#pd splitting

I have this much tolerance for closeness 🤏

Whoops you pushed past it now I hate your guts because you're trying to control me. Back off!

Huh I don't understand where that came from.

Or it can also be like this:

Hey I feel safe with you! Maybe we can get a bit closer, like this much 🤏

Oh god you terrify me and I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Back off!

i don't think this is exclusive to SzPD. this sounds like a fear of vulnerability. being uncomfortable with vulnerability - even while wanting it - isn't a symptom specific to any disorder; it's part of everything from PTSD, personality disorders, toxic masculinity, cultural norms of being emotionally distant...

is it something that people with SzPD could experience? absolutely! here are some posts about SzPD splitting:

my post about splitting in SzPD with charts (from Wheeler's thesis)

my post on splitting in SzPD, NPD & BPD

schizotaxic's post on SzPD, NPD & OCPD's 'superiority defense mechanism'

From Zachary Wheeler, Treatment of Schizoid Personality [dissertation] (2013)

Splitting is often talked about in Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s also a feature of other PDs as well.

Splitting refers to when something triggers a switch in a person with a PD’s view of something or someone. This thing or person can be anything or anyone, from loved ones to concepts to items to themselves.

Splitting is a psychological defense against contradiction: if someone is good they can’t be bad, and vice versa. For example, because of childhood abuse, a person sees their mother (their abuser) as entirely bad and their father as entirely good. This keeps them from having to realise that their father may have been complicit in their abuse as well, and that their mother had other factors in her life (usually having been abused as well) that influenced her decision to abuse.

BPD:

In BPD, splitting is between seeing someone or thing as either all-good or all-bad. The classic example is splitting on a loved one, so that at one moment the borderline will see them as perfect, and after the split they see them as a waste of time.

Examples of splitting in BPD:

I love you / I hate you

I’m loved / I’m hated

My relationships are safe and secure / You’re going to abandon me

I want to be part of you / I can’t stand to be close to you

You are perfect / You are worthless

I’m a good, passive person / I’m bad and too angry

NPD:

In NPD, splitting happens on themselves and their self-image. They see themselves as perfect to cover up the feeling of being imperfect. When they face shame, which they are very sensitive to, they split on themselves and go into a shame/depression spiral. Or they may split on an idealised person and devalue them.

Examples of splitting in NPD:

I’m perfect / I’m worthless

You’re superior to me / I’m superior to you

I deserve everything / I deserve nothing

You admire me / You look down on me

SZPD:

In SZPD, schizoids split on their relationships between themselves and others. They fear becoming too close to people, so they withdraw and isolate themselves. They fear that, in becoming close, they’ll lose their autonomy and independence. But they also want close relationships, because it helps them feel more connected.

Examples of splitting in SZPD:

I have no human needs / I want to be human

I don’t need relationships / I want to feel close to someone

I am a slave to others / I am of no use to anyone

I’m isolated but in control / Others are in control of me

If I let myself be close to people I’ll lose myself / If I isolate I’ll lose the ability to connect

I haven’t been able to find anything on splitting in the other PDs, but I think it’d be very interesting to see if other PDs experience similar things too!

Sources:

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptions: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety by Elinor Greenberg (2016)

emotional permanence (things like not being able to remember feeling loved even though you were happily cuddling your partner an hour ago, or being angry and feeling like no other emotion exists apart from anger) is very common in BPD (and other PDs). it's why we split - it's the whole mechanism behind splitting, actually. emotions seem to only exist in the time that we're feeling them. relationships are only secure (the borderline only feels secure) when we're actively being reassured of its security. if you and your friend are fighting, you can't recall ever feeling loved and wanted by your friend and they must only hate you. cue splitting!

ways to deal with emotional permanence:

keep physical reminders of your friends' & family's love for you (photos of a trip you took together, a birthday present, etc)

keep nice texts and voice messages sent to you

come up with a list of reasons why they love you (all the nice things they do for you, etc)

practice dialectical thinking (x and y can both be true at the same time; e.g. you can be angry at yourself and love yourself at the same time)

practice other DBT skills like wise mind (keeping a balance between your emotional mind and your rational mind)

keep a diary or mood tracker - this way you can see when you've felt other emotions and remind yourself that other emotions do exist and you do experience them (good or bad)

schedule times frequently (how frequent is up to you) to keep in contact with loved ones so you have periodic reminders of their love