the Lego droid from stealing the crystal gems (which were really just clear Lego pieces we hid inside the castle). Just like Michael, I saw a sense of imagination in him. He also laughed a lot while we were hanging out, and he even sang the Bob the Builder theme song at one point.  After meeting both boys, I thought hanging with Hayden would be a piece of cake. Maybe I just assumed she would be energetic just like them, but I forgot to take into account that she needed help making friends. From that, one might deduct that she is more on the shy side, but I forgot.  Hayden was my third student. When she walked in, I found it weird that she wouldn’t look me in the eyes. She followed me to the table where we started a game of Jenga. Mrs. Pelto told me Hayden was a new student, and that she assigned her a peer-mentor to help her come out of her shell. I asked her about her move, and who she hangs out with at recess. She made her life seem somewhat lonely, even mentioning that she felt her parents loved her sister more than her. It had me concerned, but after the first game of Jenga, I could tell she was ready to come out of her shell completely. If you heard how loud she was laughing at me when I lost the first game, you would’ve thought she was dying. She mainly just kept referencing her family a lot, and she mentioned a girl she met in her class who only wanted to play unicorns at recess. In fourth grade, I can’t say that would be my first choice of play, and it didn’t look like it was Hayden’s either. But it sounded like it was the only person she had, and so when she left I started looking up ways make new friends so the next time I saw her I could give her some better advice.  Overall, it was a good day, but it caused me to reflect a lot on my life. You see, after moving in 6th grade, I never really had that many friends. Especially now in college, I can’t say I’ve tried super hard to make friends in class. The only person I really talk to and hang out with in person is my boyfriend. Maybe it isn’t the most ideal, but sometimes I get pretty lonely too. But it makes me wonder, am I really the right person to guide Hayden? Is looking up advice for her really going to help her if I can’t help her implement it at recess? I’m hoping over time I’ll be able to find a way to help her fit in and make new friends, but I’m scared that I can’t and I don’t want to let her down.