#peakbin

“Go home Peake.”

“I still have work.” The reply was unsurprising. Joel hadspent about 2 hours last night and the morning before they left for work tryingto convince him not to come in today. Joel loved this man but god was heinfuriating sometimes.

Joel left his post at his desk to place the back of his handon Peake’s forehead, frowning deeply.

“Peake you are heating up.”

“Huh”

“Right, I’m taking you home right now.” Joel grabbed hisarm, yanking him upwards.

“No, the Know still needs editing.”

“I’ve got it.” Elyse called from her side of the room.

“But Demo Disk.”

“I’m on it.”

“See Lawrence is on it.” Matt slumped slightly in defeat.Honestly home sounded wonderful right now. His chest felt tight anduncomfortable, his whole head was stuffy and his throat felt raw from all thecoughing. He conceded defeat and allowed Joel to pull him along to his car.

Peake could feel himself getting worse during the ride homeso he was glad when Joel put him straight to bed once they got in theapartment. He let his eye drift close as Joel busied himself with gettingsupplies. When he opened his eyes again Joel was there with a bottle of water,some cold medicine and a thermometer.

Joel checked his temperature.

“Hmmm, not fever level but we should keep an eye on it.” Hepassed Peake the medicine and water and left him to rest, telling him he wouldcheck on him later. He swallowed two pills and a gulp of water before settlinginto the bed. It wasn’t long before he was dozing off.

Joel sat at the table, cup of coffee beside him, workingfrom his laptop. He’d updated Bruce with how Matt was doing after his lastcheck-up. His cold didn’t seem to be getting any worse and the rest wouldcertainly help. As he read over some emails, answering the ones that required aresponse he decided to wake Peake up during his next visit and take histemperature again just to be safe and make him drink some more water. He wascalling on all his memories of when he was younger and how his mother used totake care of him when he got an idea. Grabbing his phone, he shot his mom aquick text and waited for her response.

The recipe seemed easy enough and Joel had made soups beforeso his plans were set into motion. He waited until it was time to check onPeake again, bringing him some more water to drink. He gently woke him up andchecked his temperature.  

“You’re still in the safe zone, how do you feel?”

“Pretty bad but the rest is helping. Thank you for bringingme home.” His throat was scratchy but Peake couldn’t tell if it was from thecold or from being asleep.

“No problem babe. I’m just popping out to get some stuff fordinner, do you need anything?”

“Some ginger ale would be nice.”

“You got it, if you need me just call me.”

The soup was simmering on the stove, the aroma filling theapartment was mouth-watering. Joel hoped it tasted as good as it smelt and wentback to watching the final cut of demo disk so he could write an aptdescription. Matt was snoozing lightly when he had gone in to check when he gothome. He had left a glass of ginger ale for him on the side along with somewater. His phone buzzed where it sat on the table next to him.

Brucey: How’s Peake?

Joel: He’s okay, still sleeping. His temperature is stillkind of high but hasn’t got any higher. I don’t know how I didn’t notice himgetting sick until yesterday.

Brucey: Hey, don’t worry about it. You know Matt, heprobably didn’t want to cause a fuss so kept it to himself.

Joel: I know but still, I should have noticed.

Brucey: Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just take care ofhim now.

Joel: Okay yeah, will do!

Joel sighed. Despite Bruce’s words he still felt at fault.Could a cold come on that quickly or did he really just not notice Matt gettingsick. If he was getting sick for a while, then Matt would definitely hide it.He hates worrying people, would hate the idea of taking some time off work butyet here they were, Joel was worried and Matt was sent home from work.

The soup was done and Joel was proud. It didn’t tasteexactly like his mom’s but it tasted good. The description was done and sent toBruce for approval, which was more of a curtesy these days. He opened the doorto their bedroom where Matt was still dozing lightly.

“Hey Matty.” He got a soft groan as Matt blinked awake.

“Hey.” His throat was scratchy and hoarse. He sat up as Joelpassed him the water bottle. “What time is?”

“About 6. How you feeling?”

Matt swallowed some water, internal sighing at the relief itbrought to his throat.

“Better, still groggy and stuffy but better.” Joel smiled.

“That’s good though, you up for some food? I made chickensoup.”

Matt stared at Joel. “Made? From scratch?”

“Well not quite, I used a stock cube but it’s not from a canif that’s what you’re asking.”

Matt, well Matt was blown away. His heart swelled withadmiration and love for the man in front of him. It seemed like forever sinceanyone had cared for him while he was sick, probably the last person to do sowas his mom. He realised he was silent for a long time when Joel spoke to him.

“What, why are you staring at me?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, now just you want soup or not? I didn’tturn into a domestic goddess for no reason you know!”

“Chicken soup sounds amazing.”

“Good, I would hate for my hard work to be wasted.” Joel wassmiling brightly. He may not have noticed Matt getting ill but he was doing agood job of taking care of him.

Two empty bowls sat at the end of the bed. Joel’s laptop setup on the bed with a light-hearted film playing as Matt once again was snoringlightly. Face pressed into Joel’s side. He had originally tried to kept hedistance. ‘I don’t want you to catch my cold.’ Joel pointed out if he wasprobably going to catch it anyway and Matt relented. Joel moved very slowly andgently as to not wake Matt up as he moved the bowls to the floor and put awayhis laptop. As he settles in for the night, Matt’s arm snaked around his waist.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” Joel smiled warmly andkissed Matt’s cheeks.

The sun has long since set, the sky an inky black above them, broken up by only a few splatters of stars. Together, they are stretched out in the backyard, grass damp under their backs. Joel’s arm is folded behind his head, the sleeve of his denim jacket soaking up the late night dew and keeping the blades of grass from tickling his neck. His other arm is down by his side, fingers curled up into Matt’s palm. They aren’t holding hands, not quite, just curling their fingers together.

They stare wordlessly at the sky for a long time, watching the blinking lights of airplanes mix with the stars. It’s cold and Joel is starting to shiver, but he makes no move to get up. Matt’s fingers twitch against his palm, a quick spasm, and Joel thinks Matt might be falling asleep. He glances over at the other boy, finds him still staring straight up, eyes tired but awake.

Joel returns his gaze to the sky. He takes a deep breath before he speaks, the words barely a whisper.

“I started using again.” Matt’s feet rustle the grass when he shifts, crosses one ankle over the other. He doesn’t make any indication that he’s heard Joel, but Joel keeps speaking anyway.

“We made so much progress, but. I couldn’t.” He swallows, licks his lips. “I couldn’t keep going home to him. I felt helpless, I felt weak. I felt sick. I couldn’t-” Joel cuts himself off, squeezes his eyes shut. Matt’s fingers twitch in his palm again. Joel relaxes his hand, and Matt intertwines their fingers. “I started using again,” he repeats, voice still no louder than a whisper. It’s the first time he’s admitted it, even to himself, that he’s gone back to his old ways, back to his vices. That the line is the bathroom wasn’t a one time thing, and that he was going to come back for another. And another.

The silence settles back over them, Joel’s words hanging above their heads like dull stars. He wishes a breeze would pick up, carry his admission away, but the air remains still.

“Me too.” Matt’s words catch him by surprise, and there is a long moment in which Joel thinks he’s imagined them. But then Matt is continuing, and Joel realizes this is the first time he’s heard Matt speak in days. 

“I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking. I wanted- I don’t know what I wanted.” Matt fidgets, picks at Joel’s hand, his nails a dull scrape against Joel’s skin. “But I took a handful, and for the first time in weeks I slept all night. I woke up… happy?” He laughs humorlessly. “I didn’t feel like a burden.”

Matt’s nails dig particularly hard against his palm, and Joel gasps. He turns to look at Matt -  the older boy is still staring at the sky, but his eyes have gone glassy.

“I kept staring at that stupid, orange plastic bottle.” Joel watches as tears fall from the corner of Matt’s eye and roll down the side of his face. A sudden surge of unexpected guilt lances through his chest; there is so much about Matt Joel doesn’t know.

Matt stops talking for a long moment then, but his thumbnail keeps digging into the flesh of Joel’s palm, each pass harder than the last. Joel doesn’t think Matt realizes he isn’t picking at his own hand, but he is afraid to move, afraid to break whatever moment they have.

“I didn’t-.” Matt clears his throat, but doesn’t keep speaking. The words hang in the air, heavier than Joel’s had. Only then does Joel squeeze Matt’s hand. It breaks the moment, and Matt immediately digs into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

Joel’s palm is stinging from where Matt’s been scraping at the flesh, and Joel doesn’t realize he’s been crying until he turns his head back to the sky and feels them trail down the side of his face. He doesn’t say anything, just watches a shooting star streak across the sky as Matt lights the cigarette now hanging between his lips.

They lay in silence, passing the cigarette between them until it’s nothing but filter. They only move when Adam calls them in from the back door.

“Come inside you idiots, it’s freezing out here.”

Joel hadn’t realized he’d gone numb to the cold a long time ago.

They sit up, and Matt stubs out what’s left of his cigarette against his shoe before flicking it into the yard. (He knows Adam will grumble about it later, but he does it anyway.) Once they stand, Joel relaces their fingers together.

“I love you,” he whispers, head tilted toward Matt. He knows the words won’t magically make Matt better, but Joel still wants Matt to hear them.

Joel doesn’t know if Matt plans to say it back, but if he is, he’s cut off by Adam ushering them into the house. The warmth stings his skin as he steps through the doorway.

“Hot shower, then bed.” Adam drops a kiss to each of their heads. Joel is thankful that he doesn’t pry, simply lets his two boyfriends make their way toward the bathroom.

Matt turns on the water, doesn’t say anything when Joel shifts his weight nervously from foot to foot. He undresses and steps into the shower without looking behind him. He still says nothing when Joel joins him minutes later, the back of his hand rubbing against his nose.

“Joel,” Matt says, in that way that always came off as faux annoyance, but this time he can’t not smile, standing up as smooth as he can manage and leaning against Joel a bit to get his balance. “This is a bad idea…”

“Shhhh,” he shushes him, wrapping his arms around Matt’s neck, and in turn, Matt puts his hands on Joel’s waist. “It’s fine.”

They start swaying to the music, off by a bit, and not as graceful and they should be, but it’s something. It’s warm and it’s safe, and it’s their kisses that are more laughter than lips. It’s the taste of wine in Joel’s mouth, and the smell of his cologne all around them, how he hums the songs and how his hands grip Matt’s shoulders so he doesn’t fall. Matt moves a hand to Joel’s hair, pushing the springy curls apart and leaning into the kiss a bit, a smile wide on his lips, even as Joel loses his footing and they both fall back onto the pillows on the floor, laughing and holding each other.

2.

Joel likes watching reruns of anything, really. Lately it’s been soap operas, the old ones that don’t even air anymore unless you turn to the right channel at exactly the right time. Matt doesn’t mind, staying up this late so Joel can catch an obscure episode of a show he had no context for, because God only knows how many times he’s accidentally kept Joel up with sports. But Joel had fallen asleep half an hour ago, knees up to his chest and head on Matt’s shoulder, breathing softly and slowly.

Matt didn’t have the heart to wake him up, or to move. His arm was still around his shoulders, keeping him close and comfortable, blankly watching what was still playing on TV. “Mmm… Did I miss it?” Joel’s voice mumbles, his body shifting a bit next to him, closer and wrapping his arms around his middle.

“Yeah, sorry,” Matt apologizes quietly, turning to kiss his hair. “Want to head to bed?”

Joel shakes his head, lashes already fluttering against his cheeks as he leans against Matt again. “Too comfortable,” he tells him softly. “Don’t want to move.”

Matt knows they’ll both regret it in the morning, when joints and muscles ache from weird positions and their not-so-soft-couch. But he hums in acceptance, pressing his face into Joel’s curls and falling asleep himself.

3.

Joel was late for work, Matt was late for a doctor’s appointment, and both of them had slept through their alarms.

The apartment was a frenzy between the two of them. Joel rushed into the bathroom as Matt was leaving, hair still dripping from his shower. Matt tripped over Joel while he was pulling on a pair of jeans and Joel was pulling on a button up. It only got worse in the kitchen, Joel’s long arms reaching over Matt for a mug, while Matt ducked under them to grab something to eat from the fridge. Joel buttoned his shirt with one hand while he poured his coffee, and Matt balanced his food in one hand while pushing his arms into his coat.

It’s not until they’re both slipping into shoes at the door that Matt gets a good once over of Joel and stops him, despite the rush he sees his in his eyes, reaching up to straighten his collar with a laugh, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “See you when you get home,” he tells him.

Joel mirrors his smile and returns the kiss, grabbing his keys off their hook. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

4.

It was their anniversary night, had been a year since they started this wild roller coaster between them, one that Matt never once regretted, through the good and the bad. Joel insisted on a nice night out, since Matt called the shots for their six month, and while Matt wanted to protest at the idea of spending that much money on something like that, he couldn’t protest the hopeful gleam in Joel’s eyes.

So they stand shoulder to shoulder in the bathroom, Matt brushing his teeth in his pajamas, while Joel preens and picks at his curls, already wearing a nice button up and a tie, nose scrunched. “Why does it feel like my hair looks more unruly today than it normally does?”

“Murphy’s Law,” Matt says around a mouthful of toothpaste, leaning over the side of the sink to spit it out, before rinsing his mouth out.

“I hope it sticks to my hair,” Joel mumbles. “This place wasn’t easy to get reservations at.”

Matt hums and pats his face dry, jumping when he feels Joel’s hip against his. “What am I taking up too mu-” he goes to ask, before Joel does it again, a wicked smile on his face through the mirror. “Joel what are you-”

“You’re hogging up the mirror, Matt,” Joel says in a mock annoyed voice, the laughter in his tone giving him away. “I need to get ready, too.”

Matt smiles and bumps his hip back against Joel, throwing in a gentle elbow for good measure. “You don’t need that much room.”

Joel gasps dramatically. “Of course I do!”

Had it been any other night, Matt would play it up with him, but he dissolves into laughter before he can get in a second elbow, leaning against Joel as he play pushes at him.

5.

For lack of a better term, it had been a stressful day. It was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right at work, and on the walk back to their car from the office, it had started pouring down, soaking them both almost immediately, and leaving their interior as waterlogged as Matt’s shoes.

They had gotten home, on edge and tense from all the day had thrown at them, changed out of their wet clothes, and Joel had disappeared into the kitchen to make them both some hot chocolate, Matt’s teeth still chattering and body still shivering. He pulls on his thickest hoodie and wanders out to find Joel, seeing him leaning back against the counter, hands covering his face and fingers tight in his hair. He moves, silently, coming up in front of him and wrapping his arms around him, pressing his face into his neck. Its a moment until he feels Joel’s fingers in his hair, arms against his shoulders and breathing shaky in his ear.

Matt traces his spine through his sweater, feels Joel card through his hair, both of them relaxing against each other, melting under the attention and the touches, before Joel pulls back with a soft smile, and it makes Matt realize it had been hours since he saw him do that. “Thanks,” he says softly.

“No problem,” Matt says softly, mirroring the gentle smile and pressing a kiss to his lips gently. “I love you, Joel.”

Joel fidgeted at his desk, eyes casting glances over at his co-workers, at them clicking or typing away at their computers, doing actual work, like he should be doing, but he wasn’t. He looked down at his phone, checking for texts and looking at the time, before looking back up to his monitor, staring at the clock in the corner, like his gaze alone could make it change. The day felt like it was dragging on forever, and while it felt like he should be bolting out the door right now, running out to his car like the building was on fire, it was barely noon, and he still had another few hours of this before he could leave.

He was contemplating taking an early lunch when his phone buzzed. Joel knocked his water bottle off the desk grabbing it, cursing and leaning down to pick it up, only to yank his headphones out of his computer tower, the motion startling him and making him fall over. He saw Adam look over at him from his desk, eyebrows raised, as he scrabbled to unlock his phone.

> Matt <3: I’m boarding the plane now. See you in a few hours.

Joel made a sound, kicking his feet against the ground a little, as he heard Bruce’s voice across the room. “Joel, what are you doing?”

“Enjoying my break!” Joel answered back, raising his voice a little so they could hear him, typing quickly on his phone. He was already imagining the week ahead of them; spending lazy mornings curled up in bed with Matt, making him dinner and taking him out on real dates, that weren’t just video games online. Finally proving that Matt actually existed outside him and Adam. God, he couldn’t wait.

“I think he’s texting his boyfriend,” James teased, and he heard Lawrence chuckle in response, but he ignored them.

>> Joel: sdkfjlw

>> Joel: Okay look I was falling.>> Joel: BUT I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU

>> Joel: I LOVE YOU MATT <333

the semester started a week ago, but it’s joel’s senior year and he knows better than to buy all of the textbooks for his classes before he goes. now that he has a grasp of the class and the curriculum, he doesn’t have to buy three out of the seven books that he actually needs. it saves money and it makes joel feel like he beat the system (he didn’t).

he trails in the campus bookstore, which is still busier than ever this early in the semester. there are some students checking out school attire (lots of freshmen who feel the need to aggressively rep the school–if they had any smart clothing, joel wouldn’t mind wearing something), so he trails towards the textbooks.

the bookstore music is playing some corny 80’s music, probably songs that most college students wouldn’t think to enjoy, but joel isn’t opposed to it. “your love” by the outfield is a classic song and he bops his head back and forth, hands tucked into his pockets as he trails down the aisle.

joel rounds the corner to another aisle, but stops short when he sees another student in front of him. it would be totally normal and not startle him the way it does, but this student is getting really into this song. so much so that he’s shaking his hips back and forth and bopping his head way more aggressively than joel was. he has a textbook in his hand and he’s flipping through the pages, but he doesn’t seem to be paying that much attention to it as opposed to the music.

joel brings his hand up to cover his mouth so he doesn’t embarrass this guy by laughing. and god, he doesn’t mean to laugh at him, he’s really not trying to, but… well, his dancing isn’t the best. the way he bops his head is way off rhythm from the song and joel really doesn’t know what he’s doing with his hips. he must be a freshman, joel thinks, thinking that no one is watching and indulging in this moment.

the thing is, joel needs to go down this aisle to get a book for one of his classes but he really doesn’t want to disturb this poor guy. there are some other books he needs to get, so he decides to move on to another row. but of course, with joel’s wonderful luck, he trips over a book that was carelessly left on the floor and causes a bit of a commotion.

the guy’s head shoots up when he sees joel and their eyes meet. joel couldn’t get a good look at him before while his head was down, buried in a book, but he can’t be a freshman, not with that well-grown beard he has. but his eyes are wide, as are joel’s, as they stand silently with nothing but the poppy tone of the outfield in the background.

joel gets himself together, pushing the book to the side as he brushes his shirt off. the guy straightens his posture and hurriedly snaps the book shut. ‘fun song,’ joel comments with a soft grin, putting his hands in his shorts again. ‘you seemed to be having fun with it, anyway.’

he clears his throat, hands tight on the textbook. 'uh, yeah,’ he replies, 'good.. good song.’

he’s not sure why he’s compelled to keep talking to this poor guy that’s clearly embarrassed for being caught, but he’s cute and such a bad dancer and joel wants to teach him how to dance (in more ways than one). his hair is short, but curly and he’s a little shorter than joel but it only makes joel want to hang all over him, put his arm around his shoulders, and break him out of this shy exterior he’s showing.

'you, uh, you like dancing?’ joel asks. he’s not sure when he turned into the world’s worst flirt; he used to be great at it, even james has complimented the flawless way joel can start a conversation with any stranger. but this guy is completely cramping his style and he doesn’t know why.

'not really,’ he replies, scratching the back of his head.

'oh.’ shit. 'well, i’m… sorry for bothering you.’ it seems like a good time for joel to go back to his room and never leave, ever again.

when he turns to go, he hears a quiet 'wait’, barely audible over the 80’s tunes. joel turns around, seeing the guy take a step forward. 'what’s your name?’

joel looks behind him just to make sure he wasn’t talking to someone else, but they’re still the only two in the aisle. he self-consciously straightens his shirt again. 'uh, i’m–i’m joel.’

'matt,’ he replies, and when joel sees the smallest crack of a smile, he’s sure that all of his cool points that he was sure he had went way down from the way he sends a goofy smile back.

'matt,’ joel repeats with a nod. 'that’s a good–i mean. it’s–cute?’ he tries, his reserve completely crumbling in front of a good looking guy. joel’s never like this, he’s never this shy. what the hell is happening?

but matt laughs and joel counts it as the biggest win of the day–of the week, even. 'thanks, i guess,’ he shrugs. 'joel’s a cute name, too.’

oh god, joel’s going to lose it. how is a guy with this incredible beard and flushed cheeks so goddamn good at flirting as joel continues to flounder and fail? 'th-thanks, thank you.’

matt just nods and bites his lower lip for a moment (giving joel his own inappropriate thoughts) before he waves his book around. 'um, i gotta get some other books for class, so…’ he trails off.

but joel catches the cover of matt’s book and points at it. 'hey, i need that book, too,’ he comments, walking closer to him and the section of books he’s in front of. 'are you also taking environmental science?’

he nods once more and his gentle smile returns. 'yeah. figured, y'know, senior year and all, would wanna take it kind of easy. plus i heard this class was actually interesting,’ matt explains.

'what’s–i mean when, when’s your class?’ joel stutters as he grabs another copy of their book.

'monday mornings, 10:15,’ matt sighs. 'kind of thankful that it’s not earlier, but it’s still kind of early, so–’

joel cuts him off because fate is just so good to him, but also puts him in situations that he is not prepared for; how would he know that matt would also be in this class? 'that’s the same time as my class,’ he tells matt, bouncing on his feet a bit.

matt lets out another chuckle as he ducks his head. 'ah, yeah, i know,’ he mentions. 'saw you come in on the first day. and, y'know, here in the bookstore i recognized you, so i figured why not… talk.’

joel is sure that if matt’s cheeks could get any redder, they would. joel also wants to be the one to do it. 'that’s–wow, that’s awesome,’ he grins. 'so we could be class buddies.’

jeez, way to jump the gun, joel, he thinks bitterly to himself. what if he doesn’t want to be friends? way to get ahead of yourself, idiot.

'that’d be nice,’ matt agrees easily. 'here, hold on.’ he tugs his phone out of his pocket to hand over to joel, who very eagerily takes it in his hand. 'put your number in. maybe we could, like, do homework or study together. for class.’ matt clears his throat, shoving his free hand back into his pocket nervously.

joel doesn’t hesitate and quickly plugs his number in, and if he puts his name as “joel cute class buddy” with a blushing emoji, then matt won’t notice until he goes to text him. which joel prays he does. 'here ya go,’ he smiles, returning matt’s phone.

'great. i’ll text you later, if, um, if that’s alright,’ matt requests.

'it’s more than alright,’ joel says with a laugh, ’please do. i’ll be waiting for it.’

god, matt’s face is so red and cute and joel wishes they could stand here and talk forever, but matt simply gives him a shy wave before turning around to purchase his textbook.

when joel’s sitting in his dorm bed doing some early class readings, his phone vibrates with a text.

What an appropriate name for you in my phone, Joel cute class buddy

the smile on his face hurts as he checks the text, making sure to quickly save matt’s number before replying.

J: I figured it would be. your name is quite similar, if you’re interested in knowing what it is

M: Please, be my guest

J: it’s saved as 'Matt cuter class buddy’

M: Original. I like it

J: yeah, I try. I’m well known for originality around these parts

M: I’m impressed. What’s something original that you do?

J: ask you out on a lunch date through text message

M: Hm. Not very original, but let’s pretend it is anyway.Not sure if that was an obvious enough answer, but I’d like to go on a lunch date with you

J: I was going to take it as a yes anyway, don’t you worry ;)tomorrow sound good?

M: Presumptuous, but correct. Tomorrow sounds great.